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"Anywhere" -- Epilogue: Angel
By The Last Princess of Hyrule
-x-X-x-X-x-
"In the arms of the angel,
Fly away from here,
From this dark, cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you feel,
You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverie,
You're in the arms of your angel,
May you find some comfort here . . ."
-Sarah McLachlan, "Angel"
-x-X-x-X-x-
. . . Suddenly the ground exploded beneath Hitomi's feet and plummeted into a black expanse of nothingness, pulling her down with it. Frigid air rushed upward past her body, biting at savagely at her exposed skin as she tried to scream, but no sound could escape her tightly constricted throat.
Hitomi shut her eyes against the sight of the ground coming up to meet her, wishing fervently for something to stop her fall. She kept waiting, and waiting, hoping and praying, but nothing happened. And then . . .
Hitomi gasped and sat up in bed, her heart pounding as her mind came out of the nightmare back into reality. Shaking, she placed a hand over her heart and took a few deep breaths.
She was sitting up in a small bed in a farmhouse on the border of Asturia and Zaibach, which had apparently been abandoned by someone who didn't want to live so close to the war front. She had lived there for almost a week without any sign of another person. It almost felt like the little cottage was its own separate world from the rest of Gaea.
Hitomi sighed, trying to put the dream out of her mind. Every night since the downfall of the Zaibach empire, she had been reliving it in her dreams. It couldn't be a prophecy. Aside from the fact that the events of her dream had already taken place, there was no longer a control over fate, and she had saved Gaea. There was nothing for her to prophesize. It's all over now--the empire, my destiny, all of it. I completed the task I was brought to Gaea to accomplish, so why can't my dreams just leave me alone? The door to her room creaked open and Hitomi looked up.
Folken stood in the doorway.
"You're awake," he said, coming in. He looked concerned. "I thought I heard you screaming."
"I'm sorry," Hitomi apologized. "I didn't mean to wake you."
Folken sat down beside her. "Did you have a nightmare?"
She nodded.
"Will you tell me about it?"
Hitomi didn't say anything for a few minutes as she collected her thoughts. "I keep seeing that day in Zaibach when I dream. Everything is so clear--it's like I'm really back there again." She choked back a few traumatic tears. "But every time I get to the part when I'm falling, it's exactly like in any nightmare: I wake up just before I die."
The concern in Folken's expression increased. "But I caught you. I didn't let you die."
"I know," said Hitomi. "But that doesn't happen this time, and I don't understand why." She took in a deep, shaky breath, swallowing her tears, and ran her fingers through her hair. "I shouldn't even be thinking about this anymore. I mean, it's over now, but something just won't leave me alone."
"Maybe it shouldn't."
"What?" Hitomi turned to him.
"Maybe you shouldn't be left alone anymore," Folken repeated, staring out the room's only window, a tiny square of glass looking out on the pitch black night. He didn't dare look at her. "Stop me when this sounds absurd, but I think you're afraid to be alone. Now that things are going back to normal and your powers aren't needed anymore, you're afraid everyone will forget about you. If you really believe that, don't. I'm still here for you." He paused. "If that matters."
Before he could say anything more, Hitomi took his hand and stopped him. "Don't talk like that. Of course it matters to me that you're here. I mean, I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you. Not only that, but I want you to be with me." She frowned at her pathetic attempt at consolation. "You're right--I hate being alone. I hate it every time you leave, and I don't know if you'll be back. I hate it every time I say or do something stupid that gets us in trouble." She stopped and sighed. "I feel terrible about what I've done. I've been trying so hard not to hurt anyone else, but I haven't done anything to keep from hurting you."
Folken rested his other hand over top of hers, finally meeting her eyes with an apologetic expression. "In your situation, it was the only thing you could do."
"That's a terrible excuse," Hitomi scoffed.
"It wasn't an excuse. It was a reason."
Hitomi looked at him incredulously, her eyebrows furrowing. "Sometimes, I just don't get you. Why do you always sit by and let all these bad things happen to you?"
Folken looked away and didn't say anything for a long time, so long that Hitomi began to wonder if she had offended him. "Because it works out better for everyone else if I do," he finally said. "And after everything I've done, I deserve it."
She squeezed his hand. "Stop saying that. You're no less deserving than anyone else."
He looked down at her and their gazes locked. In the deep crimson of his eyes, Hitomi saw the reason of her recurring nightmare. "Now I get it. In my dream, I'm not the one that's falling. It's you. That's why you didn't catch me, because you were falling, too. You stopped trusting your wings." Suddenly, she had an idea. "Get up and show them to me."
