Chapter 5

Kimi was locked in her room and very angry. She'd been grounded for a week for coming in after her curfew. "Why didn't I drag Chuckie down with me," she screamed in anger. "He's outside swapping spit with some girl who doesn't really want him." Kimi growled angrily. "She's never gave him so much as a glance, so what is her game?"

Kimi flopped down in front of her computer and turned it on. She wasn't suppose to be online when she was grounded, but she wasn't going to listen. She had to get her mind off of Chuckie's foolish behavior with the Marina. Kimi just had a bad feeling about Marina and the past that came with her.

Kimi turned the computer speakers down as she logged onto the internet. She waited patiently for the connection to take place, or as patient as she could be in her anger. Her well kept, clean fingernails rapped upon the desk until the internet was up. Since she had DSL, Kimi could load pages quickly. She logged onto her messenger, and found she had no new e-mails.

She typed in the address to Phil's website, Too Much Rock, into the browser search bar and waited for it to take. Within a few seconds, the site was up and ready to be searched. Kimi was speechless, though, as she stared at the picture of Phil on the opening page. He was wearing fairly tight brown pants with a tight, long-sleeved, light gray shirt. He had a jean vest over the shirt, and it seemed to have once been a jean jacket. He wasn't facing the camera; his head was turned to the right and slightly leaned down. Phil's arms were at his side, and Kimi thought he looked very sexy. Kimi found herself having to tear her eyes away from the picture just to enter the website.

Sweat had beaded upon Kimi's forehead, and she had to wipe it away. She nervously glanced around her room because she felt like she was being watched. Keeping her feelings for Phil a secret were going to cause her to have a nervous breakdown yet. "What am I going to do about this? I can't tell him because what if he doesn't feel the same? I don't know if I can live with that kind of awkwardness."

The website background was adorned in black with words in red. A graphic was in the center of the page; it was a guitar with the cord wrapping around the navigation bar on the left. There were links to audio clips of songs Phil had wrote and performed, a biography about him, links to other websites, a web cam feature, and more pictures.

Kimi clicked on the audio link, and a page with a graphic--guitar, Coca-cola on the floor, and papers as a translucent element --and links to the audio clips were on the page. Kimi clicked on the first entitled "Love Her." As Kimi listened to the song and wished that it had been written about her. 'I wonder who he wrote it for,' Kimi wondered. She sighed. "His voice is amazing, and he's really playing the acoustic guitar," she said absentmindedly.

After listening to all of the audio tracks, Kimi was in awe of Phil and what he was capable of. She moved on to the pictures, and was once again in awe of Phil. But, her awe was more sexual than an enlightened awe. There were a few pictures that seemed to be senior photos for school with several poses that appeared fake. Phil didn't seem to enjoy being photographed there, but Kimi still found him hot. There were others that were more candid like one where Phil was outside with the sunlight and blue sky behind him while he ran his hand through his hair. Kimi saved that picture to her hard drive to admire later. In another picture, Phil was sitting on the grass staring off at something. The camera was positioned where Phil's face was only seen from the side while his body was slightly turned to face the camera. Kimi saw one candid photo where Phil was on his cell phone. She was sure that Lil had taken that because Phil had a look of surprise on his face.

Kimi was practically drooling over one photo with Phil where he was wearing worn, brown leather pants and tight gray shirt as he leaned up against the side of a building. Kimi let out a big sigh. "He's so sexy," she said to herself as she saved the picture and prepared to print it out.

As the printer spit the printed picture of Phil out, Kimi snatched it up and stared at it. She sank down into her computer chair and sighed. 'It wouldn't be a bad thing to tell Phil that he's hot. If I said it correctly; not just saying "you're hot," he'd take it as a compliment instead of being hit-on.'

While Kimi was daydreaming, the site reloaded. Her eyes caught sight of the page with a large rectangle pulsing on the page. She sat up in her chair and saw that the rectangle was Phil's web cam. He'd turned it on, and it focused on him. Phil looked upset, and Kimi wondered what was wrong. She watched him flop down in his chair and click his computer mouse.

Phil got back up out of his chair while he waited for something on the computer to change. He started taking his shirt off, and Kimi sucked in her breath. Her eyes scanned Phil's nicely toned body, which she'd never seen since toddler years. Not being able to remember those years, she had to admit he looked better than he used to; a lot of muscle made up his slim body. "Phil, you have no idea how sexed up you make me," she whispered to her computer screen.

Kimi heard Phil's computer connect to an instant messenger, the same one she had according to the sound. Phil pulled a worn, red shirt over his head, much to Kimi's disappointment, and smiled at the computer. "She's on," he said.

"Who?" Kimi asked to no one.

That was when an instant message popped up. It was Phil.

superstarsk8rBoy says: Hey Kimi, I didn't figure you'd be on.

KIMTASTICDORKGRL says: Yea, well I'm grounded.

Superstarsk8rboy says: NO! Why?

Kimi watched the web cam and saw Phil's face scrunch up. His hair fell across his eyes, and he sighed. He had no idea Kimi was watching him, and she had no intent on telling him; she was afraid he'd take it the wrong way.

KIMTASTICDORGRL says: I was grounded for coming in past my curfew.

Kimi heard Phil say, "I'm sorry," over the web cam but couldn't mention that she heard him say it.

superstarsk8rboy says: I'm sorry, Kimi.

KIMTASTICDORKGRL says: It's all right Phil. It wasn't your fault. Chuckie is the whole reason I didn't go home the first time you brought me home.

superstarsk8rboy says: I still feel responsible since you did go with me to the arcade.

KIMTASTICDORKGRL says: Don't feel responsible. It was fun. You really made me feel better tonight. It's a shame that Chuckie ruined it by making out with that girl.

Superstarsk8rboy says: yea, I wish you hadn't had to come home to that.

KIMTASTICDORKGRL says: Again, not your fault. But, it's nice to know you care.

Superstarsk8rboy says: I'll always care, kimi.

Kimi felt her heart skip at that line. 'Could he mean that he cares for me,' she asked herself. 'Or does he mean he cares about me? Oh, I hope it's he cares for me.' She chose to play it cool and not let Phil know anything about how she felt.

KIMTASTICDORKGRL says: It's good to know someone does.

Kimi was about to say more when she heard someone coming upstairs. 'Damn,' she thought.

KIMTASTICDORKGRL says: Phil, I've g2g. Someone's coming, and I don't want to be grounded for two weeks.

Superstarsk8rboy says: Sure, I'll see you at school then, I guess. Nite kimi.

KIMTASTICDORKGRL says: Goodnight, Phil. See you whenever I can.

Kimi logged off her messenger and then the internet. Quickly as she could, she turned the computer off and headed towards her bed. She laid down on the bed and shoved the picture she'd printed of Phil underneath her pillow. She saw no need for anyone to catch on to her feelings.

Kimi was relieved to find that no one had come into her room, so she got up and headed out of her room. It was time she got to bed. She left her room and saw the lights on in Chuckie's room. She cursed under her breath as she passed by his closed door.

Phil sighed after Kimi left, and he logged off of his web cam. Sitting there not doing anything, Phil stared at the ceiling. "I was really getting closer to Kimi tonight. Stupid Chuckie had to go and spoil the atmosphere Kimi and I had worked up. God, I might have even got to kiss her tonight if he hadn't been sucking Marina's face in the driveway."

At the thought of a missed kiss with Kimi, Phil shut his eyes. He'd fantasized about a kiss with Kimi for a while, and it was eating him alive to know that he was so close to his chance to experience the real thing and missed it because of timing.

"I can't keep living like this. I have to tell her how I feel." Phil said as he played over the night's events in his mind.