DISCLAIMER: I own Saiyuki not. Except for the first five volumes. SCORE!
WARNING: Language. Angst. Verbosity. Connivance. Pairings in all flavors.
NOTES: The end is nigh. But not yet upon us. --Except on ffnet, where I'll be posting the final chapter separately if at all, under the name of 'Goes Without Saying.' Why? Because I don't wanna have to up the rating for the whole damn piece, that's why. So there. (nods) If I lose my nerve, the last chapter will still be findable (within the next few weeks) on my site, my LJ, and EftW.
This chapter was a tempation that probably should have been resisted and, Tenpou, I apologize. It was unavoidable.
I think I've actually addressed all the reviews already, so we'll skip that part this time (shrugs).
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Hir Wicked Style
part 18: Cho Sakari (Epilogue the first)
by Nightfall
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Sakari couldn't sit still. She knew she was driving Uncle Jien crazy, but she couldn't help it! Mommy had been in with the town's healer for hours now, and Sanzo had been switching off between praying and spitting really filthy curses against pretty boys who were too cover-your-ears-Sakari tragic for their own cover-your-ears-Sakari good.
But she'd thought it was supposed to be a good thing! Everybody was so excited when Mommy started to get fat all those months ago, and then again yesterday evening when she wet herself. Which was confusing, because they'd never been so happy when Sakari used to wet herself forever ago when she was three.
But they had been happy when Mommy did it, and Mommy had growled, "Finally!" Aunt Honshin had taken Honshin and Kaikara out for ice cream and sweet buns to celebrate Mommy not having to waddle around like a walloping hippopotamus anymore. And Sanzo hadn't even smacked Aunt Honshin very hard for calling Mommy a hippopotamus, so Sakari had thought it must be good.
And anyway Mommy had said when she found out (after she turned white and whispered how glad she was she hadn't known about this while they were fighting Gyumaoh) that it was going to be great and Sakari was going to have a brother or a sister to play with and to help raise and it would help her learn to be a mommy someday too.
Sakari had asked if the brother or sister would look just like her and Mommy had said no, it would probably have green eyes and brown hair. So Sakari had been really excited, because if the baby looked like Mommy and she looked like Aunt Honshin then they were going to be really good friends, just like Mommy and Aunt Honshin! And everybody had grinned when she'd said that except Sanzo, and even Sanzo had made a happy kind of snorty-noise.
But that was hours ago, and now everybody was worried. Sakari asked Aunt Honshin if Mommy was going to be all right, and Aunt Honshin said yes because the town healer knew Sanzo would shoot him somewhere painful if he screwed up. And anyway Mommy could fix herself if there was a problem, but there probably wouldn't be one because Mommy had already had Sakari so she knew what to do. When Sakari asked why everyone was so worried, then, she said, "Instinct."
Which was confusing, too, because usually when instinct happened it meant jump out of the way quick there's a crazy youkai behind you! And usually it was right. Aunt Kaikara was really good at instinct and being right about it, and she was worried, too,
Sakari had told Uncle Jien -eleven whole times- that she couldn't stand it any more before the healer said they could go in. She took a deep breath and pushed herself off his lap and grabbed his hand, and they walked through the door together.
Mommy and Sanzo were arguing. Everything was okay, then.
"Well, I don't know how -you- explain it," Sanzo was snarling. "I may be -only- a priest, but even I know sperm doesn't hang around in your tubes for six years. Not even youkai sperm!"
"I don't -know- how to explain it," Mommy said defensively, cuddling an armful of blanket. Suzuyuki was on her shoulder, her wings half-raised and her red eyes fixed angrily on Sanzo. "I told you that, Sanzo. It doesn't make any sense to me either."
She had to talk over Sanzo, who clearly wasn't going to stop growling anytime soon. "Mommy, can I see the baby?"
"--Anh? Oh, Sakari-chan! Yes, of course, Come sit here."
"Is she a girl?"
"Yes... here, support her head like that. Sanzo, shut up."
"The only explanation that makes any sense--"
"Whether it makes sense or not, it isn't true! I haven't let anyone but you and Gonou touch me since that dead--cover your ears, Sakari-chan."
"Mommy, she looks like me and Aunt Honshin!"
"Yup," Uncle Jien said. "I guess she's going to be pretty, then."
Sakari thought he was hoping too much, because the baby wasn't pretty now. Even if it was Sakari's favorite color, Sakari didn't think a person should be all the -same- color. Crimson was pretty for hair and eyes, but not for skin. And she was lumpy and there was smelly yuk in her swirl of hair, which she had even less of than Sanzo or Uncle Jien. Sakari wanted to cuddle her anyway,
Sanzo sent Uncle Jien a really -nasty- look and said, "Any male youkai in the vicinity would be well advised to shut the--"
"Cover your ears, Sakari!"
"--up and stay out of my way."
"Oi," Uncle Jien said mildly. "A little credit for intelligence, please? For lack of death-wish? For liking my--cover your ears, Sacchan--where they are? Anyway, Kanan's not my type. No offense, kiddo."
"None taken," Mommy said graciously. "Since you are--taken, I mean--and oh, my! How shocking, I just remembered! So am I! Only think, Sanzo! How -careless- of me to forget!"
"Well, you're not going to tell me -that- came out of your brother!"
"Don't call my sister a that," Sakari said reproachfully. "She's a her. And she's all soft and red and even if she isn't pretty she's -my- sister and she's -not- a -that.-"
"Good girl," Uncle Jien said, clapping her on the arm, and came down to whisper, "Babies always look like that. She'll get over it."
"Promise?"
"She had to have, Sanzo," Mommy said, exasperated. "There hasn't -been- anyone else. Honshin!"