"What?"
"Your wings. Let me see."
Puzzled, Folken got up and turned around, letting his wings grow from his shoulder blades in a gentle mist of feathers. They had changed from when Hitomi saw them during their imprisonment in Zaibach. They were strong now, and silky white, fully alive, as opposed to the weak, dying black that they used to be.
Hitomi bent down and picked up one of the feathers he had just shed, along with the black ones on her beside table that she had somehow kept hold of despite everything.
"They're back to the way they should be, now that the fate alterations are over. When I was falling, I wished for you to take me away, and you did. That's why your wings turned white again," Hitomi explained. "You aren't dying anymore. The evidence is right here, but for whatever reason, you don't believe it. You don't think you deserve this, or anything else that's given to you without a price." She stood up and took his hands again, an idea suddenly coming to mind. "Come with me, just for a minute."
Hitomi led Folken through the house outside onto the dark grass. It was still very early in the morning, and the sky was still dark and star-dusted. A roughly cut wooden ladder leaned up against one wall. Hitomi spotted it and gripped the coarse rungs, pulling herself up onto the thatched roof. Turning around, she kicked over the ladder and stood up.
"Now I'm up here, but I'm not falling and you don't have to catch me. I might fall at any time with just one misstep, but then again, I might not. I can't predict what will happen and when, but whatever happens, happens for a reason. That's the way life works, and I trust that reason. If I didn't, then things wouldn't be the way they are now. People don't just have all bad luck or all good--there's a balance. You have to believe that, otherwise we'll be apart like this forever."
"What if something goes wrong?" Folken asked, looking up at her. She could hear the doubt in his voice. "Do you still believe in your reason?"
Hitomi nodded, tears coming to her eyes. She tried to swallow them, in hopes that with the darkness he wouldn't see. "You just have to trust it and not worry about what could happen in the future. It might not actually come to pass."
Folken didn't respond, but his silence told Hitomi everything she needed to know. He still doesn't believe me, and he never will. She crawled farther up the roof, faced away, and sat down. He doesn't believe me when I say it's all right to be happy, and that he doesn't deserve to hurt all the time. Hitomi covered her face with her hands. He doesn't even believe me when I say I love him . . .
A soft gust of wind played with her hair, and a clump of dark clouds drifted in front of the two glowing moons, darkening the landscape until it was almost pitch black, but Hitomi didn't notice. What if he's right, and we don't deserve this? How are we supposed to know?
"How are we supposed to know if our future will be good or bad?" Folken's voice was a whisper right beside her ear, startling her, and her heart leapt uncontrollably. "How are we supposed to know if we'll be alive one day and not the next, or if someone better has died while we live?"
Hitomi uncovered her eyes and opened them.
"Since I met you," he went on, "I realized that I don't want to know anymore. I don't want to care if what I've done in the past determines what will happen to me in the future." Folken put his arms around her stomach. "I thought if I started to believe things could really be this way, then they would fall apart. I didn't believe that I should love you, or that you could ever love me."
The sky was cold, its darkness reaching out to swallow everything, but Hitomi was consumed by the fires in Folken's eyes. She could no longer feel the chill of the nighttime air on her neck, but the warmth of his exhale instead. The deep, passionate love in his heart that had been concealed and denied for so long was brighter than even the alluring glow of the Mystic Moon.
Before she even knew what she was doing, Hitomi turned around and kissed him.
She drew back instantly, the realization of what she had just done suddenly striking her like a bolt of electricity. Both their eyes opened wide, and both were surprised beyond words, but they quickly found that there was no need for them. This time, he didn't hesitate. Folken kissed her back.
Then, with one arm cradled behind her back, the other beneath her knees, Folken took Hitomi in his arms and stood up. As if to prove his faith in what she had said, he unfolded his wings and stepped off the roof. One strong beat kept them from falling, another raised them into the air, then another, and another. Folken lifted Hitomi into the early morning mist that slowly blanketed the countryside, flying away from the small cottage, away from Gaea and its fate. Taking her away from everything.
"Where would I be if I didn't have this?" Folken asked, his voice smooth and gentle. He was smiling, something Hitomi had only seen on the rarest of occasions. The sight drove any remaining doubts she might have had out of mind. "Where can I take you that we'll always be together?"
Her heart beat in time with the soft rhythm of his wings, her arms linked around his neck, and her head against his shoulder. She could hear his pulse matching hers. "Anywhere," she said, closing her eyes. "I'll be with you."
