Here's the new chapter (and the last one I posted at FB), I hope you keep enjoying reading this... and once again THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS ;).... THEY MEAN A LOT TO ME :D.

~~~Overcoming the lonelyness - Chapter 5 (Nowdays)~~~

Rachel arrived her building after a fatigating day of work. She had only been on Ralph Lauren NY for a week but the amount of work she had to do was incredible, basically because in just one week she had to catch up with the next season collection wich everybody had been working on for the past two months. But she couldn't deny she liked it, fashion was her life. Her job fullfilled every single part of her thought from the minute she wake up and until she went back to sleep late at night. It was therapeutic. It helped her not to think, not to remember, or even not to dream. She didn't dream anymore. Her world, once filled with illusions, dreams and hopes for a future like a fairytale, was now covered with a black layer, put it on a little box, and locked somewhere in her soul that she had swore she would never open again

In the week she had been back in New York she had barely seen Monica and Chandler, although Monica called her almost everyday to have lunch together. Rachel always had to turn her down bcause she was too busy and didn't have time to grab a bite. Now that she thought about it, it seemed like she hadn't eat a thing the entire week, she was starving. Luckily she had the next day off, so she would call Monica to help her grocery shopping because she had no idea how to do that or what should she buy, still living with her mother back in England, she never had to worry about things like this, but Monica as good as she was, she knew she'll be happy to help.

Rachel checked her mail box before going upstairs to her apartment. She knew she wouldn't be getting any mail soon, because who would write her there if she had only being living in the States for a week, but she knew soon she'll be reciving catalogs, magazines and a lot of stuff like that, so she should gain the habit sooner or later. She had nothing better to do anyway. Suddenly, a little boy run into her. It seemed like the little guy was running without looking where he was going, so without noticing he smacked his face against Rachel's leg and fell into the floor.

"Hey! Becareful there little boy" said Rachel noticing the little boy, who couldn't be older than 5 years old, sitting in the floor rubbing his head, trying hard not to cry. She kneeled down beside him and looked at his head closely "It's ok honey... you won't even get a bump in there. But if you wanna cry it's ok. I won't tell anybody" she whispered smiling. There was something in that little boy's eyes that felt familiar for her, but she couldn't picture what it was.

The little boy looked down and then back at Rachel "But my uncle says men don't cry. My aunt says he only said that because he's dead inside and can't cry, but I think he's right"

"You do huh? Well... I think everybody has the right to cry. I like men who can cry" she said, still kneeled down beside him.

"My daddy says it's ok to cry"

"See? He seems to be smart. Of course you can cry sweety"

"My daddy is really smart, he knows a lot of things. When I grow up I wanna be like him"

Rachel smiled at the little boy's comment. He reminded her of herself when she was little. She once had wanted to grow to be an important doctor just like her daddy was. How she wished now she still had that power and that inocence to dream like that. "And where are your mommy and daddy?" she asked looking everywhere to see if any grown up showed up to take care of the kid

"My daddy in on our apartment and I don't have a mommy"

Rachel felt her heart squiz when the little boy said he didn't have a mommy. Her first impulse was to hug him and kiss his little forehead. She felt somehow conected to this kid in a strange way. The sad tone on his childish voice made her want to take back her question. "So... you're here on your own?" she tried to go on with the conversation "Aren't you too little to be wondering around a city as big as this one all alone?"

"I wasn't alone. I went to the Nicks game with uncle Joey, but he saw a hot chick outside the building and told me to go upstairs on my own"

"A hot chick?" asked Rachel, amuzed with the words the little boy has used

"Yeah well... you know... uncle Joey likes to date a lot of hot chicks... I'm sure he would like to date you too"

"And I am a hot chick?" asked Rachel holding her laugh

"Yeah... you are" replied the kid matter of factly

"Ok little womanizer... we better get up from the floor before we get a cold" said Rachel standing up and helping the boy to stand up om his feet too. "I can take you to your apartment... I mean, if you want a 'hot chick' help?" she said smiling widely "wich number it?"

"I don't know... but it's on the third floor, the second door"

"Ok then... what's your name by the way?"

"Ben" replied the little boy "yours?"

"Rachel. Nice to meet you Ben, it's good to know that I have a friend on this building"

"Are you new here?"

"Yes, I moved in a week ago"

"Cool"

"So... you live alone with your daddy? No brothers or sisters?"

