Disclaimer: We don't own the characters, places or anything recognisable from the Harry Potter Books 'cause they belong to J. K. Rowling. We write only for our own pleasure and make nothing from it.
88888888888
April had been twenty-one and working in the Diagon Alley Central Library when she had been bitten and became a werewolf.
Fairly good grades from Hogwarts meant she definitely wasn't going to starve when she left school. Flicking through the Daily Prophet, she had applied for the first job that seemed doable: General Library assistant. Almost three years later after showing some aptitude she had applied for the post of Dangerous and Potentially Lethal Book Monitor. This meant she had her own office and library department all to herself. At the green age of 21, she was the youngest person working there and felt decidedly out of place.
She'd only been working there a year and a half or so, still a lowly shelf replenisher reeling in the wonder of a weekly pay cheque and renting her own small one bedroom place, when she had spotted the first young person in quite some time. Or rather he had spotted her.
"Excuse me, Miss."
April tuned away from the Sensual Charming for Beginners section to see a young man, perhaps a few years older than herself, not attractive by anyone's measure, but not ugly. "Can I help you?"
"I'm looking for this." He handed her a scrap of parchment.
His name had been James. April had helped him find his book and then agreed to meet him after she finished work for a drink. She didn't know where it would lead her a couple of years down the line.
And now… Maybe it was Karma. Perhaps the harsh rejection of James, who had liked her so much, whom she supposed she had led on, left her destined not to be wanted by the one person she truly felt for. April mused to herself while drinking the first cup of tea of the day. She wanted to go to Remus and tell him just how she felt, that it didn't matter if the moon was full or not, she liked him very much and not just as a friend. But if, as she suspected, he felt nothing like that in return, she didn't want to be like James; pestering him for more than he wanted to be to her. She didn't want to turn into James.
At least she would get to see him again today when she took him the rest of the wolfsbane. And maybe Sirius would tell her more stories…
88888888888
Remus' back garden was very small, just a patch of grass with a big tree in the middle. "Sirius… Why are you sat in the tree?"
"Have you ever sat in the tree?" Sirius asked.
"I hate it when you answer a question with a question."
"Well, have you?"
"Once or twice." Remus admitted.
"And why were you in the tree… once or twice?"
Remus looked at the ground and toed a small stone with his shoe.
"Why were you in the tree, Moony?"
"Because you can see April's house from there."
"There you go then, answered your own question." Sirius turned back in the direction he had been watching. "Moony… can I ask you something?"
"Is it to do with April?"
"Yes."
"Then no." Remus turned to go back inside.
"Hey, wait, this is serious."
"Ok, go on, I'm listening."
"If you like April, and you're both werewolves, then does that mean wolfy-Remus likes wolfy-April?"
Remus blinked into the middle distance. "I don't want to talk about it." He uncomfortably shifted his shoulders.
"That would mean yes then. You know it's ok. There was this stray bitch that raided my dustbin every Tuesday, used to get the dog in me dreadful itchy, I can tell you."
Remus stared at the other man, appalled.
"Of course, I was relieved when the baker's wife round the corner turned out to be an Animagi. She didn't want to play though, far too committed to her husband. I got over it, she wasn't that attractive a woman."
Remus turned round and walked back inside, calling after him "I'm going forget we ever had this little conversation." It was only a couple of seconds before he put his head back round the door frame to ask "If I like this woman and you are my best friend, should you be spying on her?"
"I'm not spying like that. This way I can let you know if she does anything interesting."
Remus shook his head and went back in.
"She just left the house, so I'm guessing the rest of your wolfsbane is on the way." Sirius called after him.
88888888888
Sirius yawned and stretched arms over his head, they had spent a pleasant hour or two with April that afternoon and Remus had neatly avoided analysing it all afternoon, much to Sirius' annoyance. "Do you want me to stay until after the full moon?" he asked.
"Well, don't put yourself out if there's somewhere you'd rather be." They hadn't discussed how long Sirius would be staying.
"No, I've nowhere to be really, not until the World Cup starts. I suppose I was really asking if you minded me staying."
"Do you really have to ask? You never used to. My home is your home and all that. Besides I can always use the company."
"It seems to me you could have company any time you wanted."
"So… the World Cup huh? Think we've got a chance this time?"
"Distracting me with Quidditch talk, very sly."
Despite Sirius best efforts, Remus managed to draw him into a Quidditch debate that became a Quidditch argument and the two men stayed up long into the small hours reminiscing. Remus mixed him night time dose of Wolfsbane and took himself to bed around two thirty while Sirius settled himself on the sofa. Only a couple of days till the moon. He was glad Sirius would be here actually; he didn't trust himself to stay confined in the house on his own. At least Sirius would be able to control him if he tried to leave.
88888888888
April hit the damp mossy ground, putting her hands out to break the fall, twigs and bark digging and cutting into her knees. A heavy presence settled over her, she lay flat on the ground, enjoying the warm naked flesh pressed against her back. She cried, rolling her hips as a hot mouth closed on her neck. His arms pinned hers to the cool earth. She bucked her hips again in encouragement, not wanting him to stop. In a moment of pain, fierce and throbbing, it was happening and was over at once. He was gone and she was back in the reality of her bedroom, startled awake and heart pounding, her body hot and expectant.
April blinked stupidly into the darkness, her body slow to realise she'd just been dreaming. The soft mattress and comfy bedding felt disturbingly juxtaposed to the forest floor. Her body throbbed at the thought of Remus' hot body on top of hers. That wasn't just a dream, that had happened, but she hadn't been human last time. The dreams were definitely getting more detailed and particular. Rolling onto her back she tried to forget the pleasure of his presence, disturbed by how much she had enjoyed something so far removed from healthy human sex, even if it had only been cooked up in her mind.
