"AHA!" yelled the author's friend, who was lying on her bed with an old comic book in his hands. He was watching her as she sat at her computer looking at her reviews for her newest and only Pirates of the Caribbean fanfiction story. "I knew it!" he yelled. "I knew that if you wrote something about Jack Sparrow having a long lost daughter, dozens of Johnny Depp fangirls would write you reviews! Never fails!" he laughed, failing to understand that five reviews, while very encouraging, were hardly 'dozens.'

The author merely rolled her eyes and began typing the next chapter.

Before we go any farther into the story, we should probably let you know more about the only character in this story who cannot represent herself. Nelly Blythe had been with only three men in her life. The first was a baker, and that was for only one night and she forgot his name shortly after. The second was with her landlord, and his wife found out about it and hit him over his head with a frying pan, inadvertently killing him. The wife was nearly hanged, but she escaped to Bermuda with the help of a few friends, and no one ever learned of Nelly's involvement. The third, as you know, was Captain Jack Sparrow while his ship was in port fourteen years ago. Nelly was quite smitten with him and he with her. She did spend the night with him, but by the time she learned that she was expecting Jack's child, he had already left for sea and was off to some adventure involving cursed skeleton pirates and a gold medallion or something of that sort. I believe you know that story already. When it came time for her to give birth, she sought the help of a Catholic poorhouse. When the doctor who was to deliver her child asked her who was the father, Nelly knew that she was in a house of God and decided it might be better to lie and say that she was in fact married to the father, and that he had died. It was the last sin poor Nelly Blythe ever committed, and the Lord understood and quickly forgave her for it. I tell you this story because we will never have chance to meet poor Nelly and she does have a story to be told.

But now I'm done with all that, and let's get back to the story at hand.

Six years had passed since Captain Jack Sparrow was last in Portsmouth, and very little had changed. One of the few things that actually had changed was the fact that Gwen had grown from a young girl to a very young woman. If we can spare a moment to describe her physically, Gwen happened to be a pretty young woman. She had long brown hair which she was always careful to wear in a bun least she become vain. Her dresses were always plain, and in short; she was everything a Nun could hope a child to be. We are now done sparing a moment to describe what she looks like, so you just make up the rest yourself.

She was a very sensible girl, our Gwen, and she was responsible for helping look after the younger orphans. As a result, she knew how to appear fearsome and to inspire terror, something very useful when minding after disobedient children. Gwen had long given up any fantasies of being a princess, or any member of the peerage, for that matter. She was responsible, smart, mindful, and in short, everything opposite of her father.

One day, she was out in the market with her friend Susan, who was also raised in the orphanage. They weren't really out to buy anything, just to look at some of the goods being sold. Half the things being sold were items that Gwen would raised her nose and say 'frivolous!' or 'sinful!' and turn away, disgusted at the needless wares that man did not need to survive. Susan had a sneaking suspicion that Gwen enjoyed doing that.

Gwen was watching in distaste at some of the gold jewelry being pawned when Susan grabbed her arm and said "Look, there's a hanging over at the gallows! If we hurry we can get a good spot!"

Gwen, who was never able to resist a chance to see sinners be punished, ran along with her friend where a crowd was gathering at the gallows near the market. They stood there while the executioner, a tall muscular man with a black hood covering his face, was preparing the scaffold for the condemned.

"Rotten Tomatoes!" shouted a tall boy coming through the crowd. He was holding a tray filled with rotten tomatoes strapped to his shoulders and was holding up a particularly putrid one in his hand. "Rotten Tomatoes to throw at the evil criminals! Halfpence a piece!"

"That's horrible," said Gwen.

"We'll take four!" yelled Susan, and she reached in her pocket for some coins. The boy walked over and they exchanged goods: Tuppence for four stinking tomatoes.

"Oh look Gwen! They're bringing them out!" said Susan and sure enough five condemned men were brought out and led to the spots. The executioner began tying the rope around their neck, one by one.

"Wait a moment," said Gwen, looking at the men. "I know that one!" She pointed at the man in the middle, "That's Captain Jack Sparrow, I know him!"

"You know Captain Jack Sparrow!" exclaimed the boy, "You know the ferocious pirate who vanished from seven agents of the East India Company, sacked Nassau Port without firing a shot, who stole the Black Pearl from the hands of a Captain so evil that Hell itself spit him back out, who escaped from the gallows of Port Royale and fought hundreds of guards, who fought in the battle of Tortuga?"

