Author's Notes: I will make a reference to Roald Dahl's book Matilda, and she might pop up in a genealogy book (not Merlin-style pop up, metaphorical pop up). It is sort of a crossover, but it is only mentioned here and there. M-e-n-t-i-o-n-e-d. OK? Good. Kudos to those who spotted this first reference.
NO SLASH. But I hope slash fans will still continue reading it even though there won't be any slash pairing.
APOLOGIES - QuickEdit is MESSING UP MY SPELLING AND LINES AGAIN! ARGH!
chapter eight: many mistakes
"Head for the exit at the end of Aisle Z," Artemis whispered. Malfoy scowled, evidently not used to taking orders, but did so reluctantly. Artemis rolled his eyes and held up a silvery cloak. "Simply put, you are stupid. How could you forget an Invisibility Cloak?"
Malfoy went what Artemis presumed to be deep scarlet and tried to take the cloak, but Artemis beat him to it, still smirking in the middle of the impending danger of Filch. "You didn't really think I'd let you make off with a cloak like this and leave me alone here, did you?"
The boys draped the cloak over their heads, Malfoy muttering something incoherent under his breath. Artemis caught the words 'Mudblood' and 'father' in the string of words. They passed the shelves without incident, as Filch was currently searching Aisle E. Unfortunately, as they attempted to exit the Restricted Section, Artemis noticed something. The doors were slamming shut in a row as if in a howling wind.
"The night alarms," Artemis sighed. "Oh dear."
"We're locked in," Malfoy snapped, anger dawning on his pale face, contorting his chiselled features. "You moron!"
"Shut up," Artemis muttered, thinking hard. What spell...? Artemis tried, but failed to lower the sound level, as he was pointing his wand at the wrong thing -- Malfoy.
"I know you're there!" The mangy caretaker was rushing towards them, arms stretched blindly out in front of him, closely followed by his cat. "You can't hide!
"STUPEFY!" Artemis yelled. But his was not the only voice. The caretaker stopped in his tracks, Malfoy's and Artemis's stunners having hit him square in the chest. For a moment he hovered, glowing in mid-air, and then he fell. The convenient thing about it was that he toppled onto Mrs. Norris, his bulk preventing her from doing anything other than breathe and hiss at the unseen intruders. Both boys heaved a sigh of relief.
"You did well," Malfoy said.
"So did you," Artemis replied.
Less than half a second later, the Slytherins realized what they'd just said.
"I did better, though," Malfoy said, turning his nose up at Artemis -- rather odd to look at, on account of Artemis being taller than Malfoy.
"Don't fool yourself, Malfoy. Now shut up and let me figure out how to get out of here or so help me I'll use your blonde head as a battering ram."
The alarm started wailing loudly to the tune of the Hogwarts school song, but for once, neither boy noticed, too busy were they with figuring out how to exit.
"Maybe I should make good on my promise," Artemis said sharply, as Malfoy opened his mouth. The mouth was promptly shut.
"Who's there?"
"Oh no," Artemis muttered. It was Albus Dumbledore and company, searching Aisles A and B. Artemis turned and cast Furor Tempestis on the last open door. The Siberian wind blasted it open -- at the moment Filch woke up. He groaned, evidently very dazed. "What? OH! You little rascals! James Potter and Sirius Black again I shouldn't wonder! Get over here!"
"Disoriented," Artemis muttered. "Now let's get out. And don't make any noise."
This was said less than a second before Malfoy, still irritated over the shoving, pushed roughly past Artemis and tripped over his own shoes in the hurry. Artemis sighed. "You're hopeless."
The Siberian desert night wind finally died down, leaving the last open door to slam.
"Oh no," Malfoy muttered. "I'm going to get expelled…What will Father say?"
Artemis glanced to his left and the only remaining alternative, remembering the tent. "Come on."
-----------------------
"You should've realized that the books are really valuable and WOULD set off the alarm, filthy Mudblood!" Malfoy was complaining again, with the exact words he had used earlier. About six times in fact.
"Shut up, Malfoy! We just set off a Hogwarts alarm and jumped out a window, you cretin, and you still insist on drawing even more attention by yelling loud enough to wake the dead?"
As all the doors had been spelled shut, Artemis had broken a window and left via it, using the handholds excavated by Theo. They'd then climbed up one floor and sneaked in through that window, using Reparo as they went. Artemis had, in a brief attack of his conscience, looked down to check on Malfoy. He had then realized that he was rather acrophobic.
