Chapter 6: Yeasty
Disclaimer: We don't own the characters, places or anything recognisable from the Harry Potter Books 'cause they belong to J. K. Rowling. We write only for our own pleasure and make nothing from it.
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"Moony?" Sirius put his fork down beside his empty plate and rubbed his stomach in satisfaction. "There is only one thing that could complete this evening."
"Oh?" Remus turned around from where he was washing the dishes. "What's that?"
Sirius grinned. "A drink down the pub. How about it?"
"It'll have to be tonight. I start taking wolfsbane tomorrow and drinking will make it useless."
"Hmm, I didn't exactly have a tea total evening planned."
"As long as you promise not to get me as stinking drunk as you did last time. The memory still hurts my brain."
"Alright." Sirius crossed his fingers behind his back. "I promise."
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A little while and one broken promise later…
"So, about this April girl you've been… being… you're hung up on…" Sirius slurred as he took another gulp of his glass of Ogdens Old Firewhisky. He coughed a little as it burned the back of his throat. "She's a bit o' alright." Sirius patted Remus on the back rather heavily, causing his friend to cough. "I'm real proud of you. Who'd have thought it? My old buddy getting a hot piece of buttery crumpet like that. I mean, if you weren't so into her, I would have had a crack at her myself," he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Remus scowled. "Like she would have given you the time of day…" He sipped at his pint clumsily, causing some to spill down his hand and onto the bar. The bartender rolled his eyes and prepared to rinse out his cloth. "She has better taste than to go for ugly buggers like you."
"I'm affronted!" Sirius clasped his hand to his breast dramatically and almost tipped backwards off of his barstool. Remus grabbed his shoulder and laughed. "The um…" he counted on his fingers, "million girls I have dated would disagree."
Remus snorted. "Million?"
His friend frowned. "Nah, perhaps you're right. It's more like two million. Anyway, they would disagree with you." He took another gulp of his whisky and coughed. "I could owl some of them right now," he gasped.
"You don't have an owl with you."
Sirius checked his jacket pockets carefully, while Remus chuckled, and shrugged. "Seems not. Do you have one I can borrow?"
"Nope."
"Dammit. Then I suppose we'd better get another drink." He flicked his hand clumsily to get the attention of the bartender, almost slapping Remus in the face. "Barkeep! Another couple of drinks over here, please. Make mine a double."
"A double? Sure you're up to it?"
Sirius gaped. "Are you saying I can't handle my drink?" He got off his barstool, wobbling precariously, and beckoned. "Come here and say that."
"Not on your life. I have some common sense," Remus chuckled.
"Yeah, right." Sirius teetered, fell backwards into a chair and hit the wooden floor with a bang. Muttering some very strong expletives that he had probably learnt from Mundungus Fletcher, he rubbed his sore rear.
Remus peered down at him from his high perch. "Are you alright down there?"
"Yeah," Sirius grunted. "I don't suppose you could pass me my drink?"
"You're fine." Remus turned back to his pint and gulped greedily.
Sirius, still rubbing his rear, managed to get to his feet, holding onto a nearby table. "Yeah, Remus, very sympathetic." He clouted his friend around the head, causing him to spill beer into his lap.
Swearing, but a little more elegantly than Sirius, Remus grabbed a nearby bar towel and dabbed ineffectually at his lap. "What did you do that for, you ass?"
"Perhaps it might cool your heated, April-obsessed little friend," Sirius snickered as he slid awkwardly back onto his barstool. Seeing that his new drink had arrived, he swigged at it with gusto.
"I am not… it is not…" Remus sighed. "Ok, you're right."
Sirius laughed raucously and slapped his friend's shoulder. "Nothing like being a man, is there? I feel for you, Moony."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you feel for me enough to pour my own drink into my lap."
Sirius laughed again. "What are friends for?"
"Besides," Remus continued, "how would you know how I feel? It's not like you ever had to wait for a girl…"
"You have to be joking! Don't you remember Estra? She kept me waiting for weeks," Sirius smiled slowly, "but it was worth it in the end. She was a stunner. Speaking of, I wonder if I still have her address." He reached into his bomber jacket pocket, pulled out a little black book and started leafing through it. "I could pay her a little visit…"
Remus rolled his eyes and passed his empty glass from hand to hand. "Do you know how old she is?"
Sirius looked up. "Who, Estra? Gads, she must be all of thirty-five now…"
"No, not Estra. April."
"April?" Sirius screwed his face up. "That's a hard one. I'm not good at ages." He shrugged. "I don't know, Moony. Does it matter?"
Remus frowned. "She's twenty-eight, and I'm not sure whether it matters or not."
"Woah. When you pick 'em, you pick 'em good. Twenty-eight!" Sirius grinned. "You old son of a gun!"
"Padfoot, you're not seeing the point."
"What's the point?" Sirius signalled for Remus to have another drink.
"She's twenty- eight and I'm forty-three!"
"You're not 43!" Sirius announced disbelievingly."
"No I'm not… for another three weeks."
"So?"
"So, she's… uhm… fourteen years younger than me. I could have taught her at Hogwarts."
"Now that's a dirty thought," Sirius sniggered. "What a detention that would have been!"