She felt strangely alone now, and cold, the heat starting to drain away, but her body persisted in throwing up the mental sensation of him, obviously not content for the warmth to evaporate completely and leave her able to return to sleep.
88888888888
Sirius woke up to the sound of someone being violently ill. Not an uncommon experience in Azkaban. He shivered and started himself to full wakefulness, sitting bolt upright, he blinked into the dark and tried to remember where he was.
He quickly deduced that it must be Remus chucking his guts up. He stood up, frowning and murmuring a few word to light up his way to the bathroom.
"Are you alright?" He asked blearily, looking round the door "I didn't think that meal was one of your best but I didn't want to say anything myself." He tried to distract from a clearly unpleasant situation. Remus was bent over the toilet, still retching, mooning at the doorway. Sirius went to fetch a robe, bringing it in and draping it around his friend's shoulders, encouraging Remus to stand up.
Remus looked grey and not at all happy, he was trembling a little, making Sirius uneasy, what was the matter?
"Sit down," Sirius commanded, guiding the other man to the edge of the bath; still within safe distance of the toilet should the need for it arise again. "Stay there, I'll get you a glass of water."
He filled a glass in the kitchen, wondering what the time was and what had brought on Remus' sudden need to empty his stomach.
Sirius found Remus leaning still sat quietly on the edge of the bath, looking ashen and fragile. "Here." He offered Remus the glass and he clutched it awkwardly.
"Thanks." Remus was hoarse.
"What's the matter? I know I said about the meal, but that would have got to me too surely."
"Oh Gods, Sirius. I don't know what I've done." He gave the once sipped glass of water back and held onto the rim of the bath with both hands.
Sirius put the water on the floor, turning to Remus and trying to encourage him to tie the robe together; it was possible to be too comfortable with a person.
"Sorry," Remus mumbled, as he physically tried to pull himself into order.
"You going to tell me why that little eviction was necessary?"
"You remember how my dreams are apt to get a little intense around full moon." Remus took in and held a deep breath.
"I remember you trying to scream Gryffindor tower to the ground."
"Well, it's always very vague and I never really remember anything when I wake up. Since moving here though… they're getting more vivid and specific all the time."
Remus looked like a corpse. Sirius hadn't seen him this bad since he was a teenager and had to endure the transformation unsuppressed. He sure used to get nervous then. "Do you think it's being near another werewolf? That's all that's different about here, isn't it?"
"I think so…Oh Merlin, I'm in trouble."
"They're just dreams, mate. Don't let it get to you." Sirius knew from experience that was easier said than done.
"I'm not sure they are. I think they're real. Sirius, a couple of months after being here I got a duff batch of wolfsbane."
"Merlin, what happened?"
"I don't know. I met April the day after, she said she'd stopped me from hurting anyone."
"Well, that's got to be a good thing,"
"That doesn't mean I didn't hurt her."
"You know any wounds would show on the person as well, if she had been hurt that bad you'd have realised, especially if you saw her the next day." Sirius adjusted his sitting position; the china bath was cold on the backs of his legs.
"I think I raped her, Sirius."
The words hung heavy in the air for a moment. "Gods." Sirius murmured. "You can't have." Sirius didn't believe what he was hearing. "She's awful nice and that's just not the sort of thing people are nice about, as a rule."
"She said something about not denying what she is, what if she just let me…I can't think about it." Remus put his hand over his mouth and shut his eyes.
Sirius waited for his friend to calm down again.
"I suppose I'd thought of it on some level. Put two and to together. But dreaming about it… It was so real, Sirius. What I, I mean the wolf, did to her. And it excited me, that's sick isn't it?"
Sirius didn't know how to respond, he had no experience to draw on to help with this. "The wolf is inside you, all the time. You've told me before that you can feel it the days before and after. That'd probably explain your reaction. You, human you, is obviously pretty disgusted." Sirius made a gesture to indicate the situation they found themselves in as proof. "You need to talk to her, find out what happened, it's the only way you'll ever know for sure."
"I can't ask her to tell me!" Remus sounded horrified.
"Perhaps I should speak to her then." Sirius suggested.
"The whole thing just seems so unseemly." Remus hung his head. "I'm really fond of her. I haven't felt so at home in a long time and she's a big part of that but…"
"The full moon makes you hornier than ever?"
"Yes, eloquently put as usual."
"If you were out of control and did something to her, it was hardly your fault."
"I still hurt someone I care about."
"You think you did. Be sure that there's something to beet yourself up about before you get in a state."
"Say I didn't, I'm still disturbed over the fact that I'm sort of turned on by it. Merlin! I feel filthy."
"Let's have a cup of tea, you're not going to be able to sleep are you? Not in this state." Sirius stood up and ushered Remus out of the bathroom door ahead of him. Remus had been there for him when he really needed him, after being on the run when he'd escaped Azkaban; Remus had been a rock he wouldn't have survived without. And now Remus needed a little support.
88888888888
A/N: I know I'm abysmally slow at writing fan fiction, apologies and huge THANKS to those who are still bothering to stick with this story. I'm still enjoying writing it very much. I love putting these two through their angst filled paces.
The age gap doesn't really have any factor in why they don't get together, it's just Remus thinking up any excuse not to risk being rejected again. He'll realise that it's not a big deal eventually!
I have noticed that my Lupin seems to lack that element of cool he had POA. I think he still has it, we just only saw him at good times of the month in POA whereas he's more interesting to me when he's suffering I'm afraid. I shall endeavour to include a little more of that mischievous cool in future chapters!
All our Love,
Martha and Squirrel.x.x.x