The Slytherin boys had long since abandoned the idea of an Invisibility Cloak, and Artemis was using Disillusionment Charms to conceal them. Of course, since Artemis hadn't quite mastered the complicated spell, a foot would slip into visibility now and then. Both of them were running at full speed towards the Slytherin common room, but after running into Peeves, two trick doors and four secret passages, they were hopelessly lost.
Despite Artemis's best efforts to deactivate the Hogwarts spell alarms placed on the books, the alarms had started playing the Hogwarts school song in progressively louder tones as the Slytherins tried to leave the Restricted Section. Artemis would have criticized the odd choice of tune if the sounding of the alarm hadn't alerted the majority of the teaching faculty.
Artemis skidded to a halt as a tapestry ahead of them parted to reveal some Ravenclaw girls. They were frowzy and flat-haired, and not nearly as glamorous as they appeared in the daytime. "What --"
Malfoy crashed into Artemis and both of them nearly went sprawling into the girls.
They ducked around them and started looking for the common room, Malfoy telling Artemis in no uncertain terms how lower-class Artemis was.
"Stupid--"
"--Mudblood. Yes, I know. That taunt's getting old, Malfoy. I suggest you vary your vocabulary. Besides, at least we know where the Ravenclaw common room is. It could be useful in future."
For the first time, Malfoy cracked a feeble but clumsy grin. "Forever observing, Mudblood. Very Slytherin of you."
"A Malfoy complimenting a Muggle-born. Amazing."
"Looks like you aren't really inclined to say thank you."
"Neither are you," Artemis replied. "I suggest you use another word other than Mudblood. Just so you know, Theodore finds this highly annoying. I trust you are familiar with his -- short-tempered personality?"
Malfoy drew himself up to his full height. "A Malfoy has no fear, nor does a Malfoy bow to anyone."
"Really," Artemis said sarcastically. "Go ahead then. By all means, call me Mudblood in front of Theodore, just one more time...Even a troll would be terrified."
"That's because trolls are stupid," Malfoy retorted, but Artemis noticed a shadow of apprehension cross his face. Artemis let a smirk travel across his own; a part of his best sinister face. He had, of course, meant a Lower Elements troll, but this did not matter, for it was all the better to intimidate Malfoy.
"Let's go. The teachers are catching up. It seems as if they were already near the library - far too near for our liking."
"You said it, Mudblood." Malfoy paused. "And not a word about this temporary truce."
"Obviously. Besides, what makes you think that I want to be associated with a prejudiced, albeit obnoxious and asinine, being such as you?"
"The fact that you're still talking to me, perhaps?"
"Like you said, it's a temporary truce to get away from our dear Professors. You know very well that both of us have reputations to uphold."
A loud voice suddenly echoed around the corridor. "Have no fear, Headmaster! Rest assured that I will most definitely catch the intruders!"
Artemis glanced at Malfoy, who nodded fervently.
"Let's go. I don't want to think about what Father would say if Lockhart of all people was the one to catch me."
"Imagine the humiliation," Artemis commented. That went down in history as one of the rare occasions that Artemis Fowl and Draco Malfoy ever fully agreed on anything.
------
It had been awhile since the Library Incident, and Artemis had hardly made any headway on the Heir of Slytherin. He'd sent an email to Butler, interviewed Slytherin twice over about possible Heirs (which didn't work as Slytherin was only a copy of his thirty-year-old self) and passed all mid-term exams with flying colours (and the highest results in the school since Tom Riddle was a second-year).
The Weasleys were no-go for Heir of Slytherin candidates -- they were traced directly back to pureblood, but famously righteous wizards. Artemis had never heard of their ancestors, but the Founders were quick to assure him that they all knew the Weasleys' ancestors well and that the redheads were in no way related to Slytherin.
(Speaking of Slytherin, word had gotten around about the Library Incident, aided by the Ravenclaw gossipers. The Slytherins had put two and two together and most of them had come to the conclusion that either Malfoy or Fowl was the Heir of Slytherin. Millicent Bulstrode was personally suspecting Fowl, as she knew Malfoy personally. The said Malfoy was all style and considerably less substance. However, that is of no relevance at the moment.)
The Genealogy book held no record of any Muggles, and had evidently been compiled by a prejudiced pureblood wizard, Orion Black. Any witch or wizard who married a Muggle had been replaced with a charred-looking spot. Artemis was suspicious of the burnt black spot that had represented Angeline Vauthorn. He'd found it in a bid to research the Vauthorn Vault, filled as it was with magic and treasure. Had his mother been a Vauthorn? It was possible. It would explain why he and Juliet had gotten delirious and his mother hadn't (Butler told Artemis later that he'd gotten a splitting headache as well, but hadn't shown it due to military training and policy). Not to mention how she'd gotten the key to the vault.
