DISCLAIMER: I own Saiyuki not. Except for the first four volumes. Score!
WARNING: Language. Angst. Verbosity. Connivance. Shonen-ai.
NOTES: Screw it. It's not a whole chapter, but it's long enough to post. So I'm posting. Because someone threw away the next page and hell if I can remember what was on it.
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Hir Wicked Style
part 15: Sanzo (part 1)
by Nightfall
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Actually, the bathhouse wasn't so bad, not that he was going to let any of those selfish idiots know that. He'd put his sleeping bag down on worse things than a smooth wooden floor under a roof in his time. It also meant that he got first crack at the hot tub in the morning--without any whining, even.
Hakkai came by too early anyway. Apparently he knew what was good for him, though, because he was already fully dressed and his combed hair was damp. So Sanzo only hit him with a brief Take One Step Towards This Water And Die glare before demanding, "What do you want?"
"I really do apologize" Hakkai said quietly. There was no remorse in him, but neither was there any trace of his usual false front of good cheer.
Sanzo grunted, and said, "Waste of energy."
Hakkai's lips twitched into an embarrassed little quirk, and he rubbed his bare ear. He probably wasn't embarrassed at all, the smug bastard. "Well, I slept very well last night," he offered, "so I suppose I can afford it."
"No doubt the kappa 'slept well' too," he said neutrally. It -was- a waste of energy, the morons, although at least he'd had enough warning to get out before they got loud.
The eye he could see widened innocently, and Hakkai said, all ingenuous, "I assume so, Sanzo, but I couldn't say for certain. I was asleep, you see."
That might have been a lie, or it might not. Just as well; Sanzo was beyond uninterested. What it -was- was a promise that Hakkai was, if not fully recovered, at least up for anything Sanzo was likely to need from him today. Hakkai wasn't hard to read when you remembered that he knew you.
He grunted again and Hakkai, smiling, said, "In any case, I though that you might like to be warned before the ladies descend on the bathhouse. Also, breakfast is nearly ready, Hirahara-san tells me."
Which meant that Goku would be bouncing out of bed soon and waking Gojyo out of sheer spite, assuming he hadn't already. It also meant that Hakkai had, for once, sensibly refrained from waking up two hours early to prepare another spread for eight-to-twelve. Unexpectedly practical of him, but Sanzo would take it as an apology instead of the favor he was possibly meant to.
He nodded shortly and closed his eyes in dismissal. Hakkai had seen enough skin yesterday--some flying in chunks across the room or getting caught in his nails, okay, granted, but either way it wasn't a list Sanzo wanted to add himself to. He waited until he was alone before reaching for his towel, and then moved fast. The gods were never merciful in matters of convenience, and even Hakkai hadn't bothered to knock.
Breakfast was, to his silent, scowling relief, merely the usual nonsense doubled, rather than last night's pandemonium. How much of the relative peace could be attributed to the lack of snobby youkai and how much to Hakkai's letting the innkeeper cook instead of trying to share a kitchen with himself, Sanzo didn't care to speculate.
The royal gaggle showed up too soon for Sanzo. He would have been just as pleased if they hadn't come at all; there were enough damnfools in his life already without Short, Broody, and Brick-Colored and his passel of sheep-eyed yes-youkai. Given a choice between sets of extraneous idiots, he'd take the four who were likely to fight on his side over the four who kept trying to steal his property and pound his ape.
He would have said so, too, if Hakkai and that poison-bleeding sister of his had stopped talking for long enough to let him say something instead of plowing ahead full-throttle to restore the natural order just because it was the -natural- order.
Those two were just as bad as Homura, in their own way, and deceptively selfish. Why should everyone else suffer just because they couldn't stand to look at each other? Sanzo couldn't stand Gojyo, but he put up with him for the sake of two strong fighters useful to the mission. But Hakkai couldn't even put up with one uncomfortable face for the sake of four.
Halfway through the teapot and a plate of warmed tea eggs that Hakkai had probably been saving for Goku (tough bananas, rice-for-brains), he was, if not exactly mollified, at least willing to admit that he'd been sent on his mission with three extra blades, not six-and-a-sour-bitch-who-got-his-back-up, and that he really had no interest in so far concerning himself with someone -else's- distressed universe as to take its weapons away.
