The Way He Looks At Me

I don't own or claim to own anything here. The characters belong to Fox, and I do not profit from my stories.

- This is a, well, WILL be a slash. Rated R for sexual content and language in later chapters.
- Thoughts will be typed like this - Hopefully this won't turn into one of those stories where they fight with everything that goes on in their heads (that is unless you people like that stuff)

Chapter 5

For the rest of the day, both Ryan and Seth spent it in their rooms.

Seth continually pacing and sitting, slowly cooling off. He wasn't sure what had made him so angry. He just wished that Ryan would feel that they were close enough that he could tell him anything....and everything.

Ryan sulking and feeling awful that his secret was out in less than 24 hours, and none the less it was out to the one person he would have killed to keep it from.

Almost as fast as it took Seth to get from the pool house into the actual house, it took Ryan to figure out what Seth wanted confirmed.

Confirmed, because Seth had to know about Ryan with the way he had talked. Tell me something Ryan! Come on. There's got to be something you want to tell me!

There was something he wanted to tell Seth, but he knew he never could. Well, that wasn't needed any more seeing as how Kirsten had already done so.

But why? Why would Kirsten say something........ to Seth of all people, and in such a fast time?
"Why?" Ryan said out loud as he punched the bed in anger.
Seth felt worse then he had ever felt in his entire life at the exact moment he slammed the back door to the house.

He had to yell, run, and slam doors. He just had to do all of that. And for what reason? Because Ryan wouldn't tell him about the one thing that he didn't want anyone in the known universe to know.

What a great friend I am. Really...I'm just Super Friend! Able to make the closest people enemies; piss of the calmest of people; even split families right down the middle!
Maybe I should just go down there and say that I'm sorry.

What have I done?! The person I love as a true brother, true friend...and the minute I find something troubling about him I shut him out and make him feel like shit.

But before Seth could decide what to do, he heard his mom calling him for dinner.
Ryan also heard Kirsten yelling for dinner. Oh, family dinner. Time for bonding!

Ryan decided that he would go up to dinner for long enough to say something pertaining to the fact that he could no longer trust 2/3's of his family.

As he trudged up the lawn into the house, he saw that the table was set for four and immediately tried to turn around.

No game. Kirsten was standing behind him, smiling, unknowingly blocking his only escape back outside.

As he made his way over to the table, his face fell as he heard Seth meandering down the steps. Shit, you mean I have to sit with the whole fucking family. Now they'll probably look at me like a complete freak. Just you wait Ryan Atwood...just you wait.

He sat down across from Seth but avoided his gaze completely.

After what felt like four days, Sandy and Kirsten sat down with three boxes of steaming pizza. Like what Kirsten had done could be made up with pizza.

As Sandy started cutting the slices, Ryan stood up so fast he knocked his chair to the ground and his plate, fork and knife all clattered to the floor.

Kirsten looked up in alarm, Sandy dropped the pie-slicer and Seth also pushed his chair back, but did not stand.

First, Kirsten.

"I can't believe I trusted you! I was starting to feel like you were my mother. Which by what I grew up with, that's not something you want to be compared to. I told you something that I hid away for 5 years, and knew that I couldn't tell anyone. But I told you. And what did you do? You told the one person that I would never want to know. And in less than a fucking day! Thank you so much Julie Cooper, because that's who you are!"

The look in Ryan's eyes was pure fury, but Seth knew he wasn't done. Ryan turned to look at Seth, and rounded on him.

As he talked, his voice was only slightly above a whisper so that he wasn't yelling but he could still be heard clearly.

"I look at you like my best friend in the entire world. We have even come closer than what I had with Theresa. I thought nothing could ruin what we have. I mean had...because the minute that your mother told you what she did, you came to me and made me feel even worse than I thought I could ever feel. I assume everyone here knows I'm gay" he said as his eyes swept the table before continuing, "and I think I started falling for your son. But not anymore...now that I know how you all really feel about me. The minute something about me comes up, ya'll can't wait to gossip. So there, that should give you something to talk about for a long time!"

Ryan walked right over to the door before yelling back so everyone could hear him, "Thanks again Kirsten, but all I have to say is FUCK THIS SHIT!!!" he screamed as tears started to fill his eyes and he took off to the pool house.

The seconds ticked by as Kirsten sat silently staring at Sandy, neither knowing what to do or say. As soon as Ryan took off, Seth was only paces behind but in the opposite direction, leaving the two in the dining room.

Sandy decided that he would speak first, seeing as how he was the only member of the Cohen clan that hadn't just been verbally assaulted. "You told Seth?"

Kirsten just sat, but her glance had shifted from Sandy to the door that Ryan had left through. She shook her head, but it wasn't convincing enough for Mr. Hot-Shot lawyer.

"Seth is just a boy - as is Ryan. Ryan couldn't handle this when it happened, and he sure can't handle it now. What made you think Seth could?"

Finally, Kirsten spoke up. "I DID NOT tell Seth. I don't know how he found out, but it wasn't from me, and it doesn't sound as if you said anything and Ryan sure as hell didn't tell hi-" She stopped as she heard the floorboard on the second floor creak, and she noticed the door to the basement slightly opened.

"The bedroom door!" She exclaimed, standing up. "We left the bedroom door open last night, and the creak! It must have been Seth coming home late. He stopped hearing us talking, then once I finished with the Ryan epic, he ran to his room."

"Of course! How could we be so stupid!?" Sandy stood up, before getting a confused look on his face and sitting back down. "So what though? We know how Seth found out, but that doesn't help the fact the Ryan thinks that you betrayed him and however Seth reacted to it."

"I don't know what to do....honestly, I..I....I just don't know. My brain is fried thanks to all of this information overload."

Sandy looked at his wife before saying "Stop talking like the kids and come on, lets go upstairs and figure this out in the morning" and walking over, locking arms and pulling her up off the seat.
Seth found himself pacing his bedroom for the second time that day, but this time thinking about the fact that Ryan hated him and everything Cohen related .

"I think I'm falling for your son." Holy Shit.... Seth had just remembered what Ryan said and it hit him like a ton of bricks. "I assume everyone here knows I'm gay...."

"No, no, honestly Ryan," Seth found himself talking out loud, "I can't say I knew you were gay." He gazed across the dark lawn at the drape-drawn pool house wishing he could just go down there.

Of all people, Ryan is the last person I would pin for gay. Seriously, that guy has looks that could kill. And that's meant for guys? Wow....and those looks were for me? Seth Cohen, you dog! You finally got Summer tagged down after what seemed like a century, and now you have the hottest man alive crushing on you! You dog you!

"Wait....hottest man alive?"

Yes, yes. That's what I thought, and well, can you deny it?

"Well...no, but I just broke up with Summer! That would be the like, the worst case of serious rebounding syndrome on earth...and besides, its like wrong on 4 different levels!

Yes, well, you shouldn't deny the fact that at least you think the man is attractive...cause' hell, he is.

"Fine. Yes... I do indeed think that Ryan Atwood is a hot man. And I accept the fact that he had feelings for me (shudders as saying this) before I accidentally went off on him. And not I ruined the best relationship I have ever had, although it wasn't a relationship relationship, but I ruined it none the less. God, Seth, you are one retarded kid," Seth finished after his little battle with his conscience, and sat down and put his head in his hands like his brother had only a day ago.

But as he sat, he was to focused on placing his butt on the bed that he hadn't bothered to notice that his door was not entirely shut, and again, someone had walked down the hall, not even attempting to keep their footsteps soft.

THE END

Hope you all enjoyed reading...and I hope that you can, in turn, write me a review, even if it's short, just so I know that there are at least a few people out there reading this!