AN/ Um...ok. I'm really really really incredible sorry for the long wait folks. Please don't hit me. You all get brownies for being so patience. Those of you who were not patient get no brownies! I hope this is worth the wait. It has Draco and Harry actually doing stuff! It has flashbacks inside of flashbacks (oh yeah! Wrap your minds around that one)! It has sexual tension! And mainly it took me an 'effen long time to finish. I do hope y'all like. Hugs and kisses,
Thanks to:
Kimmi- For being my beta. No one's beta. You betcha.
The nice reviewing People (and the not so nice):
S. Wing- Messa glad you likey!
crazyoldwoman- Woo hoo! Kick ass good! That's like the ultimate of goodness. : D Of course I now fear for my life. Yikes! I promise I won't stop writing. *Giggles nervously then runs to hide under her desk*
nemisis- Love the review ^_^
Tionne- Sweeet! A long review. Yup Clancy was spy. But most importantly his name was Clancy. ^_^ Yep the spies in the ministry are a very bad thing. I think they'll come up in the next chappy.
I love Ron defending his friends so he does it a lot. Lol It's so very Ron like ne? Of course when I write Snape he always ends up like a bastard. Oh well. J I'm glad you liked how the ceremony was done. Oh and you'll se who Draco talks to. You weren't that far off with you guess.
Thanks for the review.
Tsuyuno- Trippy. I'm glad you liked the last chappy. Hope you like this one too.
VoltageRat- hopefully this will help ward off some of the suspense.
RaevenWynter- Well I figure my chapters must be long to counter the long arse wait between em. Ick! Guilt vibes!
mistykasumi- I'm glad you think this is unbelievably good. Sweet of ya to say so.
Draco Malfoy-N-Harry Potter- Actually messa has Thanksgivings in October. Which is quite irrelevant since its now months later. ^_^ I'm glad it's worth the wait. I love long reviews! I promise it didn't go ta my head. Much. Feel free to go on and on about loving this story, I don't mind. *Huggles* You left such a sweet review! It totally gave me like warm fuzzies. ^_^ Thank you very much.
ailsinjiin- I'm glad you love how Draco's written. Thank you.
Starr Light- No I promise he won't be dying. Thanks, I really liked that description. It looked so pretty in my head. Lol Thanks for reviewing.
I hope I got everyone. If I missed ya I'm sorry. Love y'all. Now on with the story, which is, what I'm sure you're all concerned about really.
*******
Some days I sit staring out the window,
watchin' this world pass me by.
Sometimes I think there's nothin' to live for.
I almost break down and cry.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy.
I'm crazy, oh so crazy.
Why am I here? Am I just wasting my time?
But then I see my baby, suddenly I'm not crazy.
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes.
******
In a good dream though she wears no clothes.
*******
Harry lay on the floor and didn't move. He was hungry, needed to use the W.C. and his back protested its harsh treatment. He didn't care. He was frozen; his mind far away playing scenes that seemed a long time ago. He stroked the stone below him, wondering if it held the scenes that played out in this room. Had the couple's love soaked into the stone? Or was it all to be forgotten?
A tear fell, wetted his salt dried skin then splashed to the unfeeling stone.
It had been beautiful.
**~~**
It was a sunny afternoon and the sky was a light blue, marred only by two or three clouds stretching toward the horizon.
Harry and Draco had sneaked individually to a stair that lead to the castle roof then raced each other to the top. While other students of the school were probably out relaxing in the sun Draco Malfoy had been trying very hard to start a make out session with Harry Potter. Harry had played a prude git even though he had wanted to snog too. Harry said they should talk and laughed as Draco rolled his eyes melodramatically, whining about Harry's obsessive need to bond.
Harry and Draco had then sat themselves in said warm sunlight that flittered on the roof's turrets. The stones were warm to the touch and a light breeze tinted with the perfume of flora filled in the air. This quick date like time was the first they could manage this week. The week had been agony that neither was really open enough to admit, with only brief glances to stay them. Finally though they had arranged a time when they could both slip away unnoticed to spend a few hours together. They started briefly chatting about Quidditch teams but slowly drifted off and had fallen into silence. After a few minutes, Harry had taken Draco in his arms laying his chin on the blonde's shoulder. Draco's eyes closed lazily as he slipped a hand up to innocently play with Harry's hair. Harry bit back a moan at how the casual touch of the blonde made his blood start flowing.
Harry breathed in the deep scent that was purely his boyfriend a mix of soap, cinnamon, lemon and something sweet but sharp in the back of Harry's mind that Harry identified as Draco. He was slightly mulling over Drake's pensive state which was obvious (At least to Harry) and etched on the pale face. Tension held through Draco's muscles made Harry worry of trouble to come. Suppose Draco was about to drop a bombshell. The blonde tended to do that. The tension grew as Draco dropped his hands from Harry's hair.
"Harry?" Draco asked suddenly breaking the silence. A slight feel of nervous shaking joined the tension.
"Yeah Drake?" Harry asked glad that at least Draco would finally put the matter to light.
"I was thinking and..." Draco trailed off. Harry scratched the back of his neck waiting. Draco did that sometimes. He seemed oddly shy with Harry, uncertain in stating some opinions especially when it came to 'them.' Harry assumed it was due to the blonde's cold nature that he used to keep himself safe. Draco wasn't used to not hiding behind it and that sometimes made Harry shy too. How was he supposed to act with Draco, a boy who could just as easily turn to Harry and kiss him, as turning and swearing he hated him? How to act with a boy who seemed so unlovable? Of course at the same time he was loveable which helped to confuse Harry more.
"Yes?" Harry asked gently prodding. Of god please, don't let this be bad. The past months had been sweet like a chocolate pudding dashing all his senses to bits and filling him with strange feelings. Calmness and release. Like being bashed by the sea then washed up on a calm beach.
"I think..." Draco started before swearing and pushing away from Harry. Harry watched the blonde confused. "Damn it, Harry. Why is this so fucking hard?" Draco buried his face in his hands giving off the appearance of an emotional wreck.
"I don't know?" Harry answered making the statement a question with his voice slightly dazed. Was this bad news? "What is it, Draco? You're making me worried."
Instead of mumbling a short apology like he usually would Draco captured Harry's lips in a hard kiss. Harry reacted accordingly trying to pull Draco closer so he could touch some more of his boyfriend. Unlike usual Draco pulled away not to be groped by Harry.
"I can't take this any more Harry. It's driving me insane. I keep dreaming about it and thinking about it. I liked what we've done but I want more." Draco shook slightly his face hot and red. Harry squinted confused. What was Draco saying?
"Come on, you feel it too, don't you? Surly all we've done isn't enough for you?" Draco accused turning to face him eyes flashing. He didn't look angry with Harry, just frustrated.
"What are you talking about?" Harry asked taken aback.
"I want to...I want us to..." Draco growled a look of utter lost stamped on his face as he stuttered so unlike him. "Aww, fuck!"
Harry's eyes widened. Maybe Draco had just sworn because he was annoyed but the message was clear. Harry jumped up suddenly edgy. "Oh." he said simply adverting his eyes from Draco's.
"You get me?" Draco asked slowly standing so he and Harry were at a face off. Harry nodded slowly, still not looking at his boyfriend focusing his eyes on a cloud off in the distance. His face burned mortified and that was what embarrassed him the most. The fact that he was embarrassed.
"I'm sorry." Draco mumbled making Harry look at him in surprise. "I shouldn't have brought it up."
"No, it's not that...."Harry still couldn't look at Draco but he could tell the blonde was upset. It hadn't been a wrong subject to broach, just one Harry couldn't do easily. Something about the word that he was forbidden to say an evil taboo that made him heat up in more ways then one.