In between the trees that clustered the countryside was a small open clearing. Their flight came to a rest above it, and Folken let them drift safely to the ground. He set Hitomi down, then spread open his wings and fell back. Another miracle; he was laughing.
Hitomi couldn't help smiling as she lay down in the dewy grass next to him. She rolled onto her stomach, leaning on him with her arms folded against his chest, her chin resting on top of them. He lifted his head a little and looked at her reflectively.
"It's been so long since I've seen you happy," said Folken. "I've forgotten how beautiful you are when you smile."
Hitomi's smile brightened. "I could say the same about you."
Folken leaned up a little more, and kissed her again. "This must be a dream. A very good dream."
"If it is, then this time I don't want to wake up," said Hitomi, then added on a sudden afterthought, "Though it's not usually this cold when I'm dreaming."
There was a fluttering beside her, and Folken's white wings enfolded them, cutting off the night's chill. He reached up and touched her cheek, cupping it softly in his left hand. "Better?"
Hitomi leaned her face against it. "Better." She kissed him.
Her lips were so soft, so sweet, just like he thought they would be. He could feel her heart beat faster, and his matching, caught in the moment. She looked so beautiful. No, she didn't just look beautiful; she was beautiful. Everything about her was breathtaking in every way, and he loved it. After the first time he kissed her, he knew there was no way he could stop. Her face, set with the most captivating features, and her caress, more gentle than the touch of a feather. For once, in that one single, sweet instant, she was all his own and he all hers.
Dawn came, far, far too soon, spreading late summer warmth over the countryside through the nighttime mist, and they were both asleep in the cradle of each other's arms. The sky above them was filled with ashy clouds, and the sunlight filtering through them blanketed everything in a warm rose-colored light. It was almost like heaven's kiss caressing her spirit, and after that night, Hitomi never dreamt the nightmare again.
-x-X-x-X-x-
Millerna sighed and leaned her head against the balcony rail, watching the sun rise through the dusty sky. She had been watching it all morning, noting how its colorful light painted the waters of the Asturian Bay with gentle pink hues, and splashed the oceanside city with pastel color. It was like watching a painting emerge from the night.
There was a quiet tapping on her bedroom door, and it opened to admit a messenger somewhat out of breath. "Your Highness," he addressed her with a bow. "Your presence is requested out on the docks."
She turned around. "Why?"
"A crew of men from Egzardia requested to see you," he said.
Millerna nodded and followed him out. Why would a messenger call her out to the docks, rather than come to the palace and ask to meet with her father? That, after all, was the proper course of action to take. The etiquette of visitors to the Asturian court had certainly fallen of late.
A large crowd gathered around one leviship bearing the Egzardian crest, where the messenger led Millerna when they reached the docks. He brought her right before the source of the chaos--the leviship's crew and a girl in a red Zaibach uniform. Upon seeing the princess, everyone bowed except the girl.
"Your Highness," said the captain. "We found this straggler on our way home from the front lines and picked her up to be questioned. But for the last four days, the only thing she's done is say she has to meet with you. We thought Your Highness would like to question her."
Millerna turned to the girl. She sat on a wooden crate with her arms folded patiently in her lap, watching Millerna without saying a word. "Are you sure she isn't an assassin?" asked the princess.
"Positive," replied the captain. "She had no weapons of any kind on her when we picked her up. We think she's more crazy than dangerous."
"How do you know?"
The captain walked up to the girl. "Hey, what's your name?"
"I need to speak with Princess Millerna of Asturia," answered the girl.
The captain turned back to Millerna. "That's all she says. She hardly even eats or sleeps. She just sits around and stares. It's really starting to bother my crew."
I can imagine. Millerna walked slowly beside the captain and looked down at the girl. The girl continued to watch her. Her eyes were a startling misty blue, and they looked familiar from somewhere the princess couldn't place.
"Are you Princess Millerna?" the girl suddenly asked in the same monotone voice she used to answer the captain.
"Yes."
"I have a message for you." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a couple of neatly folded sheets of paper. "The Girl from the Mystic Moon instructed me to give this to you."
Millerna, who had been reaching for the letter, froze. "Hitomi?"
The girl neither confirmed nor denied this. Instead, she kept talking, as if reciting a memorized speech, and not doing a very good job of it. "My name is Celena. I'm looking for my brother, Allen Schezar. He is a Knight Caeli of Asturia. Do you know where I can find him?"
Millerna turned back to the captain. "I'll take her back to the palace. I would like to speak with her in private, if you don't mind."
"Go ahead. She's yours now."
-x-X-x-X-x-
/./Tell me again what we're doing here././ Dilandau said sarcastically.
