She couldn't believe that she had left everything behind her, her work, her family and her friends. All because of a stupid argument that should never have happened but it had and there was no turning back, no going back to her home, no going back to him. Everywhere she did belong she was no longer able to be.
She hadn't told anyone that she was leaving; she just left her resignation on her Commanding Officers' and General Hammond's desk and handed in her i.d card to the airman on duty.
Sam turned around to see a student watching her as if they were hesitant about asking her something.
"Did you require anything cadet?" Major Samantha Carter asked as the student stood to attention.
"Ma'am I, err, this maybe a personal question but you worked with Colonel O'Neill didn't you?" This young female cadet was also an American, which gave them something in common. The cadet reminded Sam of her academy days when she was moving everywhere and anywhere because of her Dad's constant reassignments.
"Yes I worked with Colonel O'Neill, why do you ask?" Sam had been surprised that the cadet had remembered her mentioning him during one her lectures, now she really wished she had kept quiet because she didn't want to talk about him, the man who had made it impossible for her to stay but she had to admit her interest had been picked.
"Well ma'am my uncle works at the long distance radar telemetry base in Colorado, him and my Dad were based with Colonel O'Neill during the gulf before my Dad decided to take a post over here in England"
"Who is your uncle then? Maybe I know him because I used to work at Cheyenne" Sam was intrigued. The cadets surname was Henley, Sam was sure she didn't know of any Henley's working at the base.
"My uncle is Major Ferreti; he is married to my Dad's sister. He and my aunt met when Dad took her as his guest to his graduation ball and she ended up marrying his best friend." Cadet Henley smiled as she explained.
"I know Major Ferreti very well, on my first day at the base I was being introduced to Colonel O'Neill and your uncle. Does he have a habit of trying to outsmart women and their role in the Air Force?"
She asked laughing as she saw that Cadet Henley had an all-knowing look in her eyes.
"Yes Major, that's right. Underneath it all he's a big softy and never listen to his sarcasm. He can be worse than Colonel O'Neill, if that's even possible". Cadet Henley stood to attention waiting for her lecturer to dismiss her.
"You do know Colonel O'Neill" Major Carter laughed "Dismissed" Sam mused about Colonel O'Neill and thought about all the happy times they had shared. When he had used his sarcasm and clichés to confuse the heck out of the natives on some planet they had visited and the times he would confuse Teal'c and annoy Daniel as well by Teal'c's then constant questions hence achieving two things with one little action. Her mind then tried to understand how their once innocent and professional relationship could turn into something so bitter and hurtful.
Sam unlocked her flat that she was renting while she was staying in England. She had tried to make it as homely as she could with the few personal possessions she had brought along with her. By her bed she put a framed photo of her and the rest of SG1 that had been taken at O'Malley's one night when Janet had been with them. In her living room there was a picture of her, Cassie and Jack, if you were to look at them you would think they were a family and a very happy family at that but Sam realized that they could never have that, she just wished that she could get past the fantasy.
Lying down in her bed she looked through her window and up to the star filled sky. She really did miss traveling to them with SG1, what was then the closest thing to a family. She wondered to herself if they were out there, off world, somewhere, exploring some new culture that could help them finally defeat the Goa'uld. But she wouldn't have any part in it, no celebration after a safe return, no hope for freedom.
Sam tossed and turned trying to sleep but she couldn't, her clock read '02:05' it was the evening back home. She turned to her phone and began dialing the codes to reach the telephone to the internal operating desk so that the officers knew she had knowledge of the SGC therefore clearance.
"Hello, its uhm Major Samantha Carter, may I speak to Dr Janet Fraiser?" she paused, worried about what her friend would say to her and what if it weren't her that picked it up…
"Dr Fraiser speaking" Janet waited for a response, nothing "Hello? Hello?"
"Janet?" Sam finally said, "It's me" her voice was shaky with emotion and anxiety.
"Oh my god! Sam, are you ok? Where are you? Why did you leave? We have been so worried it's been hell without you! Are you coming back?" Janet bombarded her with questions most of which Sam herself had no answers to yet.
"Janet I rang you because I believe you are the only one I can trust to not tell anyone I rang, can I trust you Janet?"
"Of course you can Sam, please come back we all miss you so much, you left without saying goodbye even to me Sam" Janet was fighting to keep her voice in control.
"I don't know if I will ever be coming back. I left without saying goodbye because if I had tried to say goodbye then I would still be there, you guys would of changed my mind" Sam answered Janet's earlier question.
"Why would us stopping you from going be such a bad thing?" There was no reply again and it suddenly dawned on her what or who this whole thing was about "Colonel O'Neill" she stated rather than asked
"Janet I have to go it's nearly half two in the morning here and I've got to get up early tomorrow and remember Janet please don't tell anyone I rang. Miss you all" Janet was about to reply but the phone line went dead, she had hung up.
Unbeknown to Sam, Daniel had been in Janet's office when she had rang, he had listened intently to what Janet was saying trying to understand what Sam must have been saying in reply. Daniel knew that Sam would be hurting after what had happened between her and Jack that night on the new Tok'ra home world. He had not been surprised at all that one of them snapped but he never thought it would have been Sam, she had always been the stronger one when it came to the emotions they shared. But he didn't blame her for leaving, from what had happened that night. SG1 had not spoke of that night at all, meaning Janet didn't know anything but if Daniel was right she had her own thesis on what had happened. He sat in the visitors chair watching her, as her brain processed what Sam had said or rather not said.
"Daniel, something doesn't make sense, when Sam and the Colonel left they were getting along fine, great even but when they came back they couldn't even look at each other, Sam had all but burst into tears during her medical. Daniel what happened on that mission?"
"Janet" Daniel paused trying to find the right words there were none to sugar coat the fact that
"Jack slept with Anise"
"That slut with the arm bands? How? I mean why would Jack do that to Sam I mean she told me that they were finally their normal selves again? Daniel you do know that Sam is in love with him don't you?" Janet was pacing across her office unable to comprehend the situation.
"Janet of course I knew but I also know that Jack was in love with Sam and that's how this whole mess got out of hand" Daniel explained that fateful night as Janet sat back down.