Despite Artemis poring over the book, there was no way to tell using it, and trips to the library (and a few more to the Restricted Section) proved absolutely fruitless. The book was no use incomplete, and Hogwarts didn't stock enough books. Artemis, however, wasn't going to be forgetting Angeline Vauthorn any time soon.
Lessons passed well, with the exception of Herbology, which Artemis detested. His idea of proper equipment for History of Magic was a nice pillow, some parchment and a Quick-Quotes Quill that took down everything Binns said. Artemis also began experimenting with alchemy, which he found to be an extremely challenging process. (In fact, the first alchemist experiments had been so long and strenuous that Artemis had fallen asleep over the cauldron and thus mixed up the last two instructions, causing the whole thing to literally blow up in his face.)
At the moment, the Hogwarts resident boy genius (with a rapidly increasing I.Q. of 174) was shivering in the glacial Potions classroom. Despite the scarf, gloves and robe, the frost of the beginning of winter still got to him. Add that to the already cold dungeons and you got a freezing Artemis Fowl. The weather was exceptionally icy compared to past winters, and the Slytherins got the worst of it.
Artemis stared blankly at the chalk in front of the blackboard. He had just finished his Swelling Solution, but hadn't even noticed when Snape complimented him in front of the whole class. He did not work well in cold conditions. While most youths attributed their 'brain freezes' to drinking banana smoothies or iced drinks too fast, Artemis got his from the surrounding temperature. He was still as smart and quick-witted as ever, but was currently in the middle of a 'cold lapse', which involved staring at something and only coming out of the reverie to insult those who tried to talk to him.
Theo kept casting worried looks over at Artemis, but the protagonist barely noticed. He seemed to be staring at the chalk an awful lot. How very strange, he decided, but as he felt like concentrating on it, he did.
And that was when the chalk decided to float upwards. It was only a few centimeters, but it moved up nevertheless. Artemis kept staring, concentrating. He could feel his strength ebbing bit by bit, but couldn't quite tear his gaze away from the chalk.
Move. Artemis leaned forward in his seat, staring harder now. His energy levels were decreasing faster and more significantly now, but the cold weather ensured that Artemis didn't quite notice it yet.
The chalk floated higher. Higher. And finally, it stopped at Snape's eye level. Artemis vaguely wondered what to write. He then decided that a nice, random phrase would be best.
Professor Severus Snape, he scrawled mentally. Not very neat, but he didn't want anyone catching on to what was happening. The chalk followed the mental orders, but dropped in the middle of the last 'e'. It was no particular coincidence that Artemis nearly fainted midway through the elegant letter. Obviously, his fainting disrupted his concentration considerably.
As Snape turned to order Theo to get Artemis to the Hospital Wing, a Filibuster Firework soared through the air and landed smack in the middle of Malfoy's cauldron, giving him a faceful of Swelling Solution. Artemis would have found the result highly amusing had he been conscious to enjoy it, what with Malfoy bearing a nose that was roughly the size of a watermelon.
---------------------------------------------
Artemis was kept under observation for a day and a half, to his great irritation. He ended up insulting Madam Pomfrey to get himself out. Deciding not to think about how the nurse had left nearly in tears (quite a feat), Artemis dressed and started searching for Theo, taking a shortcut through a tapestry as he went. He emerged in an empty corridor with two doors at either end. Pausing to listen for any noises, Artemis heard some voices from the door on his left. He headed towards it and turned the knob on the door, slipping quietly inside.
He found himself in the middle of a hall, with a duelling stage in the middle. The majority of the student population was scattered here and there, but some were still grouped off together; namely Malfoy and his goons, not to mention some others who were talking animatedly amongst themselves.
"If it isn't Athos, Porthos and Aramis," Artemis murmured, lip curling in an unusually Snape-like manner.
The three Gryffindor Musketeers caught sight of him and stopped talking, Weasley sending a pathetic excuse for a glare in Artemis's direction. Artemis sent one of his own back, leaving the redhead looking scared. Weasley immediately turned and started talking to Potter and Granger, who glanced over in Artemis's direction, leaving no doubt who the subject of their conversation was.
Artemis scanned the crowd for a head of white, spiky hair, and soon found it. He moved easily through the crowd, who parted to let him through, many of them muttering and pointing.
Fowl sighed. The rumours about his being the Slytherin Heir were clearly circulating again. Artemis had run into Justin Finch-Fletchley, a second-year Hufflepuff, in the corridors quite often. Upon catching sight of Artemis, Finch-Fletchley had shrieked and pointed, screaming bloody murder and hollering that Artemis was evil. (This was something else that fuelled the Slytherin's-Heir rumours.) Artemis had found this highly amusing at first, but quickly grew tired of it, as people were staring and pointing everywhere he went. He now knew what it had probably been like for Potter as a first-year, what with the whole celebrity business.