Aunt Honshin froze in the doorway with a cautious expression on. Warily, she asked, "I reeeeeeeeally don't want to walk into this one, do I?"
"Nope," Uncle Jien said, and reached out a long arm to reel her in.
"Run while you can!" Aunt Honshin yelled behind her. To Aunt Kaikara, Sakari guessed.
"Honshin, how many times have you sworn upside down and sidewise that you can always tell when someone's been getting a little on the side?"
"Er--you want me to count?"
"No, thank you. And she's always right, Sanzo, isn't she?"
"Well?" Sanzo demanded, glaring at Honshin.
"Uh--well what?"
"-Has she?-"
Aunt Honshin gaped, outraged. Her fingers twitched, and she said, "Cover your ears, sweetie."
Sakari scowled. This looked like it was going to be good. But everybody thundered at her, "Cover your ears!" So she did.
When Aunt Honshin was finished screaming at Sanzo and Sakari was allowed to listen again and the baby had stopped shrieking, Sanzo said, almost mildly, "So that's a no?"
"YES, THAT'S A NO!" Aunt Honshin bellowed, and Sakari giggled. Uncle Jien looked like he wanted to laugh, too, but Sanzo would have hit him, so he didn't.
Sanzo snapped, "Then let the genius kappa with her wide, wide experience explain it. The man was her brother. He was not a youkai."
"He wasn't really my brother, Sanzo," Mommy said, sounding irked. "He was more like me. I told you that. -He- told you that."
"If he could've been born male, why not youkai?" Uncle Jien shrugged easily.
"He didn't look youkai," Sanzo muttered, turning almost the baby's red color. It didn't look any better on her.
"Could he have been wearing a limiter?"
"Anyway, wouldn't Sanzo or Kaikara have felt it if he were?" Mommy asked.
"Not with the dumbape and that Goku kid on my--ears, Sakari--all the time," Sanzo scoffed, looking thoughtful. "I couldn't even feel the Lirin brat when they were anywhere around."
After a moment, Mommy said, "Lord Heaven. Those stupid earcuffs--Sanzo, he never took them off! Let's go back. I'm going to skin him and possibly pull his lungs out of his back. And then perhaps a light saute--some sort of vinegar marinade, I should think, only with lots of salt... That should teach him to make -subtle hints.-"
"Can I learn to make subtle hints?" Sakari asked, interested.
"NO!"
"But it doesn't make sense," Aunt Honshin frowned. "I mean, he wasn't half'an'half, so if he was youkai he was full youkai. And if he was a full youkai, how come he wasn't crazy? You gotta have some human in you to not get Minused. That's what keeps you and me safe from the Wave, chibi-chibi," she said to Sakari. "If our mommies hadn't been human, we'd be just as psycho as all those other youkai."
"What about Aunt Kaikara?" Sakari asked. "Isn't she youkai?"
"Not really--she's something called itan. We just call her youkai because it's simpler," Mommy explained.
"Oh. Well, what about Uncle Jien?"
"That's a plot hole, sweetie," Aunt Honshin said firmly, "and we don't talk about it."
"Oh," Sakari said, confused.
"Well, how can a youkai be part human without being a half-breed?" Aunt Honshin asked with an air of getting back on topic.
"Well," Uncle Jien said, "there is that old legend..."
"What, you mean the Changeling? Eeeyugh!"
"What's a changeling?" Sakari asked, poking at the baby to make her giggle.
"Someone," Mommy said, "who kills a thousand youkai and becomes youkai himself."
"Didn't you kill a thousand youkai, Mommy?"
"Well, yes," Mommy said, a little helplessly, "but not -by hand.- Not one by one. No one could do it. It's impossible."
"I bet we've killed that many," Aunt Honshin said perkily. "Prolly each of us has."
"But he's a qi-user, like me," she protested. "There isn't any blood to bathe in!"
"Ew," Sakari said, carefully pulling a caterpillar out of the air for her new sister to play with. She could make inchworms, too, and all kinds of cute, fuzzy centipedes, but Mommy liked the caterpillars best, and then you had butterflies later. "Who'd wanna take a bath in blood? It smells!"
"It's not very satisfying without blood, I always think," Aunt Honshin said dreamily, and Uncle Jien looked alarmed and edged away from her.
"She has a point," Sanzo said, and Aunt Honshin pretended to die of shock, reeling back against Uncle Jien so he couldn't escape. "The kickback can compensate, but there's really nothing like feeling a rib cage cave in under your hand..."
"I'm with Sakari-chan," Mommy said, pulling both her daughters closer. "Ew."
"But what if you hadn't been the one they
came for?" Sanzo said with a ruthless look.
"I know
you."
"You'd do it for Sacchan," Uncle Jien said.
"Of course, if I had to," Mommy said with that tiger-in-the-grass flash of her green eyes that always made Sakari feel safe.
"Bet you'd do it for bouuuuuuuuuuzo," Aunt Honshin taunted.
"I wouldn't have to," Mommy said demurely. "Sanzo can take care of herself."
"Bet you'd have done it for book-boy," she said, more softly. "I bet he did it for you."
After a moment's sober silence that Sakari didn't understand at all, Mommy gave a bright, watery smile and said, "Ah. Of course. The direct approach."-OMAKE!-
The SEME At The End Of This Fic
-starring lovable, placid old HAKKAI
And adorably vague but considerably older TENPOU-
Hakkai: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
Tenpou: Damn!
Kenren: (annoyed) Oi...
Tenpou: (very cheerful) Well, no matter. You may as well return to your duties.
Kenren: (big grin) Yes, -sir.- With pleasure.
Tenpou: ...Aren't you going to untie me, General?
Kenren: Submitted respectfully, Marshal--no.
Tenpou: …Good answer.
(end part 18)