So he was only ordinarily surly when they did show, and the fist he stuffed into the brat's face to shut her up before she could even -start- to call him Baldy had a meat bun in it. More than she deserved.
Opponent subdued. Game, set, and match: Genjo Sanzo. As an added bonus, everyone was staring at him warily, and the habitual dumb pride of slitted, flint-purple eyes was tinged with a grudging envy that, if Sanzo was any judge, would gnaw subtly away at his self-absorption in at least three ways for maybe a week or so.
"But she didn't even say anything yet," Yaone whispered, mystified and maybe a little awed.
Sanzo raised an eyebrow at her and drawled, "Why should I let her?"
"Ahaha," Hakkai said cheerfully. This particular false laugh pretended discomfort in order to cover up for a real one so that no one would feel mocked. Condescending bastard, it was a constant surprise to Sanzo that he never seemed to give the kappa a headache. "If everyone's done eating--"
Sanzo wasn't. He and the blonde both set their chopsticks down with pointed rattles, and glared.
"And if everyone will forgive my presumption..."
Maybe, if the so-called'nice one' hadn't been getting such an obvious kick out of playing teacher/dictator.
";...it would probably be best to begin as quickly as possible. I'm sure that--"
He stopped. Looked bland to those who didn't know him and perplexed to those who did. Resumed.
"I'm sure that you ladies are anxious to rejoin the rest of your party, and I'm sure that after consulting the map, Sanzo-san and Sanzo will want to set out as soon as possible."
"How many days?" Sanzo asked with resignation, meaning 'until the next town' and tapping his finger three times impatiently on the table to tell Hakkai how to lie.
"Five," Hakkai said smoothly, pushing his monocle more securely into place to communicate his compliance. The blonde and her attachments looked at him as though he'd gone crazy. A more equal division of labor there, apparently. Whatever. Since Hakkai was enough of a control-freak to want to be the navigator, they were happy to let him.
"If we finish before noon and drive hard all the way. Allowing for mealtimes, of course."
Gojyo and Goku groaned in concert at the thought of three nights in a tent. Honshin and Kaikara should have, as well, instead of continuing to look as though Hakkai had left his mind on the riverbank. If they had, Dokugakuji might have joined his master in looking shifty, instead of alert and calculating. Damn. Now they'd have to change the sequence again, just in case.
"Let's get on with it," he snapped, standing, and glared resentfully at the blonde, the scrape of whose chair and the crack of whose voice had been almost indistinguishable from his own.
"Everybody got everything?" the kappa woman asked, pushing to her own feet with an upwards flaunting of her chest she hadn't been displaying before Yaone had walked in.
Kougaiji nodded shortly. Sanzo didn't even bother with that much, since his 'everything' was, as always, on prominent display.
"NOOOOOOO!" Kaikara wailed suddenly, and clutched at the table. "I'm not finished," she sobbed piteously, crocodile tears welling up in her enormous golden eyes.
To Sanzo's mixed disgust and amusement Gojyo, who would have grabbed Goku by the nose and hair and accused him of being a scaredy-ape trying to delay the inevitable until Goku's ego had been taunted larger than his emptiness, edged uneasily away and muttered, "Oi."
The look Hakkai shot him for that little piece of gratutious chivalry was educational.
Fortunately, everyone was too busy watching Honshin mock the girl away from the table and out the door to notice. Goku himself looked so smug that he must have been just in time to button his lip over his own wail when she'd started, so Sanzo smacked him anyway. "Let's go," he said gruffly over the indignant shouts.
If Sanzo had been more of a student of human nature than the disgusted observer he was, he might have been entertained by the way Honshin latched onto Dokugakuji after everyone disembarked from their respective dragons, leaving Gojyo to scuffle with the kids all the way up because a harried-looking Hakkai was busy forcing Yaone and his sister into a discussion of herblore.