"No. I know you don't........"
"I do." Harry insisted. It was all he could do to say that much embarrassment chocking at him. What was wrong with him? It was Draco. He wanted to. The other boy was so beautiful.
Draco shook his head his blonde hair fluttering in a sudden breeze. His grey eyes were hard and narrow but with the way Draco was digging his nails into his skin he assumed Draco was mad at himself. "No, you don't. You're just saying that because...fuck...I'm an idiot ,ok? I'm sorry I brought it up."
"No, Draco, listen..."
"I can't make you do things you don't want to do. I shouldn't. I'm sorry." Draco had looked very shameful and in a surprising move wrapped his arms around Harry nuzzling into his neck. Harry sighed happily and hugged back. Then with an annoyed head shake he realized Draco still didn't get it and he was changing the subject. He kissed the back of his boyfriend's neck then pulled out of the hug. When Draco looked up Harry kissed his pale pink lips licking his own when he pulled away.
"Drake, I don't think you get me. I want to do it."
"Harry," Draco started like he was talking to a five year old idiot. Harry grabbed Draco's hands knowing they probably looked like the cover of a romance novel standing together holding hands. He kissed Draco's lips once more quickly before Draco could get another word out.
"Draco." He said once he pulled back hands still around the blonde's "Shut up ok? I want to. I just have trouble...talking about it." His ears were going red he knew it. He had never been able to talk about sex. Whenever he said the word he still said it under his breath like he was ten and it was a bad word. Maybe it was because of his Aunt yelling at him when she found one of Dudley's magazines and accused Harry of owning them. That was a bit before Hogwarts but still she had scared the hell outta him. That could be. He looked at Draco, realizing he had been silent for almost a minute. "I do though. Gods Draco I think about it all the time. At night when I'm alone I think…" He stopped short once he realized what he was about to say.
Draco gave him an evil grin. "You are the one who said we should be honest with each other." Harry looked away knowing he was redder then Ron's hair. Draco squeezed his hand. "Don't worry about it Harry. I do too." Harry smiled. That was the part about Draco that made him lovable.
The stood silently for a moment until Draco seemed to have and urge to break the silence.
"So if you want to... if you really want to... I think we should. Do it." Draco seemed somewhat groping for words nervously.
Harry looked around at the roof with a feeling of dread wrenching its self from his gut. Did Draco mean he wanted to do it right now on the roof? He looked around nervously. It was so open. But if Draco wanted to and he had told Draco he wanted to he really couldn't say no could he?
"Ok." Harry nodded weakly. "We should do it." He glanced around at the roof top again. He was almost feeling faint. "Um, so maybe we should fine some spot less open."
"Pardon?" Draco asked raising an eyebrow and pulling away from Harry slightly red raising on his cheeks.
"I...mean um you know this spot in general isn't all that great but......" Draco ripped his hands away from Harry's
"I am not having sex on the roof!" Draco shouted, looking appalled. The red spot spread on his cheek bones showing he was very upset at the thought. Harry flinched but sighed with relief.
"Shh." Harry hushed looking around nervously hoping the scream wouldn't carry to the castle's grounds. "I don't want to. I thought you wanted...."
"Well I don't!" Draco shouted just as loudly as before.
"Well where then?" Harry asked meekly. He couldn't believe they were actually discussing this. "I mean, it can't be our dorms or anything."
"Merlin, imagine Snape or McGonagall catching us." Draco gave a shudder. Harry shook his head.
"Forget about them. What about Ron and Hermione? Or Goyle and Crabbe?"
"That's not bad. With a dorm mate, it won't be public. As soon as one of our house heads catches us, it's public. McGonagall hates me. Snape hates you. With either, one of us is corrupting the other. How would you fancy telling your fellow Gryffindors you lost 100 points because you were shagging me?"
Harry winced. Draco could always find the worst outcome the stuff and the bad part was he was usually right. "Good point."
Draco mimicked Harry's shuddered turning his eyes into the distance. "Father would kill me if he ever found out." Draco's voice was soft and Harry knew not to press the matter. Talking with Draco about his father never went well. He either made Draco so mad he seemed ready to kill or so depressed with a cracked mask that Harry felt like he'd kicked a puppy. Harry didn't like either of those emotions on Draco's face. Instead of saying anything he put an arm around Draco's waist and lent his head against the blonde's shoulder. Draco didn't lean back but he didn't push Harry away either.
"So," Harry started finally. "Where do you think would be a good place? Hidden but not like.. a.. broom closet or....you know." Clean. Some place relatively clean.
Draco looked over giving him a wicked grin. "No broom closet. You are picky."
"You're the one who said no to the roof." Harry teased back his poor heart stopping its panicky thudding that had started ever along with this conversation. With his arm around Draco Harry felt a bit calmer about the subject. As long as he didn't think about it to much and he just bantered he wouldn't shudder like a simpleton.
"I think I have an idea." Draco said brushing bangs out of his eyes. "That room." Harry grinned as the bang fell back and Draco frowned ignoring it. Harry turned his attention back to the blonde's idea. "The one where we kissed that one time. Remember?"
Harry thought back. "The class room? It's a bit public, isn't it? There are classes in there sometimes." Harry could see though in his minds eye the scene with him straddling the blonde on a desk in that room. That was an enticing picture. Draco shook his head glaring at Harry like he was being and idiot and he was doing it on purpose. He pulled away from the hug so he could glare at Harry with his arms crossed for the whole effect.
"No, not the class room. That room with the stupid tapestry. I mean really how can some idiot misspell Draco? Drano? I mean, what the hell? Beside I said kiss, not snog. You remember?"
Harry remembered that. It was the first week of them together as....something. They were trying out a date, another of Harry's forced bondings. They were exploring the castle. They would open doors and Draco would complain about how dull empty class rooms were. Finally, they found a room that looked like it had been never used in the past hundred years or cleaned in the last fifty. It only held an ugly tapestry that sent Draco into a fit because the Draco part of Hogwart's motto was spelt wrong. To shut the blonde's rant off, Harry had kissed him. And Draco had kissed back. They had held hands with their fingers intertwined pressed between both their chests as each tried to pull the other closer.
"I remember the kiss more then the room." Harry said a smile forming at the memory. When they finally pulled apart he felt woozy and the blonde in front of him had actually been stunned speechless only able to mutter 'wow'
"Well, the room looked like it was never used. No one ever goes there. That would be a great place." Draco was gazing off past Harry, mind obviously placed in planning mode. Harry frowned feeling a bit hurt. That kiss had been important to him. It was sweet and it hadn't been about lust at least not for Harry. It made him feel like he had been missing something all his life and finally that one piece had been found and glued into place. Warm and safe and never alone.
Apparently Draco didn't remember it that way. Though he had called it the room where they kissed, not snogged. Maybe it meant more to the blonde then he let on. Or, of course, Harry rationalized Draco could have called it a kiss because it wasn't up to make out standards. Harry's frown deepened. Why could he never ever figure Draco out? Why did the blonde have to hide behind a mask? Draco was still staring off in planning mode muttering to himself about times or something. A thought hit Harry like a ton of brick not hitting his chest but slamming into him and crushing him into Harry Potter patties suitable for Mickey Dees. Had Draco done this before? Not the planning the It. Done it? Harry shuddered. He didn't want to be the pathetic Harry Potter virgin that annoyed Draco.
"Drake?" Harry liked the nickname even if Draco said it was unoriginal. The blonde turned his eyes to Harry and gave a smile that made Harry shudder slightly. Not in a bad way this time but in a good tingly arousing him way.
"Yeah?" Draco asked not seeing the shudder that had ran Harry's body. "You think the room's not a good idea?" Harry shook his head.