It wasn't very long before he found Theo.
"Why are you here now?" the punk muttered. "Pomfrey doesn't usually let her patients out this early…Wait. You're not exactly a normal patient. What did you say to the poor woman?"
"Rather nasty stuff, Theodore. You don't want to hear it."
"Point taken. Who d'you think the coaches are? I know Snape's one, he as good as told us yesterday when the lesson ended – Millie passed on the message."
"Millie?"
"Yes, Millie. Millicent Bulstrode is far too much of a mouthful."
"Indeed. I suggest you avoid the demeaning nickname of Millie, lest she gets the wrong idea. Wait, is that…?"
"Lockhart," Theo groaned. This simple word was closely followed by a lot of profanity. Artemis stepped on his foot to shut him up. Lockhart was bad enough, but Lockhart in violently purple robes that hurt to look at was infinitely worse.
After much unnecessary flourishing and prancing around on Lockhart's part, they finally began duelling. Artemis applauded for Professor Snape; not that he liked him that much, for the professor used his authority to exact petty revenge on students, but he despised Lockhart.
"One…two…three…GO!"
"Expelliarmus!" Snape intoned.
"Why doesn't Lockhart cast a Shield Charm?" Artemis wondered. "It's a duelling basic that even a moron could remember."
"Too late," a new voice said. It was Millicent Bulstrode. She had a deep, masculine voice and looked more like a hag than anything else, but Artemis detected a spark of concealed intelligence that he himself recognized. The element of surprise, Artemis mused. Unexpected intelligence was an interesting ace in the hole. "There he goes. Look."
Artemis duly looked, and was met with the highly satisfying sight of Lockhart thudding hard into a wall. Bulstrode cheered.
Sharp, abnormally high-pitched squeals of anguish reached Artemis's ears; so loud that he actually screwed up his eyes and clapped his hands over his ears. It was Pansy Parkinson and her girl gang – Daphne Greengrass, Adrianne Pucey (sister to Adrian Pucey) and a couple of other nonentities. "Technically, it should be humanly impossible to hit such a high note," Artemis muttered. His ears were ringing despite his covering them.
Lockhart moved through the crowd, pairing people up here and there. Theo and Malfoy were to duel each other (with what would be painful repercussions), Bulstrode was squaring off with Hermione Granger, Weasley was with Finch-Fletchley and Artemis found himself with famous Harry Potter, who looked extremely nervous.
Chaos unfolded around both of them before Artemis could even take out his wand. Bulstrode quickly overpowered Granger in a wrestling match of sorts, Finch-Fletchley had set Weasley's hair on fire, and Malfoy and Theo were hexing each other randomly, not caring if their spells hit their target.
"STOP! STOP!" Lockhart yelled, panicking. Artemis sighed at the hopeless case.
"Finite Incantatem!" Snape shouted.
After more pointless discussion between Lockhart and Snape, it was decided that they would have a volunteer pair. Artemis was busy recalling the twenty-four other unknown uses for dragon's blood, but he snapped out of his reverie when he heard the words 'Potter and Fowl'. So, they were the involuntary volunteer pair. This should be interesting.
Lockhart looked as if he was giving Potter some 'good sound advice', but it wasn't helping Potter one bit, judging from his nervous expression. Snape bent down and whispered in Artemis's ear, "Remember, first one to disarm their opponent wins. Use the Serpensortia spell. Jab your wand in a –"
"I regret to inform you, sir, that I have long since mastered this spell and need no tuition," Artemis replied, expression completely stoic. Snape looked at him incredulously before nodding politely and moving off.
Lockhart clapped his hands. "Three…two…one…GO!"
Artemis swung his wand up on 'two' and had muttered the incantation by 'one'. A Western Diamondback Rattlesnake burst out of his wand tip, and it reared up, hissing at Potter. Slowly, it slithered towards him. Potter looked like he'd just been Petrified.
Everyone stood frozen, staring. Artemis raised his wand once more, but then the rattlesnake moved towards an audience member – Finch-Fletchley. Suddenly, Potter hurried forward, hissing something at the snake. The snake paused, glanced at Artemis, glanced back at Potter, and went limp. Potter looked at Finch-Fletchley, grinning. The Hufflepuff, however, looked terrified.
"What d'you think you're playing at?!" he yelled, before stomping out of the hall. Potter turned to Artemis, clearly at a loss. He still had his wand.
Out of the corner of his eye, Artemis noticed Theo, Weasley and Granger hurrying towards them. Recalling Snape's words, Artemis aimed his wand once more.
