-Hizzy
"Logan?" Rogue asked timidly as she stepped into the study room. Logan wasn't anywhere in site, but he had obviously ripped apart the room not too long ago. There were books torn apart, chairs overturned, paintings slashed through, and a wet spot on the carpet where he had either spilled a beverage or marked his territory. In fact, there was only one thing in the room that didn't seem to be destroyed, and that was the typewriter and a stack of papers next to it. Rogue wondered if it the papers' content would help her in any way to find out what was causing Logan's crazed behavior. She pulled a paper off the top of the pile and began to read it.
'Dear Diary,
Yesterday was my birthday and Kurt and Rogue didn't even remember. Maybe that's because I never told them it was my birthday, but still! They could have asked when my birthday was. But they didn't! Nobody ever considers my feelings. I wish they would apologize to me. Then I wouldn't have to kill them. At least the professor remembered. He sent me a package that the mailman delivered today. It was a box of cookies. I was so happy I ate all of the cookies as soon as I opened it. But there was coconut in the cookies! How could the professor forget that I hate coconut? I never told him that I hate coconut but he could have at least read my mind just to be sure! That's what his powers are for. Anyway, I was so upset that I killed the mailman. That made me feel a little better. But just thinking about it right now makes me so mad! I will probably feel a lot better after I kill Kurt and Rogue. And then when all the other students get back I will kill them, too. And maybe their families if I feel like it. I haven't really decided yet. Oh, look at me! I'm going on like a school girl! I'd better get going so I can kill Kurt and Rogue.'
Rogue stared at the page in shock, unbelieving of what she had just read. She had already suspected that Logan was planning on killing her. In fact, the other day, he'd said to her, "Rogue, I'm going to kill you. I don't mean that as a joke or anything. I'm seriously going to kill you. Oh, and dinner's ready." But now that she actually read it on paper, she realized that it was actually going to happen.
She was still staring at the page when she heard the door slam open. She gave a shriek and spun around, finding Logan standing in the doorway. He had a crazy look in his eyes and a rifle in his hand.
"Don't kill me!" she screamed as he started towards her.
Logan stopped and gave her an odd look, "Who said anything about killing you?"
"You did!" she exclaimed.
He rolled his eyes, "I was just joking when I said that."
"But you said you weren't joking," she pointed out.
Logan thought about it for a moment, then shot back, "I was joking when I said I wasn't joking. It's all a joke. Get it?" He began laughing cheerfully. Well, to him it sounded cheerful. In reality it actually sounded insane. Rogue stared at him silently. He abruptly stopped laughing and extended his claws in her direction, "I asked if you get it!"
"Yes! I get it!" she forced herself to laugh cheerfully. Well, to her it sounded cheerful. In reality she was actually just screaming.
"Stop screaming!" Logan shouted at her, "I have a headache and you're making it worse!"
She stopped immediately. They both stared at each other silently for a few awkward moments. As each moment went by, Rogue noticed that Logan seemed to grow more and more annoyed. She realized he was waiting for her to say something.
"So...um..." she started nervously, "Why do you have that gun?"
Logan looked briefly at the rifle that he was still holding, "I was just making dinner."
Rogue looked from the gun to Logan in confusion, "But that doesn't explain why you have the gun."
Logan's patience wore out and he snapped, "WHAT ARE YOU A DETECTIVE! I hate detectives! I'll kill you!"
She quickly started to back up but noticed that Logan was blocking the only door out of the room, "You said you were joking when you said you weren't joking about killing me."
"I was joking when I told you I was joking about not joking," he said menacingly as he approached her, claws extended.
Rogue knew she had to distract Logan just long enough to get out the door. But how could she do that? Then she had a brilliant idea.
Logan raised his claws in the air, ready to strike, when Rogue pulled out a glowing green stone and threw it at his feet.
Logan shrieked, "Kryptonite!" He immediately fell to the floor, becoming weak.
Rogue seized the opportunity and ran out the door.
Five minutes later, Logan was in agony, when he came to a sudden realization, "Wait a minute... kryptonite isn't my weakness! My weakness is the color yellow. No, that's not it, either." He spent another couple minutes trying to remember what his weakness was, until he finally gave up and chased after Rogue.
She was halfway across the institute by the time Logan finally caught up with her. She was about to run up a flight of stairs, when she tripped over one of Kurt's bats.
"What'd I tell you about leaving these bats all over, Kurt!" she shouted angrily and rubbed her scraped elbow.
"Sorry!" Kurt yelled from elsewhere.
Rogue wanted to yell some certain words back at him, but thought it more appropriate to deal with Logan first. He was practically upon her now. He drew closer.... closer.... closer... for a moment he grew further away... but then he grew closer again. Finally, Rogue picked up the bat and swung it wildly in Logan's general direction.
Logan was about to laugh at her foolishness, when she finally managed to tap him on the arm with it. It was at that convenient moment that Logan remembered that his weakness was actually bats. With that, he fell to the floor, unconscious. Rogue marveled at how simple it was.
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"Kurt, we have to get out of here before Logan kills us!" Rogue announced as she burst into his room.
