Suze watched him.
Paul watched her.
She smiled, and he smiled.
It was if she was seeing him for the first time. When he had stopped his power fest to catch her tears, she hadn't known what to do. Was this Paul? Where was Jesse? Forget about Jesse, she told herself.
Paul told himself to control himself. He hadn't seen that side of Suze before. It was as if she called for him. Nobody had ever called for him. Of course girls called him on the telephone and invited him to their bedrooms, but he had never been invited for a kiss by someone he had been trying to force himself onto. He contemplated the situation. Either he was falling in love with Suze (thus falling out of love with himself) or he was high. Why should one girl crying make a difference? Maybe because Suze didn't cry. She was tough. She kicked you in the balls. She didn't cry.
Apparently she did. He wondered if she had cried before. For Jesse.
Jesse .The name slithered across his mind like a rattlesnake. He would like to see the face on Jesse now as he and Suze ducked through the alleys in each other's arms. Wait… shouldn't he be focusing on Suze? Was this a competition or love? He didn't know. He was so confused. He had gone from lust to love to… who knows.
They slinked through the shadows. Paul had his hand on the small of her back. For some reason he didn't trust that she would stay. He feared it was all a fraud, and she would run for it any moment. One Paul called him an idiot. He shouldn't let her make decisions. Another Paul was bursting with affection for her. The last Paul congratulated him for such deception. As if this had been his whole plan and he was leading her to his conquest. Paul wondered if Paul #3 was the first two Pauls combined. He didn't know.
Suze didn't know where they were going. They had kissed for some time in the bushes until he had begun to go up her shirt. She grabbed his hand and had pulled him away through the maze of the city. She had no idea where he had been for the past year, and he didn't seem willing to tell her. Thoughts of Jesse kept hitting her, and she felt like punching something and breaking down in tears at the same time. She wished she had never even brought up the issue of sex. Her eyes began to fill up with angry tears.
Suddenly she found herself stumbling, and she pitched forward. A pair of hands slunk around her waist and brought her up from her freefall. She felt flushed, and she spun into the grasp of him. She climbed upward and pressed her open mouth onto his and made them one. She ran her fingers through his hair and heaved for air as she pressed her torso firmly against his. They walked as one into The Park. It was not far from the main town, and they kept lips locked as they slunk into the seclusion of the trees and wildlife. She was one of the wild now. They were one of the wild. There was not a breath of air between their two bodies. She led. She, as one, moved into a small clearing and pressed him against the trunk of a tree. She slid her mouth along his neck and meanwhile pulled the hem of his t-shirt out of his waistline. He was roaming all over now, his hands in her hair, and his mouth on her body. He gently slipped his own hand under her tee and ran it along her stomach. She was so warm. Her body was pressing him against the tree, and something came over him. His eyes popped open, and he looked down at her. Her own were closed, and as her head lay against his shoulder, her hands fumbled at his jeans. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
His first self took control. He began to move not as one, but as him pushing her. She stumbled backwards a bit, but before she could open her eyes, or her mouth, in protest, he pressed his insistent mouth against her mouth and forced her lips open with his tongue. She whimpered a little, and his second self backed off a bit. He loved the feel of her smooth skin, and he wanted more. He had gone so far with so many girls, but this felt as if it was his first time. He wanted to be careful. He felt inexperienced, and he didn't know what he was doing. He kissed her gently along her lip and moved down to her neck. She seemed to relax and forget about his jeans. She kept her eyes closed and just rested against his body, allowing him to caress her. What did he do next? Suddenly he wanted power again. He knew exactly what he was doing? Why was he letting her influence him?
He ran his hands up along her bare back and found what he was looking for. He opened one eye slightly and saw a silly smile plastered on her lips. He fingered for the clasp and let it fall. He pressed the straps off her shoulders with each hand and suddenly was overcome with frustration when it wouldn't friggin come off. He growled and pressed them both deeper in the wood. She fell onto her back into a bit of clovers, and he climbed on top of her. Her eyes were open, and at first he thought she was mad, but she was overcome with determination.
Suze's mind was filled with Jesse. And the fact that she had just fell on the ground. She smiled up at him slyly and then without thinking pulled at the bottom of her tee and yanked it over her head. Her motorcycle jacket had already left her shoulders. Her bra hung loosely on her chest, and she shook it off allowing herself to be free. He watched her with his piercing eyes, but his face held no expression. He looked as if he was doing a job rather than getting ready to make love with her. She suddenly felt cold and exposed, and she was overcome with the urge to yank back on her clothes and run. His mouth was on her again however, and he pinned her to the ground. His tongue ran along her breasts and she wondered what she was doing. The nagging thought came back again, and she angrily threw herself into the moment. She grabbed his neck, which bulged with his veins, and shoved her tongue down his throat. He seemed a bit surprised at first, and suddenly she was in control.
He didn't know what was happening. One minute he had been the powerhouse when suddenly she was performing on him. She began to roll up the hem of his shirt to pull it off, and he found himself with nothing to do but wonder. He sat up and stared down at her. She stared back up. He pulled off his shirt slowly, somewhat giving her a show as she did with him, and then he slowly unbuttoned and yanked down some of his jeans. She seemed in a dream world, but he didn't care. He violently tore at her own jeans and ripped them down her legs.
Then she said it.
"Jesse…" she sighed.
Time stopped.
"What?" Paul said hollowly.
Suze opened her eyes and looked at him. "What?"
"You just said Jesse god dammit." He was getting angry and turning back to his first self. "What the fuck are you doing with me? Is this some game?"
She suddenly began crying, but he didn't feel sorry this time. He began to tear off her underwear when she began to scream. She used her lower-body strength to knock him over and then she was scrambling for her clothes.
"No you don't." He growled and grabbed her foot. Her jeans were only half way down, and so were his, so they both were having trouble moving.
She kicked him in the shoulder and dove into her shirt. She stood up unsteadily and yanked up her jeans. Her palms went to her forehead. "What the hell am I doing?! I want Jesse. Jesse." She began calling out Jesse's name until she realized he didn't come at her beckon anymore. Reality was rushing down on her from all sides.
Paul's veins were popping out, and all he wanted now was to be inside of her. He grabbed her by the waist and she began to shake violently with angry tears. She tried to kick out his balls—whatever she could kick—but he had her firmly against the ground, and he was ripping off her pants again. She shook about, almost like a fish, and wondered where all of her strength had gone. Why was Paul here? She was supposed to be with Jesse. Where was Jesse?
She saw the girl. By the tree. She was watching silently, and Suze began screaming for her help. The girl disappeared, and all Suze could do was lie there and let Paul finish her off.