Erised Pain by Nyu-sama

Chapter 2: A Jabberwocky of the Heart

Upon leaving the room, Harry realised that it was lunchtime and that he was hungry. When he reached the great hall he stood outside the doors for a minute listening to the bustle inside. This unnerved him, he gotten used to the quiet of the other world. Despite this, he opened the doors, strode into the hall and over to the Gryffindor table. Casually sitting down by Ron and Hermione, he started to load his plate full of food.

The hall was dead silent. For two months Harry Potter had completely vanished, and now he was serving himself a large piece of shepherd's pie. The quiet bafflement that had overtaken the room faded quickly as Hermione, Ron, and most of the Gryffindors launched themselves at Harry. Harry dropped his fork in surprise as he felt multiple pairs of arms embrace him. Hermione was sobbing into his shoulder, and Ron had a hand gripped tightly on Harry's arm, as if he was afraid that letting go would cause Harry to vanish again, tears were running down his face also. Chatter exploded all around him, voices kept asking "where've you been Harry?"

"Oh, I just needed to sort some things out is all." He smiled weakly at the crowd of people pressed around him. "Would it be alright for me to eat my pie now?"

Everyone noticed the change in Harry. He smiled now. He ate heartily. He paid attention in classes. And he talked. He talked about quidditch, homework, the weather, his favourite type of cloud (the wispy kinds that look like cotton candy). He'd talk about anything really, to anyone that would listen to him. He'd talk about anything, except where he'd been the past two months. This he kept to himself, but with everything else he was an open book, displaying his emotions to anyone who cared to look. Of course his emotions consisted of happy, amused, satisfied, content, and pleased. His behaviour was so completely different and unusual that many were convinced Harry Potter was dead and the person before them was a fake created by Dumbledore.

Ron and Hermione knew better. They recognized him as himself, but they couldn't fathom what had happened to change him so dramatically.

They confronted him on this. "Harry, some people are saying you're a robot," Hermione started in abruptly. "We know that you're not, that's silly. But where were you? What happened?"

Harry looked at them, humour glinted in his eyes. "I didn't go anywhere. Never even left the castle."

"Come on Harry, we're your friends! You can tell us." Ron looked agitated, but Harry merely smiled.

"Did they send you to St. Mungo's?" Hermione's voice was quiet and concerned. Harry shook his head.

"Are you on drugs mate?" Ron asked voice pleading. Harry shook his head again. "Under a spell then? Cheering charm? A really good long-lasting one?"

Harry laughed, his head tilting back. "No guys, none of the above. I can't tell you where I've been. But everything's alright now, there's no need to worry." And he truly believed that, that is until he ran into Draco Malfoy the next day.

He bumped into Draco on his way down to the Quidditch pitch. Harry felt like flying that day, and the Slytherin's had just finished practice.

"Well Potter, you're back and in one piece too. Can't say I'm not disappointed. With your affinity for trouble I'd rather hoped you'd be dead by now," Draco drawled.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Draco." Harry smiled, and then looked at Draco curiously.

"What is it Potter?" Draco growled, aware of Harry's intense scrutiny.

"Oh sorry, I'm just not used to your hair being parted on that side is all."

"What?" Draco looked furious. "My hair has always been parted on this side! And since when do you pay attention to my hair? And why are you calling me Draco? It's Malfoy to you!"

Harry just grinned at him, suppressing a chuckle. "Whatever you say, Draco."

That did it. Draco swung, and Harry went down.

"How dare you act so familiar with me? Everyone else may be happy to see you back, but I'm not. Got that potter? We stand where we've always stood. I don't care where you've been or what you've been doing, but nothing has changed between us." And with that Draco stalked off in fury leaving Harry still lying on the grass. For the first time since coming back Harry felt sad. His face contorted into look of bitter anguish. What the hell had he been thinking? The Malfoy here was different than the Malfoy there. He knew that, but he'd pretended he could have the same relationship with this Draco. Of course it was doomed. The faux Draco was his desired version of Draco Malfoy. Close, but not the real thing. He wondered though, could he somehow change that? Would Draco let him? Probably not, but it was worth a try, wasn't it? Especially since he still fancied Draco, it was hard to let it go. "Well," he decided lying on the ground, "I'm going to find away to make it real, even if it kills me. Even if Draco kills me."

This proved easier said than done. Draco was filled with animosity towards Harry, not just the indifference that faux Draco had. And it wasn't until after they had a brawl leaving them both bloody that Harry was able to have an even slightly civil conversation with the blonde.

"Why can't we be friends Draco?"

"It's Malfoy you git! And I gave you that chance a long time ago. You refused."

"Well it was a long time ago, why don't we start over?"

Draco sniggered. "God, you're dense Potter. If you hadn't noticed I'm a death eater's son. And my father's people want you dead."

Harry was unfazed. "But do you want me dead?"

"Do you even have to ask?" he growled, then proceeded to attack at Harry again. "Just die Potter!" Between swings he yelled, "die, die, die!"