"No, just the two of us. And you? Do you have a boyfriend?"

Rachel looked at Ben impressed by how smart he was, talking to him was like talking to a little grown up. "No I don't. I live on my own here"

"Cool. Maybe you can date my daddy then. Uncle Joey says he needs to get some, I don't know what he means but he said it was nothing that a good date wouldn't fix" said the kid matter of factly

Rachel couldn't hold it anymore and laugh. He seemed to spend too much time with grown ups she thought. She looked at him smiling and when the kid looked back at her a horrible memorie came through her mind, the blood, the tears, the pain, the guilt and the lonelyness... all those flashes brusted in her mind while she held Ben's hand. Her facial expression changed and he whole body started to soar, reliving the very same moment her life changed, feeling like everything was happening again, feeling once again how the life left her body and her once perfect world caved down to her feet.

"Are you ok? You look sick" Ben's words brough Rachel back to reality. She tried to put herself together and gave the boy a weak smile, cleaning the sweat from her forehead, as the elevators door opened in his floor

"I'm ok... I just... remembered something, but I'm ok"

"Uhm... ok!" replied the little boy "that one over there is my apartment"

Rachel looked at the door Ben was pointing and another flashback, this time a happier and funnier one, came through her mind

"You know what? I'm not sure if that was the apartment exactly, but an 'ugly naked guy' used to live in this floor a long time ago" she said remembering all those times she and the rest of her friends stalcked that guy from Monica's window

"I know, it was our apartment. Daddy told me he used to see him all the time from Uncle Chandler and Untie Monica's window" replied nonchalant the kid

Rachel's smile froze "Did... did you just call Monica and Chandler, auntie and uncle?" destiny couldn't be so cruel she thought

"Yes, Auntie Monica is my daddy's sister. Do you know her?"

"Uhm... Ben, what's your last name?" asked Rachel not answering the boy's question, not wanting to believe what was going through her mind.

"Geller" replied him, as he knocked on his apartment door

"Oh my God!" thought Rachel, looking at the door petrified. In any minute Ross would open the door and see her standing in the hallway with his son. She had to get the hell out of there that very same second, she wasn't ready to see him yet. "Ben... it was really nice meeting you, but I gotta go" she hurried to say before running to the elevator, catching it just when its door were closing. Once she was inside she could see Ben's apartment door opening and the little guy going inside, but not Ross. She sighed. Deep down she knew she wanted to see him, but she also knew she wouldn't be able to handle it that well, at least not now. Once the elevator doors opened in her floor she run into her apartment, locked the door behind her and cried... everything was just too hard.

*~*

Ben entered to the apartment still looking back, trying to see where had Rachel went. She had suddenly dissapeared and he really want her to meet his daddy. He liked that lady, she had been really nice and kind with him but she didn't even give him the time to say thank you, cause his daddy had teach him that when somebody was nice with you or do you a favor you had to say 'thank you'. Ben hoped this wasn't the last time he saw her, there was something about that lady's eyes that made him feel really good.

"What are you looking for pal?" asked Ross looking at his son standing in the door way

"A lady... the lady who brought me here... she's gone"

"A lady brought you here? What happened to Joey?"

"He went chasing a hot girl and left me in the lobby. This lady was there and she brought me up here... she was really nice and beautiful"

"Maybe she had something else to do son" replied Ross, not giving much importance to his son lost lady "and now close the door and tell me about the game"

*~*

Monica and Phoebe were sitting on Monica's couch looking through wedding dresses magazines while Chandler was at Joey's, probably watching 'Die hard'.... again. There was a strong knock on the door that made Monica and Phoebe jump from their sits. Both looked at each other weirdly and kind of scared before Monica stood up and aproached to the door. She looked through the peephole and sigh in relieve when she saw Rachel standing in the hallway

"Who is it?" asked Phoebe

"It's Rachel" answered Monica

"Is she always this violent?" asked again Phoebe

Monica opened the door and greeted Rachel with a smile, before noticing how disturbed her friend was "hey hon? What happened? Why are you all shaken?"

"YOU!!" yelled Rachel "Why didn't you tell me!!?"

"What? Why didn't I tell you what?"

"Why didn't you tell me!!?" she asked again

"Ok sweety, try to calm down. Sit here and take a deep breath" said Monica taking a chair for her friend to sit. "Phoebe, can you bring her a glass of water?"

