by J. B. Tilton email: G
Disclaimer: "Charmed" and all related characters and events are the property of the WB television network, except for those characters specifically created for this story. This is a work of fan fiction and no infringement of copyright is intended.
Piper gets a shock when she takes her car in for a tune up.
Phoebe dropped piper in front of the mechanics' shop.
"You sure you don't want me to wait for you?" Phoebe asked as Piper closed the door.
"No thanks," said Piper. "Leo's going to meet me here. Besides, it's just a tune up. It's not like they're doing any major repairs or anything."
"Okay," said Phoebe. "I'll see you at home tonight."
As Phoebe drove off, Piper went into the building. A woman sat behind the desk inside. Piper walked up to the desk.
"Can I help you?" the woman asked.
"Yes," said Piper. "I'm Piper Halliwell. I brought my car in yesterday for a tune up."
The woman shuffled through some papers. She finally pulled out a work order and stared at it.
"Here we go," said the woman.
The woman picked up the phone and called someone named "Lou". Piper looked around the room as she waited for her car. The woman was probably making sure it was ready. After a few minutes, a man wearing a mechanics' jumpsuit came into the room. The nametag on his suit read "Lou". He took the work order from the woman.
"Mrs. Halliwell," said Lou, "it seems we ran into some problems with your car."
"Problems?" Piper questioned. "What kind of problems?"
"Well," said Lou, "all your belts and hoses needed to be changed. Dry rot. It don't take long for that to set in."
"Okay," said Piper. "Is that all?"
"Oh, no," said Lou. "The car was badly out of alignment. Had to fix that. Then there was the suspension. You car was rocking real bad. I also found a hairline crack in the distributor cap. Needed to replace that or your car would have been real messed up."
"All that?" Piper asked. "That car is less than two years old."
"Can't help that, lady," Lou said. "I also had to change your wiper blades. They were all cracked and peeling. Your water pump was leaking. That ain't good. And your fuel injector was misfiring. That can be downright dangerous."
"Listen," said Piper, controlling her anger, "I don't see how all of this could possibly be wrong with my car. I only brought it in for a tune up and..."
Her voice trailed off as she notices Lou's eyes glow slightly. She looked around the room again. A calendar hung on one wall. It was one of those swimsuit calendars found in most mechanics' shops. It bore a woman wearing a bikini. Only this woman had small horns on her head. And the calendar was put out by the Hobbs Calendar Company. Piper knew from Leo that Hobbs had once been a name used for the devil.
"Demon," she whispered under her breath.
"Listen, lady," said Lou, "I know you're a witch. I don't want no trouble out of you. I just run an automotive repair shop. Whatever problems you got with other demons don't concern me."
"A demon's a demon," said Piper.
She raised her hands and the demon exploded into a thousand shards. Almost immediately the demon reconstituted itself.
"Ow," Lou cried out. "You got any idea how much that hurts? Listen, lady, I got your car working real good. You can take it whenever you want. Just pay the woman at the desk and the car's yours."
"Bureaucracy demon," gasped Piper.
"Here ya go," Lou said, handing the work order to Piper. "Here's everything I did to your car. Look it over. Everything's in order as you'll see. Just pay the receptionist and you can have your car."
Piper took the work order nervously. She looked it over understanding very little of it. She did understand the figure on the last page, though.
"Twenty seven hundred dollars?" she cried out. "You expect me to pay twenty seven hundred dollars?"
"Hey, it took a lot of work," Lou said.
"I'm not paying this," said Piper.
"Suit yourself," said Lou. "I'll just put a mechanics' lien on it 'till you do. If you don't pay it in six months, I apply for a new title and the car becomes mine. It's your choice."
"I'll sue you," said Piper.
"Oh, now that's a good idea," laughed Lou. "If you're lucky you'll get a lawyer who only charges a hundred bucks an hour. And you end up paying him five grand to get out of a twenty seven hundred dollar bill. So you're out the lawyers' fees and you still ain't got your car. That's up to you lady. But I ain't releasing the car until you pay what you owe, understand?"
Piper was becoming angry. She knew from personal experience her powers wouldn't work on a bureaucracy demon. And he was right about the lawyer. Besides, she couldn't be without her car. Just then the bell on the front door jingled. Piper turned to see who it was. Leo came in the front door, followed by Darryl.
"Hey," said Leo. "Darryl gave me a ride over."
"Leo, thank God," said Piper. She handed him the work order. "This guy expects me to pay twenty seven hundred dollars for all this. All I asked for was a tune up."
Leo took the work order and began to look it over. The fact that Lou was a bureaucracy demon didn't escape his attention either.
"This your husband?" asked Lou.
"Yes," said Piper through clenched teeth.
"Okay, Mr. Halliwell," began Lou.
