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Harry's Heart - 2
Ron went home for the holidays, and when Ginny tried to tell her mother that she wanted to stay at school, the resulting Howler left scorch marks on the common room ceiling, and the House complained of a ringing in their ears for days. It turned out that the only one staying for Christmas from Gryffindor was Harry, and though he'd made a light-hearted joke to Neville about it, he still knew that he'd feel pretty lonely on December 25.
He locked himself in the tower for the first week of holidays, getting his homework and the lesson plans for the next term completed. Professor McGonagall approved the plans and warned him that he was not allowed to lock himself away on Christmas Day. He would be expected to breakfast in the Great Hall, and to attend all the activities the Headmaster had planned for those students that had remained for the day.
Of course Voldemort also had made plans for Christmas, and they definitely involved living up to his status as number one on Santa's 'naughty' list. Harry had fallen asleep on the couch in the common room, with Hedwig perched on the back of it. She'd kept him company whenever she found him alone, and Harry had gotten in the habit of talking to her, and responding to her actions until they seemed to be involved in deep conversation. Ron would have laughed himself sick if he'd known, but he didn't and Harry wasn't sure if he was happy or depressed about that.
In his dream, dawn was tingeing the sky, and the Burrow seemed peaceful enough. Harry found himself standing near the hedge that bordered the garden, dividing it from the meadow next door. The snow in the yard was slowly turning pink as the sun rose and would have looked quite pretty if not for the Death Eaters creeping their ways across it. Three of them were waving their wands and chanting in the driveway and Harry realised that whoever they were, they were dismantling the protective wards that surrounded the garden. These wards had the tingle of new magic to them and Harry sensed that Aurors in the Order - at Dumbledore's insistence - had added them recently.
Realising that his friends were about to be attacked, and he was going to lose the closest thing he'd ever had to a family gave Harry the adrenaline jolt necessary to wake from his fitful doze. He leapt up, startling Hedwig, and the next thing he knew he was in the Headmasters office. He shouted for the Professor loudly, waking Fawkes at the same time.
"Harry?" Dumbledore's voice sounded quite thick with sleep, and the bright pink nightshirt and knobbly knees would probably have given him nightmares in the future if Voldemort hadn't already filled that particular function to capacity.
"Sir! There are Death Eaters at the Burrow! I can still see them! They're taking down the new wards!" Harry blurted, flinching as one ward in particular sliced down the middle and fizzled to nothing.
"How did you know about…" Dumbledore broke off, snapping awake, "Fawkes, can you warn them?"
The Phoenix launched from its perch and burst into flame, disappearing. Dumbledore hurried to the fireplace, grabbed some Floo powder and called the Auror Division of the Ministry. He alerted the Auror on duty to the attack and made another call to Mad Eye Moody.
Harry chewed on his lip, watching the Death Eaters closely, slipping from the reality of Dumbledore's office to the snow covered yard on the strength of his anxiety. He couldn't bear to lose the Weasley's too - it would be too much. The last ward tore and Harry yelled incoherently, appearing in the Burrows yard without a second thought and sending a shockwave spell through the snow on the ground, flinging it at the Death Eaters in a furious tidal wave, wrapping it around all twelve of them and sending a freezing spell after it, turning them into true snow men.
The noise attracted the attention of the Weasley's who shouted from inside the house and tumbled out of their beds, grabbing for wands and slippers and rushing to defend their home. Harry didn't let up on the freezing spell, hardening the snow to the consistency of iron just as a large number of Aurors arrived, followed by several of the Order, and lastly the Weasley's themselves burst into the yard.
"Harry?" Ginny squeaked, "What's going on?"
It was apparent from the postures and the masks on the snowmen that the Death Eaters were not in the area to sing carols, and the Aurors quickly took charge, preparing each one for transport. The Order members pretended that they were in the area to spend Christmas with the Weasley's who were too confused to say otherwise. It was total chaos and Ginny slipped away from the protection of her father to come to Harry's side, shivering a little in her flannel nighty. Harry was shivering too, though probably not from the cold as he'd been sleeping fully clothed and wore last years gift of her mothers thick home made jumper.
"They were attacking," Harry said a little helplessly, and Ginny hugged him, unsure how to soothe the unsettled teen before her. Harry always seemed so confident and in control to Ginny, and to see him lost for words now was something of a shock.
