The Way He Looks At Me I don't own or claim to own anything here. The characters belong to Fox, and I do not profit from my stories.

I am planning for this so become a slash...I just haven't gotten that far into the story yet.

Chapter 2

Ryan slowly managed to make it to the other side of the kitchen and sit on the stool indicated by Kirsten. He sighed as he sat, and grimaced at the thought of what he was about to tell his adoptive mother.

As Ryan looked directly into Kirsten's eyes, she knew whatever he had to tell her wouldn't exactly be the best of news.

"What is it? Did something happen? Are you OK? What about Seth? Oh, where is he....what's going on?" Kirsten hurriedly asked, looking very worried.

"No, no, its nothing like that. It's actually something that happened a long time ago. I've just been thinking about it a lot recently. I......" he stopped, clearly struggling for the right word(s). "....I just, I needed to talk to someone about it. I hope you don't mind."

"Oh no, its fine, I'm sorry for going off like that. Its just that, well, you know, your not really a person known for having good news," she smiled upon finishing, hoping Ryan would understand it was just one of those bad jokes parents slip in here and there.

He smiled, if briefly, before pushing forward. "I, um, oh hell, where do I start?" He sighed again, placing his head in his hands once more.

"Take your time. Really. If its important, there's no rush. No rush at all." Kirsten said as she closed her June issue of Vogue and pushed it aside.

Upon seeing that Kirsten was really going to listen to what he had to say, he launched into the story about how he was violated at such a young age. He started slowly at first, not sure how he really wanted to approach it.

But once he started, he found he couldn't stop. He kept talking, despite the constantly changing looks on Kirsten's face.

Once he finished about his childhood, he felt he should tell her what was really on his mind. The fact that he was hiding who he really was; his true sexuality and the way he felt about the people he had grown to befriend here in Newport.

He never mentioned anything about his feelings about losing his best friend. Looking back, he didn't even remember saying Seth's name once. He had said something about everyone from Caleb to Marissa, even the incident that was Oliver (how in hell he worked that prick into a conversation like this is beyond me). But he was still nervous about anything Seth Cohen.

He couldn't figure why he was so afraid of what Seth would think. He felt deep down he cared about him, but he sure as hell didn't have any other kinds of feelings. That is to say feelings of romance or lust.

God no, he could never look at Seth that way. They were best friends.....as many said, they were brothers, and one brother didn't fall for the other. That's sick. And sad. And sick.

Once Kirsten was sure Ryan was quite finished, she still couldn't think of something to say; and boy did she feel like a total bitch for it.

She sat their, eyes wide open, but not as though she was in shock. She knew something was wrong with Ryan. He had become such a well adjusted boy, but only recently she had noticed that he was pulling away and moving back into that dark and silent place he was when she first saw him.

But she still sat there not saying anything. She felt horrible. She had grown to love Ryan just like she loved Seth, and hearing that one of her son's had to go through something like this made her physically and mentally ill.

"I'm sorry I bothered you. I don't know what I was thinking. I just, I guess I just needed to know that I could say all of that out loud. I really am sorry. " Ryan started to stand and walk out of the kitchen before Kirsten realized she needed to say something.

"Ryan, I had NO idea. I'm so sorry. I love you. You know that right? Nothing like this could ever change how I feel about you. But right now I just need to, well, truthfully I need to think. I understand how you feel. People like Luke and Holly, well, I know what they can be like. Hell, I used to be Holly 15 years ago."

"Thanks Mrs. Cohen. Really, all I needed was to hear it from myself. Thanks again" Ryan trailed off at the end, before stopping and turning and "Please don't tell Mr. Cohen. I don't know how you will look at me now, but one person is hard enough. If you wouldn't mind, please don't say anything to Sandy."

The boy started off back towards the pool house, before stopping, turning looking at Kirsten through the kitchen window with a look that broke her heart in two, and continuing on his way.

Ryan had been lying down in his bed for what felt like hours, but he figured it was only minutes. He was running the whole conversation over again in his head, trying to remember everything he said, and what Kirsten's face looked like after each comment.

"Where did I go wrong?" he almost yelled, not noticing Kirsten standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes.

"Such a beautiful person, and with such a great heart and personality....why Ryan?" she wondered, shaking her head.

"You didn't do anything honey. Nothing at all. It was me, me and my sad, sad self. I'm sorry for not saying anything, hopefully you can understand?" Kirsten whispered, watching Ryan do a complete 180 on the bed and looking completely bewildered at the fact that there was suddenly another person in his room.

"I, how long were you standing there?" Ryan asked quickly, looking scared, unbeknownst to Kirsten why.

"Not long, I just got here. And I want to say that what happened to you is faaaaaar from your fault. Those people were sick, and what they did is not only disgusting, but illegal. You were an innocent, and you still are.....I mean........was.......what I mean to say is......" she paused before "shit, oh shit" she said under her breathe.

"Ryan, can I ask you an extremely personal question?"
"Um.....I guess so. Where not really in a taboo state of conversation anymore. We left that at hello - so sure."

Kirsten obviously struggled with whatever she was thinking about before blurting out "Have you ever had real sex with anyone; whether it be male or female? And I didn't mean real sex, I just meant, well, with someone not forcing you." At the sight of Ryan's face, she wish she never said it. He looked sick. Beyond sick. Like he was about to throw up.

It took Ryan an easy minute or even two before he even looked like he was ready to answer. "I, well, I won't lie. I've never had sex with anyone since that night. Everyone looks at me like some sort of player, but I've never slept with anyone. Of course I've never done anything with a boy, since I swore that off, but I, well, I could never "do the deed" if you will. I just, well, helped please the girl if you know what I mean. But I never have had actual sex since then." He managed to slip out, if only a faint whisper.

If Kirsten hadn't sat down next to him, she wouldn't have heard a single word.

Alright, please R & R, and I promise this will be continued. I have the next chapter ready, and I have planned out all the way up to 10.