CHAPTER 3: Into The Station

Rimmer sat relaxing in the cockpit of Starbug, his hands clasped behind his head, watching Kryten and Cat through the window. On the uneven slope of ground below him, they were setting up Kryten's equipment in the moon's soil. Kryten's voice crackled through the microphone.

"Mr Rimmer sir, you could be of some assistance to us out here."

"I'm sure you have it all under control, Kryten," he said calmly. "Besides, someone's got to keep the engines running, just in case you run into any trouble." He smiled and added hastily, "Which I'm sure you won't, of course."

Kryten grunted as he tried to force the long, tubular device into the soil. The Cat, with nothing else to do, tried vainly to help by stomping on it with his boot.

"Sir, that is not helping."

"Hey, I think you've got it upside down. Isn't that sticky out bit meant to go at the top?" The Cat said with disdain, and nudged it with his foot.

"This is a very...uhhrghh... valuable... mmmmff... piece of equipment. Stop kicking it!" The Cat stood back, offended, and crossed his arms over his chest. "And I think I know a little more about spectrophotometers than you do, thank you very much!"

"Spectro-what-o-meters? Hey, I thought we were lookin' for food! Why don't I just smell out the damn stuff?"

"Well sir, one: because you're wearing an airtight helmet and two: this is the real doozy; I hardly think your nose is going to be more efficient than an extremely expensive and sensitive piece of high-tech equipment."

"What are you tryin' to say, circuit board brain? My nose isn't up to scratch?" The Cat stared angrily at Kryten through his helmet.

Rimmer leaned into the microphone impatiently and cleared his throat. "Is this going to take all day, chaps?"

Before they could reply, the comm screen on the central control panel burst into life. Lister's face filled it.

"-ou've got to smegging see this! It's incredible! It's... it's huge! It's the size of Red Dwarf! Maybe bigger!"

"Lister what are you gibbering about?" Rimmer said angrily. Lister's eyes were wide and excited, and he kept glancing off to the side of the screen as if looking at something out the window. He shook his head and laughed in disbelief.

"I'm tellin' you man, this is amazing! One minute there was nothin', just space, then I looked out the window and there it was!"

"There what was?" Rimmer snapped, quickly losing his patience.

"Some kind of space station. It's massive. We're talking huge! And there are lights on in there!" He grinned excitedly into the monitor. "Lights!"

"A derelict?" Rimmer asked quickly, running over to the long-range scanner.

"Dunno... it seems in pretty good shape...looks like there's some structural damage around the other side... but I can't tell for sure. Not 'till I get close."

"There's nothing on the long-range scan. It must be using some kind of cloaking device, making it invisible from a distance, and undetectable to radar. What're your coordinates?"

"Hang on." Lister bent over to the left of the screen and tapped some buttons. "Just transmitting now."

Rimmer watched his screen as the coordinates flashed up on the radar, pinpointed by a small red blip. "Alright... stay where you are. We're going to come to you. Don't move, don't touch anything, understand?"

"Yes sir," Lister sarcastically, and flipped him a mock Rimmer salute.

"I mean it." He reached over and flicked off the monitor, and changed it back to Kryten's frequency. "Kryten, Cat, pack up the soil samples and get back on board. Lister's spotted something big. Might be a derelict but there seems to be life on board."

"We're leaving?" The Cat's voice crackled over the intercom. "Already? Do you know how long it took me to get ready?"

Rimmer grasped the microphone and said loudly, "Kryten, just get his shiny gold ass up here. We're taking off!"

"Yes, Mr Rimmer sir." Kryten despondently began packing up his equipment. Reluctantly, the Cat bent over and helped him dig out the device.

Kryten, Cat and Rimmer stared dumbstruck through the viewport window as they cruised up behind Blue Midget. Beyond it, the gigantic structure filled half of the sky, its countless windows blinking and glittering like tiny fireflies. Its hull was pale grey, and very smooth. From this angle it was vaguely shaped like a spinning top, with many rounded protrusions and openings. Circling it was a kind of halo, a circlet of metal ringed with thousands of blue lights that blinked on and off in synchronization.