"Good thing the famous Potter was here to rescue his sidekicks then," Ron's mutter went unheard by the adults nearby, but to Harry it felt like a giant hand had punched its way into his chest and ripped out his heart, taking his lungs and spleen for good measure. He felt like he was bleeding inside, and from the way both Ginny and Ron flinched his expression must have indicated that a little. It would have been kinder if Ron had just stabbed him.
He took three very deliberate steps back, and turned away, hurrying around the side of the house for a moment of privacy, popping back to his dorm the moment he was alone and climbing stiffly onto his bed. He sealed the curtains shut with a strong set of personal wards and curled up in a ball in the middle of the mattress, wishing he'd never been born.
0o0o0o0
His Head of House came to find him at dinnertime, dismantling the wards he'd put up with a bit of effort. Harry was cold by then, colder than the Death Eaters that he'd mired in ice, and she'd transported him to the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey's excellent care. Harry let them think that he'd been desperately upset by the near miss at the Weasley's rather than trying to explain that Ron seemed to hate him for saving his family. He wasn't too sure that Professor McGonagall believed him, but she was kind enough not to call him on it.
Loola and Dobby came to visit him on Boxing Day, the elves sitting with him in silence, offering him wordless comfort that helped to ease the worst of the pain. Apparently house elves could form a kind of support network that helped ease each other through the loss of a member of their chosen family. Harry was beginning to understand why Winky had been so upset when she'd been dismissed by Crouch. He missed his family.
He was up and around by New Years Eve. He'd given a report on the Christmas Day incident to Dumbledore and then retreated to his House common room. Professor McGonagall left him alone, and Harry was grateful for the space. He needed the time to get his head back together before facing the rest of his Housemates.
There was the usual celebration for New Years Eve, including a magical fireworks display over the village of Hogsmede that the students watched from the Astronomy Tower. Everyone went to bed late, which is why it was a bit of a shock to be woken so early on New Years Day by Professor McGonagall. She was pale and her lips were thin, a sure sign that she was upset.
"Staff room in an hour, Potter," she muttered and left before he could do more than acknowledge her. Harry got up and grabbed some clean robes, heading for the bathroom and the luxury of a really hot shower. He hurried to dump his pyjamas on the bed and was surprised to see Pigwidgeon sitting on his pillow, looking very subdued for a change. Normally he'd have to chase the owl like he would a Snitch to get his letter.
Ron's handwriting was on the front, and Harry opened the scroll quickly.
When I get back to school we need to talk. Meet me in the Room of Requirement.
Harry scrawled a quick 'ok' on the bottom of the note and tied it back to Pig's leg, before hurrying for the staff room. He refused to get his hopes up - after all, if Mrs Weasley had found out what Ron said she'd make him apologise, which would do nothing to actually repair their friendship. Harry wanted Ron to like him because that was what Ron wanted, not because that was what someone had told Ron to do.
The teachers in the staff room were quiet and grim, and Harry took a seat in the corner as always, trying to stay out of their way. He had a feeling that someone from school had been attacked, possibly a lot of someone's. The teachers would be told together, that way they would be able to best deal with the returning students. As the school's apprentice, Harry was included in that notice, though he would probably not have much to do for the students.
Professor Trelawney wafted in, and the door closed firmly behind her. Harry saw the spider web pattern spread strongly over the door and walls, and recognised it as a privacy spell. Funnily enough Ron favoured this spell, and Harry thought it was a good thing the red head couldn't see the shape of what he was casting. He wrenched his thoughts back to the present as Professor McGonagall cleared her throat, and noticed that Snape was still missing.
"Last night, Mark Mathers of Slytherin went to visit with a distant cousin for New Years," her voice was clear, but subdued, "He returned to his house this morning to find the Dark Mark above it and his parents murdered within."
Teachers gasped and murmured to each other, and Harry paled in shock. He'd dreamt last night of a couple refusing to take the Dark Mark, and their subsequent deaths. Surely he hadn't watched Mark's parents die…
"That house was not the only one the Death Eaters attacked. Several Dark Marks have been raised over Britain and Wales last night. All were pureblood families. It is the Headmaster's belief that You-Know-Who was recruiting new followers. Those that were killed…"
"Refused the Mark," Professor Sprout said softly, "Is Mr Mathers the only student affected?"
"From here, yes," McGonagall nodded, "The other families had sent their students to Beaubaxtons or Durmstrang. And of course, it is always possible that there are many more that accepted the Mark, and even now have students in this school."
