Love is something nearly as complicated as the subject of God. It cannot be taught, for it is learned. It cannot be lost for all eternity, because it is present everywhere and every time. It cannot be seen in the same form as it takes plenty of shapes and sizes. It doesn't require anything at all. It is pure and has only good intentions. It has been dubbed 'magical' for its wondrous effects, and 'blind' because it knows no discrimination.
Nevertheless, plenty have tried to manipulate the sensitivity of love. Blackmail, bribery, and forced sacrificing of self have been practiced for the longest time, all for the pleasure of attaining one's darkest yearnings. Love, as we all know, is innocent; therefore it can hardly recognize evil. It does not cringe at the thought of pain or death, as long as it finds itself accomplished.
But what is love's purpose in such a hateful universe: to compromise, to heal, to care for, to endure, to last, to accept, to inspire…
Or to suffer for another?
Whatever the answer may be, one thing's for sure; that love goes on forever, even after death. It remains in the heart and soul, which both continue on to the next life.
Truly, love is the strongest human emotion.
The question now is: is it strong enough to accept itself once it finds out it has sinned?
Inside my skin. There is this space. It twists and turns. It bleeds and aches. Inside my heart there's an empty room. It's waiting for lightning. It's waiting for you. I am wanting and I am needing you to be here inside the absence of fear. Muscle and sinew, velvet and stone. This vessel is haunted. It creaks and moans. My bones call to you in a separate skin. I'll make myself translucent to let you in. I am wanting and I am needing you to be here inside the absence of fear. There is the splendor of this secret inside of me and it knows that you're no stranger. You're my gravity. My hands will adore you through all darkness, and they will lay you out in moonlight and reinvent your name. I am wanting and I am needing you to be here. I need you near inside the absence of fear.
- Absence of Fear
Athrun breathed in as much air as he could. For some reason unknown to him, his body felt sore and heavy. His arms and legs shook as they supported his weight. He was still too weak to look up so he let his head hang down. His eyes adjusted to the dark surroundings, and what he saw was startling enough to make him move away quickly.
It was blood, and Athrun had never seen so much of it. His heart went faster as he stared at it longer, and he followed the pool back to its source. The scene once again horrified him. There was a man in front of him. His neck was chained to the wall, his hands were cuffed at the back, and he was totally naked. The terrible part was that he was bathing in his own blood.
"Oh my God!" Athrun exclaimed upon realizing who it was. He slowly went near the boy, afraid that it might just be reality. When his hands finally touched the other's wounded cheek, the tears came all at once. Athrun no longer saw the blood, the bruised body, or the open flesh. All he thought of was getting his friend out. He looked around frantically until he saw a knife. He skillfully cut the chains that were binding him. Kira's body fell, and Athrun caught him, his hands on Kira's chest. The ZAFT pilot waited. He was trying to sense something.
Unfortunately, it was no longer there.
"Ki… ra…" Athrun sobbed. "Kira, can you hear me?"
There was no response.
"Oh, Kira…" He took his best friend in his arms and embraced him. He felt cold, really cold. Athrun couldn't stop crying. What he felt was more than sadness, more than depression. He felt as though a huge part of him had died. His arms gripped the other tighter. "Kira… don't… leave me!!!" He buried his head in Kira's hair. "Who… did this to you?!"
"You did, of course," Athrun looked up in surprise. No one else was in the room. He observed the walls carefully, and sure enough there was a two-way speaker. "Who else would do that to him? A ghost, perhaps? I don't think so,"
"I know that's you, Kreuze," said Athrun angrily. "What did you do to Kira, you son of a bitch?!"
"Me? Son of a bitch? How mighty of you to insult me like that when it's your entire fault. Have I gone into that room? Am I in that room right now? Think first before you speak, Athrun. Your own words just might bring you the same end as your friend,"
Athrun had never felt so enraged. He couldn't have done those things to Kira; no matter how heated their battles have been in the past. His hatred for the brunette was nothing that personal. Kira may have killed his partner in the past, but it wasn't enough of an excuse for Athrun to do the same thing to him as revenge. "You fuckin' liar..!"
"Tell me then, Athrun," Kreuze said coolly. "Where were you in the last two and a half hours? What were you doing? Who was with you? How do you think you got in that chamber? Answer me all that, my dear Athrun, and I shall confess,"
The ZAFT pilot thought for a while. He recalled being the treatment room, and when he had woken up he talked to Kreuze about not involving him in the battle. After that he had gone out into the hall, and that was when he felt severely sick and became unconscious. And then…
Athrun's eyes widened. Images began to flash in his head. He saw himself walking aimlessly to the chamber and waiting. He saw Kira, handcuffed and sleeping against the wall. The first few visions were unclear, but soon it became brutal. Athrun saw himself making love to Kira and the next stabbing him with a knife. He saw him whipping his friend over and over mercilessly, despite the other's pleads for him to stop. Athrun recalled Kira's last moments alive.
"I love you… Athrun,"
Athrun couldn't believe it. The guilt kicked in and so did the tears. He rocked himself back and forth, unable to accept everything. He saw Kira on his lap, and he attempted to touch him, but he was in strict self-denial. "I… I can't… I don't have… the strength to… do this to him… It couldn't… have been… me…"
"Admit your mistakes, Athrun," said Kreuze. "You killed Kira Yamato and you know it. There's nothing you can do. Look at your hands if you don't trust me nor your own mind,"
The boy followed, and he saw red marks on his palm, indicating that he had indeed whipped Kira.
"You were like a maniac, I must say," continued Kreuze. "You were heartless. You loved every single second of it, didn't you? No use telling tales now. I know exactly how you felt by the way you held those weapons,"
"Shut up!" said Athrun. He saw the knife beside him, then Kira. There was nothing worst than killing your own best friend, the person whom you thought of as family. Athrun lifted Kira's body so that his head rested on his shoulder, and with his right hand Athrun took the knife.
"What do you think you're doing, Athrun?" Kreuze asked when Athrun had become silent. "What are you doing?!."
"He's… calling me…" Athrun closed his eyes and kissed Kira one last time. A single tear ran down his cheek. "I love you, too, Kira…"
"ATHRUN, DON'T!!!!"
….
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
-Tears in Heaven