The Way He Looks At Me
I don't own or claim to own anything here. The characters belong to Fox, and I do not profit from my stories.
This is a, well, WILL be a slash. Rated R for sexual content and language in later chapters.
Chapter 3
Kirsten sat on the edge of the bed for a few moments, digesting a huge amount of surprising and unsettling information for the second time that day.
"So you never?" she asked, looking anxious as she awaited an answer.
"Never" Ryan replied, barely even a whisper.
"But Ryan, you come off as such a ladies man!" she joked, trying to make Ryan feel better.
"I know, its just all part of the act I suppose. People see me as someone who only does one-night stands, so that keeps the girls away, and guys never come near. It helps repel people, but at the same time it doesn't leave much room for friendliness." Again, only a whisper.
"Well, I honestly don't know what to say now. You know you can talk to me about anything. And your secret doesn't leave the house (A/N : remember that!). I love you Ryan, and if you want to talk some more, just come get me" Kirsten said, almost jubilantly as to try and lift the mood from depressed to happy.
Almost as quick as she had sat down, she was up again, walking swiftly out the door, across the lawn and into the house. She felt awful for just leaving, but she new she had to get out of there before she said anything else that would make Ryan feel worse. Once inside she picked up the cordless and dialed.
As she waited, she started tapping her foot nervously on the tile.
"Hello?"
"Hi Sandy, its me, we really need to talk"
"Oh, ok, what's wrong, did something happen?"
"Well, kind of. No, actually, yes. When can I see you?"
"Give me an hour and I will be there, ok?"
"Yes, yes that's fine, I'll get dinner." Upon hanging up the phone, Kirsten spun around, grabbed the phone book and looked up the nearest pizza parlor. "Ryan likes pizza, yes?" she thought, and started dialing the number on the page.
An hour later, Kirsten heard the crunch of gravel on the front drive, and nearly sprinted to the front door. She looked out the window, only to see the acne-ridden face of some teenager carrying the four boxes of pizza up the walk.
She opened the door and paid the $30, and walked right back into the kitchen. She turned the oven to 150 to keep the pizza's warm, and ran straight back to the door when she heard another car approach.
"Sandy, thank god!" Kirsten swore as she ran outside to greet him. She could only imagine that she looked flustered because the first thing out of his mouth as he dropped his briefcase to the ground was:
"What's wrong. Good lord, is everything ok?!?!"
"Yes, yes. It is now. I just need to talk to you about Ryan. But not now. I ordered pizza and the three of us can have I nice dinner. Seth won't be home until late - he has several lessons lined up today so he won't be home for dinner. But please please please don't act like I said anything - even thought I didn't, yet. Right now we just need to be normal around Ryan."
"I have no reason to act otherwise! You haven't told me anything!" Sandy replied, hinting at a bit of anger towards the fact that he still didn't know what in the world Kirsten was talking about.
"Well, we just need to talk later. Like, tonight, in bed, where no one will bother us. But just know its urgent. Ok?"
Sandy looked utterly bewildered, but agreed and followed Kirsten into the house.
After what had been an extremely odd diner, what with Ryan and Kirsten exchanging silent glances every few moments, Sandy felt completely left out. And childish. Childish for feeling left out.
Sandy watched Ryan sulk back to the pool house as he washed the dishes, and couldn't help but feel an odd mixture of excitement and anticipation as to whatever it was that Kirsten had to tell him.
Once he had finished, he yelled for Kirsten and they headed upstairs.
After they both had finished getting ready for bed, they climbed in together, but sat atop the sheets.
Kirsten looked as though she was going to be sick, and Sandy didn't know what to do or say.
"Honey, is everything alright?"
"Ryan is gay." Kirsten almost yelled, as the words seemed to have been fighting to get out as she was fighting to keep them in.
"What?" Sandy asked, extremely alarmed and looking bewildered for about the 100th time that night.
And as Sandy asked, they both heard a loud creak outside their bedroom door which made Kirsten jump.
"Just the wood, honey. But what hell do you mean by "Ryan is gay?????"
"He came to me today. But before I go any farther, you have to promise me you will not tell a sole about what I tell you tonight. Ryan made me promise I wouldn't tell, but this is something that I don't know how to handle alone. I need someone to talk to."
"I promise" Sandy answered seeing the fear in Kirsten's eyes.
"Alright, well, here I go. Don't stop me. It will be easier if I just say what I have to say and don't have to take Q and A's from the peanut gallery until I'm done. Understand?" she asked sternly, obviously serious about what she had just said.
"Yes, go."
"Ok. Well, I just told you that Ryan is gay. I think. He came to me today to dump a shitload of his emotions that he didn't know what to make of. Oh, and this isn't something that he just found out. He's known it for a while."
And on and on Kirsten went about how Ryan was raped, how he realized he was gay and tried to hide his feelings from the world.
She explained how he built a facade of lies to protect himself, and how he had grown to love some of the people his own age here, and the Cohen's. Also how he felt he owed them something, and felt that explaining to Kirsten who he really was, was a start.
She launched into details about how he felt about other boys, and how he didn't want anyone outside herself, and now Sandy to know about who he was, in fear of what people like Holly and Luke would do. His fear of having to move back to Chino, and so many other things he felt he could never face.
As Kirsten talked about Ryan and Sandy's facial expressions changed almost as often as hers did earlier that day, neither of them noticed the floorboards creaking again as she started to wrap up her 10-minute long rant.
They didn't notice the loud running footsteps or the slamming of the door only down the hall. They had no idea anyone was listening, and had forgotten about the partially open bedroom door.
Please R & R. As I've said, I plan on finished this story if it's the last thing I do. I have it planned up until 12, but I need some reviews so I at least now that someone out there is reading this!