He would have had to be in a much better mood. The mood he was -actually- in could have been improved if Lilin would either stay with Gojyo and the other noisy brats or even stay on his shoulders (it was useless to hope for decorum; he'd settle for consistency). The constant bouncing on and off, combined with the superior looks he kept catching at the corners of That Woman's purple eyes (bad enough if those looks were about Lilin; if they were about Hakkai she was going to be stiff and chilly when he sent her home), was slowly turning his shoulder muscles to barbed wire, and he could feel the froth waiting to seethe over his lips if he so much as opened his mouth. The obscenely perky teenager on his back was enough of a blow to his dignity already. He kept them closed.
There was a quiet "Sumimasen" at his ear, and Lilin's weight left him, this time without the obligatory bruising kick-off. "I would like to speak to Sanzo for a moment, Lilin-chan," the intervention said gently, putting her down. "Would you mind keeping Yaone-san company for a moment? And, ah, not fighting with Cho-san?"
Lilin made a disappointed "Nyaaa" noise, but bounced off. Yaone probably had food over there. Probably not a bra, though. Pity.
"What do you want?"he asked guardedly.
"Sa ne," Hakkai shrugged, brittle call-my-fear-foolish edges frozen on his pleasant smile.
"Ask a stupid question and I"ll kill you," he warned, running over the list of probable answers. -Yes,- it was all right to refuse miraculous assistance; don't be a Mercy's boy; even heavenly attachments can weigh you down. No, it -wasn't- overly compassionate of him to send the women home; did Hakkai really want to be sharing his soup-pot and steamers and feeding two overgrown jeep-apes for the rest of his life?
"I'm a little concerned about Goku," Hakkai admitted.
"He's done this before,"; Sanzo said brusquely.
"Well, no," said Hakkai carefully. "That's not what I meant, Sanzo. I'm worried about -Goku.- Not Seitan Taisei."
"Aren't you?" he asked neutrally.
Hakkai smiled at him--the faintly triumphant look of intellect pulling momentarily ahead in a joyful race against instinct. "You can handle him under ordinary conditions, Sanzo. If the unusual circumstances make things make things worse--I don't think they will, Sanzo; Goku and Kaikara-san are both behaving as though the other isn't quite real--"
"They aren't the only ones," Sanzo droned pointedly.
Hakkai's smile became a bit more fixed. "Sanzo."
"Say my name again, worm," he said flatly.
"How would you like me to apologize?" Hakkai asked uncompromisingly, meeting his eyes squarely. "And really, Sanzo, how would you have preferred me to refuse?"
Caught flatfooted, Sanzo barely managed not to choke or stop dead in the road. He'd very carefully kept from imagining the encounter or guessing who had done what, but somewhere in that fierce disinterest there had been a rock-solid assumption.
After all, he wasn't so foolish as to think that he himself, some quiet night when it was too dark to see the green of youkai eyes, some grey evening when dying leaves floated fiery against the window, when the hiss of rain outside blurred his name to a quiet echo...
Even he might be susceptible, as long as Hakkai didn't say anything desperately stupid.
"Of course," Hakkai said, answering his thoughts. Hakkai's talents did not extend to mind-reading (they were almost sure), so Sanzo must have been being obvious again. Think opaque. "You must know that I would never presume."
Sanzo glared at him. "You trying to say something, asshole?" If Hakkai thought he was going to start stewing over 'missing his chance' or some shit like that, a serious reality check was in order. He just didn't want Hakkai or anyone else -thinking- about him like that, making -comparisons.- Disgusting.
One long look later, Hakkai nodded once in slow satisfaction and said, "In fact, yes. About Goku. It's Yaone-san I'm concerned with."
Sanzo was only saved from the sour Her, too? that came to his lips by virtue of the reflexive restraint brought on by a lifetime of aggressively not being Gojyo.
Hakkai's eyes narrowed at him anyway.
Sanzo looked back at him flatly, unrepentant.
With an annoyed sigh, Hakkai went on. "I know it was my idea, but--"
"It could -only- have been your idea," he said dryly. "You'd need wasps in your head."
"Oh, please, Sanzo," Hakkai chuckled, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Bees, at least."
"If you encourage that idiot to start calling you 'honey,' I'll kill you -second,-" he threatened.