"Expelliarmus!"
Potter's wand soared out of his hand. Artemis snatched it out of mid-air, smirking calmly. "I win."
------------------------
Artemis wandered the halls, ducking out of sight whenever a teacher passed by. How to learn more about the Chamber than what the library had to offer? Get information from the source, naturally. If source happens to be a Gryffindor, either make an attempt at befriending it or search for another source. However, they were quickly running short of sources, as everybody knew they'd have a hard time getting information out of Gryffindor-biased Dumbledore. Anyway, Slytherins needed allies, and fairly strong ones to back them up. Friends could be passed on, according to Slytherin House policy, but not any chance at allies.
So Artemis ended up saying hello to Hagrid once in a while, and had once been invited to tea. He ended up swearing off rock cakes for a long time afterwards, and made a mental note to book a dental appointment as soon as possible. The good thing about this, however, was that he got up-to-date news about any odd developments. A strangled rooster...that meant that either the creature fed on roosters or that the Heir had killed it. Somehow, Artemis doubted that a Blood-Sucking Bugbear or Carnivorous Honey Harpy would kill it.
"What are you doin' down here, Art'mis?"
"Hello, Hagrid," Artemis said, glancing at the groundskeeper's left hand, from which a dead rooster dangled. "Another one killed?"
"Yeah," Hagrid shrugged. "Why aren't yeh in class?"
"Cancelled," Artemis said promptly. Actually, he'd sent his copy to take History of Magic with the Quick-Quotes Quill, but he wasn't going to say that.
"Oh?" Hagrid raised a bushy eyebrow. "Wha' happened? Binns bored himself ter sleep?"
"Truthfully...spot on, Hagrid. He did."
"Ah. Yeh want to come over for dinner tonigh'? Bring yer friends."
"I'll see what I can do, provided it's not your...beef casserole."
Hagrid nodded. "It won't be. Yeh can come over any time."
"Thanks, Hagrid." Artemis said goodbye and headed for the Library. Truth be told, he felt a little guilty about manipulating the innocent groundskeeper, but brushed the feeling away. Once inside, he made a beeline for the Magical Creatures Section, passing the Invisibility Section as he went. Suddenly, he spotted a figure lurking in the Invisibility Section, evidently listening in on a conversation -- Artemis could hear faint voices from there.
"Potter?"
The boy jumped, spinning around to catch sight of Artemis. "Oh. You."
"Yes," Artemis said. "Me. Rounding off your intelligent start to the conversation, who're you eavesdropping on?"
"Err...the Hufflepuffs," the Boy-Who-Lived muttered.
"Really now. I wonder what's so important about this conversation that it warrants eavesdropping on the part of the all-important celebrity Harry Potter?" Artemis moved past and, hidden in the shadows, paused to listen.
"They were talking about you earlier, you know," Potter said quietly.
"What?" Artemis said, momentarily forgetting what he was supposed to be doing.
"They think the Heir of Slytherin's either you or me."
Artemis snorted at this. "Indeed." He then turned back to the conversation.
"But he always seems so nice," a girl in pigtails-- Hannah Abbott, Artemis's photographic memory recalled -- said, "and, well, he's the one who made You Know Who disappear. He can't be all bad, can he?"
A stout boy, Macmillan, lowered his voice and spoke in a mysterious tone. Artemis, however, did not need to move to catch what Macmillan was saying. Why hold such a conversation in a quiet but public place where you'd be easy to overhear? A nice, crowded place would be better, where one could barely be heard over the incessant babble.
"No one knows how he survived that attack by You Know Who. I mean, he was only a baby when it happened. He should have been blasted into smithereens..."
Artemis nearly choked at the stupidity of it all. Sadly, the Hufflepuffs heard the sound. "Who's there?" Macmillan said, standing up and looking around bravely, or so he thought.
"Hello, Hufflepuffs," Artemis said, striding out into the open. Potter chose to remain behind the shelf.
The students looked like Artemis had Petrified them on the spot.
"What?" Macmillan said, a squeaky note in his voice.
"Do your research first. Potter's parents were murdered by the Killing Curse. If you'd looked into any Ministry reports on the case, you would find out that the government found their bodies in perfect condition. Except, of course, that they were suffering from the usually fatal affliction of death." Artemis said this in his iciest voice, and was greatly amused to see the nervousness it induced.
"Yeah," Macmillan spoke up. "But Potter's a Parselmouth. The mark of a Dark wizard. Have you ever heard of a decent one who could talk to snakes?"
