Disclaimer: I do not own the CATS Video or any of its characters. However, I do own this story in its non-profit entirety. Similarities to other works are merely coincidental.
A Year In The Life of Mistoffelees, Conjuring Extraordinaire
Written By Stanza
4. April
April 1
APRIL FOOLS! Today was the big day for practical jokes, and Tumblebrutus, Pouncival, Mungojerrie, and Rumpleteazer were in their element! The first prank went to Mungojerrie. He loaded Skimbleshanks's morning drink of tea with gin he'd swiped from some careless humans. Poor Skimble was hobbling around all day, woozy and saying things that made his mate Jennyanydots's fur stand on end!
Then Tumblebrutus had a go at it. He switched Jellylorum's embroidery thread with human flossing string! It took Jelly a few hours to pick out the floss and she spent the whole while grousing and cursing Tumble. I never knew a queen so proper could have such apalling words in her vocabulary.
Next, Pounce slyly - and with faster paws than I thought a kitten could have- slipped off Munkustrap's collar. Munkustrap had been attempting to impress Demeter at the time, so he was very mad. If he'd wanted to show off for his mate, he got his wish, but in a bad way (!). Pouncival led him around on a merry chase about the junkyard, wagging his tail like a Peke and sticking his tongue out teasingly, at which Munkustrap would yell, "Why, you little (insert uncouth name here)!" If the senior "cat"izens didn't faint from Skimbleshanks's gin-induced breath, they did from Munk's creative language.
Last but certainly not least, Rumpleteazer took her turn. She switched Bustopher Jones's (my dear pudgy uncle was visiting at the time) suppertime fish with a fake one she'd made herself. It was cloth, with faux scales drawn on with a crayon, and stuffed with fish skeletons. Of course, most Jellicles wouldn't fall for something so apparent, but Uncle's eyesight isn't all that keen, so he did. He bit into it and I'll never forget the look on his face. Rumpleteazer got a stitch in her side, she laughed so hard. Mungojerrie literally snorted with laughter (personally, I think it sounded kinda hoggish).
Victoria and her quitten friends didn't stop laughing all day. She looks so pretty when she laughs.
Thus, I may conclude that today was very exciting.
April 3
The thrills of April Fools is dying down. Pouncival and Jemima were suspiciously reported missing today, and mysteriously appeared just before bedtime, blushing and very happy. They didn't say anything, though. I intend to find out from Pouncival what happened. Tumblebrutus feels the same way. Pounciekins can't hide any secrets from us - we'll tickle them out of him if he won't talk. He usually does.
April 4
We have discovered what occurred yesterday! Breaking news!
Pounce was very reluctant to say anything. So reluctant, in fact, we had to tickle him for several minutes before we learned anything. Several minutes meaning our hands began to get sore from tickling. But we found out, anyway. The two little lovebirds sneaked off to the river to fish (Jemi and Pounce don't exactly mind raw fish, which is what they ate. But I can't stand it in the least) and watch the clouds go pass. Clouds go pass. Jemima's idea, or so I heard. He didn't quite object, because it was a little nippy yesterday and they were snuggling together to keep warm.
"Did she kiss you?" Tumblebrutus asked keenly. We had to tickle the answer out of him for that too. Pounciekins is Tumble's brother, and he wouldn't say! Until we tickled him. Then he was very eager to tell. The answer was yes. Pouncival said he nearly fainted when she did. I assume Jemima told the same thing to the quittens, but who knows.
April 6
Jennyanydots sent the other kittens and out to the fields to recruit dormice and rats for her to train and discipline. She's made it her life's aspiration to "domesticate" every rodent in London. Even Jellylorum is skeptical. The rodents are even worse than beetles, if that's possible. They can cuss curses that would make sailors blush.
April 9
The cattle call is over. We're free! The kittens, I mean. The adult Jellicles are getting busy for the upcoming Jellicle Ball. I have no idea why, though. It's still, what - two months away or so. They're already scrounging around for broken twinkle lights and things like that. I bet tomorrow or the day after or some day in the near future will be a Hunt Day.
April 13
I was right! Today was declared a Hunt Day, and we the lowly kittens were sent off to search for decorations for the Ball. I don't understand it! The Jellicle Ball is on the night humans call Midsummer Night's Eve, which is considered the most magical night in the year. Well...it's not usually on Midsummer Night's Eve, but always around that time, so long as the moon is full. This year, it is a full moon on Midsummer Night's Eve, so the Jellicle Ball should be even more magical than normal.
I found a five-foot long string of twinkle lights. None were broken, but the string wouldn't light, so I had to charge it with some magic. It works now, and and blinks not only white, as it was originally supposed to, but each bulb flashes a different color each time! Demeter and her older sister Bombalurina are very pleased. As are all the rest of the queens. The toms mostly don't care so long as a queen spends the night with them at the Ball, but the queens are so picky, picky, picky! They are always so particular. 'Drape these rags over there, darling.' 'A few more inches to the right, please.' It's enough to make Poms heave.
Jemima discovered a very big ball of yarn, which, as I pointed out, is quite unconnected to the Ball. Jennyanydots and her sister Jellylorum didn't care, though. They were positively delighted. It was that strange multi-colorful yarn, and I swear, they hugged her so tightly upon her triumphant arrival with the yarn in her mouth, her eyes now stick out a centimeter longer than they used to.
April 15
Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very rainy and windy. A storm raged the entire afternoon. It was so wet today, in fact, that everyone had to move to higher ground for the night. We had a veritable pond in the center of the junkyard. I fear for my drainpipe; I think it's completely soaked.
April 17
I thought we'd seen the end of the rainy season in March, but I was wrong. Dreadfully wrong. However, I was very fortunate and lucky to find that the storm's wind threw up a blockage - a big tire about half the size of the one that rises to the Heaviside Layer staircase, and that's big - that covered up my den and kept it dry and clean. Thank the Everlasting Cat! Sweet Bast, thank every known and unknown divine cats!
April 18
Ah, the sun came out today. It was nice and warm. The entire tribe discovered Pouncival and Jemima snuggled up together during the storm, I forgot to mention. So now all the Jellicles know it, and not just the kittens. All I heard for an hour was: "Aw, how cute."
April 20
NOT AGAIN! I believed my little journal was secret, but it seems that now Victoria is on to me! Aahh! What am I going to do if she sees it? This is an emergency - I must stay away from this obsessive diary! Wait - did I say diary? I mean journal! It is addictive!
Sorry for leaving you on a cliff-hanger. -) Wow, thanks for reviewing, everybody! I'm so pleased and astonished to find that every review but one has been signed! When I went to see the reviews, I saw 6 of them! And all positive feedback. Also, I would really appreciate it if you could give me ideas for this story in reviews. Jemima-luvah, you're a big help.,
Amaruk Wolfheart of the Wraith - Thanks! Yes, he is cute, isn't he.
Mystitat - Yes, "quittens" is pretty widely known. It's in more than a couple fics here at - Thank you so much for reviewing me so many times! I appreciate it a lot. And it gladdens me to know that you think I write well and want me to continue.
Anonymous - Uh...not quite sure what this means.
Jemima-luvah - I don't think there's a name for toms who are kittens, but "quittens" definitely exists. It makes me feel so happy inside to know that you really, really like what I'm doing. This is my first CATS fanfic, and I wasn't quite certain how my Misto-diary idea would work out...but you make me feel like it is working, and I will proceed!