I can't believe I'm depressed. Me depressed. How could I be? I'm always - or I was always- extremely happy. So happy that it got on people's nerves. Maybe it had started with him. I don't think it did though. No matter how hard I think (my team would get a kick out of that. Me? Think?) I can't find the answer to that How.

Maybe it's cause I always keep my negative feelings bottled up. I only ever show them when it concerns blading, family and close friends or when something was unfairly right. You know, when something in no way is right but everyone says it is and you have no conyrol over it? I only write here about those feelings. That helps me some, I guess, but not very much.

Lately I want to cry more I've wanted to cry more, shut myself off

from the world. I pray to God that everyone will leave me alone. That's impossible. I live with grandpa, I go to school(which means teachers and peers . . . what a weird word, peers.) and my teammates, my friends.

Kenny, Max, Rei, Kai. They always come over. The dojo is apparently a good place to train. Atleast I don't always have to go to Max's dad's shop with them every time now. They pretty much leave me alone when I say I don't want to go out.They're the best friends in the world but can't they see when I want to be alone? I love them all and that depresses me, too, but I don't know why. Max is a funny guy, a great friend, always there for you no matter what. Rei is the most stead-fast guy I know. He sticks with what he believes. And Kai, is Kai. He is a great leader, coach and blader. And he could be a good friend if he opened up. I guess I am the one withdrawing now . . .

I think Kai is making me even more depressed. But at the same time brings me out at the same time. Like when the sun is out and bright even though it's cloudy. I can't decide if I want him to stay or go away. Well he does is staying here but that isn't what I meant.

My confusion drives me even farther into the darkness. My feelings are a jumbled mess. All . . . urgh! I wish I could be as passive as Kai. Have no feelings, maybe.

But, I don't want to die . . . do I?

-Tyson

#####

Tyson sat on the window seat in his den, head resting against the cold pane of glass. One knee drawn up with an arm wrapped around it, the other leg stretched out, the arm dangling over the edge, clutching his beyblade.

He was thinking of his life. He had accomplished great things with his blading skills. He had never been great in school. He was to kinesthetic for that. He needed to move, unless he was sleping, always be doing something with his hands. He knew he still had the rest of the school year and atleast four more of university. He was sure he could handle it. What was alittle overcast mind? He would get through this with no ones help. That was his tubborn side. He never had known when to ask for help, or when he needed it for that matter. And right then he needed it. But did anyone know? Easy answer. Only requires two letters. No.

The world outside his mind was as miserable inside it. Dark gray clouds mared the sky, blocked out the sun. Tonnes of rain pelted down every moment. High winds knocking over anything in it's path. Picking up and flinging what it could. It was so dark you could only see the eerie outline of objects, the periodic flashes of lightening making the feeling worse. Tyson had a strange feeling that had his mind physical landscaping, it would look like that.

####

On the oposite side of the room, unaware to Tyson, Kai was studying him rather openly for his usual self. He was leaning against the wall, arms folded across his broad chest, one long, leg bent enough so the foot pushed against the wall fully. His face as plain as usual. His thoughts on the boy - or man - before him.

Kai was rather perplexed. He thought he had seen an emotion he scarcely recognized concealed in the brown depths. That was one of the problems. It hadn't looked like there was any depths at all. They had lacked their normal shine had happiness. They looked like they were . . . dead.

He hated to admit it, for he had become rather fond of the friend idea whether he said anything about it or not, but he couldn't remember clearly the last time Tyson had been bursting with energy. For that matter, Tyson really hadn't wanted anyone around him. He didn't even rise to the bait Hilary always had ready.

The mind of the nineteen year old was doing some rapid thinking and calculating. Trying to pinpoint when Tyson had stpped being Tyson. It had been. he realized with a start, almost a month before.

The eyes of the determind blader were hidden by hair and het so Kai couldn't try to see Tyson's thoughts. That sounded weird, but Kai had found that by the different swhirling-like movements, one could tell the magnitude, effect, emotion and importance of Tyson's thoughts. Yeah, all that through the eyes. Kai didn't know if anyone else had the ablility to do this and right then didn't care. He just wished Tyson would pick his head up so he could figure out what was going on.

Before Kai could continue pondering, in peace anyway, the occupant of his thought's grandfather entered they room. "Hey, little dudes!" he called out cheerfully. He still hadn't really registered that the little dudes were now big dudes.

Everyone was being quiet, Kenny wasn't even at his laptop, he was reading some computer magazine. Dizzy, the laptop, was closed up and turned off. Max and Rei were playing some card game. Grandpa, as he wanted to be called, stopped his smiling at the somber mood, his loud Hawaiin shirt even seemed to calm down. Why so depressed, dudes? Who died?"

Everyone started to liven up as grandpa pulled then into a conversation but Kai had stopped listening at "Depressed, dudes?" He had almost visably jumped. He know knew what was wrong with Tyson's eye's. Depression. Kai knew it semi-well. He had been depressed throughout his childhood. Who wouldn't have been, growing up in such a smothered environment where every decision was already made for you? It had led him to detructive thoughts after two and a half months. If Tyson went by the same schedule, he would start the self destruction soon. That would lead to suicide thoughts, maybe even suicide actions.

What could he do? He knew the answer: not much. Tyson needed therapy, medication. Soon. But if Tyson resisted . . .

Kai made up his mind to get out of Tyson why he was depressed. Then they could go from there. He had to tell gramps, the old fool aparently couldn't even see what was going on in his own house.

Kai felt a stab of guilt, something he wasn't accustomed to. He hadn't known until just then. If gramps did know and hadn't told anyone about it, Kai wouldn't be a happy camper, and that had nothing to do with the fact he hated camping. He wouldn't see another friend die because of suicide. A close one had years before. He wouldn't stand for it this time. He would help Tyson as he couldn't have the friend from before. tyson would be saved. Tyson would know that he had people around him who cared, Tyson would know Kai cared.

TBC

A/N: This is my first web posted fanfic. All responses are welcome. suggestions, should you wish to make them, are welcomed as well. If you have critisism keep it within the polite borders please. Review!

- Empress Mara