"Yes. I speak for a few friends when I say that Salazar Slytherin was indeed a fairly decent wizard." By a few friends, Artemis meant the other three Founders, Theo and Blaise. "Besides, there are countless Dark wizards in most countries, and hardly any of them are Parselmouths."
"Salazar Slytherin wasn't a decent wizard," Abbott said timidly.
"Really. Have you ever met him?"
"Have you?" she said defiantly.
"I have my ways," Artemis said calmly.
They looked surprised at this. "And why are you defending Potter? You're a slimy Slytherin."
"I have my reasons," Artemis said loftily. "Oh, and Potter, come out from behind there. You breathe so loudly that a blind person could locate you anyway. I'll leave you to settle the argument." With that, Artemis left the Library, hearing raised voices behind him as he went.
He went up a floor and down a few corridors before he saw the bodies of Justin Finch-Fletchley and Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, Petrified.
"What do we have here?" Artemis murmured softly, bending down to examine them. The ghost's body was pure black, and both of the Hogwarts inhabitants had terror-stricken expressions plastered to their faces. "What could Petrify a ghost...?"
He turned on his heel and headed back to the library, resolving to look up Petrification again, and to research some more Magical Creatures.
Captain Holly Short of the LEPRecon Unit was in a good mood. She'd actually risen early enough to have a decent breakfast, and it was a nice full moon that night, with wind in all the right places. Perfect weather for flying. Trouble Kelp was going with her – they were good friends, after all. Foaly kept making jibes about it, but Holly and Trouble both maintained that their relationship was strictly platonic.
However, this didn't prevent Holly getting glares from Lili Frond, who'd actually stopped reading Seventy (Lower Elements version of Seventeen magazine) long enough to realize that her crush was going out to fly with her arch-rival.
"You're such a GUY!" Lili spat at Holly as the captain headed for the chutes. Suddenly, a bright idea occurred to Lili. "Hey! Wait up!"
Holly and Trouble turned. "What?" Holly had a feeling that this night wasn't going to end well, and she knew to trust her intuition after the disastrous Artemis Fowl affair. She gritted her teeth. "Yes?" she said sweetly, baring her teeth in a cheesy, fake grin. Trouble frowned at her, evidently annoyed by this. Holly glared at him (the effect was spoilt by her fake grin). The one day she got off from stakeout and here he was putting up with Lili's trash.
"I'm going with you!"
Holly groaned mentally. "That's very nice, Lili," she said in her best Fowl-style condescending tone, "but Trouble and I have been planning the outing for a while, you see…"
"Not a date," Trouble hastily supplied. Holly concurred with a nod, big cheesy grin still plastered to her face. Lili sighed and flipped her blonde hair back in true bimbo style. She fluttered her newly-curled eyelashes at Trouble, bringing out the heavy artillery shortly afterwards – the dreaded big, baby-blue irises.
"Oh, please, Trouble…can I please go with you? I haven't flown for such a long time, so can I go? Pretty please with sugar on top?" She pulled the puppy-eyed face at Trouble, who looked like he actually thought it was cute. Holly thought Lili looked like a blonde housefly. And she said so.
Lili's eyes welled up with crocodile tears (they were still held wide open). "Holly…" she sniffed. "I thought (insert hiccup) y-you were m-m-my friend-d-d!"
"Shut up, Lili. Nobody wants you around right now, or any time for that matter. Didn't you get the memo?" Holly snarled. "Oh wait, you probably did after the last six hundred and seventeenth time I told you. It just didn't sink through your thick blonde head. I'll put it simply: get the hell out of here and stop bothering us."
"Fine, Lili. I don't want to be caught up in the middle of a catfight. Let's go. All of us," Trouble interrupted, glancing at Holly.
I thought you were more sensible than that, Holly fumed silently, as Lili shot her a smug look behind Trouble's back, completely devoid of any tears, fake or otherwise. Holly promptly decided that after she and Trouble got back from the flight, she would tell Foaly Trouble's real name. Excellent blackmail material, she smirked. (Anyone who had seen Artemis Fowl smirk would have gaped at the astonishing similarity.)
Had either female elf known how the seemingly innocuous trip would turn out, they would have left right there and then.
The Koboi DoubleDex wings were excellent, Holly mused. Wonderful speeds and a stunning design too. Better than the last Dragonflies that Foaly had given her for a flight. Even the shielding couldn't throw off the steadiness the wings provided.
She soared up to seven thousand feet. The view was splendid from there, some sighting of Scotland. She'd stopped by Iceland and New Zealand earlier. Even a moron like Lili could appreciate that kind of view. She vaguely recalled the Lord of the Rings books, which they'd studied in high school. If there was ever a Middle-Earth, it should be in New Zealand.