"No I have a question."
Draco raised an eyebrow looking cautious. Harry could understand. Sometimes he asked Draco some questions he insisted were answered that the Slytherin found hard to answer. Draco tightened his crossed arms. "What is it Harry?"
"Have you ever... you know...done it?" The Gryffindor let the question trail off hoping Draco would understand what he meant.
Draco shook his head then quickly rectified. "I could have if I wanted to. I just never wanted to before." Harry nodded relief flooding him. "I know how any way." Draco mumbled defensively then dropped his eyes. "Well I know how with a girl mostly. I'm not sure about...." He gestured to the both of them.
"Yeah." Harry agreed eyes down at the stone beneath them.
"I know one of the guys has to be the girl." Draco added helpfully then to Harry's surprise he went bright red and ducked his face down. Harry's heart fluttered at the most adorable thing he'd ever seen. He wanted to hug Draco but felt shy about doing that too. There was a silence the Harry longed to break.
"Yeah." He muttered not looking at Draco. His eyes widened as a thought struck him; His stomach tightened. "Um Drake...." Draco looked up. "Which one of us is-" Harry stopped talking when Draco froze. Then he glared at Harry.
"You are." The blonde replied matter of fact.
Harry jumped at the look on Draco's face. "Me! Why me?"
"Because I said so. That's why."
Harry glared. Draco wasn't allowed to choose that. "No."
"No? Yes!"
"No, that's not fair."
"Tough. You are." Draco crossed his arms face red with either embarrassment or anger or, in all probably, both. Harry glared at the Slytherin who seemed to think his word was law and whatever he wanted he got. Harry shook his head. He may care for Draco but he did not let the boy push him around and get his way. No way. Besides one of his most arousing memories was the one of him on top of Draco kissing him able to look down and gaze at the Slytherin. He didn't want to let that go. He held out his arm his hand in a fist. Draco eyed the arm and its hand wearily.
"What?"
"Rock Paper Scissors." Harry replied smoothly even though his heart had begun again its tango rhythm thumping like it was about to explode. Draco still looked at the outstretched hand shocked.
"What? That muggle game?"
Harry nodded hoping he hadn't lost his 'I'm The Confident Boy Who Lived' face. Maybe it was a silly idea but Draco didn't have to know Harry knew that.
"You are kidding, right?" Draco asked a little too hopefully. Harry shook his head. "Fine!" Draco spat. "You can't take it back when you loose." He held out a fist beside Harry's. Harry resisted the smile he wanted to give Draco, in case he saw it as taunting, which was how Draco would see a smile at this point in time.
"Rock." Harry said finally bringing his fist down slightly with Draco mimicking him.
"Paper." He couldn't for the life of him remember why he had taught Draco this game. He shook his fist again.
On saying scissors Draco finally joined in. He voice was its usual drawl with a hint of annoyance. Harry decided it sounded cute before he lay his hand out flat for paper. He then looked at Draco's hand clenched in a fist. He blinked.
"And paper beats rock." Harry informed his somewhat boyfriend. It was their third date and Harry was sitting beside Draco on an empty stairwell trying to explain the argument solving game. If they didn't hurry they wouldn't have done anything but play rock paper scissors the entire time. Then again even that was ok. He was with Draco, playing stupid muggle games. The aforementioned Slytherin glared up at him under pale eyelashes.
"That doesn't make sense Harry. How can paper beat a rock? That just plain stupidity." He sneered at Harry like the rules were his fault. Harry shrugged but Draco wasn't done yet. "I can certainly understand the scissors cutting the paper. That is what they're made for. And you can destroy any bloody thing by bashing it with a rock. But how Potter for the love of Hogwarts can a piece of paper beat a stone?"
Harry scowled. "I don't know. Geeze, those are just the rules ok? It's just a stupid game."
Draco smile suddenly and leaned over to give Harry a quick kiss. "It is a stupid game." He agreed. "Lets just do what I want and not play it."
Well, it was stupid, wasn't it? Paper couldn't hurt rock that had been on the earth billions of years. But those were the rules. Harry capped his open palm over Draco's fist.
"Paper beats rock."
Harry pulled his hand away.
"I win." He announced almost breathlessly. Draco looked at his hand dazed before pulling it to his sides quickly, scowling.
"Fine!" the blonde hissed, actually bearing his teeth. "Have it your way you perv petty bastard git." Red colored Draco's pale cheeks. Harry frowned and took a step towards Draco. He didn't want Draco to feel bad. He just wanted..... Draco stepped back crossing his arms keeping his distance from Harry. Harry looked at him blinking.
"There isn't anything wrong with doing that. We'll both be there and we'll both be together." He didn't know why a tingle spread through out him when he said that but he let out a content sigh. He reached forward to stroke Draco's hair. This time Draco didn't pull away. He seemed willing to listen to Harry at least, though eyeing Harry with suspicion. Harry sunk his fingers into the strands of hair. Silky, so pretty. So soft. Harry bit back a moan staring at Draco like he was a star-crossed lover in the books and Draco was the princess. Which he was to Harry. Draco gave him a slightly disconcerted look.
"Besides you're so gorgeous," Harry added trailing his fingers to the hair tops then back to the roots. His eyes closed him fingering the locks wondering if what he was saying was helping or annoying Draco. He opened his eyes to smile at Draco who was looking at him now with surprise marking his features. "so pretty." Harry murmured meaning it. The blonde was divine what with the breeze whipping his hair and the confused innocent dewy look in his grey silvers slate eyes. Draco leant into Harry's hand smiling before grabbing it by the wrist and attacking Harry's mouth. Pulling away the blonde reached up running a quick hand through Harry's hair causing it to stand up. He ended the kiss to stick his tongue out at Harry.
"Don't mess up my hair Harry." He scolded. Harry scowled reaching out and purposely messing up Draco's hair. With a burst of giggles they fell to messing each others hair up and tickling. Their encounter soon began to slip past PG in to R but before they could get too heated the voice of the McGonagall and Flitwick in deep discussion floated up a nearby set of stairs. Both boys sprung apart quickly. With a whisper of "We'll finish this discussion later." Draco sprinted off towards a different set of stairs and Harry hurried to edge to pretend he was just looking at the view of Hogwarts grounds. Luckily he was just givin passing nods from the busy teachers who didn't look at him long enough to wonder why the view from the roof made him flush so red.
By finishing this discussion later Draco meant he would saunter over to Harry, Ron and Hermione in potions insult them all passionately and drop a note to Harry. It contained vaguely outlining details for Harry to add to and somehow pass back. It wasn't signed for obvious reason because Snape made note passers read their notes aloud. They managed to pass the note back and forth through sheer luck and the fact Neville's cauldron exploded. It didn't take long for them both to settle on a day and time and agree to meet. Harry figured if he had the note last he probably would have kept it but as it happened he had had the last word. Draco looked at the last line, Harry's agreement, and stuck the note into the magical fire under his cauldron. Harry turned away feeling miffed for some reason. He wasn't sure why. They didn't need the note anyway and Draco was in his right to destroy it. He felt some what how you would when someone tosses the last half of their toast to the dog. Upset because you would have ate it but stupid at the same time because you would never have asked for it. Harry just shook his head and went back to his potion. He'd be better off worrying about the upcoming date.
***
The upcoming date was scheduled for Thursday two nights away at eleven thirty. Harry had stuck out of the tower with ease draped in his invisibility cloak. He had taken a blanket from his bed and a few other things and had bundled them all under his cloak together. When he reached the classroom Draco was already there ivory hair bright from just being washed a matching bundle of green blankets in his arms. Harry pulled off his cloak and gave Draco a small kiss on the lips.