"Yeah, sure" replied Phoebe also very concerned. She had never met Rachel before, but she could see she was a mess. Plus Monica and Chandler had told her the girl's entire story, and she knew her life hadn't been a piece of cake.

"Ok Rachel, first of all drink this" said Monica to Rachel handing her a glass of water "Ok, now take a deep breath and tell me what happened"

Rachel took a deep breath after putting the glass down on the table, looked around the apartment, noticing how little it had changed in 5 years, and sighed. "Why didn't you tell me I was living in the same building Ross was" she finally asked

A guilty look apeared on Monica's face. She knew sooner or later Rachel would found out about that, but she hoped it wouldn't be so soon. "Did you run into him?" she asked

"No... but I met Ben" Rachel's voice cracked. Monica knew that was worst than running into Ross

"I was waiting for the right moment to tell you about it"

"Coming here was a bad idea. I should never had accepted this job"

"Rach... Rachel, look at me.... you need to face your past... you need to face it to finally get some closure"

"This is too much for me Mon... I'm not ready" cried Rachel

"You'll never be ready Rach, this is something you just HAVE to do. And you better do it now that you have the chance"

"I don't know Mon"

"Rach, do you want to live afraid of running into Ross you're whole life? With all your demonds hunting you wherever you go?"

"You're probably right Mon... yeah you are... I have to do this... but I'm not ready to face Ross yet, at least not today. Does he know I'm here?"

"Yes... yes he does.... and he's as scared as you are"

"Girls I... I better go"said Phoebe, not wanting to butt in Rachel's life

"No... no, please stay... I'm the one who run in here and interrupted you girls. I'm sorry" apologized Rachel.

"Ok,shut up you two... you're both staying. You were right on time Rach, we were deciding wich wedding dress would look better on me"

"Actually... she was deciding, I was just nodding and smiling" said Phoebe "I'm Phoebe Buffay by the way. I used to be Monica's roommate until she moved in with Chandler, now I live across the hall with Joey"

Rachel smiled weakly at Phoebe, not because she wasn't pleased to meet her, but because she was emotionally exsausted. "I'm... I'm Rachel... Rachel Green"

"I know... Monica is talking about you the whole time... ever since we first met!" added Phoebe smiling at Rachel. "Is great to finally meet you Rachel Green"

"Thanks" replied shyly Rachel

"Ok... ok... stop the talking, we are running out of time here!"

"Mon, your wedding is in 12 months" said Rachel

"Try to make her understand that" commented Phoebe "she's been working on this wedding since Chandler proposed... I feel a new found respect for him"

"I know... I know... but I want to make sure I have the PERFECT dress... and those can't be found that easily"

"I'm glad you're here Rachel" said Phoebe "cause I won't be able to take 12 more months of her like this all by myself... I would probably kill her in a month or two"

Rachel smiled, feeling more relaxed and confortable. With the girls she had totally forgotten about Ross. It had been a long time since the last time she felt she fitted somewhere and she missed that feeling. She thought adapting to Monica's friends would be hard, specially for her, who wasn't really good making new friends or meeting people in general. She had became a loner and deep down her soul she was scared of the person she had come to be. She was thankful of Phoebe's kindness, for giving her so fast and easily an oportunity without asking for more.

"You know what?" said Rachel standing from the couch and taking the magazines from Monica's hands "I'm dying for a Latte from Central Perk, so why don't we put this on hold and we go to get something"

"I'd LOVE that" replied Phoebe

"But... but" protested Monica

"No buts!... you wanted to cheer me up, and nothing would do it better than a cup of coffee. Or do you want me to sit in here, looking through dresses I'm never gonna wear?"

"But Rach..."

"MONICA!! NOW!!" comanded Rachel, feeling like the strong one for the first time in her life. Bossing Monica around was fun, she should do it more ofter she thought, as Monica stood up from the couch and followed her and Phoebe to the coffee place without saying a word.

"I like you Rach" said Phoebe smiling, giving Rachel a hug "I like you A LOT"

*~*

The girls arrived to the Central Perk 5 minutes after leaving Monica's apartmet. The minute Rachel took a step inside, the coffee smell gave her finally the feeling of being home. It made her feel like nothing had happened, like this past five years had only being a bad dream, she was still 20 and deeply in love with Ross, making plans for the future and having a good time, living each days as it came, enjoying and cherishing everyone of their kisses and all the times they made love. Rachel remembered the feeling of been in Ross's arms, making love all night long, his kisses all over her body and the way he always held her close so gentle and caring. Ross had been her first time, and probably the only ones she had enjoyed. Being in the Central Perk again made her remember how it feels like to love and being loved.