Holly suddenly remembered the hopeless romantics in her class fawning over the elf-human love and shuddered. It hadn't ended well for the characters in the story; it wouldn't end well in real life.
Musings over, she flew over Scotland. The scenery wasn't too bad, nothing on Ireland though. Suddenly, she screeched to a halt in mid-air, which resulted in Lili crashing hard into her, knocking the wind out of both of them. After some yelling on Holly's part, both of them turned to the object that had made Holly stop. Trouble braked gracefully beside them. "What is that?"
It was a large castle, a village separating them from it. Holly could feel the magic radiating from it, even at this distance. Lili flipped her hair again. "This is clearly an ideal red-flag building. We ought to investigate it. So much magic in the air; the inhabitants are clearly Lower Element people. They should be apprehended."
"Wow, Lili, I never knew that you actually knew the meanings of 'investigate' and 'apprehended'," Holly deadpanned. "Besides, some humans know magic too. Not the science, let's-pull-that-rabbit-out-of-the-hat magic. Wand-waving, potions sort of magic. Don't you remember it?"
Lili tossed her head. "No."
"This is one of those zones, like Bom Arbles's Russian experience and your own encounter with the non-electronic area in France, Trouble."
"I shall be reporting you for negligent police duty, Short," Lili frowned from under her sealed helmet.
Trouble looked really apprehensive. "Lili, I don't think you should go." He was obviously recalling the incident in which he'd ended up in a French palace that deactivated all his electronic appliances.
"Too late," Holly said over the radio. "She left already."
True enough, the 'dummy' as Holly knew her was flying at full speed towards the castle, practising her Apprehending Speech as she went. How Lili had managed to memorize it, Holly had no idea.
"Lili Frond! You get back here, now!" Holly hissed. The blonde paid her no heed. "D'Arvit!" she swore. "Answer me!"
There was nothing but white noise and a couple of squawks from Lili's area.
Trouble turned towards Holly. "Think we should follow?"
"Use your brain, Trouble. Whatever's in that area deactivated all her electronics. Knowing her and how infernally convinced she is about police rules, she's going to walk right in and try to arrest everyone in that building. She'll get lost in a castle like that. If we follow, we might as well be dead to the LEP. And we'd get lost trying to find her without equipment." Holly was irritated now -- firstly because Trouble hadn't realized what would obviously happen, and secondly because she was acting cautious and making Fowl-worthy speeches. It was very uncharacteristic of her.
Artemis was staying for Christmas under the pretence that he was studying for the final exams in advance. He didn't like having to lie to his mother, but could see no other alternative except 'mother, there is a murderous creature going around the school and it might kill me, so can I please stay at school for Christmas'. Blaise had left, leaving Artemis with Theo, who now had to be escorted everywhere lest he turn Dark in a fit of rage.
Artemis woke up on Christmas morning to the unpleasant sensation of Malfoy pouring a bucket of iced water over him. After a lot of yelling on the platinum blonde's part, he ended up in the hospital wing after being hexed half to death. On-lookers immediately decided that Fowl was not a morning person, which was true. Artemis was definitely a creature of the night.
There was 'good morning' and 'merry Christmas' all around the Slytherin boys' dorms. Artemis muttered something along the lines of 'bah, humbug' and started opening his presents.
His first present was from Theo, a stack of parchments that were used to talk to people via writing, regardless of their presence. Give one to someone else, write their name on your parchment, and you could speak with them. It wasn't one-use, either. The parchment wiped clean after it was fully written all over. For a moment, Artemis felt a bit guilty for only giving Theo some Blood Pops, but brushed the feeling away immediately as he remembered the other present he'd given Theo.
To Artemis's surprise, Hermione Granger had given him a present too. She had designed a Fowl crest, or coat of arms. Apparently, the coat of arms was a must for many Slytherin purebloods. In this case, it was the serpent Artemis had conjured at the Duelling Club, curled around a medieval-style letter F. Artemis didn't really know how she'd spelled it to take the form of a badge, but he didn't complain. The Fowls had focused more on crime than on crests, anyway.
His third present had obviously come via the family owl, purchased in Diagon Alley, apparently. Angeline Fowl had sent her son a deep green (nearly black) cloak, plus some new black robes and brown dragon-hide boots. Artemis smiled despite himself, but the smile vanished when he saw that Juliet had sent him a large bottle of cologne and the newest Muggle fashion for males.
Butler had sent a Christmas card and a copy of The Da Vinci Code, although it wasn't correct protocol to send your charge a present. Blaise had bought him a spy-crystal. The artifact was spelled to respond only to Artemis's voice, and he just needed to say someone's name to see that someone.
