Rodney gazed out the "windshield" of the jumper he was piloting. He was alone with John on the departure from the nightmare the arrogant scientist had yet to wake up from. His palms were sweating on the controls; and he was certain that his face was deathly pale.
Deathly…death. Death was what was on the planet they were leaving nowhere near far enough behind. Death was what was eating away at his mind, maybe even at his heart. He had seen death before but not like this. Raul killed himself for him and John.
"Wanna talk about it?" asked John quietly.
Rodney remained fixed on the space in front of him. "Talk about what, Major?" he managed to reply calmly.
"Whatever it is that's obviously bothering you. You look like your face is made of white wax that is beginning to melt."
McKay took a breath to think of an insult in return, but instead he blurted out: "If you were slowly dying and I was trying to help you but I was needed somewhere else, you wouldn't shoot yourself in the head in order to make me leave you, would you?"
The cockpit was silent for a few moments while John made sense of the lengthy inquiry. After careful consideration he answered negatively. "Why do you ask? No one ever…oh." It had suddenly dawned on him. "Raul."
A quiet, manly sob came from the pilot's seat. "Yes."
"My god, Rodney. I'm sorry," said John in an effort to be consoling. "What happened?"
As Rodney spoke his voice quivered, "He said that I wanted to go join the fight. He kept saying how funny it was that I, the coward, wanted to go be a hero. After we started to really worry about you, he said I should go. I told him I wouldn't leave him behind. I turned for a minute and…and…he shot himself with the gun I had given him."
Here Rodney broke down and began to cry. John reached over to the controls and stopped the Puddle Jumper. He took his distraught companion in his arms. The Major knew what close encounters with the Grim Reaper felt like and he knew that words would be useless. As Rodney clutched him like a frightened child, John only said one thing—"We can stay here as long as you need to."
The single reply was a muffled thank you.