Yet there was still something very distant between us. Its uncomprehinsionable;and still i often find myself trying to sort it out. I could torment over the origin of this distance until the end of time, and it's source would still remain a mystery, yet i torment on. How do i really feel about him. My heart screams love and shadows all rational thought,but my mind exposes the truth that i will never be able to live a stable or trusting life with him. I will always have that infernal question brewing in the depths of my questioning mind... whether he has truly gotten over the love that once consumed his body for the maden named kikio. I burst to tell him every intamite detail of my endless love for him, but shudder at the thought of rejection from him, i love, with the deepest depths of my soul. I lye in agony; constantly battling over and over, and over again of what my life is and where it will go. Does my destiny lye in the arms of my silver demon, or fade in the ever moving hands of time. Who am i to ask such questions of absurdity?...but then again, what is absurd? Is finding the mate of your sole absurd?... Is loving someone so much that you can't even think of persuing life without them adjacent to your being absurd?...Or,is hiding in silence of your deepest feelings, failing to express them, and living a life of continual self battlement and despair absurd. It thinks.
The river runs cold and clean as i ponder my rippled refelction in the cascading waters of the luminecent river below.
The glowing moon lights the surfaces of the earth like the sun of the night...the silence is crisp. I find myself
staring again as he catches a glimpse. Again i am mezmorized by his form...why...why must i torture myself with a love
that i know i will never behold...why is the simple word i ask of myself more than anyother word and i still lye in
shadow from the truth that it holds. His eyes burn like amber embers through the very fiber of my being...but not
intentionally. It's the same stare he has reserved for my prescene yet it captivates my puzzlement everytime i receive
it. What is he thinkging, if only i knew it would enable me to resolve the deepest secrets of my soul. As i think i
realize that the questions that give me the geatest torment are the ones of the most simple one word structure.
Quetions like why? and what? I gaze at the distant figure aluminated by the never fading moon, and the silver demon
in the blood red cloths of his origin...does he even see me...ME. The thought of him ever doing so haunts the darkest
of my nightmares. For if he ever saw the interior of my soul he might brand me with a new face and cast a new glace
in my presence. The depths of his soul, he will never reveal to me.. forced out of a sharp pain of dissapppintment
and unassurance i do the same...i do the same.