"What should we do?" Professor Trelawney fussed, "Such dark omens must not be allowed to taint our school… the disruption in the aura…"
"Thank you Sybil," McGonagall interrupted, her voice as sharp as always when dealing with nonsense, "We will teach our students as per normal. Mr Mathers is being fetched by his Head of House, as there are no close relatives to take him in. Something will be organised for his guardianship. The Daily Prophet will no doubt be full of rumours and gossip tomorrow, and it would be best if we wait until the school has reopened for second term before we make any announcements in regards to this matter. The Headmaster is dealing with Mr Mathers guardianship issues now, and until such a time as he has returned we are to present a united, calm front to the students."
It was a dismissal and several of the teachers left to return to their supervisory roles, and Harry quickly followed them. The teachers that remained gathered in clumps to talk in hushed tones.
Not wanting to go back to the empty common room, Harry wandered aimlessly down the stairs until he reached the entrance hall. The doors to the Great Hall were still open and he could see several of the wonderful Christmas trees that Flitwick decorated each year sparkling in the morning sunlight. The house elves had set the tables ready for breakfast, and the late sleeping students would probably stir soon, reminded by grumbling stomachs to get up.
The front door to Hogwarts opened and Harry glanced up from his place at the bottom of the stairs. Professor Snape limped in, one hand clutching tightly at his walking stick, the other resting upon Mark Mathers' shoulder. Mark seemed even smaller than before, his face bone white and his eyes dull and glazed. He looked up as Snape urged him in, and spotted Harry.
Moments later Harry was steadying himself on the banister, one arm wrapped around the shoulders of the first year that was apparently trying to squeeze him in half. Mark's dry sobs wrenched through the air and Harry hugged him tightly, unsure of what else to do to ease the child's pain. Snape stood to one side, his eyes hooded, face expressionless as Harry rocked a little on the spot and rubbed a hand over the thick winter robes. He heard a set of footsteps on the dungeon steps and popped without thinking into the Gryffindor common room, backing up to a couch and sitting down, pulling Mark into his lap and hugging him tightly. Grief like this should be private.
Moments later Loola popped into the room, nodded to him and popped out. Snape had probably summoned the elf to find Harry, a theory that was proven ten minutes later when the portrait hole opened and McGonagall climbed in followed by the Potions Master. Mark had cried himself out and was huddled into Harry's chest, gripping the robes he was wearing tightly, his face hidden in Harry's neck. Harry had both arms around the boy and was sitting quietly, staring into the fire in the grate, wondering what the hell he was supposed to say or do that could help Mark get through this. He already knew there was nothing he could say to make things better, and wasn't stupid enough to try. You grieved until you didn't, that was how this worked, and nothing anyone could say or do made the process shorter.
0o0o0o0o0
They quickly discovered that Mark was not about to detach from Harry without a fight, and the Slytherin boy spent the rest of the holiday in the Gryffindor common room, or attached to Harry by the hand as they walked through the rest of the school. Snape had been surprisingly quiet on the subject of Mark's preference for Harry's company, and though Harry made a point of taking the boy out into the school to mix with others, it was Harry's company alone that Mark seemed to crave. The Headmaster had spoken to Harry when the first year was asleep and explained that Mark was now a Ward of the School, and as such the teaching staff were his guardians. Therefore Harry's care of Mark was quite acceptable to all.
Mark had a few nightmares, and tears were always close to the surface. Harry encouraged the boy to talk about what had caused the dreams or tears, and otherwise distracted him with a few extra curricular spells and lots of exercise. Madam Hooch usually took her supervision time out to the Quidditch pitch and Harry would take Mark there to fly and otherwise move about. The more tired he was the better he slept, though Harry was always awake anyway.
The evening the rest of the school returned, Mark and Harry waited in the entrance hall with Snape. Several of Mark's housemates were the first through the door - in fact Harry thought that they'd made a deliberate effort to get here quickly, and Harry was relieved to see Mark go willingly to sit with his friends. Hermione and Ginny arrived with the next group as Snape stomped off to take his seat at the staff table, and Harry smiled a little when Ginny spotted him. She left Hermione to rush to his side, hugging him fiercely and squeezing the air out of him. She insisted they sit together for dinner and Harry let her steer him into the Great Hall. It would be easier to disappear when the students were all moving back to their dorm rooms, and Ron always hated missing out on a school Feast.
Mark sought him out at the end of the meal and Harry hugged him goodnight, unashamed at showing affection for the newly orphaned boy. He wished Mark pleasant dreams and let Snape call the Slytherin away, ignoring the glances and whispers from the rest of the Hall.