Millerna led Celena to her chambers where they wouldn't be disturbed, and closed the door. She motioned Celena toward a chair by the fire and sat down in another near it.
Celena sat rigidly on the edge of her seat, highly aware of the definite sanctity of the princess's private room. /I want to find my brother. I thought you said you didn't mind./
/./I didn't realize you were serious././
/You thought I was joking?/
/./I was hoping you didn't actually mean to go through with it././
Mentally, Celena rolled her eyes.
"I don't mean to be rude," said Millerna suddenly, "but are you really Celena Schezar?"
Celena nodded.
"This can't be possible. Allen's little sister was kidnapped and tortured to death years ago by Zaibach. You can't be her."
"I am."
Millerna sat forward in her chair. "How did you manage to escape?"
"I'd rather not talk about it, but you have to believe me. I have this letter." Celena gave Hitomi's letter to the princess. "Hitomi told me to give it only to you."
Millerna looked skeptical, but unfolded it and read.
Dear Millerna,
Before I say anything, I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I should have told you what was going on before I just snuck away from the palace like I did. I hope no one's been really worried, but it was better that I didn't tell anyone, or else you would have followed me.
I know you're wondering why I left. The reason was that I couldn't stand to see my power hurting people anymore. I know that what happened to Palas on your wedding day wasn't my fault, but there were other things. Back then, I was messing with fate when I shouldn't have, and I kept hurting everyone around me. I needed to get away somewhere where I wouldn't need my powers. Not that it made much difference.
I guess I couldn't hide from my destiny after all. No matter where I went, bad things kept happening, and it all turned out to be a sign driving me toward the empire. As you must know by now, Gaea's fate isn't under Dornkirk's control anymore, so now no one needs my powers, and I can really put them to rest.
There were several dark blotches where words had been crossed out. Millerna could see Hitomi had put a lot of thought into this letter.
Please forgive me for not coming back to Palas right away and telling you all this face-to-face. I'm not ready yet. Some things have happened, and I'm not completely sure if I'm ready to tell everyone. It's not that I'm embarrassed or anything, I just don't know how to say it. I can barely tell you through this letter without imagining your expression when you read this.
I'm in love with Folken. I really, truly love him. I don't think I'm imagining this, like I always used to imagine the guys I loved actually loved me in return when they didn't. He loves me too. It's just so obvious in everything he does, and especially when he smiles. And yet, it's so amazing. He loves me. He really loves me.
I know you're wondering how and why this happened. Believe me, so am I. Why me? Why Folken? It just doesn't make sense, does it? I think that's why I've been hesitating to go back to Asturia. I'm sure when I understand this, I'll be ready. He's one of the most unlikely people I can think of that I'd ever fall in love will, and yet, here I am, in love with him.
I wonder if this will last. You know me--I fall in love so easily. Is this going to be any different from any other time? Right now, what I feel for Folken seems so much like what I felt for Allen. That's so weird, isn't it? They're such opposites. People say love is blind to appearances, but it must also be deaf to what's inside. Why else would it set me up with someone who, at one time, was my enemy? Oh sorry, I'm rambling. I'll move on.
It's totally my fault that we left and took Escaflowne. Folken didn't steal it, and he didn't kidnap me. That's probably what it looked like to everyone back in Palas, didn't it? I definitely should have left a note or something to explain what was going on.
I ran into Folken when I was leaving the palace, and he wouldn't let me go anywhere without someone who knew their way around Gaea. You know how lost I get just walking around Palas. It probably wasn't the greatest idea to take Escaflowne, but it was the best transportation we could find. I hope Van didn't do too badly without it. Tell him I'm sorry. This whole thing was a big spur-of-the-moment decision, but it's probably the best one I ever made.
I hope you can understand why I did this. Who knows when things might have gotten so out of control that I killed someone close to me? I killed enough people just by drawing Zaibach's attacks to wherever I was. I probably could have done things differently, but now that's all in the past, and it doesn't matter anymore.
I had a hard time deciding whether or not to send you this letter, but then I thought, you know what it's like to be in love, which is why I felt like I could tell you this. If you feel like you should tell everyone else, or let them read this letter, go ahead. I just wanted to tell you first. I'm not sure when I'll be coming back to Palas. It could be a couple months or even years, I have no idea. Right now I'm not looking at the future the way I used to. I'm trying to focus on the present, because that's what's here now.
If you're reading this now, it means Celena reached you. I hope you believe she's really Allen's little sister. I do. Take her to Allen and tell him I found his real little sister for him. I think he only ever saw me as a replacement for Celena, but I don't care. I hope you can all be happy together. Maybe we'll see each other again soon, and you can see how happy I am.
