Title: World of Sin
Type: 7th Heaven Fan Fiction
Rating: PG-13 (Sexual Content, Drugs)
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of 7th Heaven. I do own all my original characters and this story, though. Don't take.
Summary: Ruthie Camden rebels against morality and everything her family stands for when she meets a guy willing to introduce her to his world.

Writer's Note: I wrote this a couple years ago, or part of it, but greatly improved it. It's one of my better stories.

Chapter Six

I arrived back at the apartment before Ashton got off of work. My hands were still shaking and my makeup was completely ruined. I took off the big coat that I'd worn over my audition clothes and threw it to the floor. I stared at myself in Ashton's large mirror. I wanted to throw up. I was showing more skin than I knew that I had and my face was streaked with mascara and eyeliner from crying. I couldn't believe what I'd just done. I took off my high-heeled boots, grabbed some clean clothes, and walked into the bathroom. I peeled off the bra and skirt from my sweat-soaked skin.

I got into the shower, turned on the hot water, and let it wash away everything dirty. I saw the makeup that I was once wearing fall to the floor, pass between my toes, and wash down the drain. It made me queasy just thinking about it. I relived the evening. Would I do it again if I had a second chance? Would I be so daring? I wasn't sure, but I think I regretted the whole experience.

The whole cab ride home I had to grasp my necklace that hung from my neck. I hadn't taken it off in two years. Mary had given it to me after I had an argument with Mom and Dad. She said that the argument had certified me a teenager. I think this evening qualifies as me being certified an adult. Or a fool. I'm still trying to figure out which.

I brought my mind back to my shower. I put my head under the water and soaked my hair. I didn't even feel like using soap. I didn't have the strength. Dirty tears mixed with the water that beat down on me. I don't know why I felt so bad. I wasn't sure if what I'd done was even wrong. I was caught in a moment of pain and torture. There was no way out. I grabbed the razor on the side of the tub and pierced it into my skin, bringing forth blood. A mix of bloody water washed down the drain. I threw the razor with all my might and watched it hit the side of the bathtub pathetically. I sank into the tub. Tears fell.

I don't know how long I sat there just crying. The water continued to beat down on me, but I was never clean enough. I crawled to the plug in the tub and placed it over the drain. The bathtub began to fill. After a few inches were covered in water, I laid down in it. My heart began to beat faster and faster. Finally, the water reached my face. I closed my eyes as the water washed over them. I could still breathe. At the moment when the water covered my nose, I sat up, gasping for the breath I hadn't even lost. I was pathetic.

I wanted to scream, but my cries wouldn't be heard. I wanted to bang my head, but no one would be there to ask if I was ok. I wanted to talk about my problems, but there was no one there to listen as if they were important.

I heard Ashton come home, but I didn't want to face him. I didn't want him to see me like this. He knocked at the door, but I didn't answer.

"Ruthie? Are you ok?" Ashton called. I didn't say anything. "Ruthie?" I sighed, knowing he'd burst in if I didn't say anything.

"I'll be out in a few minutes!" I yelled back, trying to disguise my emotions. I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. I picked up a towel and held it tightly around me. I put on my night clothes and left the bathroom.

Ashton had already gone to bed. He'd left on a nightlight for me to see, and was laying on the far side of the bed. I turned off the nightlight and laid beside him. I wanted to cry. If I did, I knew he'd hear me.

It took me hours to fall asleep. My dreams caused me to wake up several times gasping and crying. Luckily, I never woke Ashton up. That was the night that I wrestled with me decision.