"His family were one of those killed on New Years, weren't they?" Ginny proved once again how quick she was to take notice of the little clues around her. Harry nodded sadly, and she hugged him again. He gave her a squeeze around the waist back and got up with the rest of the table.
It was very easy to get lost in the swirl of students heading for the House dormitories, and Harry quickly made his way to a secluded alcove that let him pop to the corridor where the Room of Requirement was most often found. He paced back and forth, his mind awhirl with possibilities and was very relieved when the door appeared and opened onto a cosy chamber with two armchairs placed before a roaring fire. There was even a small table between them with cups of drinking chocolate and a plate of biscuits. Harry took the chair furthest from the door and sat down to wait.
Ron looked a little grim when he entered, and Harry did his best not to panic or leap to the wrong conclusions. He watched the spider pattern spread over the walls and door, the privacy spell setting up a web to catch any stray noise that might come from those inside it. Ron sat in the empty chair and ignored the cups on the table.
"I've been an idiot," Ron mumbled, and Harry frowned. His friend held up a hand and Harry settled back in his chair, prepared to give Ron the silence he had just asked for.
"I'm sorry Harry. It's just that once again you're doing something that I never could. You're the great Harry Potter, and I'm just Ron… no one special… and no one expects me to be…"
Harry bit a lip and looked at the floor. He was pretty angry and hurt - he could admit it. He never intended to make Ron think that he wasn't as good as Harry, and he certainly never tried to set himself up as better or more important than Ron.
"And when you told us about it, you were… well expecting us to be mad at you, so it was just easier to do that than to settle down and think it through. Because I know that you hate the fame and the whole Boy Who Lived thing, I really do know that, when my heads on straight. Hermione's been after me all term about how I was out of order and should just say sorry, but I didn't think we were friends any more… after the way I treated you I wouldn't blame you if you knocked my block off and told me to piss off... I thought I'd bollixed things up for good. But then at Christmas you pop up out of no where to stop those Death Eaters and you don't even brag about it afterwards, not even when I put my foot in it. I guess that was what made me see how thick I was being. Merlin, Harry, the expression on your face… it was like watching someone bleed to death."
Harry shook his head. He'd felt like he was bleeding to death, not that he could tell Ron that. He was starting to feel the tiniest bit of hope, though. If Ron could get over him being the schools apprentice, he could get over Ron's temper. Merlin knew his friend had put up with Harry's before.
"You might not believe this, but when you just got up the next day and acted like there was nothing wrong, I convinced myself that you didn't care if we were friends anymore, and even that fight with Neville didn't really change my mind. All term Hermione's telling me what an idiot I'm being and how I should just apologise and get over myself, but until I saw your face that one time, I never realised that you were hurting just as much as me."
Ron stood up and Harry got up too, sensing that this was what Ron needed him to do. That last sentence had gone a long way to easing his hurt, and if that was the entire apology that Ron could come up with then Harry would accept it without quibbling, his foolish heart leaping at the prospect of having Ron as his friend again.
"I'm sorry," Ron said it straight, and Harry nodded, struggling not to embarrass himself. He hated it when they fought, especially after the row they'd had in fourth year.
"Friends?" Harry asked, putting a hand out for Ron to shake. Ron grabbed it with both his, and somehow they ended up with their hands pressed between them, standing so close that Harry could feel Ron's breath on his face. Harry grinned uncertainly and Ron smiled back. They stood in silence for a while, hands and eyes locked together, a thousand and one unsaid things flowing between them.
"Come on, or we'll be late for curfew and you'll have to give us detention," Ron broke the silence and Harry took a deep breath, letting go and stepping back, turning and heading for the door, glad that he had a moment to get his expression in order.
0o0o0o0
Hermione met them at the portrait hole and hugged them both, whispering her own apology into Harry's ear. Ginny beamed at them and Harry had a feeling that she'd be telling her mother all about it. Harry had found his Weasley Christmas jumper on Boxing Day and had sent her a heartfelt letter of thanks, which she'd replied to with a big box of home baking that was almost too heavy for Hedwig to carry. Harry had the feeling she'd known what was going on all along and was giving her son a chance to sort it out before she took matters into her own hands.
The three of them sat down and swapped holiday stories, not that Harry's was very exciting. Schoolwork was not a fascinating topic of discussion, even if you were best friends with the smartest witch in the school. They had too much school gossip to go over, and Harry finally got to hear Ron's reaction to the telling off that Snape had given Malfoy in Potions. It was no longer an isolated incident, and all three of them wondered why it was that Malfoy in particular had fallen out of favour with his Head of House.