Sincerely Your Friend,
Hitomi
Millerna put down the letter and turned back to Celena, who stared into the fire with spellbound fascination. "Is something wrong?" asked Millerna.
"It's warm," Celena said. "It's been so long since I was warm I can hardly remember it."
"Do you want me to send for your brother?"
Celena looked up at her. "You believe me?"
Millerna held up the letter. "Hitomi explained it all to me. And you look about like what I expected you would. Allen's told me about you before, and I always imagined you'd look something like this. You two have almost the exact same eyes."
Celena smiled.
/./So, we're staying I take it?/./
/Yes./
/./Wonderful././
/You could be more optimistic./
/./Oh, goodness me! We get to meet the wonderful, heroic, beautiful Allen Schezar! Wait, isn't he your brother? Oh, how dreadfully lucky!/./
/When I say optimistic, I also mean sincere./
/./Sincerity's up to you. I have no choice in being here, so I don't have to like it././
Celena rolled her eyes. /You could always leave./
Dilandau laughed. /./Ha! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. How do you expect me to go about that?/./
/I don't know. You tell me. But it'd be pretty miserable if you left./
/./Huh, that's for sure. I'm probably the only sane person in this city././
/Even with Allen, it'd be so quiet without you. Besides, I know neither of us want to be alone anymore./
/./Apparently not././
Celena could tell by his tone that he was sincere this time. She remembered often wishing when she was a child in Zaibach never to be alone anymore, and that wish had finally been granted. Things couldn't be turning out better. She was home at last, about to meet her family, and still with Dilandau. Could there possibly be a better way to start her new life? If there was, Celena didn't want it, because this was more than enough.
-x-X-x-X-x-
"There's another spot over here," said Hitomi. She put a cup down on the floor to catch the drops of water leaking through the ceiling. "I think this part is going bad, too. It smells really moldy over here."
Folken, who balanced on a ladder attempting to fix another hole on the other side of the room with a few torn rags, looked where she was pointing. The straw in the indicated area was soggy and off-color. "Most of the roof is like that," he said.
Hitomi sighed and went out to the open front door, watching the rain in front of her. The steady fall drummed in a gentle pattern on the overhang above. A light wind wafted past, bearing the clean, fresh smell of the rain-washed landscape. Heavy clouds obscured the sun, and the only way to tell it was evening was by the darkening of the gray sky.
"Hitomi? Is something wrong?" Folken stepped off the ladder and walked up beside her.
"It's so sad," she said. "The rain."
"I don't think so."
Hitomi looked up at him.
"Rain is important right now," said Folken. "It washes the smoke out of the air, and the factory ash off the trees. Zaibach and the old world are washing away." He met her gaze. "It's giving Gaea a clean, new start."
"It's just making a lot of mud and grime. How can anything good come from that?"
"The right mud can make bricks to build a house like this for a family who lost theirs."
Hitomi cast a dubious look up at the leaky roof.
"You know what I mean," Folken added.
For a long time they were silent, just listening to the patter of the cleansing rain, and watching it pour down from the sky. Folken held one arm around her shoulder, and Hitomi leaned against him.
"I want to help," said Hitomi suddenly.
"What?"
"I want to go somewhere and help people start their new lives. I want to help them get back everything that my power took away." Hitomi smiled. "I don't blame myself for what happened anymore, but I still want to help. Will you come with me?"
Folken kissed her cheek and smiled. "Where will you go?"
"I want to go back to Asturia. I drew most of the trouble there, and for all the stress I've caused everyone who tried to protect me, I think I owe them the most." She continued to watch the rain. "Not right now, but someday."
That rain poured steadily over Gaea for two weeks without stop; the sky stayed gray and overcast, and the landscape soggy with mist and drizzle. In that time, though everything seemed so drab and tired, the forests and plant life that had been destroyed by Zaibach's economic industry emerged from the mushy ground reborn as tiny green sprouts. There, amidst the decaying rubble of the empire's capitol, a carpet of minute seedlings grew up from the desecration of that which had destroyed them.
Life cycled and recycled. The downfall of one thing gave way to another, and others after that. The old died, soon to be torn down to make room for the new. This unending chain, this living world so impossible to control or destroy by any intent of one's own desires--this was the true power of fate.
-x-X-x-X-x-
"So by the morning's light,
We'll be halfway to anywhere,
Where love is more than just your name . . ."
-Evanescence, "Anywhere"
-x-X-x-X-x-
THE END.
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