After the beating was over and Draco had stalked away again, Harry lay quietly against the cool stones, listening to the sound of his own heart thumping.

Draco hated him, he realized. Utter hatred. How could he possibly circumvent that? After a while Harry rose in a rush and ran to the little room in the back-corridors of the school. He stood in front of the Mirror of Erised, Draco looked back at him. He sunk to his knees. "I can't go back to you. I know what I really want now, it's not you. It's him, the real him."

The Draco in the mirror cocked his head in annoyance. "Don't look at me like that! You're not even real! God, why can't you be real?" Harry covered his hands in his face and cried. What he wanted most in the world he couldn't have. Would it have been better not to know? To go back to the way it was before? Harry picked himself off the floor. He shook his head, he was happier now. This unrequited love was definitely better than those feelings of guilt and hopelessness. At least this drove him on. It hurt but now he had a feeling of purpose and not just the emptiness left from those that had gone beyond.

Harry stayed out of Draco's way. It hurt to look at the other boy. But he wasn't confrontational with him, if anything he was friendly. Draco tried to put Harry off with rude comments, but Harry merely smiled at Draco and let it go. While this behaviour puzzled everyone, it concerned Ron the most.

Finally he called Harry on it one evening in the common room while Hermione was in the library. "What's going on with Malfoy, Harry?" His features were tense as he spoke, brows knitted together.

"What's going on? With Draco? Nothing."

"No, there's something. And calling him Draco? Come on Harry, why're you being so nice to him?"

"Why shouldn't I be nice to him?"

"Because he's a terrible person and would probably kill you if he had the chance."

"I think he could be a good person if he got the chance to be."

"What?" Ron was confused and very concerned for Harry's sanity.

"So I'm giving him that chance. I know there's another side to him Ron. Really, I believe in that other side, and I want to help it come out."

"But why Malfoy?"

Harry timidly turned his face away; when he answered his voice was soft, "because, I've got a fancy for him."

"Oh." Ron couldn't have been more surprised.

"Does that bother you?"

"Well for Malfoy? Honestly I hate the bugger, but if you think you can make him into a decent human being…"

"I mean because he's a boy. Because I'm fancying a boy."

Ron gave Harry a friendly smirk. "Nah, mate. Fancy whomever you please. You've had a tough enough time already, and if he could make you happy, well, I won't begrudge you that. But do you really think you can really be happy with him?"

Harry smiled, relived. "I know I could, Ron. If he'd have me. But he rather hates me, you see."

"Oh, so you noticed that too then?" Ron shook his head. "Harry, you sure do set yourself up for trouble, but it's good to have you back anyhow."

"Yeah? Well I am awfully sorry about those two months, but I-"

Ron cut him off. "I don't mean the two months Harry. Yeah we were worried sick over that, but I meant all year. You weren't yourself; you were here, but not really. I'd look at you and know that most of you was someplace far away, and no matter what I did, I couldn't bring you back."

"Oh?" was all Harry could reply.

"But now you're happy again, and I'm glad. If you want to bugger Malfoy, that's your choice, but I'm just glad to have you back."

Harry was deeply touched, "thanks Ron."

"Aw, don't mention it. Still, it's hard to believe you've actually got a thing for that ferret…"

Hermione took the news of Harry's affection towards Draco Malfoy much like Ron had, but with the addition of a lecture on safe sex that made Harry and Ron blush scarlet. After the embarrassment passed, Ron and Hermione gave Harry a revelation of their own; they were a couple. They'd gotten together during Harry's absence, pretty much because of Harry's absence. They'd been terribly worried and turned to each other for comfort. Harry couldn't have been more pleased for them, but as he watched them together the next few days, he felt a pang inside him. He wanted what they had, and Draco seemed completely unattainable.

Due to Harry's fondness for the Slytherin, Ron and Hermione agreed to be as civil to Draco as they could. This difference in attitude did not go unnoticed by Draco, he tried to be horrifically confrontational, but it didn't seem to get them riled anymore. He had no idea what was going on, and it displeased him a great deal.

Also to Draco's displeasure, he noticed the Gryffindors at large follow suit after the 'golden trio.' Thus causing better relations between Gryffindor and Slytherin. The house rivalries were rapidly dissolving. Draco was absolutely mortified, but there seemed nothing he could do about it.

As Draco resigned himself to the way things had become, Harry's determination to somehow obtain the object of his affections grew. Harry didn't have a plan, but he reckoned he didn't need one. His dumb luck hadn't failed him yet, and he trusted fate to deliver an answer to him. He didn't have to wait long.

Hope you liked Ch. 2.

I seem to be on a roll, so Ch. 3 should be done soon.

Thanks to those who reviewed, it's nice to know I'm being read.

And please review if you haven't, It's greatly appreciated. Prose isn't really my thing, so it'd be nice to know how well I'm doing with this endeavour.

-Nyu