The next package was a mere card, and Artemis opened it without much difficulty. He frowned and read the slanted, elegant writing.
Word has reached my ears that you are on the hunt for the creature that prowls the school. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HURT IT. You will be killed instantly.
I will give you a little hint to help you on your quest: look to the sign of the serpent.
Apparently you are very observant, according to my spies. You should be able to locate it.
-- A friend
"Look to the sign of the serpent?" Artemis muttered. "What...?"
Theo's head popped up. "Hey, Arty, thanks for the com-device. An arm brace, and a punk-style one at that. Excellent."
"If you really insist on talking about the communication device, at least speak via the device itself."
--Aurum Potestas Est. Right--, Theo said sheepishly. --Sorry. --
The com-device, as Theo called it, took the form of an arm brace for him, and it was spelled so that the Slytherin trio could communicate mind to mind. Artemis's had originally been a platinum ring, so he charmed the badge to merge with the ring. The Fowl coat of arms showed up on the ring in full colour, complete with white gold F, green background, black snake and surrounding golden border. It operated simply; speak a password and you could communicate one-way with the person to whom the password belonged. It could be two-way provided they spoke your password too. Artemis's was the Fowl motto.
--Blood Pops. Never mind, Theodore. --
--What's Blaise's password again? --
--Serpenstrength. --
--Serpenstrength, -- Theo repeated.
--Aurum Potestas Est, Blood Pops. Why is your password so long, Artemis? --Now Blaise was involved in the conversation.
--Good morning, Blaise. --
--What's your com-device? -- Theo asked.
--Is that what you call it or did you just coin it, Theo? Anyway, it's an ear stud. Real diamonds, Arty? --
--Obviously. Wouldn't you have noticed, being a pure-blood? -- Artemis replied.
--Wouldn't an ear stud have been more appropriate for me? -- Theo asked.
--Considering your multiple ear piercings, perhaps. But it could have worsened your ear infection, -- Artemis said calmly.
"I have an ear infection?!" Theo yelped out loud.
--He has an ear infection?! -- Blaise snapped.
--No. I lied. -- Artemis's expression was stoic.
Theo relaxed. --Thank Merlin. Don't scare me like that. --
--Deception ran in his veins like blood, -- Blaise quoted the Shakespearean play, which Artemis was a bit surprised she knew. --You won't be able to stop Arty on this kind of thing. --
--Don't call me Arty. --
--Good news, by the way, -- Blaise said.
--What? -- both males inquired.
"I'm back for Christmas!"
Artemis's and Theo's heads snapped around. Blaise was grinning, leaning up against the door. "I decided to come back. You two were so absorbed in your thought-speak that you didn't notice me."
"Artemis Fowl not notice anything? Don't count on it," Theo said, hugging Blaise for reasons Artemis decided that he already knew.
"As a matter of fact, I am very observant," Artemis smirked. "Merry Christmas."
"I thought you were the 'bah, humbug' type?" Blaise asked, disentangling herself from the hug.
"He is," Theo said. "But not as bad as Snape."
"Talking about professors," Blaise said innocently. "I'm going to play a prank on them. Maybe the Gryffindors too."
"Not too many people are staying over Christmas, due to the Chamber and all," Theo pointed out.
"Yeah, but who even cares?" Blaise was smiling again. "I've always been a bit of a prankster, myself. I'm never very original, and my transfigurations and potions suck, but I'm not bad at charms."
"Which reminds me, Blaise," Artemis said as he drew the curtains to change. "I've been meaning to ask you something. Why is it that you are terrible at abnormally easy transfiguration but excel at illusions, which are complex transfiguration spells?"
His simple question was met with a long silence.
"Well?" he finally asked.
"Don't ask questions, OK?"
Artemis actually smiled before he realized what he was doing. "Point taken."
"So. You didn't check Slytherin's line for his descendants?"
"As a matter of fact, no. Just try looking up the line of history's strongest Dark wizard in the Hogwarts library."
"Ah. So…two Gryffindors down, not counting their ghost – rather nice chap, he was. A Hufflepuff was also Petrified." Blaise glanced at Artemis. "It's kind of obvious that everything's coming from our House, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't look out for yourself."
"Obviously."
"Yeah. Do you like the present?"
"Yes, thanks. Shall we go? It's nine in the morning already and I'm starving."
I'm trying for long updates, so they'll be a bit irregular.
I'm relying on the Harry Potter Lexicon calendar for my writing.
Please review. I know some people can't be bothered, but is it really so beneath 'The Family Name' that about two-thirds more people than my regular reviewers review every chapter of it?
Tell me what you think. Always open to good but nice criticism.
--me