"Are you ok sweety?" asked Monica, noticing the expresion on her friend's face. All the sudden the smile on Rachel's face had dissapeared and had been replaced by a pained look in her eyes, like if she was about to cry. "If you want we can go" offered Monica, imagining how emotionally hard for her friend must be just standing in there.

"No" replied Rachel "you told me I needed to face my past... well... let's start here". She walked toward the one that had been their spot and sat on the arm chair where she used to sit on Ross' lap everytime they were hanging out there "I always loved this couch" she said closing her eyes, trying to remember the last time she had been there. Everything was kind of blurry and Monica's words interrupted her thoughts

"Rachel, Gunther is asking you what do you want?"

Rachel snipped back to reality and looked at her right side where the blond man was looking at her with a wierd smile. "Hey Gunther!" she saluted politely "I want a Latte with no sugar, please"

"Yes Rachel" replied the platin haired weirdo still smiling

"That must have been the first time I see Gunther smiling.... disturbing" said Phoebe

"He had a crush on Rachel" whispered Monica, remembering the recurent joke they used to have 5 years ago.

"Are you still on that?" asked Rachel smiling amuzed "I remember Ross got so pissed everytime you guys said that" she added still smiling as she remembered Ross's jealous outbrusts.

Monica studied her friend's face before talking, she didn't want to bring her down again "yeah, he was weird and jealous like that..." she said

"Ross was jealous?" asked Phoebe interested

"Oh yeah, but not in an annoying kind of way" replied Rachel, catching Monica's 'are you kidding me?' look "ok, it could get annoying some times, but most of the time it was cute"

"Wow... I can't picture Ross been jealous" said Phoebe

Rachel looked at Phoebe weirdly "why not?"

"Because he always let Carol do whatever she wanted. That's why she cheated on him and left him. He didn't care enough" replied Phoebe taking a sip from her ice tea.

Monica looked at Phoebe mad. She had warned her she should not talk to Rachel about Carol, that was the 'forbidden topic', as Phoebe herself had called it. Now she didn't want to turn around to face Rachel.

"Well... Carol was always stupid" Monica heard Rachel saying. She turned her head and gave her friend a sympathetic smile. "Can we change the topic? I think I've had enough of the Ross issue for one day. Think about something else we can talk about while I go to the ladies room" added Rachel standing up from her sit before heading to the back of the coffee place.

"I told you she was in here daddy" Monica heard a little boy's voice saying from behind the couch. "Hey Auntie Monica" her nephew greeted her smiling

Monica looked at Phoebe nervous, what were they going to do when Rachel came back from the ladies room and saw Ross standing in there?. "Hey... hey honey!"

"Hey Bennyboy" said Phoebe

"Hey Phoebs!!" said the kid

Ross sitted on his favourite couch and smiled at his son interacting with his sister and his friend. "What were you doing girls?"

"Just... hanging... out" replied Phoebe with a nervous smile

"And you? Isn't a bit too late for Ben to be up?" asked Monica

"Late? Mon... is 7 pm... his bed time is at 9... He wanted to see you... to see if you had any more of those cookies you gave him this morning"

Monica looked at her nephew, who was smiling at her mischievously "I... I got upstairs... why don't we go to get them... right now?"

"Well... I wanted to have a coffee first" said Ross

"You can have your coffee later... let's go to see those cookies before Joey finds them"

"Didn't you have like a secret place to hide stuff like that from Joey?" asked Ross

"Yeah... but you know Joey... he's not as dumb as he seems... Ross, I think we really have to go NOW" she insisted

"Why?" asked Ross confused.

"RACHEL!!!" yelled Ben when he turned around and saw the nice lady who had brough him home that afternoon "Daddy, she's the lady I was telling you about!!"

To be continued...


oK....that's it for now.... the next chapter has been a real pain... I've written it like 100 times... but don't worry, it won't take me a lot of time to post it ;)... just remember to KEEP REVIEWING ;).

ROSS & RACHEL FOREVER (God I miss the show... great thing they are showing a new episode in a couple of days :D)