Spaulding Enterprises Employee Evaluation Worksheet
Welcome to the Spaulding Enterprises Employee Evaluation Worksheet! You will finally have a chance to have your voice heard! Do not sign your name. Your identity will not be revealed. Answer as truthfully as possible.
Are you happy with your work?
-Like a root canal.
Say one good thing about your job.
-At least I'm not being rectally probed by aliens.
How often do you trust your own judgment?
-I trusted my own judgment in taking this job. It's pretty much stayed downhill.
In your estimation, the best way for you to get ahead is to...
-Drug the boss and cut his head off.
Would you ever use unethical methods to get ahead?
-Absolutely not. Using unethical methods got me here, and I've learned that lesson. Nah, I'm just kidding. I use them all the time.
Your idea of success is...
-Getting through a day without hearing the voices.
What is your proudest achievement?
-Someteen years working here and not one recorded work shooting incident!
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
-I try not to think about that. Give me nightmares.
Why did you come to work at Spaulding Enterprises?
-I've been asking myself that everyday for the past twelve years.
If you could change one thing about your department, what would you do?
-Get rid of management.
Which department do you work in?
-Management
Your Boss
Who is your boss?
-Beard Man.
What best describes your boss:
-Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
What is your relationship with your boss?
-It's a love/hate relationship. I hate him and he loves the way he can dump all his crap on me.
What is your boss' best quality?
-He has very few communicable diseases.
If your boss was a color, what color would he be?
-Blood Red. Well, at least if I had my way.
-Sexual Harassment-
Have You Ever Been Sexually Harassed at work?
-Yes.
If Yes, by whom?
-BRAD GREEN
Besides Brad Green.
-Oh. Never mind then.
-Personal Questions-
What color would you say you are?
-Are you serious?
If you were a tree, what tree would you be?
-The one from those Lord of the Ring movies. You know, the ones that come in and kill everybody.
Would you consider yourself a family person?
-I haven't seen my kids in two years, and they live with me. Does that answer your question?
Do you believe in God?
-Until I worked here.
And sign your name here:
-For Heaven's sake, NO ONE is dumb enough to sign their name to a negative review to their bosses. Well, maybe marketing.
Welcome to the Spaulding Enterprises Employee Evaluation Worksheet! You will finally have a chance to have your voice heard! Do not sign your name. Your identity will not be revealed. Answer as truthfully as possible.
Are you happy with your work?
-Like a root canal.
Say one good thing about your job.
-At least I'm not being rectally probed by aliens.
How often do you trust your own judgment?
-I trusted my own judgment in taking this job. It's pretty much stayed downhill.
In your estimation, the best way for you to get ahead is to...
-Drug the boss and cut his head off.
Would you ever use unethical methods to get ahead?
-Absolutely not. Using unethical methods got me here, and I've learned that lesson. Nah, I'm just kidding. I use them all the time.
Your idea of success is...
-Getting through a day without hearing the voices.
What is your proudest achievement?
-Someteen years working here and not one recorded work shooting incident!
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
-I try not to think about that. Give me nightmares.
Why did you come to work at Spaulding Enterprises?
-I've been asking myself that everyday for the past twelve years.
If you could change one thing about your department, what would you do?
-Get rid of management.
Which department do you work in?
-Management
Your Boss
Who is your boss?
-Beard Man.
What best describes your boss:
-Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
What is your relationship with your boss?
-It's a love/hate relationship. I hate him and he loves the way he can dump all his crap on me.
What is your boss' best quality?
-He has very few communicable diseases.
If your boss was a color, what color would he be?
-Blood Red. Well, at least if I had my way.
-Sexual Harassment-
Have You Ever Been Sexually Harassed at work?
-Yes.
If Yes, by whom?
-BRAD GREEN
Besides Brad Green.
-Oh. Never mind then.
-Personal Questions-
What color would you say you are?
-Are you serious?
If you were a tree, what tree would you be?
-The one from those Lord of the Ring movies. You know, the ones that come in and kill everybody.
Would you consider yourself a family person?
-I haven't seen my kids in two years, and they live with me. Does that answer your question?
Do you believe in God?
-Until I worked here.
And sign your name here:
-For Heaven's sake, NO ONE is dumb enough to sign their name to a negative review to their bosses. Well, maybe marketing.