"Hi." He greeted. Draco returned the greeting with a smile brushing a hand along Harry's cheek. Then with a glance down the hallway he opened the classroom door and beckoned Harry to follow him inside. Once inside Harry passed his bundle to Draco, who gave him a disgruntled look, and cast a locking charm on the door. On a second thought he added a silencing charm which to his delight made Draco blush slightly. Then when he thought about for a second Harry gulp and tightened his hand around his wand. Without a word he dug out the extra objects from the pile in Draco's arms and turned away. They knew what they wanted to do but neither of them were ready to just jump and do it.
While Draco had made a bed out of blankets and robes Harry had lined up the items each teen had brought with them. Stuff they thought would be helpful as they remembered change room stories and rumors of how what they were about to do should work. Harry didn't want to look at the items as he lined them up but as he was unable to look at his boyfriend he stared at them intently. Draco could only glance at Harry before blushing and concentrating on bed making. Of course there was only so much time they could spend idly on their tasks before it was obvious they were stalling.
"Maybe we should lie down." Draco suggested finally gesturing to the bed he had made. Harry nodded.
They lay down together not touching breathing heavily. Nothing happened for a few minutes. When Draco looked about ready to say something Harry finally stirred. He pulled himself on top of Draco straddling the blonde and kissing his lips firmly. The blonde responded, both of them knowing what to do with a kiss. Harry started pulling off Draco's clothes and Draco did the same with Harry's with out thinking. They had been naked with each other before too. This couldn't be that much more difficult. Well. They had messed around before doing the actions on each other they usually reserved for themselves. That wasn't as hard. You could do it quickly and couldn't mess up easily.
Sex had bigger connotations. What if Harry hurt Draco? He'd never forgive himself. What if he screwed up? What if one liked it and the other didn't? What if neither liked it? Would something be wrong with them? Would it be because they did it wrong? Who did you ask for instructions? Was Harry worrying for nothing?
They stopped undressing and moving into kneeling positions both clothed only in underwear, visibly aroused. Both pairs of eyes, grey to green, emerald to mist, were wide. The sound of nervous breathing laced with barely covered lust filled the air. Harry looked Draco over, pale skin, smooth lines on his chest, navel half hidden by the waist of his black boxers and licked his lips. When he realized Draco was watching him back he shuffled self-consciously then coughed.
"I guess I'll start now." Harry said shyly.
Draco took a deep breath letting it out slowly causing Harry to shiver as the cool air hit him.
"Ok." the blonde said half whisper. Harry swallowed and pulled himself straight in front of Draco kissing the blonde again. He pushed Draco back shifting until it was comfortable to straddle his lithe body. Harry stopped moving letting his hands rest on Draco's chest as the blonde lay prone.
"I'm not sure.....I don't think." Harry mumbled pulling back. Draco glared at him then pulled Harry back down wrapping his hands on Harry's shoulders. Harry tried not to look into Draco's eyes but they were so close and bright. Harry swallowed. Heat radiated from them filling the small space between them.
"Relax Harry." Draco said finally blinking sweetly then kissing Harry lightly on his nose. "Just......go about it how you think it should be."
"Ok." Harry said leaning in so their cheeks were pressed together with Harry's lips close to Draco's ear. "But you have to help so I don't......I don't want to hurt you Drake."
"I'll tell you if you do." Draco said dryly. Harry pulled up to look into the grey eyes again.
"Tell me what I should do then. I'm not..."
"I don't know either." Draco grunted looking angry for a second then sighed a smile forming. He tightened his arms around Harry. His smile was the rare one the ones that only Harry saw. The one that lit up his eyes making him look kind and innocent. "This is nice." Draco's eyes closed smile still in place. "Warm. Safe. I trust you."
Harry melted and fell back on to Draco's lips making the kiss as passionate as he could moving atop the blonde to emphasize pleasure. The kiss ended and their eyes locked.
"Move together." Harry said breathlessly before moving to kiss Draco's collar bone..
Draco nodded moving to help guide his boyfriend with one hand. The other hand tangled it's self in Harry's raven hair twisting tighter while Harry made his way clumsily down his boyfriend's body. He ran his fingers under the waist of Draco's boxers pulling them down before pulling back to let Draco remove his. He fell back onto Draco gasping at the feeling of flesh to flesh, warmth to warmth. They went slowly and meticulous each trying to note when they pleased the other's body and when their own was pleased. Fingers explored inside first making sure the whole action was pleasurable like they had heard. From the hitches in his boyfriend's breath Harry assumed he wasn't hurting him.
Then he had.......,
and they began to move together working off of each other....,
and it had been amazing.
And it was so different from wanking off. Different then just stroking each other to climax.
It was the fullness and the filling and the friction. The flesh that pressed together and the cool air that touched the bare flesh touching nothing. Whispered moans in each others ears. The deft fingers buried in his hair pulling Harry's face down for Draco to kiss as the climax reached.
It was over and Harry lay like all his structure had dissolved, on top of Draco the blonde keeping his arms wrapped tightly around Harry's neck like he was afraid the Gryffindor would leave. Harry sighed. He felt good warm and muzzy. He hugged Draco breathing in deeply. It was like the kiss. He felt right and complete. Like Draco had said, warm and safe. Layers of Draco's silky white blonde hair lay for Harry to nestle contently into.
"I love you." He murmured into the soft blonde hair. He did he decided, right then in that moment of warmth. He loved Draco. The instance he said it he knew it was the wrong thing to tell Draco. He had broken the moment. Draco froze rigid, eyes opening, face going dull, stony and unreadable. The arms detached from around Harry's neck and fell by Draco's side.
"We have to go now Harry." Draco said not looking Harry in the eyes. "People might notice we're missing. We should get back." The teen's voice was dry and dull uninterested and dead.
"Drake, I didn't..." Harry stumbled over the words panic.
Don't leave me too Draco. Please. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...
Draco pushed at Harry till he wormed away from the dark haired Gryffindor. Harry watched dumbly eyes tighten threatening to drop tears as Draco quickly pulled on his clothes. Buttoning up his robe he turned his cold eyes on Harry. The look was like a passed of judgment that made the Gryffindor want to fall over.
"I'm sor..." Harry tried to say again but Draco cut him off.
"Get dressed." Draco ordered softly. "We should leave now."
Harry complied slowly knowing Draco's eyes were on him all the while. He grabbed at a robe.
"We have to be back to our dorms before people notice we're gone." Draco repeated softly more to himself fingers quaking as he buttoned his robe.
"But Drake I love y...."
"NO." Draco snapped eyes flashing. Mercury erupting to flame. "No. You don't."
"But."
"Shut up, Harry."
"Fine." Harry frowned glaring at Draco. "Fine." He repeated again. He pulled on his shoes quickly not able to look into Draco's eyes. How could he have told Draco he loved him? Harry took in a deep breath begging himself not to let out the sob that clawed at his throat to be released. He glanced over at the blonde who was staring into space arms crossed face a black slate.
"Bye Draco." Harry said seeing the blonde flinch slightly at his tone. Harry went through the door praying for Draco to call out and tell him to stop. Nothing came. The door slammed with a snap and Harry surged forward away from the room running as fast as he could. His eyes filled with tears.
How could he have been so stupid? Telling Draco he loved him. It was obvious the other boy didn't love him. He was an idiot.
The history implanted in the stones of Hogwarts the knowledge of all the past on it's floors. What Harry didn't see as he ran to the ground of the castle to huck rocks and scream until Hagrid came to calm him down. Alone in the room Draco Malfoy stayed frozen watching the door Harry had excited. Finally his hands covered his face as his breath came out in pathetic whimpers as he fell to his knees.
