DISCLAIMER: I own Saiyuki not. Except for the first three volumes. Score!
Notes: This is for those of you who want to know how the ladies kicked Homura's pansy kami ass without Kou and company. And anyone who claims it's just a vehicle for the next section of omake is, er, absolutely right.
As for those of you who don't yet know how the -gentlemen- kicked Homura's pansy kami ass--
WARNING: this 'chapter' is nothing but spoiler!
Hir Wicked Style
part 11: A brief account of battle
by Nightfall
The Sanzette-ikkou (people seemed to enjoy Gojyo's lack of PCness, so I'll go with it) slams into the big door of The Tower That Could Never Be. Finding that it's inhabited by zombies, Kanan tells everyone to get to the door; she'll handle it. They retreat to the -outside- door and Kanan blows the whole floor, bringing the ceiling down and squishing everyone. Could Hakkai have done that? I don't know. Most of his anger is directed in.
They proceed to the banquet hall, where a lot of annoyed kami are picking rice out of their hair and trying to stop the candelabra from setting the splintery table on fire. Kaikara cries over the spilled food and is about to pitch a fit at Kanan over it until Kanan points out that if the commander of these gentlemen right here hadn't thrown zombie youkai at them... After this, the battle goes very quickly. Kaikara stops about halfway through to nosh on unruined meat buns, since the scythe-on-a-chain seems to be the weapon best suited to the enemy, until Sanzette kicks her out the door, impatiently announcing that they're going on ahead.
Honshin is not recognized, partially due to the way anyone who gets half a look at her at any kind of a range also gets a faceful of crimson braid ornamented with sharp metal objects, until Kenren's incarnation gets scratched and Tenpou's pitches a cold fit. At this point the remaining kamis stop, stare, start snickering, and are promptly dispatched with extreme prejudice. Since Kanan is already there (and not a recently unlimited youkai clinging to a doorway while covered in bloodstains), she doesn't distract Honshin from the god whose neck is under her crescent-blade, so the incident with the illusory mother never happens.
Sanzette and Goku get captured on schedule, but where Sanzo hangs from his wrists and needs to be--or let's say rather he -gets- rescued by Kougaiji from being shot before he has a chance to act, Sanzette doesn't have the same fatally annoying effect on the widower Zenon, who just leaves her there. Instead of wasting time fighting with Kou, the three kamis hurry up and do the ritual before 'Kenren' and 'Tenpou' can get upstairs (and there are a -lot- of stairs, and the stairs aren't very stable anymore).
The fight between Shien, Zenon, Kanan, and Honshin is pretty much like the one we're familiar with, except that Kanan and Honshin are in -much- better shape than Gojyo and Hakkai were by this point. And, of course, having more energy, Honshin is making snippy comments all the way up the rest of the crumbly stairs about how only Kanan could talk a god to death.
The rest of the story's pretty much the same, too--except that our heroic prince isn't around to slow matters down with his need to reclaim his self-importance. Sanzette just fends Kaikara off until she can reach her forehead, which takes long enough that she and Kaikara get to see a little more of the genesis of Homura's dream world. And, of course, that Homura, pervy little nutter that he is, makes fewer attempts to grab the monkey's tail during their fight. This may or may not be why Kaikara is slightly less upset about his death than Goku was, depending on whether the reader is more of a feminist or a slasher. (winks)
OMAKE!The SEME At The End Of This Fic
-starring lovable, placid old HAKKAI
And adorably vague but considerably older TENPOU-
Tenpou: Actually, it seems that it's only me just at the moment.
I regret to inform you--well, no, actually, I'm afraid I'm so impolite as to not regret it at all in any way whatsoever. Regardless, it seems to be up to me to inform you that despite Hakkai-kun's extremely hard head--he gets it from me (blush)--he has been unconscious since Konzen trampled all over it.
(At least, I think it was for that reason, although a person of less delicate sensibility might suggest that it had something to do with Konzen's trouserless robes.)
Regardless, since there's no one awake to try and stop me from getting lai--I mean, from clicking the link, there will be no omake for this chapter. Since it must be so and all that, gentlebeings, and I hope you will permit me the pleasure of wishing you all a very good morning. Jaaaa ne.
[end part 11]