Lister grinned at them through Starbug's comm screen. "Nice, eh? Not a bad day's work for a bit of joyriding." He directed this at Rimmer, who merely gaped out the window with jaw hanging open.

"It's gigantic!" He breathed. "Incredible! The technology... the sophistication for creating something like this, it's... it's inconceivable!"

"Well, what are we waiting for?" The Cat grinned excitedly. "Let's knock on the door and see if anyone's home!"

"Yeah, but where's the door?" Lister asked.

Rimmer left his seat and moved up to the front of the cockpit. His eyes scanned the construction. "There. Looks like a docking bay," he said, and pointed. They noticed a large opening towards the bottom of the structure, ringed with red lights.

Kryten looked at the comm screen. "Would you like to do the honours, sir?"

Lister nodded, reached out of shot and crammed his hat back on his head. "You bet. Follow me in."

NIL HOMINI CERTUM EST

These were the words mounted elegantly above the huge corridor leading off the docking bay. The interior was much the same as the outside- clinical, grey and almost featureless, with smoothly curved walls. The docking bay itself was fairly small but seemed to be linked up to a network of bays running the circumference of the ship. There were no other vehicles occupying the area. Narrow, oblong windows ran the length of the room and through them they could see into the adjacent bays, which also seemed empty. A huge wide door, glass fronted, with smoothly rounded edges led deeper into the facility. It seemed to be a kind of high-tech airlock. It was this room that Dave Lister stood outside, looking up at the bold, somehow stark block letters.

"'Nothing is certain for man'."

Lister glanced over his shoulder. Kryten had stepped up behind him and was studying the letters. "Latin, sir."

Rimmer walked over to join them. He was free to walk about unhelmeted, as was Kryten, because he was a hologram and had no need for oxygen. Lister and the Cat had put on their spacesuits. The Cat was still wandering around the docking bay, looking around curiously.

"Latin?" Lister said. "So humans built this place?"

"What's that chaps?" Rimmer asked, just catching up with the conversation.

"I was just explaining to Mr Lister what the words mean..."

"Ah yes, Latin isn't it?"

"Yes sir, that's what I..."

"'Zero person is convinced?' I wonder what they meant by that."

"Well... that's close enough I suppose, sir."

Lister stepped close to the doors and they slid open soundlessly. He glanced back at the others. "Let's see who's home." Kryten and Rimmer followed him into the room. It was closed at the other side by a second door, the inner airlock. Cat, realizing he had been left behind, waltzed over to join them.

As soon as they were all inside and gathered in the middle of the room, the door slipped closed, gave a soft thunk, and they heard the sound of escaping air. A few seconds later the inner door, on which was painted a large blue number 54, slid open.

Beyond was a wide, white corridor. The floor was polished metal and gleamed brightly, reflecting the ceiling. The corridor led around a corner, obscuring their view of whatever lay beyond. A single long bulb spanned the length of the wall. It blinked on and off randomly, casting the hall alternately in stark white light and then shadow. There was a constant low, electronic buzz permeating the air.

Somehow just the sight of the faulty bulb gave Lister a feeling of unease. Something wasn't right here. On a ship this size, that must have a crew the population of a small country, you'd think someone would be able to change a faulty light bulb. Unbidden, an almost overwhelming sense of dread slipped over him. He had an urge to simply turn and head back to Starbug, leaving this place, and whatever secrets it held, behind forever. Let it be swallowed back up by deep space and be forgotten.

But the feeling lasted only a second or two, and then slowly ebbed away. Lister felt almost embarrassed by the extreme reaction. He glanced at the faces of the others. They seemed to have the same sense of trepidation, but Lister finally, indomitably, broke the spell by stepping forward.

And after only that slight momentary hesitation, they followed.