ladc - yeah I thought I needed to lighten things a little which is why I put the Virgil/Scott banter in there. Glad you approved.
moonlightbear - no problem with the mispellings (my fiance's text messages are like that). glad to hear your still enjoying the story.
darkhelmeti - thanks for the review. Glad you liked the additional chapters. I know people thought it ended well where I did but I always felt like it wasn't quite finished I just was stuck on the next chapters. Well I got myself unstuck obviously. Hope you keep enjoying it.
"Somebody help," she called out panic in her voice.
"Hang on. I'm coming," he called out to her.
He redoubled his efforts. He had to get to her. He just had to. He heard the groaning above him but he didn't look up. He just kept forging on.
The next thing he knew the floor above him was falling down around him. He lost his footing and fell to the ground, putting his hands over his head. The rain of debris seemed to last forever.
John Tracy sat up in his bed, his heart pounding in his chest, his breaths coming in short gasps. He looked around taking in his surroundings. He was aboard Thunderbird 5 again not back in the burning house in Florida.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath willing his heart to stop pounding in his chest. There was no danger. Everything was fine. He was back aboard his Thunderbird. His sanctuary.
"John," he heard a voice say softly.
He opened his eyes, to find Scott sitting on the edge of his bed. The room was dark, the only light coming from the stars outside of the open viewport. John could sense, more than see the worry on his brother's face.
John drew he's knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He closed his eyes trying to rid his mind of the images of the fire. Images that had haunted his dreams periodically for the past eleven years. The sound of his mother's panicked voice calling out for help. His inability to help her. To save her.
He heard her cry for help again. Soon other voices were joining that cry. Flooding his mind with things he had heard over the years.
"John," he heard Scott say again amongst all the other voices he heard in his head. Was it real or imagined like all the others?
You can't save everyone.
Somebody help me!
Is he going to make it.
Dad I tried to help her.
You can't save everyone.
Its not good to dwell on the past son.
My Angel.
John, is something wrong.
No, why would it be.
Somebody help me!
You can't save everyone.
Don't do it.
Why did you shut me out John?
You can't save everyone.
"John, what's wrong?" came Scott's voice again. This time the urgency in those few words cut through the jumble of all the other voices. John tried to focus on that voice. Tried to shut the others out.
He had done his best. He had tried to reach her in time. Save her. It just wasn't meant to be.
In my eyes, you're a hero John Tracy. Don't you ever forget that.
His family didn't blame him for her death. It was one of those tragic accidents, the reason International Rescue had been organized to try and prevent. Organized in Meg Tracy's memory. Unfortunately, not all of them were preventable. International Rescue couldn't save everyone just like he hadn't been able to save his mother. They tried though. And if only one life was spared because of there efforts, one family spared the pain of a loss, then on some level they had been successful.
He had tried to reach her. Tried to save her from the house that was literally falling around them. It just hadn't meant to be. Despite his best efforts, he just couldn't get to her in time. And now that he thought about it, even now with all the training he had gone through, all the rescues he had gone through, he still doubted he would have been able to save her.
"That's it, I'm calling Dad," he heard Scott say, pure panic in his voice.
John reached out and grabbed his brother's arm as he started to stand up.
"No, Scott don't," John said quickly knowing that if Scott called him his Dad would be up here as soon as he could and he wouldn't leave unless John came with him.
Scott sat back down on the bed. John's hand didn't leave his arm, like John was afraid that if he did, Scott would suddenly leave on him.
"Then talk to me John, because right now you're scaring me," Scott told his brother softly.
He hadn't been able to fall asleep as he had been thinking about his own first night back up on the station since the incident. He had been aware of his brother's restless sleep. Heard the tossing and turning he had been doing. Then he heard his brother's gasp for breath as he awoke from his restless sleep.
And then John hadn't answered him. Had showed no indication that he even knew he was there. Scott couldn't help but wonder if John was still lost in those dream images. He had made the comment about calling Dad more to himself than his brother as he didn't think John had been paying attention to what he had been saying. Those words had reached him though.
"I was thinking about the fire again," John finally told him. "I tried my best to reach her, Scott."
"I know you did John. We all know that."
"But I couldn't get to her. There was too much debris. The heat and smoke was making it hard for me to breathe and the more I think about the more I think it wouldn't matter. I'm not sure if the fire happened today and everything happened the same way that I could've have gotten to her."
"John you tried. That's the important thing," Scott told him trying to reassure him.
"I've been on missions that went wrong. Where we haven't been able to save the people. Sure there faces might stay with me for a week or so but it fades away. Why can't I let this one go."
"Because it was someone you loved," Scott told him. "To this day I can still see the burning house. Hear mom's voice as she put Alan in my arms and told me to get him to safety. Hear the firemen telling me I couldn't go back in after you or Mom because I wanted to John. I wanted to help the two of you but I wasn't allowed. The only time that I ever felt more helpless was seeing you in the hospital afterwards, feeling like I let you down."
"You didn't let me down Scott. You could never do that. You're the big brother I always look up to no matter what. The one that I can rely on to help me lookout for the other three."