"Well," said Gwen, "Not as well as I thought I did."

Meanwhile, Susan had been taking careful aim, and then threw a rotten tomato straight into the face of one of the men waiting to be hanged. "Dead on!" she shouted with glee.

"That's nothing!" yelled another man next to them. "I can do better! Come here, boy, I'll pay money for a couple really moldy ones!"

Soon a competition was out over who could throw the rotten tomatoes with the best aim. After several rounds, Susan was winning three to one. It had gotten to the point where the officials in charge of the ceremony had postponed the actual hangings for the moment and were making bets themselves. Finally, enough was enough and the executioner came out on the platform and said that there was to be absolutely no more throwing of to-

SPLAT! A boy down in front had managed to get the executioner in the face, to the cheers of the crowd. Even the men with ropes around their necks laughed aloud.

The official, however, realized that they did have to get on with the event so he began to read off the offenses.

"Horace Spittlesworth, Edward Pencarrow, Jack Sparrow-

"That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow" yelled the man in the middle.

"Martin Fens, Patrick Cornwell, You have been charged and found guilty of the crimes which will be read overall: Looting, Smuggling, Piracy, Impersonating a Naval officer, impersonating a member of the clergy…"

"You might as well keep throwing," said the tall boy (whose name happened to be Bob) "this is going to take a long time."

"Impersonating a member of the Royal Family…" continued the barrister.

While some members of the crowd did keep throwing rotten vegetables, Susan questioned Bob. "Do you go to these often?"

"Wha? Oh yes, great business for a rotten tomato seller, hangings. That 'long with people in the stocks, at unpopular city officials and durin' cock fights."

"It must be interesting work," remarked Susan.

"Oh yeah, makes me Mum right proud," smiled Bob, "Make good money and the shows are right interesting. One time they were hanging this 'eavy fella, and when they pulled the lever they accidentally decap'tated him."

"That's disgusting," said Gwen, "What happened next?"

Bob shrugged, "I heard the guards played a round of football with his head, but I was there and they looked too sick to do that. Oye," he turned and asked Gwen, "How do you know Jack Sparrow?"

"I met him once when I was eight," she said, "I think he might have known one of my parents." She pulled out from under her clothing the silver medallion which for some reason unknown to her she liked to wear. "He gave me this."

"Oh yeah…" said Susan, "I think it's supposed to be-"

"Oye!" said Bob, "they're startin'" Gwen hid the necklace under her shirt.

"…Hanged by the neck until you are dead!" said the barrister, and the hangman pulled the wooden lever.

No one of Portsmouth saw what happened coming. Not even young Bob who had seen more hangings in a year than some people do in their lifetime, and what's more had made quite a profit selling rotten tomatoes at them.

The man who was standing next to Sparrow murmured, "Can't they just hang us by the neck until we are sick?"

Sparrow smiled, and the hangman pulled the wooden lever. At that moment, Sparrow jumped into the air and swung out his supposed-to-be-tied arms. He dropped down and the hang rope SNAPPED, as he and his mates had designed it. As you may or may not have noticed, this hanging was not entirely in the gallowmen's favor. Before he could fall down, he grabbed the platform and swung up and shouted, "NOW!"

Catching the cue, one of the guards took out his sword and chopped a certain rope (this guard was actually not a guard at all but a very nice pirate whose name happened to be Paully), and all the condemned men who were now breathing their last dropped to the ground and to their surprise, continued breathing. The hangman, whose eyes were filled too much with rotten tomato juice to see anything besides the lever, was helpless. The guards, at least those who were in fact not pirates and whose names were not Paully, grabbed their bayonets and headed up to stop Sparrow. However, Paully threw Sparrow a sword in the nick of time, and he managed to fight the guards.

The crowd meanwhile had begun to cheer. It was unclear whether or not they were cheering the guards or Sparrow, but since they were getting good entertainment, it didn't seem to matter.

Suddenly from the distance there was a loud booming sound, to which Sparrow ducked. A cannonball flew past the gallows and into a building behind it, creating a loud crash. It was then the crowd stopped cheering, seemingly in surprise. Another loud boom and an explosion on a rooftop next to the gallows confirmed any suspicions.

"Oh my God," said Susan, "they're sacking the port."