He groaned, "But my favorite show is just starting! It's about a cow who's lactose intolerant. It's so ironic it's funny!" He didn't have time to laugh at the irony of it, before Rogue was dragging him out of the room.
"I've locked him in the food pantry," Rogue explained, "So that should buy us enough time to get out of here."
Kurt got a nervous look on his face, "You mean the food pantry with the broken lock?"
"Crap!" Rogue smacked her face, "I knew I was forgetting about something!"
Suddenly, Kurt had an idea, "What if I contact the professor? I'm sure if I think hard enough in his direction, he'll pick up on my thoughts."
"Great idea!" Rogue exclaimed. She watched as Kurt sat down and began concentrating in the direction he thought the professor was in.
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"Professor, we're all going down to the beach!" Jean announced as she bounded out of the hotel room.
"Have fun!" Xavier waved them off. Once they were all out of site, Xavier sighed in relief, "Finally, I'm alone!" With that, he turned on the free HBO and raided the liquor cabinet.
Just as he was finishing off his third drink, he heard Kurt's voice.
"Professor! Professor! Logan's trying to kill us! And we're out of bubble bath! Now my bath's aren't fun anymore! Help!"
Xavier looked down at the glass in his hand and decided that he must have had one too many drinks. Or not enough. Either way, he decided to pour himself another.
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Logan pouted as he sat amongst the boxes of pudding mix and Jell-O brand gelatin. Xavier would really think he was a failure now. Surely he would get fired. Or at least have to spend a night in the snake pit, just like a student had to when they acted up.
He was still in the middle of feeling sorry for himself, when Lance walked in. He glared at Logan, "What are you doing!? They're getting away!"
Logan growled miserably and said, "But Rogue knows of my bat weakness."
"Well, I happen to know that her weakness is... uh... axes," Lance said and handed him an obscenely large axe, "Now go get'em, tiger!"
A renewed sense of invincibility, Logan ran off to do what he was best at: scaring the children from next door. And after that, he planned on killing Rogue and Kurt.
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"Quick, Kurt," Rogue shouted and pointed to the stairway, "We need to get downstairs!"
"Wait!" Kurt grabbed Rogue by the arm and pointed at a sign hung in front of the stairs that said, 'stairs out of order, please use elevator.'
They didn't have any time to think about how strange that sounded before Logan's voice could be heard shouting random threats at them, "You kids better get back here! I'll kill you! You're grounded! Don't make me take my belt off! I'll tell your parents on you! What would Jesus do! RAWR!"
"Oh no!" Rogue gasped. The two raced to the elevator and pressed the button. After a moment, the elevator doors opened and blood began to pour out. Rogue groaned in annoyance, "Not again! Stupid elevator!"
"Maybe if we ask the blood to move over, we can fit in there, too," Kurt suggested.
Rogue rolled her eyes, "Lets just go lock ourselves in this bathroom. Surely he can't get us then."
"But I don't have to use the bathroom," Kurt whined, and was pulled inside the room anyway.
They didn't have any time to relax before they could hear an axe being pounded against the door. It only took a couple blows before the axe had broken through, leaving a big hole in the door, while Kurt and Rogue held onto each other screaming.
Just then, Pyro stuck his head through the door, "Heeeeeeere's Johnny!"
Kurt and Rogue stopped screaming and stared at him. Pyro looked confused, then walked away without saying another word. The two mutants barely had time to sigh in relief before Logan leapt through the door.
"Now I've got you right where I want you!" he laughed maniacally, "Now I can finally kill you..."
Ten minutes later...
"And THAT'S why the chicken crossed the road!"
Kurt and Rogue were laughing so hard they could barely breath.
"Oh, Logan, you're killing us!" Kurt said, wiping a tear of laughter out of his eye.
"I told you I would!" Logan chuckled.
Rogue smiled in relief, "So this whole time you said you were going to kill us, you didn't mean it literally!"
Logan thought for a moment, "Nope, I'm still going to kill you." With that, he raised the axe above his head and took a swing.
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Suddenly Logan woke up. After a moment he realized that Rogue and Kurt were no where in site, and he didn't have an axe. He sighed in disappointment. Why did he always have to wake up at the best part?
Meanwhile, Xavier was absolutely shocked at what he had seen. How could Logan have actually dreamed something like that!? A show about a lactose intolerant cow!? Impossible!
The professor looked over at his clock. "Midnight... Well, it's late, I'd better get to sleep."
And that he did. All through the night he had a crazy dream. One about witches, planes, icebergs, dead people, maps, races, and axe-murderers. And it truly was the most interesting night he had ever had.
The end (of Logan's dream)
This isn't the last chapter. There is at least one chapter after this and the GLORIOUS COMPLETION OF SCOTT'S CHAPTER (which is currently underway and almost completed as it is)! As of now, I'm not going to continue on to make the Brotherhood dreams. I had really reeeeally wanted to. The brotherhood chapters would have been great. But I'm honestly not going to continue a fanfic that only gets one review a chapter. That just makes me sad.
Buuuut, I might change my mind. Because I had some great ideas for the brotherhood parodies and they were some of the ones I looked forward to doing the most. So, if you don't want this fanfic to do please review and I MIGHT consider keeping it alive.