"Wyatt," said Leo. "The name is Wyatt."
"Fine," said Lou. "Mr. Wyatt. Your wife brought her car in and told me to get it running right. That's all I did. It ain't my fault it needed all that work."
"I told you all I needed was a tune up," protested Piper.
"If I remember right," said Lou, "your exact words were 'I think it might need a tune up. Get the car running right.' That's what I did. Like I said, if you got a problem with the bill, get a lawyer. But the car ain't moving until the bill is paid. In full."
"Two hundred seventy six dollars for a diagnostic?" questioned Leo, looking the work order over.
"I needed to make sure what was wrong with it," said Lou. "The only way to make sure of that was to run a diagnostic on it."
"What's this?" asked Darryl, looking over Leo's shoulder at the work order. "What's a stabilizing modulator?"
"It's a computerized box that keeps the car stable while it's moving," explained Lou. "It had to be replaced. I wouldn't expect a layman to understand something like that."
"I'm a pretty decent mechanic myself," said Darryl. "And I never heard of a stabilizing modulator."
"Everyone's a critic," sighed Lou. "Look, buddy, it ain't your car so you it ain't your business, okay?"
"Really?" said Darryl. "Piper, make sure you get an itemized list of the repairs this clown claims to have made."
"Who you calling a clown?" said Lou. "And we don't do itemized lists. Most people don't understand them."
"The law says you have to provide an itemized list of any repairs you do if the customer wants one," said Darryl. "I'm pretty sure the lady wants one. Any reputable mechanic provides one as a matter of course."
"What are you, a lawyer now?" asked Lou.
"No," said Darryl, "but I do know a thing or two about the law. And don't forget to return any parts you replaced. The law also says you have to return anything you take off the car if the customer wants you to. I'm pretty sure she wants you to do that, too."
"Okay, smart guy," said Lou. "I've had enough of your smart mouth. Listen, lady, the bill stands. You don't get no itemized list. And we ain't got no use for the parts we took off your car so we pitched them. Unless you want to get a real lawyer I suggest you just pay the bill. You don't get your car until you do."
"I suggest you start digging through your dumpster for the parts you supposedly pitched," said Darryl, reaching into his coat pocket. "Because if you don't start being a little more reasonable and a lot more honest, you're going to have more trouble than you know what to do with."
"Who do you think you are?" snapped Lou. "The state licensing board?"
"No," said Darryl, showing his police identification to the demon, "I'm a detective with the San Francisco Police Department. And I'm beginning to wonder about this place. If I brought a couple dozen uniforms in here and started checking VINs and block numbers, I wonder just exactly what we'd find? I'm also a bit curious what a police accountant might find if he had a look at your books."
Lou simply stared at the police identification. His eyes had suddenly widened to near impossible size. And he was beginning to sweat.
"Oh, uh, well, uh," stammered Lou.
Suddenly the demon looked down at the work order in Leo's hand.
"Well, would you look at that," Lou said, suddenly pulling the papers out of Leo's hand. "That ain't even the right work order. You said Halliwell, right? Oh, that's where the confusion is. This is a work order for another car. Someone named Hollywell."
Lou moved quickly to the desk and started rifling through some papers. He kept glancing up at Darryl and wiping sweat from his forehead. Finally he pulled out a single sheet of paper, being careful not to let any of the others see it.
"Here we go," Lou said nervously. "Halliwell. Standard tune up. The total is twenty-seven fifty. Tell you what. For all the confusion and misunderstanding and the hassle, there ain't no charge. This one is on the house."
"Well, thanks," said Piper, smiling. "I knew we could work this out."
"Oh yeah, sure," said Lou. "Just a mix up in the paperwork, that's all. I trust it won't be necessary to bring anyone by here? Just a simple misunderstanding, as you can see."
"Just watch your step from now on," said Darryl.
Piper, Leo, and Darryl left the office and went to get Pipers' car.
"That was pretty brave of you, Darryl," Piper said.
"Not really," said Darryl. "I figured this guy had something to hide. I am a pretty decent mechanic and I didn't recognize half the stuff he supposedly did to your car. It's guys like that that give reputable mechanics a bad name."
"Still," said Piper, smiling, "it took a lot of guts to stand up to a demon like that."
"Demon?" questioned Darryl in near shock. "Demon? That guy was a demon?"
"Relax," laughed Piper. "He was a bureaucracy demon. You don't have anything to worry about from him. Seems to me he was more afraid of you."
"Well," said Leo, "I guess you'll have to find a new mechanic now."
"Why?" Piper asked. "After today, I don't think this guy will try anything again. If he does, I'll just mention Darryl's name. That should straighten things out."
Leo just smiled as Darryl continued to look nervously back at the office door.
The End
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