Chapter 41
Sara looked at the sauce for the third time in 10 minutes. She tasted it again. Leigh had said she should tell Grissom over a quiet romantic dinner after Julian was asleep. Her hair hung loosely past her shoulders and she wore a simple skirt and blouse. Grissom had only just returned home from working on a case in the Miami FBI field office. Sara had taken his jacket, poured him a glass of wine and told him to relax.
Sara started to turn as she heard him enter the kitchen but her movements were halted when she felt Grissom against the soft flesh of her buttocks. He lifted her long hair and grazed the nape of her neck. She moaned as he pressed his stiffness against her. He lifted the fabric of her long skirt around her waist. One hand stroked her naked hips and she heard the zipper of his pants as he released himself. The plastic wrapper of the condom rattled as he tore it with his teeth.
No need for that she though as his hardness slipped between her firm thighs into the heat of arousal. She bit back a louder moan as her palms turned red with each grip on counter.
"Did you miss me today?" One hand was over hers mimicking her hold on the counter. She was half bent over now as his right hand squeezed her full breast.
"I did." His hands clasped her shoulders, steadying his body against hers. An animal like sound came from somewhere inside as his momentum increased. "Have you thought about me? Have you thought of this?" He licked a short trail along her spine. "I can't stand being away from you. I miss your smile. I missed your voice." The hand found the core of her wetness. "I miss this. I want you all the time."
Sara whimpered. She did not trust herself to speak, afraid that she would use the "L" word. She was thankful when her orgasm ripped through her body allowing her to regain some control of herself. After she came, he was still hard inside of her and she cursed her body as it began to betray her again. The next time she came it was nearly in unison with Grissom.
When she turned into him, she was startled by his low curse. His eyes were on the bit of shoulder that peeked out from her blouse, which was still askew. She watched as he moved from where her hips were pressed into the counter to the cabinet over the refrigerator. He pulled out the same alcohol and cotton that she had used the day before to disinfect her wound. She was surprised when he moved the blouse off her shoulder. Then she noticed the angry looking red mark that dripped blood onto her breast.
"I didn't even feel that. Is that a bite mark?" She winced as he dabbed the wound with the cotton.
"I am going to be the reason that you get another infection. I need to learn how to control myself." She gave him sweet smile as he covered the wound with a transparent band-aid.
He put the bottle and supplies down and looked into her eyes. "I am glad Julian's a little older so we can spend more time together. Thank you for making dinner for us tonight." Sara continued to smile sweetly while her heart beat out of her chest. "You are welcome baby."
The words on the page stared at Sara. She didn't know how long she had stared at the page. The words seared her brain, "Abortion", "Termination", "Pregnant need help?"
It was evident that Grissom did not want another baby. She hated what she was thinking but she couldn't loose him again. She couldn't bare it. She cursed her weakness as she wrote down a number on the pad by the phone. It was almost time for Julian's lunch.
Grissom stood in the doorway of their bedroom holding the sheet of paper like a weapon. The deep tremor of his voice frightened her. "Sara, what is this?" She was in silhouette against the window. She couldn't look at him.
She knew what it was. She could see the logo from across the room. It was the appointment slip from the clinic. Apparently they had sent a reminder in the mail. She didn't speak.
"Sara, please answer me." It was not so much a request as much as a threat or demand.
"It's a doctor's appointment reminder."
"What kind of doctor Sara?"
"An OBGYN."
Gil moved into the room his bare feet making no sound on the soft carpet, his pajama bottoms were synched at his waist. His chest was bare.
His hand dug into her wrist as he spun her around to face him. His hands were surprisingly gentle as he went to her breast then to her stomach.
Sara nodded numbly. She willed herself not to cry. "Sara I can only think of one reason why you would be having an abortion. Who else are you sleeping with? Is that where you practice all your tricks?"
"Gil!"
"Don't Gil me. You are pregnant and you didn't even tell me and you've made an appointment to have an abortion. Do you think I am stupid Sara? Who is it?" His hands were her shoulders now, digging into the wound that he'd made the week before.
Sara couldn't speak as she looked into his eyes. She had misjudged the situation terribly. Now Gil thought she was seeing someone else. Would she ever understand him?
"Who the hell are you fucking Sara! I should have known you practiced your little tricks with someone." He was yelling now, his hot breath searing her face.
"Gil you are hurting me." He dropped his hands to his sides, clinching and unclenching them as he waited for Sara's answer.
She was tried to think what to say, how to say it, anything she came up with seemed trite and deceptive. It was Gil who finally broke the silence as he moved to the closet and pulled on a sweater and jeans. He didn't look back as he left the room. The front door slammed and woke the sleeping boy across the hall.
The day passed with no word from Gil. She took Julian to the park, worked on a case and eventually cried herself into a wrestles sleep when Leigh called.
"Hey doll."
"Hi." Sara sniffed.
"What's going on?"
"I made and appointment for and abortion and Gil found out."
"Sara why did you do that?"
"I thought he didn't want any more children and I just couldn't stand to loose him again. I couldn't stand it Leigh. He may not love me but I love him."
"Sara what do you mean he may not love you."
"He's never said it."
"Have you?"
"Once but he didn't respond. I have to stop myself from saying it all the time. He walks out of the door and I kisses me goodbye and I want to say I love you. He calls me to tell when he'll be home and I almost say it before he hangs up the phone. We make love I want to whisper it in his ear."
"Of course Gil loves you."
Sara bit back a bitter retort. Tears still poured down her face.
"How long has he been gone?"
"Since this morning."
"Have you called him?"
"No."
"I think you should." Jarvis Bloodworth watched his wife's face contort in pain. She had woken up soaked with sweat frantically reaching for the phone. He handed her a hot cup of peppermint tea. She sipped gratefully and tried to gather her thoughts. "Sara you can't hide things from your husband, especially a baby. You can't go behind his back just because you are afraid of what he will do or say. I know that Gil has made some terrible mistakes but he's trying sweetie. He's doing the best he can."
"Leigh we aren't even married. This is play acting."
Leigh sat the delicate pale blue cup on her nightstand. Jarvis needed her shoulders and murmured against her hair.
"Sara you have had this man's child, according to all government records you are his wife, when you meet people it's as husband and wife. What do you mean you are not married?"
"It's not the same Leigh."
"Have you told Gil that?"
"No."
"What have you told Gil about how you feel?"
"Nothing." Sara shuddered at her own words. "I just try to fuck and make him happy."
"Sara that's not you honey. That's not you."
"I don't know what else to do Leigh. I am no good at this relationship stuff. I know how to take of myself. I know how to take care my son but I don't know how to take care of Gil, of this relationship."
Leigh gave nod that Sara could not see. "Sara you have to follow your instincts, don't second guess yourself."
"Leigh he thinks that I am sleeping with someone else. He thinks that's why I made the appointment." Sara could not bear to say the words abortion again.
Leigh sighed heavily and leaned against her husband. "I don't think he really believes that Sara. Okay give him a little time to cool off and all call me in the morning. Maybe I will have seen something by then. Get some sleep and tear up that damn appointment slip."