Chapter 42
The dip in the bed woke her. Gil was sitting on the edge his face in his hands. She didn't move or make a sound. His broad back was to her. Eventually he pulled his sweater over his head and went to lie down. He was startled to see her eyes opened.
"Hey" was all she could think to say.
"Hey" was all could he offer. They stared at one another in the half lit room. He finally broke the stalemate. "I am very sorry." She continued to stare. He dropped his head. The top his curls were catching up with his side burns and parts of his beard. His entire mane was almost completely salt and pepper. "Do you want me to sleep in the spare room?"
"No." She turned over to giver him a view of her back.
"I am not sleeping with anyone else."
"I know."
"Then why did you say it?"
"I couldn't figure out what you didn't tell me, that's all my muddled brain could come up with. I wake everyday waiting for the bottom to drop out, waiting for you to look at me and wonder what you've been doing with your life. I know that you have tried to tell me different but I just can't seem to believe it."
His had touched her shoulder lightly where he had opened the wound. "Honey look at me." A bit of blood had seeped through the material of her pajama top and the shirt was stuck to her the bite mark. Grissom repeated the curse from the week before. This time he came back with a cool wash cloth along with the other supplies.
Her body was like a rag dolls as he manipulated his arms. He added another oath to the first for upsetting her while she was pregnant. "Maybe we should see someone. Maybe a marriage counselor."
Her mind was foggy with confusion and emotion. "We aren't married though."
He kissed her softly on the mouth. "Aren't we?"
Little specks of light danced before her eyes. He stroked her hair. "Who?"
"Father Salvador? He has a Master's in social systems and the seal of confession will allow us to tell him the whole story," Gil said referring to the parish priest form the church that he and Sara attended with Chris and Ross.
"You'd talk to a priest?" She knew Gil still had some issues with the Catholic Church.
"I'd talk to Father Sal. He's trained. He's faithful. He's honest. Plus I saw him checking out Marjorie Fisher's ass so he likes grown ups."
Sara laughed softly. "We should make an appointment. I'm not sure how much longer those two are going to make it."
"Sit up." He instructed as he undid the buttons of her pajamas. Grissom's eyes moved over the rise of her belly and the swell of her breast. "You look pregnant."
"I was waiting for you to notice. I haven't had a period and I stopped breastfeeding when Julian was six weeks old."
"I want you to have all of my babies you are supposed to have. " He said as he put the band-aid into place.
"I couldn't have gone through with it. You think he's going to know?"
"Know what sweetie." He pulled clean pajama top from the dresser.
"Know that I tried…that I was thinking about."
"Oh honey he's not going to know anything except that you love him very much." He pulled the shirt into place.
She smiled sadly.
"So it's a he?"
"That's what Leigh says."
Gil kissed her eyelids as they threatened to overflow. "Imagine me with two sons."
"Three"
Grissom cocked his head to one side. "Three sons?"
"Two sons and at least one daughter."
He grinned happily at the thought.
He watched as she lay back against the bed wincing at the shoulder wound. He stroked her belly and smile down at her. "We are going to need to finally settle down. You want to stay here?"
She nodded sleepily. "It reminds me of Rose Station. The have good schools and Jules loves the water like you."
"You find some information and go looking for a house tomorrow?"
"By myself?"
"Honey I don't care as long as I have my own office and enough room for a lab. You go pick it I'll pay for it. Isn't that what husbands do?"
"Gil how much money is there? How much after they liquidated everything?"
"About a million and a half."
"Where did you that kind of money Gil?"
"Sweetie I have worked since 16. I had a full time government job by the time I was 22. I charge a lot of money for my seminars. I am fifty years old and I had no family until now, that along with the fact that my condo was worth a couple hundred thousand and that my Mercedes was worth around 20 thousand. A million and a half isn't so much."
"You never asked me about my money."
"That's because we don't need your money."
"I want to contribute too."
"Okay your money can go to the boys traveling fund."
"Traveling fund?"
"For when they graduate college, they are going to want to take a year off to travel."
"Is that what you wanted to do?"
Grissom nodded.
"Gil I need to ask you something."
He pulled her closer into his embrace and closed his eyes. "Ask"
"Is there anything I can do to make you love me, I mean I know that you care about me. It's okay that you don't."
Gils sat up abruptly and forced to Sara move away from him in order to see his face. "Sara what are you talking about?"
