The Breakroom

Butler pulled open the door to the empty break room and collapsed in a chair by the water cooler. This was the third fanfic this week where he had been killed off! Oh well. At least it meant he wouldnt have to make a repeat appearance. Those bloody Artemis Fowl authors were so odd though. Half of them probably meant to resurrect him later.

The door opened and shut wit a quick bang. A disturbed looking boy with messy black hair and a lightning shaped scar on his forehead was leaning with his back against the door, looking for all the world like he was going to throw up.

They made you kiss Draco again, didnt they? The boy nodded glumly.

The messy haired boy slumped into a chair. I have the overwhelming urge to wash my mouth out with soap, but Im afraid Im going to be sick if I move another inch He pressed his hand to his stomach and let out a watery belch. Butler hoped the boy could keep it down. Barf was the one thing Butler couldnt handle.

I dunno why they insist I beuh, weird with Draco and dance around eating strawberriesI like the fanfics where I get to kiss Herm-

The door opened and a frustrated brown haired girl walked in, smoothing her bushy hair. She was straightening her clothes when she noticed Bulter and the black haired boy staring.

Um, yes? Harry, Bulter? Oh my gosh, have I got something in my teeth? I just got back from a fic where I got to date Oliver Wood! We had a romantic dinnerit was so nice. She let out a sigh. Harry blushed.

Butler was saved from response when a tall wizard stooped to enter the room. He leaned heavily upon his staff, muttering under his breath.

s wrong? Harry asked, moving out of the way of the tall figure. Was the ring sent to another dimension or what?No, no, Gandalf shook his head. I was saved from Moria.

Butler blinked. He hadnt exactly visited the Tolkien section much, but being saved didnt sound like a bad thing. The wizard saw his stare and explained with a sigh. I have to die before becoming Gandalf the White. He looked at the ceiling. But apparently some people dont care about leaving me as Gandalf the Grey.But Gandalf, came twin voices from the doorway. t those robes white when you bought them?Have you ever seen a washing machine written into a story? the wizard grumbled.

The door quickly opened and slammed shut again. An out-of-breath Legolas was clutching a stitch in his side and stumbled to Gandalf.

Help me! The girlschasing meMary Suesall those girls the authors invented he paused and took a deep breath. t get away from themauthors are girlsmade-up girls wanting to feel my muscles all the timeGandalf, curse them away!

Hermione stifled a laugh. Maybe youd like to take Potters place with Draco. Thos girls start to look a lot better when you have to make out with Draco all the time. I wont even do that.Shut up, hermione, Harry was turning green again.

You poor, poor boy, Legolas said sympathetically, trying to barricade the door with the snack table.

A small beeping noise came from a device on Hermiiones hip. She glanced at it briefly. Sorry chaps. Im due to marry Artemis Fowl over in the crossover section. Its a little weird bit I can make it work. Hermione walked towards the door and Legolas move the table just enough for her to walk past.

Thanks. See ya later stud. Hermione touched Legolas arm and winked. She exited the silence of the room.

Okay, was she just messing with me or can I really not escape it at all? Legolas had a look of worry pass his handsome elvin face.

If shes diggin on you, mate, Ill be happy to distract her and direct her attentions to myself, Harry volunteered seriously.

You would, Fred sniggered. George was laughing beside him.

Butler sat back and watched the scene unfold before him. He laughed to himself about the good old days when the girls used to be chasing him like there was no tomorrow.

Another beeping noise sounded from Butlers own device. A new author was in need of his character so he could kill Butler off. He was hoping it wouldnt be too painful. Some authors preferred torture as a means of killing him off. It was really getting old.

Butler heaved his muscly bulk from the chair and walked to certain death. Back in a minute. He called over his shoulder.

The clip-clop of hooves was heard in the corridor outside the room, followed closely by a tired looking Foaly.

t you supposed to be at the Artemis/Hermione fic? Gandalf looked up at the centaur, helping himself to a soda from the mini fridge.

t invited Foally looked rather disgruntled. m always being left out-Not again Legolas groaned loudly. Foaly ignored him.

I should be the real star. Centaurs are always pushed into the back ground of these plots. Im as fit as Artemis! I should be allowed
The rest of the room tried to ignore him. These rants were becoming more and more frequent. Harry glanced back at the red-faced centaur.

and if I have to look at that Darvit computer creen one more timere gonna do what, horse-boy? What are you going to do? Captain Vimes entered the room, tired and agitated.

You know what Im gong to do if you keep talking about it? Vimes snapped.

Look really meanly at me? Foallys tone drippe dwith sarcasm.

No! Im gonna shove my boot up your donkey behind! Vimes face was red with anger and frustration.

What, on stilts?

That. Is. It! Vimes pulled off his boot and chucked it at Foally. Before it could contact with Foalys face, Legolas shot it off course.

We are all men here. He said. Let us act like men.Shut up, Tolkien boy! (That was Vimes)

Gandalf caused a great light to fill the room before fading back to normal.

Shut up! the rest of the room responded.

Two heads poked into th eroom. Wow, who died? Merry asked as he looked around the room. Pippin, beside him, shrugged as he munched on a bit of chocolate . They squeezed between the fuming Vimes and Foaly to join Fred and George in the back.

What, no mushrooms? Fred asked with a grin.

Pippin shuddered. Not on your life. Ive had to eat so many mushrooms today alonet people know what mushrooms grow in?

Vimes vaguely grumbled about mushrooms going up Foalywell, never mind.