"Padfoot! You're not listening," Remus interrupted exasperatedly.
"Oh, I assure you, I'm listening. What's wrong with her being younger than you? People do it all the time. I remember when I-"
"Yes, but I don't."
Sirius sighed. "I know you haven't always approved of my way of thinking, or some of the things I have done, but I really can't see what is wrong with having a relationship with someone that much younger than you." He shrugged. "But that's my opinion. Merlin, we're having a serious conversation; I must be sobering up. Well, we can't have that." He downed his whisky, choked, and signalled for another.
"I don't see how you could sober up so quickly after having five whiskies."
"Practice?" Sirius said lightly. "Anyways, back onto less serious subjects…"
"Yes. How long are you staying?"
Sirius shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I'll stay until I think of somewhere else to go."
"Why don't you go home?" Remus asked casually, sipping at his pint.
"What, back to London?" Sirius shot his friend a look. "Nah. I don't want to go back there yet. Besides, I enjoy the company and the travelling. The things I've seen that I never thought I would again..." Sirius sniffed into his whisky and tugged on the front lock of his hair, deliberately hiding his eyes.
Remus patted him on the back silently.
"Merlin, this evening is really becoming macabre! I thought we were getting drunk to get cheerful not suicidal." He gulped at his drink almost desperately.
"It seems we don't have very much to be cheerful about." Remus smiled ruefully.
"What? Are you kidding? We have plenty! You, especially, having a tasty little redhead after you. Speaking of, how's your lap?"
"Yeasty," Remus sighed, amused, as Sirius snickered.
"Well, we'll get that cleared up when we get home."
"We will? Padfoot, I am not taking a shower with you!"
Sirius laughed loudly. "I wouldn't want you to. But, if I was ever that way inclined…"
"I think you've had just about enough to drink now," Remus grimaced.
"No worries, Moony. The day I want your body is the day I am willing to kiss Snape, which," he shuddered, "is a day I hope will never come." He waved his hand in the air. "Barkeep, another drink please. I have a horrible taste in my mouth."
Remus spluttered with laughter.
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By the time the two men had managed to stagger out of the pub, with the help of a rather exasperated bartender, it was well past midnight. The streets were silent, except for the occasional caterwaul of a cat and the rattle of a dustbin lid.
Sirius, trying to tiptoe quietly, ended up flailing and falling into a dustbin, tipping it over in the process. He removed an old, rotting lettuce leaf from his face and glared at Remus, who was splitting his sides with laughter.
"Well, you could give me a hand up."
"What, and let you drag me into the rubbish? I don't think so."
Sirius managed to crawl up onto his knees and frowned. "You know, for the life of me, I cannot remember how to do a cleaning charm."
Remus shrugged. "I would try, but I'd probably end up giving you polka dots."
"Please, don't. On second thoughts, perhaps we'd better forgo apparating and just get the Knight Bus back…" Sirius got to his feet and brushed himself off, teetering and grabbing onto Remus for support.
"That would probably be the sensible option," Remus agreed, nodding sagely, his eyes almost crossing. He wrinkled up his nose, ruining the effect. "Merlin, you stink."
"Talk about yourself, yeast boy," Sirius bit back.
"Yeast boy?" Remus staggered back on unsteady legs as Sirius loomed in front of him and chuckled. "Surely you can do better than that!"
Sirius poked Remus in the chest and called him some very impolite names, which made Remus laugh even more. "How's that?"
"Better, but I can assure you that I have never been that near to a sheep to be able to do that."
"Yeah, yeah." Sirius stuck his wand arm out and jumped quickly out of the way to avoid being run over by the Knight Bus.
'Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard- 'Ere, you're not gonna be sick, are you?" Stan Shunpike stared in horrid fascination at Sirius who looked like he was trying not to gag.
"No, but I will if you don't let us on the bus now."
"No need to be like that," Stan jumped onto the bus and sat in his armchair, taking the fares from Remus and Sirius before directing Ernie to start driving.
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Was it really the age gap that fazed him, or was he just scared like Sirius said? Did he think she would leave him like in every other relationship he'd ever had? Or was he just scared silly of being rejected by someone he really liked.
Damn these pesky thoughts!
Did he think she would only ever want him at a full moon? Or was it the rejection thing?
Damn Sirius, he didn't aught to be aloud to provoke deeply introspective thoughts, that sort of thing led to knowing yourself and that would surely make things boring, wouldn't it?
Remus shook his head as he stood in front of the stove, heating his wolfsbane. The smell was really quite sickening and he always hated the thought of drinking it. When it finally came to the boil, Remus took it from the heat and pored it into a goblet. It smoked ominously and Remus held his nose as he drank to take the foul taste away. He took a glass of milk with him to bed so that he would have some other taste in his mouth before he went to sleep.
Sirius was passed out on the sofa, but his words about having someone to go through this with were playing on Remus' mind; she really was something.
A/N:
Hi, sorry for the massive delays. I know I say this every time, but life just always seem to get between me and my fan fiction.
I hope it won't take me so long to get the next instalment done.
Hope everyone is well,
All our love,
Martha and Squirrel.x.x.x