It was then the general running and confusion of the crowd began. People began running away from the gallows, where it seemed the cannon fire was concentrated. Susan, Gwen and Bob followed the crowd amid the explosions. "Why are they doing this? In broad daylight?" yelled Gwen.

"That's Sparrow's ship, that is!" yelled Bob, who despite the panic was still clutching his tray of rotten tomatoes. "They must've heard he was going to be hanged and fired on the gallows!"

"Oh that's a bloody brilliant idea!" yelled Susan angrily, "Now we're all going to d-"

"This way!" yelled Bob and he grabbed Susan and Gwen and pulled them into an alleyway. He kept running, and they followed him to a narrow street that led to the governor's mansion. "Less crowds," he explained. "This is the quickest way to garrison."

"Why on earth would we want to go to the garrison?" demanded Gwen.

"'Cause if you were a pirate, a garrison filled with soldiers would the last place you'd go, wouldn't you?" said Bob. Gwen was sure that she could argue with his reasoning if she had the chance. Fortunately for Bob, Gwen's attention turned to the street she, Susan and Bob were standing on. "Where is everyone?" she asked. The street was empty.

"Probably going to see what the ruckus is all about," said Bob, "or possibly running away from it. This way to the garrison." said Bob. He had his priorities.

There was a loud gunshot from nearby, and it sounded nothing like cannon fire, and what's more, it came from the opposite direction of the docks. "It came from there!" said Susan, pointing up the road towards the governor's mansion. "Let's go!"

Now, Susan was the kind of character that whenever she sensed trouble, her automatic reaction was to follow it. She was also the kind of character that whenever she ordered "Let's go!" people around her (in this case Gwen and Bob) were obliged to follow. You often find these sorts in mystery books involving teenagers solving crimes or war stories, but sometimes you find this in unlikely places, such as fanfiction.

Well, Gwen and Bob followed Susan up to Governor Pennington's mansion. The gate was open, and so were the doors to the main foyer. They did not go in, however. Instead, Susan led them around the house and they hid behind bushes and watched what was happening.

Since all the soldiers were busy around the town square and the garrison, no one noticed that pirates had broken into the mansion, tied up all but two of the servants and began looting the house in an orderly fashion. No one noticed of course, except our young trio of heroes.

"I can't believe this! In broad daylight!" whispered Gwen. "We have to get some guards!"

"No," said Susan, "by the time we get to them and back, these knaves will be long gone! But…how do we stop them then?" Susan, like many hero-types was concerned with stopping the evil pirates.

"We could throw some tomatoes at them," offered Bob, and he held one up from his tray.

Susan turned and saw that Bob was still after all this was holding his tray of rotting tomatoes. She had quite forgotten all about it. "You still have that thing?

"Yeah, a man's got to make his living off of it."

"Well, we could throw them at the pirates," said Susan.

"Susan, that's a ridiculous idea!" said an exasperated Gwen, "What are we to do? Throw them in the eyes of the pirates and hope it blinds them?"

Bob interceded. "It worked for the executioner."

"My God, I can't believe this. Pirates are sacking the governor's mansion and your best approach is to throw rotten tomatoes at them? We need to find some guards!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you luv," came a voice behind them. They slowly turned and saw that behind them was standing none other than a man who less than an hour ago they were waiting to see hanged. None other than Captain Jack Sparrow. The three remained frozen.

"Oh," said Gwen.

"We should run," suggested Bob.

"Good idea," commended Susan.

The three burst out running in completely different directions, but not before Bob threw his tray at Sparrow, leaving him with a face drenched in rotten tomato juice. The pirates who had been busy take things from the house had stopped to watch this fiasco.

Sparrow wiped the juice from his eyes and looked at his men. "Well!" he said waving his arms in the air, "Feel free to catch them!"

Four of the men, seemingly to remember their duty, began running after the three. The rest just laughed and got back to taking anything valuable they could find from the house. Sparrow took off his bandana and wiped off the juice from his face. He knew he would smell like rotting tomatoes for days.

Sparrow had not recognized that one of the girls he had sent some of his men after was Gwen. He was much too interested in a certain piece of plunder. He walked over to the cart where the pirates were placing the loot. He looked through it and searched for something. He stepped back and retied his bandana. Sparrow's mind began to race. It wasn't here. The very item he had come all this way for was not there.

This was not good. This was not good at all.