"As bad as this sounds, there were times when I wished it was Alan that was hurt and not you. I know that is a terrible thing to even think. Alan should be the one I'm most protective of as he is the youngest but he isn't. I can't help it. I've always felt the most protective of you," Scott told his brother finally admitting to him what he had never admitted to anyone else. What he tried to not admit to himself. "I'm not sure why. I use to think that it was because you were always so much quieter than the rest of us or it was from when we were at school and all the other kids gave you a hard time. The more I think of it though, I don't think it so much that as it is that you're the one closest to my age. I'm the only older brother you got. I mean Virgil has you and me to look out for us and Alan has all four of us. You just have me and I know there have been times that I haven't been the big brother I should've been. Times where it has seemed like you're the one that has been looking out for me. Times when it seemed like I was letting you down."
"You've never let me down," John repeated.
"Yes, yes I have I mean look what . . ."
"What I chose to do is not your fault. In the end, I'm the one who ended up keeping everything to myself . . ."
"Because I told the others not to talk to you about the fire. I didn't want to hurt you. I thought if we kept bringing it up that you would never be able to put it behind you."
"You were dealing with it the way you knew how to Scott. I don't blame you for that, and you shouldn't blame yourself for it."
"Just like you shouldn't blame yourself for not being able to save Mom. The fire wasn't your fault it just was."
"I think I'm finally started to see that," John admitted to him. "And as for me looking out for you, well who else would. Being the two oldest Scott I think we have the responsibility to each other to look out for one another and I think we've both done a great job at that."
Even though John probably couldn't see it, Scott found himself nodding in agreement with his brother. He had a point.
"I think we both need to try and get some sleep," John commented stifling a yawn. As tired as he was though, the images and voices were still in the back of his mind. Threatening to over power him again.
"Are you going to be okay?" Scott asked him.
"Yeah," John said with a confidence he didn't feel. "Although do you think you could stay here until I fall asleep?" John asked not ready to give up the comfort of having his brother near-by.
"Sure," Scott said softly staying where he was sitting as John laid back down. He reached out and held his brother's hand a memory washing over him. It was the reason the two of them had shared a room even after they had moved to the bigger house on Tracy Island.
His little brother's scream had brought him out of the deep sleep he had been in. Without thinking about it, he threw his blankets back, turned his bedside lamp on and rushed the short distance across the room to John's bed. Scott saw that his younger brother was sitting up in bed, his arms wrapped around his legs, head down on his knees. He heard John's soft sobs.
Scott sat down on the bed near him and pulled his brother into his arms. This wasn't the first time. In fact, in the first two weeks after John had come home from the hospital, it had been an every night thing. At first it was their father that had come rushing into the room, sometimes two or three times a night.
The doctor's had told them the nightmares were normal for a kid to experience after a traumatic experience. That it was the mind's way of coping with it. That the nightmares would slowly get less frequent and eventually stop altogether.
They had gotten less frequent but now even four months later, John's nightmares still tended to wake them both up at night two maybe three times a week although neither of them told their father. They both figured that he had enough stuff to deal with without bothering him with this.
"I don't want to move," Scott heard his brother say softly his sobs having diminished. Scott still held him tight. He never left his brother's side until John went back to sleep.
Their father had dropped that news on them earlier over dinner. Scott knew his father had been looking for a new place to live for the last three months. His Dad had told him about the plans he had, had seen the preliminary sketches of the rocket his Dad wanted to build. Had met Professor Hyram Hackenbacker, who was going to help his father build the rescue ships that had become his dream over these last few months.
The island would give Dad and Professor Hackenbacker the room and secrecy they needed to build the ships and organize the organization they wanted to build. It also meant relocating both of their families. Scott was all for the move even though it meant going to boarding school. His brothers, except for Alan who was too young to know what was going on, had seemed excited about the move too. Scott was starting to think John's excitement had just been an act though.
"Why didn't you tell Dad that earlier?" Scott asked him.
"Because Dad was so excited about it. I didn't want to ruin it."
"It won't change things. We'll all still be together," Scott told his brother trying to relieve his fears about the move. It wasn't like John had a lot of friends at school anyway. John had always tended to keep to himself. "We're going to have a pool, and plenty of room, not to mention our own private beach," Scott said trying to get his brother excited about the move. "We'll even be able to have our own rooms."
"I don't want my own room," John said in a voice so soft that Scott almost missed it. Suddenly he knew what was wrong. John was afraid of waking from a nightmare and nobody being there for him. Scott hadn't even thought about that.
"Then we'll share a room," Scott told him. It wasn't like he had any problem sharing a room with his brother. The two of them got along fine, John being one to kind of go along with things. All he had ever had to do was tell John he wanted some time alone and John had respected that and would stay out of the room. The ball cap on the door had even been John's idea. If one of them wanted to be alone they would simply hang a ball cap on the door and the other one would steer clear or if they really needed to get something knock before entering. It was usually Scott putting the ball cap on the door knob. "I'll tell Dad first thing in the morning," Scott told him knowing that his Dad was meeting with a friend, who happened to be an architect, about the design of the house.
"You don't mind?" John asked looking up at him.
"No, I don't mind," Scott told him.
"Then I guess moving won't be all that bad."
"It's a start of a new adventure," Scott told him softly and then stayed with him until John fell back asleep.
"And what an adventure its been," Scott said softly to himself as the memory faded.
He heard John's soft even breathing and knew his brother had fallen back asleep. He let go of his brother's hand, letting it gently come to rest on the bed beside him. He quietly stood and made his way to his bed hoping that no more nightmares would disturb his brother's sleep tonight.