"How can you love me?" The timid question short and hardened flickered in the ancient stones and would for as long as it stood.
**~~**
Harry moaned as he fully woke up. A moan at the pain in his back the pressure in his bladder and the most horrible of realizations. He still loved Draco. It tickled his heart to look at the boy. He wanted Draco on a pedestal so he could prance around below it loving Draco.
Dammit to fuck hell!
Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove
"Damn." He murmured covering his face with his hands. Harry Potter you are screwed.
"What am I gonna do?"
*******
Sunlight hitting the lids of his eyes Ron slowly awoke cracking an eye open and turning his face to the pillow to avoid the sun. Where was he? He wasn't at the burrow. He shifted a foot rubbing it against the sheet. This wasn't his bed. He looked at the pillow beneath his head. Scarlet.
Oh right. He was at Hogwarts.
Ron blinked slowly.
Why was he at Hogwarts? Didn't he graduate? Snape hadn't been around to fail him. He had graduated.
The events of the night before broke over his conscious. He shuddered. That had not been a nice thing to see. It didn't matter if he greatly disliked Malfoy. Hearing blood curdling screams like that was enough to freak any one. Of course there was also that horrible matter that he didn't greatly dislike Malfoy any more. He shuddered again pulling his pillow closer to him. Then stopped.
In his experience pillows did not feel like that. The only thing that felt like that was another person. He turned his head over quick enough to crack his neck to behold the person beside him in awe.
Not just awe. Joy.
Not just any person. Hermione.
Hermione was in his bed with him pressed against him. The warmth of her back blanketed his chest. The comforters and sheets were draped over their legs which was odd because he didn't even remember either of them being under the blankets. That was odd too. You'd think you'd remember the best night of your life.
That thought startled him out of his jumbled musings and he frowned then bite down on his bottom lip hard.
He wanted to smack himself in the head except he didn't want to wake the brunette. He was an idiot. And an arsehole prick.
It wasn't like he had had sex with her or even kissed her. It was Hermione. And calling last night the best because Hermione had been so scared that she had to sleep beside someone was incredibly stupid. He felt like a horrible prick. He should be lying mourning for his friend's heart but instead he was lying in glee that Hermione was sleeping in the same bed beside him. Sweet smell of shampoo laced with lilacs and honeysuckles. A good question was why was she here surrounding him with her scent?
He knew that when he went to sleep she had been hugging him. Now he was wrapped around her as if in his sleep he wanted to protect her. It was a perfect spooning position. One of his arms laid draped up her arms his fingers holding her shoulder finger tip dug deep in the soft fabric of her robe. His other hand snaked under her body and.....
The Weasley went as red as his hair his blue eyes wide. His other hand had ended up in a spot that at any other time would be nice. It wasn't good for now. To his horror and slight delight his finger curled gently around to cup her left breast.
Ron decided to take that moment to stop breathing completely. She would kill him. It had been an accident but she would kill him. No, she would castrate him, then kill him. Oh, he was fucked.
She's asleep. The rational part of his mind reminded him. He could stay like this for a while she'd never know. Unless she was awake.
Was she awake?
No, Hermione wouldn't let him do what he was doing which was moving his hand slightly as he enjoyed the feeling of her female endowment against his palm. He couldn't control it. What was wrong with him? Was he mad? He was, wasn't he? He had caught the insanity from Harry, hadn't he?
Mmm, nice.
Very bad. You is very bad Wheezy.
Damn, the inner conscience Dobby voice was back. Stupid voice. Pretty, pretty soft Hermione. A stupid grin flounced onto his face before he could choke it back. His hand that he now believed he had no control over, moved to the other breast in a gentle stroking motion
"Yes, I'm sure it's very nice Ron but could you let go?" Hermione's voice came dryly to his ears. Ron 'eeped', pulling away so quick he nearly fell off the bed. She turned her head to look at him brown eyes piercing him like a thousand accusation. She was pissed, wasn't she? He was screwed, wasn't he? He had to get out of this.
"I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Really."
Her eyes narrowed as soon as he said that an angry flush coming to her cheeks. He turned away quickly embarrassed. She either didn't believe him or she didn't care. How could he go and touch her inappropriately like that? Stupid Hermione. It was her fault for being so irresistible. Why couldn't she be ugly? Damn her.
"Ron Weasley, you are the most rudest vile..."
"Hey, Harry's gone." Ron blurted, interrupting her. The bed next over was empty the beds covers hardly rumpled and the curtain wide open.
"Huh?" Hermione looked over Ron to see the empty bed. Ron could see now why the light had hit him in the face which had never happened at school. Light filtered through the bed with it's open curtain to land nicely on Ron's pillow. Hermione was still looking at Harry's bunk thinking which gave the redhead time to breath a sigh of relief. He had efficiently changed the subject. Yay.
But oh yeah. Where was Harry?
Ahem, a voice in his head coughed. Catch up stupid. Malfoy love Harry. Harry love Malfoy. Malfoy hurt. Harry sad.
"We should go find him." Ron told Hermione with a sudden realization. "He shouldn't be alone all by himself.
"Oh, I see Ron," She practically snarled. "when it comes to any other person you're Mr. Sensitivity but when it comes to me..." She stopped short ripping her gaze away from him making fists at her sides. She swung her legs over the side of the bed a sat with her back to him. "But you're right Ron. We should go find Harry." She sighed her anger dissipating. Ron eyed her suspiciously. He had really hurt her. She wasn't pissed, she was sad. Shit, why couldn't he keep his hands to himself?
"Hermy," He started to apologize reaching to touch the brunettes shoulder. He shouldn't have touched her without her permission. She probably felt something akin to violation. How could he fix this so she didn't feel bad and he wasn't a jerk?
There came a small knock on the door. "Ron? Hermione? Harry?" Ginny poked her head in and Ron pulled his hand back to his side. "Is everyone awake?"
Ron sighed. He would talk to Hermione later. "Morning Gin." He gave his little sister a cautious smile beckoning her into the dorm. Hermione didn't look up from pulling on her boots. Ginny looked at them then looked at Harry's empty bed.
"Where's Harry?"
Hermione gave a shrugged. "I'm not sure." She gave a slight yawn and hid it behind a closed fist. "We just woke up a few minutes ago."
"You just woke up?" Ginny replied. Then she eyed both of them sitting on the bed in a lazy way so they could both see before smirking...no leering. Ron scowled then glared at his little sister his face heating up. He then snuck a glance at Hermione who didn't seem fazed by his sister. She gave him a stony look then turned to Ginny.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked sharply he assumed commenting on the look because Ginny hadn't said any thing. Ginny seemed floored possibly assuming that if either got her hints they wouldn't comment.
"I just meant...well... You and Ron slept in the same bed?" Ginny's leer had quickly turned into childish stuttering and Ron's face was going a darker red. He had spent the night in the same bed as Hermione. The aforementioned woman kept a level look on Ginny.
"It was just because it's closest to Harry's. There was no hidden agenda, if that's what you are insinuating. It meant nothing at all."
The last part she said giving Ron a cold look as she tightened the laces of her boots.
He felt crushed for some reason. Meant nothing at all. Ouch. If he couldn't at least have the fact she would want to share a bed with him couldn't he at least have her feeling safer with him around? Blah, she probably said that cause she woke up thinking someone else was huddled protectively on top of her. Someone like...Krum. Uggg, he hated Krum. Stupid Krum.
"I'm sorry, Hermione." Ginny said, flushing so hard her freckles disappeared. That was the Weasley course, (Besides the red hair and freckles) blushing easily. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything...or anything." They both had a stare off for a few minutes while Ron sat extremely uncomfortably watching the two. He would rather be anywhere but this room right now. He couldn't leave least he was drawn in fully to their uncomfortable silence and cold looks.