Harry slept for nearly five hours straight that night, waking only when Voldemort got particularly miffed with Gregory Goyle's father over a bungled raid on an apothecary. Harry had come to realise that Voldemort was actually missing Hogwarts Potions Master, and sent a note to that effect to the Headmasters office, placing it squarely on his desk where he couldn't fail to find it. He'd considered sending a similar note to Snape, but in the end chose not to commit suicide by Potions Master.
He studied Arithmancy for the rest of the night and got up early to indulge in a long shower. The boys in his dorm were stirring as he returned to get dressed, and Ron was up and rummaging in his dresser. Harry peeled out of his ratty dressing gown and shivered as the cool air struck his skin. He shivered again when something cold and metallic draped itself around his neck and hung against his chest.
"I never meant for you to give that back," Ron's voice said, but by the time he turned the red head was on his way to the loo. Harry grinned stupidly and got dressed, packing his bag for the day and mentally reviewing this afternoon's practical lesson with the second years. It was Thursday and lessons would restart immediately.
He didn't wait for Ron in the dorm, preferring not to torture himself with the struggle to not stare as Ron got dressed. They were not shy in their dorm, and Harry had been very strict with himself about not looking too closely. At any of the boys in his dorm. He was pretty sure that he was the only gay boy in his dorm and didn't want to be some kind of pervert that stared at others in a lust-induced haze. Should anyone ever discover he was gay then the boys in his dorm would at least have the comfort of knowing that Harry had always kept his eyes to himself.
Hermione found him in a chair near the window and perched on the windowsill, making small talk about her Christmas holidays. Apparently the Perkins had come to London and had spent the holidays pumping her parents for more information on the Wizarding world. Hermione could barely wait to turn seventeen so she could show her mother what she'd spent the last six years learning. Harry let her run on, happy to listen to her almost stream of consciousness ramblings once more. This would wear off after a few days, but as he'd never thought he'd be Hermione's sounding board again right now it was a pleasure.
Ron joined them, followed by a gaggle of first years that opened the portrait while Ron and Hermione said good morning and Hermione asked Ron if he'd remembered his holiday homework. Ron was replying rather heatedly when the first years shouted in surprise and a dark green and white checked thing came streaking into the common room and launched itself into Harry's lap.
"Mark?" Harry exclaimed and wrapped his arms around the shivering boy. Mark was freezing cold, as his feet were bare, and he wore no dressing gown over his chequered pyjamas. His breath was hitching in what Harry recognised as 'not quite tears' and Harry cuddled him close, rubbing the thin limbs briskly to warm them.
"Have you been there all night?" he asked in confusion and Mark nodded.
"They were chasing me, and I couldn't find you," he sniffled and Harry bit back a sigh. Most of Marks bad dreams involved the Death Eaters chasing him. As Harry was the person who usually woke Mark up, the boy had come to see him as some sort of protector.
"You're freezing! Why didn't you go to Professor Snape? He'd have helped you," Harry wrapped the edges of his student robe as far around Mark as he could, and smiled in thanks when Hermione conjured up a warm blanket and tucked it around the boy in his lap.
"He was one of them," Mark choked, "They all said he was!"
Tears poured from his eyes and Harry tightened his hold on the boy, freeing his arms so they were outside the blanket. They were attracting a lot of attention at the moment, and as it wasn't common knowledge in Gryffindor that Snape had been a Death Eater, Harry decided to take this elsewhere. Obviously the older students in Slytherin had let their Head of House secret out, though the House was hardly likely to advertise this to the rest of the school. He juggled Mark until he had a good grip and then got up, smiling at Ron when his friend snagged a trailing corner of the blanket and tucked it safely around Mark's frozen feet.
"Come on," Harry shushed, "It's all over now. You're ok, Mark."
Hermione and Ron steadied his burden as he climbed out of the portrait hole and Hermione pulled the blanket up a bit to hide Mark from curious eyes as Harry carried his charge to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey.
She dismissed Hermione and Ron at the door and ushered Harry into her office and over to a big armchair where he could cuddle Mark while she checked him over. Past experience had shown that forcing the boy to let go while he was upset only made things worse. A calming draught and a spot of breakfast would help settle the boy's nerves, and Madam Pomfrey promised to talk to Snape and Dumbledore about what could be done to prevent this from happening again.
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