She stated the facts as she understood them. "You don't love me. That's okay. I love you. It's enough."
He held up his scared hand. "Where the hell did you get that from?" His voice was interrupted by a sound from Julian's room. She went to move but he stilled her with the same hand. "I'll get him."
After several minutes he returned with Julian and a bottle. "Gil I thought we agreed. He sleeps in his own bed."
Gil looked sheepish. "He's not asleep. He's eating. When's he's finished eating I will put him back in his own bed." The little boy eyes shined with triumph as Gil situated him between his two parents. Sara grinned at him. "You are a con artist." He stroked his lush dark curls. His hair was even darker than Sara's, nearly ink black. He gummed a grin as he chewed on his bottle.
Grissom looked at them for a few minutes then he remembered what he and Sara had been talking about. "Sara"
"Hmmm" Julian was in her arms now, his light colored eyes staring up at them. "Why do you think I don't love you?"
She kissed the tip of Julian's nose and looked at him. "You've never said it."
He leaned forward reminding of her of when his hearing loss flared up. "What? Of course I have."
Julian rotated his head towards the sound of his father's voice.
"No you haven't."
"Sara I say it all the time."
He chin jutted out like a gull razor blade. "When?"
"When we make love, when I call you on the phone, when I leave for errands, I say it all the time."
"No you don't, you never have."
He knew Sara wasn't making it up. She would know if he had said the words out loud. "Have you said it?"
"Once."
"When?"
"The first night with the scarves."
"What did I say?"
"Nothing"
He thought back. "Sara I don't remember anything after well you know. There is a reason that French call an orgasm a little death. The next thing I remember is waking up and you were gone and then we had the whole discussion about the book."
She looked down at her son. "It's okay Gil."
"No it's not okay. Why didn't you say it again? Why didn't you ask me about it?"
Julian's head bounced a little with her shrug. "I thought that if you loved me you would have told me."
"I guess it was so much of my reality I just thought I was saying it to you. I probably got into the habit of not saying while where still Vegas. I would hang up the phone with you and it was so close to the surface that I had to stop myself from speaking. I even said it once after you had hung up the phone."
"You did?"
"Yes."
"So you do love me? I mean do you love me like I love you?"
"I do."
Julian was sleeping now. Gil kissed him on the nose like she had before. Sara spoke quietly. "Say it."
He peppered her face with kisses. "I love you. I love you. I love you."
She giggled as his beard tickled.
"I love your smile. I love your brain. I love the way you make me feel. I love your eyes. I love you on your back under me. I love you the way you get jealous when you think I am looking at other women. I love that you never gave up on me. I love that you gave me a blow job the first night we were together."
The last statement earned him a punch to his ribs. He kissed her stomach. "Love you too. What's that?" He pressed his ear to her giggling stomach. He up looked up at her.
"He wants us to get his hair straightened before he starts high school. What else? Oh yeah, teeth fixed too."
Grissom walked through the condo whistling a soft operatic tune. Sara had narrowed down two houses. She was currently working a chart to compare the two. Her eyes found him in the doorway. "Hi handsome, you know my husband has some money stashed away you wanna run away with me?"
"What are you going to do about your husband?"
"He's an old guy I will kill him with a night a of passionate lovemaking."
Grissom sat on the desk looking at the two houses. "So you have gotten over the 'we are not really married thing?"
She leaned back and looked at him. "I have. You are right we didn't have the ceremony but for all practical reasons, according to all local and national officials we are indeed man and wife."
"I still want a honeymoon," she said as he leaned down to kiss her. "Ask Mrs. Stewart and you shall receive."
He returned to his former position. "Hand me my glasses they are in the top drawer."
She frowned. "Did you buy another pair of glasses?"
"Oprah says that glasses are just like any other accessory. One should remain stylish and have a number of options."
She shook her head. "Daytime TV is not good for everyone." She pulled open the desk drawer and moved the top layer around. "No glasses hon."
"It's that box right there" He pointed a finger at a small velvet box.
"What did you buy? A pair that folds a million times over? Gil, that is so old lady." Sara stopped talking as she opened the box. The emerald cut diamond and matching wedding bands was nearly flawless.
She started to pull it from the box but Gil stopped. He took the government issued rings off of their fingers. He replaced his first then hers. "Sara will you be my authentic wife."
She beamed up at the man that she had loved for so long. "I will," she said as she blinked back tears.