Finally, Hermione gave a tentative smile. "It's ok, Ginny. No harm. No foul." Ginny returned the smile with a grin.
"So um..." Ron finally said not wanting to sit in a more comfortable silence broken only by smile and grins. "Why did you come up Gin?"
"Is there any change in Malfoy Ginny? Is that why you're here?" Hermione asked her face quickly twisted horrified. "Oh god. He's not dead, is he?"
"Oh no, no!" Ginny assured slightly startled shaking her head so her pony tail flopped about wildly. "He's fine, actually. Better then you'd think after an Aegerinse. It's surprising really." Ginny did look surprise a slight air about her like she was still dazed on every thing. Ron smiled at his sister. That was his Ginny. Able to BS her way through a situation pretending she had some inkling what was going on. He wished he could do that.
"Then why'd you come up here?' Ron asked moving away from the bed and Hermione. "Shouldn't you be watching him?" He half expected her to get mad at that question. She didn't just gave a slight shrug.
"He's fine and I just ran up here quick to look for Harry. Malfoy wants to see him."
"He asked for Harry?" Hermione stressed the word asked looking surprised.
Ginny ran a hand over her hair. "Well yes but he was so out of it at the time he probably could have asked for a minator and it would have made sense to him." She shrugged. "Still I didn't see any reason Harry shouldn't be there when he woke up because." She stopped, her cheeks going red under her freckles. Good ol' Weasley curse. She bit her lip abashed. "That stuff Harry said last night... about him and Malfoy. You know? Did you know about it?"
Ron shook his head seeing Hermione mirroring him in the corner of his eyes. He then added a shrug and gazed down at his shoes. It sucked to know so little about your best friend and then to have such a huge secret dumped on you. It sucked a lot. Plus it also sucked that his entire view of Malfoy was wavering and had defiantly changed since yesterday's breakfast. It just…sucked.
He went back to paying attention to Hermione and Ginny's conversation in the middle of Hermione explaining how Harry had ended up at the burrow.
"So they aren't together?"
Ron gave his sister a look. Why did she care? He wondered if she still had a crush on Harry. After the pause after the question dragged on Ron turned his eyes to Hermione. She seemed to be pondering over the answer. In the end she shrugged.
"I'm not sure. I guess not but..." She blinked confused then shrugged again. "I really don't know. Harry doesn't want to talk about it." No one seemed to think of anything to add to that so the room slipped into silence. Ron furrowed his brow hoping his sister would leave so he could hack together some sort of apology. She didn't just looked slightly uncomfortable reaching down to tug at the hem of her skirt.
"Well." Hermione said finally popping off the bed. "We'll walk you back to the infirmary and then see if we can find Harry." Ginny gave a nod and a smile both girls turning to walk out of the room. Ron hurried to catch up not eager to look like a little lost puppy trailing behind them. Hopefully he could say sorry to Hermy.
********
Draco blinked sleepily surrounded by the hazy unawareness that came after a deep sleep. He was warm and the back of his mind seemed to nag something important. Painful reality likely but sleep calmed that wound with ignorance. If he couldn't remember he would be safe. He felt ready to drift off again
He was cold. He should shift over so he could latch around Harry leech his heat and steal his blankets. All he needed was enough will to move ove.......
He sat up in bed as if slapped the memory of it all coming back like bile retching his throat. His stomach coiled and he clenched his teeth so he didn't vomit.
He had actually thought for a moment he would look over and see Harry. He shook his head hard hair flying into of his eyes. Like Harry would ever share a bed with him. Idiot. Stupid delusional fool.
Oh Drake, how could you ever think Harry would even look at you any more. You were barely worthy of him then. Now? You are like sludge. A voice eerily like Harry's sounded in his head. He doubled over as if he had been struck in the gut. His left arm tingled with memories of pain but he resisted to look at it.
Oh look down Slytherin. See what you became, what you are, and should be. He didn't even know whose voice was talking this time (possible his father) but he obeyed and looked down at him arm sucking breath in. The dark mark. Completed. The skull and snake symbolizing what he had chosen to be. He looked closer a horrified shudder running up his spine. The lower half was lighter then the black done by the dark lord. It was more blue, dark blue, but seeming to go lighter each second.
He pulled his blanket up over his arm so not to look at the mark any more. He could see blurry images in his mind about what had happened last night. Those weren't nice memories, not even the one with Harry.
Harry.
Draco gave a grimace. Harry had saved him, hadn't he? Idiot. Draco dug the heels of his palms in his eyes trying to forget the memories. He hated those memories.
"Harry, you should have just let me die." He said his throat sounding guttered and hoarse. "It would have been better for you."
Harry,
"What do you want?" A sweet voiced had asked him. Did he want anything? Yes, just one thing.
"Harry." He answered honestly
"Shit!"
Was Harry coming here? Even if he hadn't said that out loud, why wouldn't Harry come? He had to get out of the hospital wing before the Weasley girl came back with Harry. He didn't want to see Harry. He couldn't.
Wouldn't.
He didn't want to!
He didn't.
He leaped out of the bed at the thought of having to look Harry in the eyes. The best way to keep Harry fine would be to stay the hell away from him. He shivered as cold air hit him and caused goose bumps to raise along his arms and legs. He looked down surprised to see he was only dressed in his underclothes. He scowled.
"Perverted little Weasel girl." He hissed through his teeth cursing her just for the sake of it. He had a great urge to hit someone or something. He twirled around wildly. Where was his robe? He whirled again adding a punch to the air his arm snapping out so hard his joints ached. He froze in his movement bringing his arm tightly to his side.
His robe. Where was his robe?
The last thing, he remembered wearing was Death Eaters robe. Of course since apparently he was a death eater now maybe that's what he should be wearing.
No, he wouldn't. He couldn't stand the thought of Harry seeing him in those robes again. Hell, he couldn't even stand the thought of Dumbledore seeing him in those robes again and he didn't even particularly like the head master very much. He scowled at the thoughts in his head. He finally spotted a robe folded on a chair and picked it up. It was faded black with patches and a few darker stains. It wasn't his but fuck it. He pulled it on.
It was soft though he suspected that was more from wearing then material and most importantly it was warm. He ran a hand up his arms trying to rid himself of his goose bumps. He yelped and bit his lip when he hit his mark. The flesh way still tender and it strung and itched unbearably. He longed to rake his nails over it but resisted. He was sure no good would come of that and besides even if he tore his own skin he couldn't get rid of the magic. He grimaced than lay a finger on the mark
What did it mean? Was he a Death Eater? Doubtful. That wasn't usually something you got out of, being a Death Eater but then again. He shrugged to himself. He got out of it. For now. Oh undoubtedly he would be killed for it sooner or later. That was inventible. Maybe later instead of sooner though. He didn't care as long as Harry didn't get his damn fat boy who lived head caught in the cross fires.
Harry. He bit his lip at that name when a wistful feeling entered his chest. Merlin, Harry. Harry was the good guy and....
He bit his lip harder till the taste of blood filled his mouth.
"No Harry." He muttered harshly to himself the parent keeping the cookie from a child. "Never again."
He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. Damn Harry. He stepped out of the hospital wing with a glance for a weasel, the mudblood, a professor or Harry. Seeing none he hurried of down the hall. He had to just go somewhere where no one would find him. He wasn't going to leave Hogwart's grounds but he wanted to be away from people. He wanted away from Harry and, if he was lucky, lightening would strike him dead.