Hakkai laughed, this time without embarrassment and loud enough that everyone turned to look at them suspiciously. "I'll try to be considerate of your feelings," he said gravely.
"Much appreciated," Sanzo drawled, and they smirked a little at each other--quietly, on the inside corners of their faces, so no one else could catch Sanzo having an expression or Hakkai being wicked.
He canted his eyes at where the other healers were having an conversation about the rejuvinative powers of ground-up dog, er, glands. Yaone, at least, seemed enthused. "Are you being more paranoid than usual?" The two of them were usually so tooth-rottingly -nice- to each other that he kept expecting them to stop fighting and hang a teakettle on her javelin for Hakkai to boil.
Not that Sanzo would have cared if they did. Hakkai's job was to keep the bitch away from his sutra. It didn't matter whether he did it by fighting or exchanging curry recipes, as long as he did it.
"Not at all," Hakkai smiled, with a trace of reproach. "I'm very fond of Miss Yaone, of course, but after all, I'm the one she fights, and so I know her very well.";
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OMAKE!The SEME At The End Of This Fic
starring lovable, placid old HAKKAI
And adorably vague but considerably older TENPOU
Kenren: The hell? Tenpou, why are you tied to a chair with a scarf I don't own? Is that one of -Konzen's?- And how come there's two of you?
Hakkai: I resent that. Some of us bathe more than once a week.
(turns around)
(jaw drops)
Tenpou: (smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirk)
(end part 15)
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Review Responses! Generally--
Kenren: Yes? n:n
Nightfall: --.--
Generally, thanks. Hugely. And I'm really glad you guys are liking the direction and characterizations and the wordiness I'm cramming in with a big stick. Specifically:
incandescens: true, not the same thing at all. Sometimes I think Hakkai wouldn't know common sense if he woke up in it's bed with a gut wound. n.n
Solaas: because the bite you get may not be where you want it? (smirks)
Kanzeyori: (snickers) Have I mentioned that I love your omgs? They always make me think of someone stuffing a fist in their mouth. Somehow it's different in lower-case... Yeah, Hakkai's doing self-restraint so hard I think he's about to get smacked, but it's fun to watch, isn't it? Btw, did you get my mail with the gourries?
Me-Nuriko: Don't worry; this Hakkai is coming back.
Sorchafyre: Heh, can't blame you. I sort of couldn't believe that I was writing such a CompletelyRidiculous!Fic when I started it, myself. But thanks for giving it a shot, because it's turning out to be a lot of fun!
Devera: I'll be posting the smexy epilogue seperately, because I don't trust ffnet, under the name of 'Goes Without Saying;' because I couldn't resist irony if you served it with brussels sprouts and vinegar (sheepish grin). Let's put Objective City back East, though, and tell Jeep to lay on the gas! (snickers over Gojyo's thoughts) I think it was always going to end up the way it will(the ending has been written for -awhile-), but I was pretty sure that it would hit a few other pairings along the way. It was also always going to be Hakkai centric (small sign with arrow pointing to head reading "Rabid 8 fan"), but I don't think you can do something like this from just one point of view. And if it had been Hakkai talking the whole time, oh Mercy, can you imagine how angsty some of those chapters would have been? CompletelyRidiculous!Fics should be funny! (sunny grin)
WildeLamassu: I am hereby confiscating your electric stick. (scowls horribly and presents WL with ribbon-wrapped fountain pen. n.n) You wrote Post-pseudo-Kanan!Hakkai. And then you called him a brat. See, this is why I adore you. Ha! -And- you got the AlphacMa ref. That would be the other reason. Thank Veszelyite for the line about the book; she saved me from plot-hole-the-size-of-small-heifer there.
DoSet: Oh, lord, I hope not. The world does not need two Gojyos. Hakkai is pretty awful himself, isn't he? (Is sheepish. And insanely complimented by the comment about the feel of the piece) Don't worry, Sakari and the other Jien will make an appeareance. And there is a Jien-centric piece coming up after I finish Halloween, but as for which month it'll be posted in... (shrugs) I should know better than to give time estimates.
Hot chocolate to all, and hope everybody had a good autumn!