********
"I'm a horrible mediwitch. How could Madam Pomfrey leave me in charge?" Ginny wailed. Or maybe it was more like a whine. Either way the noise cut through to Ron as he trailed at the end of the trio entering the hospital wing. Ron looked at her surprised. Where had that come from?
"You're doing fine." Hermione soothed in her knowing Hermione way. Ginny looked up sharply, blue eyes narrowing.
"Are you daft? I'm not doing fine! I lost my only patient!"
Ron glanced around the infirmary looking for the blonde haired wanker. He didn't see the man. He could see how that would upset Ginny. Well, he didn't care all that much. No matter what Damn letters said or how Harry felt. Still Ginny was worried. Ron gave a resigned sigh and looked in the door to the toilet. Empty.
"He's not here." He told Ginny who gave him a glare which Hermione then copied.
"We already knew that Ron." Hermione told him rolling her eyes. She was still mad at him he could tell. He had apologized to her on the way to the hospital wing she said to forget about it but it was still bothering her.
"I'm sure the arse is around some where Gin'" Ron assured.
"We should find him though." Hermione pointed out "Harry too." Ginny nodded.
"Right." They both went out into the corridor leaving Ron to scurry behind them feeling like they'd just leave him behind if he didn't keep up. He sent them both glares they ignored making him glare further.
Girls.
"Where should we look?" Ginny asked looking down the empty hallway as if she were trying to spot either of the missing wizards there. Hermione took amount to purse he lips and ponder Ginny's words. Ron crossed his arms and eyed both of them. He'd just hang around leaning against the wall until they figured out what they wanted to do. He found things worked out better that way if he let Hermy boss every one around.
"You try the dorms Ginny and I'll check the classrooms." The brunette finally decided. Before they both took off Ron cleared his throat peeved. What? Had Hermione forgotten him again? She jumped slightly at the noise and look over at him guiltily. Apparently she had. She covered quickly though.
"Ron, you look for Harry in the Great Hall. If you don't find him just go check out the..." She stumbled for a second. "grounds. Come back here if you've found him." Herm' gave the last sentence over her shoulder pulling Ginny down the hall with her. Ron gave a slight frown at her back. He wasn't that dense. He did see how Hermione nicely glossed over mentioning Malfoy. What did she think he would do? Attack the man or something? He rolled his eyes.
He started towards the Great Hall then stopped with a shake of his head. It would be completely stupid to wander the castle when he could just use the Marauder's map. Harry must have taken it with him when he left the Durslys and they had brought Harry's trunk with them to the school. Ron turned and walked in the direction the one eyed witch statue lay. That's where all the bags taken from the Burrow were at the moment.
He had been the one lugging the bags around even if it was via a spell. Since Harry had his hands full it fell on him, being the man, to carry the bags. Luckily Hermione hadn't noticed that he had just dumped every thing at the entrance to the tunnel. He grabbed Harry's trunk and rustled though it. Where was the....? Oh, there it was.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He vowed to the tattered parchment waving a wand over it. He looked down the hallway, his fear of being caught by someone overriding the fact he was an adult and wouldn't get detention. He glanced back at the parchment that now contained a map of Hogwarts in it's entirely. He found his dot standing be side the statue of the one eyed witch. His eye traveled over Ginny moving through the Gryffindor tower until he found Hermione on the second floor looking through classrooms. He smiled. She hadn't even thought of using the Marauder's map. Ha.
He found the dots labeled Potter and Malfoy both almost on opposite side of the school. He frowned thoughtfully then sighed. Hermione thought he was too... what word the word be? Rash? Bullheaded? Emotional? Too stupid to talk to either of the men because he'd just make things worse like usual. She was probably right.
Unfortunately....
He touched his robe pocket feeling the folded paper beneath the fabric.
Unfortunately he felt he had to talk to one of them even if it would make things worse. He gave a snort wiping the map clean with a wand wave and stuffing it back into Harry's trunk. If he put to much thought into this deed he'd end up doing what Hermy wanted and leave well enough alone. Of course it was rare he stopped long enough to give much thought to any thing.
He shook his head ruefully then gave a twisted determined smile before heading off down the hall.
********
Draco, born Draco Thaddeus Malfoy grew up in what appeared to be the lap of luxury. Actually it sometimes seemed more like he had gotten out of the lap, shoved luxury away and grew up in the even more comfortable chair of luxury. His family was well off, so well off that his father only worked in the ministry to play at politics. Lucius owned a large estate, acres of land and a small lake. And that was just the upfront property he owned in England. His son was born and raised in Malfoy manor. Raised to be a Malfoy in every meaning of the family name.
Draco by the age of two had found the best way to get what he wanted was to cry and kick and scream until it was given to him by a frazzled adult. He had every toy, book, game and pet a child could want. This ploy even seemed to work on his father who was the adult most uncomfortable around the small child. By Draco's sixth birthday Lucius changed his attitude around his son. Draco wasn't sure if his father had planned out his basic upbringing to go that way or if Lucius had just gotten fed up with his loud emotional son and decided to do something about it. Which ever the reason after his birthday little Malfoy's perspectives changed completely.
His party had been a quiet affair with only his parents there and few assorted servants skittering around in the shadow. Draco was already upset he couldn't have a big party (Which Narsisia claimed was because he got delicate around large groups of people) once he had opened all his gifts was furious. He hadn't gotten half of what he asked for. He fell to the floor with a scream his mother covering her ears calling for the nurse. His father had looked at him and smacked him sharply across a cheek. Draco let out a yelp and began to wail.
He had then been picked up by the scruff of his robe and dragged up a staircase as Lucius' placid voice calmly explained to Draco, that boys didn't cry and Malfoy's never cried. The unusual behavior towards him had only made Draco scream and cry louder. To this Lucius gave the child a shake saying he was going to be locked up until he could behave more like a Malfoy. Draco calmed down slightly not entirely adverse to being shut up in his own room. His own room was filled with any plaything a child could possibly want. It wasn't a bad thing to be locked in one's room in the Malfoy manor.
Obviously though his father had figured that out. The small tempering child had not be locked in his toy filled room and was instead tossed into the W.C. that adjoined the bedroom. Draco didn't like that much. It was smaller, colder and his father didn't light the candles. He pounded on the door for fifteen minutes to be let out. He screamed ear shattering shrieks at the door. No one came and the echoes of his own movements disturbed him to no end in the pitch dark room. He curled up in a corner on the black marble unhappy waiting in the dark. Lucius was content to leave his only child in the room for five hours. Draco had learned a lesson and after that day was only shut away three more times. He remembered each time vividly but eventually learned. He learned to control his quivering lips and blink away tears.
His father was happy for him. Slapped him on the back. Said he was a man.
A man at six years old. He did learn. A real man did not cry. Malfoy's did not cry. Sometimes he had to rapidly blink away tears but that eventually went away too. One time after he went away to school he tried to cry. He had spent an hour it seemed trying. Blinking his eyes staring without blinking, pinching himself. Nothing happened except he had a very sore arm. It seemed he was the man his father wanted him to be.
Or he was defective broken not human any more.
Once Harry had asked him what his one ambition in life was. The truth Draco never liked to realize had popped out. To not to become his father. To not be that man. He had wanted to cry but wasn't able to.
Malfoy's didn't cry.
Then, of course, the question would be why was his face wet, his eyes stinging and his shoulders shaking with each intake of air?
Because Harry always made him cry. Because he woke up thinking Harry was beside him and he wasn't. Harry wasn't beside him and he was alone.
Another sob came shaking his entire body with it's passing.
It was ok. Harry would never be his again.
It was ok that his heart felt ripped in tatters.
It was ok to sob like a child. The man who hadn't cried since he was too young for school.
It was ok to loath the thing on his arm, even though it went with him a defect on a defective human. A brand on his skin. A bruise on his soul. A twisted hybrid of dark and light magic. He rocked back and forth cradling his arm to his chest trying to remember not to cry. Another tear slipped by his nose and soaked into his robe sleeve.
Dammit, you're a man. Men don't cry. He heard soft footsteps come up behind him and stopped rocking. A figure had joined his wavering reflection and Draco glared out at the water.
"I suppose you came to gloat?" He asked quietly making the redhead start. Draco smirked slightly enjoying startling the man. Weasley must have assumed he wouldn't be noticed.
"I'm sure catching me sobbing beside the lake will be right up there with Malfoy the amazing bouncing ferret." Draco added sounding harsh and bitter. There really was no point denying the fact he was crying. If the person who found him had been Harry or Snape he might of but not to Weasley. Why bother? Instead of hearing the expected mocking laughter, Weasley snickered lightly behind him.
"I actually forgot about that. Where'd you hear it?" Draco looked up for the first time and glared at the red head. What was he playing at? Trying to get Draco relaxed before he shoved a dagger(Literally or fugitively. How much did the Weasel detest him?) in him. Well, he wasn't falling for it.
"Potter and I did talk during our relationship, weasel." And talk and talk. Harry's little talk hours was what Draco called it when Harry felt like bonding. Draco moaned and bitched but secretly delighted in the fact Harry trusted him with stories of his friends and their exploits. Draco was also pretty sure Harry knew that he liked talking.
Why bother thinking about the past though?
Weasley gave only a bare blink to the Weasel crack making Draco frown further.
"So, it's Potter? Harry was calling you Draco."
Draco's glare faltered off his face. He could feel his facade slipping. This wasn't how Weasley was supposed to act. Damn him! Ron Weasley was the one person Draco had counted on to treat him normal. Harry had helped him, Dumbledore had saved him, the girl Vivian had smiled like a good little nurse. Weasley was supposed to treat him as evil as he was. That he could handle. He couldn't handle this chit chat. He pulled up from the cold well that resided in his gut colder then the black marble and made his face an icy mask of infuriation towards Weasley. He wanted the Weasel to leave.
The weasel didn't. He just looked stupidly at Draco as if he expected Draco to say something.
Which Draco did.
"Did you want something Weasel?" The Weasley shifted uncomfortable. Draco scowled.
"Well?" Draco snapped after a moment of silence.
The red head rolled his eyes and reached into his pocket. "This is probably not the best way to broach any subject." He again looked horribly uncomfortable as he pulled out a letter from his pocket. Draco eyed the papers in confusion before the Weasley handed them over.
What was this? Why.......Oh. oh shit. Draco's brain stopped functioning in shook.
"I figured you should have this. "
Numb that's what he felt. Numb. He knew what Weasley had just handed over to him. That accursed letter he had sent to Harry after their break up. Pathetic drivel that Draco had jotted down as panic sized him, panic over the loss of Harry. The letter contained it all. Everything he felt about Harry he had written it down on those parchments. He had been emotional beyond control when he wrote it alone in his room. He didn't remember what he had said exactly only it would have been embarrassing for Harry to read and now Weasley had had it.
"I read it." The Weasel told him calmly as if reading Draco's mind.
Humiliation. Pure raw humiliation rippled through him. He could barely think beyond that. He couldn't believe that…. Had Harry given the letter to the Weasle? Why would….
Draco sat frozen staring up at the redhead. After a long moment of silence when Draco's mind raged a resigned sigh came from Weasley.
"Malfoy stand up." Weasley ordered. Draco looked at him confused.
"Why?" Draco said finally.
"Just do it." The redhead sighed again.
Puzzlement settled over his brain for a second. Finally it hit Draco what was going on. He wanted to grin but he kept his features flat and slightly disinterested. This was his comeuppance. Of course it was. The weasel was merely trying to mess with his mind with the cheap friendly banter. The letter, besides appalling the redhead with its pitiful words and weakness had reminded what had happened at the end of sixth year. He could easily recall the anger that had burned in him when he had spied the Weasel with his arms around his Harry. His feelings over the fight magnified at the sight and he struck out at what to him was the most plausible target the boy who had dared touch Draco Malfoy's Harry Potter.
Draco realized the Weasley was still waiting for him to stand up and he did in a manor he hoped looked dignified. He dismissed the idea of hitting the redhead first. No need to make him more angry then he was. Besides didn't Harry deserve some sort of retribution? And Draco needed some sort of punishment. This would suit for now.
Draco stood up, straight back stiff wondering how hard Ron Weasley could hit. Probably very hard. Weasley was much bigger then him in girth and height after all. Oh well, he'd take it like a man for once. He wouldn't even cry out, he vowed to himself.
So Draco stood, fully expecting the redhead to pull an arm back and let at him. Comeuppance for when Draco hit him. Maybe repay for Harry's anguish. He was not expecting a hug. If he had gotten a good look at Weasley's face he probably would have seen the surprise because Ron hadn't expected to give a hug. It wasn't exactly sweet or touchy. The standard man hug, one arm pat on the back.
The red head pulled away very quickly red blush smeared on his cheeks.
"Look I'm...sorry I read your letter. I didn't know what it was until I had read...most of it." The Weasley looked ashamed of himself for some reason as he shuffled around not looking directly at Draco.
"Ok." Draco said finally confused. The Weasley didn't want to hurt him or anything? Why the hell not? Why the fuck had he hugged him?
The man seemed to take the ok as encouragement to keep talking and a slight sad smile seem to ghost over his freckled face. "So look. I'm sorry I read all that personal stuff to Harry but I'm not really that sorry," He ran a hand through his hair. "At least now I don't have to worry about you trying to kill Harry...I think." He let out a long exasperated sigh.
"Any way." The red head bit his lip before continuing. "I know you've been a slimy git and I've been a jerk but..." He took a long pause to look at his shoes. Draco shifted unsure what was going on. "You know the whole not hugging your friends thing. I don't know if you'd want to be friends or if we can be friends. Probably not. But maybe... you know... Truce?" The red head stuck his hand out. Draco stared at the hand in a state of shock. He then mimicked the move, unsure why as he did, and Weasley grabbed his hand and shook it. He then quickly let go before walking back a step. He gave Draco a nervous dopey sortofsmile while Draco just looked at him completely stunned. He was a little unsure really what had just happened.
"Ok then." Weasley said running a hand through his hair. "Well that's all I have to say. I'll be going back to the castle now. Let you have some time to yourself and all." With a backwards glance at Draco which had a very surprised look on it the Weasley did just that.
Shit did he ever need time to think.
Aperently he was stuck in a castle full of insane wizards and witches. An unregistered mad house if you will. Why were they all nice and helping?
Freaks the whole lot of them, Harry and Dumbledore tied for crazy leader. Weasley not that far behind.
His brain was threating to explode. He loved Harry and the mad fools who followed the golden boy were starting to grow on him.
Damn, he was in trouble.
Then as if out of sympathy the sky opened up and poured freezing rain down on him.
"Just bloody perfect."
********
All right I hope you like. I'll try to make the wait shorter for the next chapter. I think I've over come my huge bout of writers block. Please forgive any weird mistakes in the fic above. I'd do another check but I'm quite sleepy right now.
*Yawn*
I have another fic coming out sometime this weekend. It'll have D/H so if you're intrested keep an eye out.
I think that's it for now. The next chapter the adventure should start to happen. Hopefully. Keep your fingers crossed kay?
Please review or I'll cry like a widdle baby. Or I'll make a widdle baby cry. Either way you probably won't like it.
Toodles,
Goggled Monkey.