Chapter 3

Ranma quickly threw off his bathing yukata and dressed, black combat trousers and a red shirt.

Everyone was seated at the table as Akane brought out the breakfast. One quick look around confirmed Ranma's fears. Nobody was looking relaxed, everyone but Akane had naked fear on their faces.

"okay everyone, I only altered it a bit this time, its mostly what Kasumi left yesterday. Just a few ideas from my show last night" Akane said, not adding that the additions were things she was sure the chef's would have added if they were any good. Ranma saw his father and Genma praying, and thought that was odd until he picked out the words

"please let it be edible, please let it be edible please let it be edible.."

"You're the guest Ranma how about you try it first." Akane said with a happy smile. Then proceeded to pour out some grey goo into his bowl. "It wasn't thick enough so I fortified it." The deadly chef said with a smile.

Ranma tried to ignore the hissing noise as the ceramic spoon slowly melted into his bowl. "I'm not really one for breakfasts, perhaps just some toast?" he said hopefully, all the while willing his stomach to stillness, and trying not to breathe in the fumes.

"oh come on you big baby, you'll like this its got PEP." Admonished the kitchen budding chemical weapons designer, still smiling. A shiver ran down his back and he glanced around fro help, to meet only averted faces. He could have sworn Soun started to whistle.

"what is it pop, someone at the door?" he said bracing himself to run.

"RRRRRAAANMMMA!" screeched the newly transformed harpy. He didn't wait, instead just bolting. He moved so fast he left after images (who also ran).

"coward," muttered Nabiki.

Shortly later Ranma found himself in the park. Being Nerima it was liberally scattered with martial artists fighting over honour, women, boys, revenge or breakfast.

"hold fiend. At last I have found you, and I shall free my beloved Kumiko!" shouted a voice from behind him. Ranma turned there was a boy, 16 or so, wearing what looked suspiciously like a 6 foot feather duster. "Erik Bodiashi I Jonni No Mates of the tickle-ken-ryu will thrash thee." And with that the boy threw himself at the still bemused Ranma.

"DOwch" said the boy as his nose impacted on Ranma's sole. "Dno fair." Then he keeled over and passed out. Ranma shook his head and moved on. He found an unoccupied tree and folded into the lotus position at its base, apparently meditating.

His eyes snapped open a few moments later as someone nearby cursed ina very particular brand of Mandarin. He looked around to find two girls sparring, using what was un-mistakably Amazonian Wu Shu. They were trying a paired kata, and messing it up, resulting in catastrophic failure.

"Thud-Thonk" went their heads as they once again connected. Shortly followed by more cursing. "Ran-Ran not feel so good no more," said the one on the left shakily.

"me neither" said the other.

"Your'e both being girls" pronounced Ranma, in their dialect

"What you expect stupid sperm donor, we are girls. See breasts" exclaimed the somewhat dazed Ran-Ran, pointing to here ample chest.

"Yeah" coursed the other, pointing to her own.

"That's not it" Ranma tried to explain

"Are so" Replied Lin-Lin, moving right up to Ranma and revealing that yes they were indeed breasts, and fairly good looking ones at that. Her sister immediately slapped her and grabbed the front of her dress, to close it.

"Care to explain this one Saotome? I mean I could be mistaken but its not every day that I see my sister's long lost fiancé getting a show from a pair of well endowed twins in a park." Nabiki had appeared behind Ranma and even before he turned around he just knew she would be wearing That Smirk.

"This is not what it appears. And I am not marrying your poison pushing sister!" retorted Ranma.

"Stupid sperm donor not turn back on Amazons when being flashed by them!" commanded Ran-Ran hitting Ranma with an outstretched palm.

Ranma turned back "hey I am talking here shorty!"

"Have fun Saotome." Teased Nabiki. Now walking away.

"wait!" pleaded Ranma, this time catching the hand that moved to slap him. Only to be jumped by the twin.He went down in a tangle of nearly naked Amazons.

"Shit!" he cursed "get off me ya dumb bimbettes! Ow no biting. Get your hand out of there!" Nabiki just walked off smiling and shaking her head. Anywhere other than Nerima that would be weird, here at least one should have been a cross-dresser.

Ranma caught her up as she was leaving the park. At the same time he finally took in what she was wearing. It was a charcoal- grey power suit/dress combination with high heels, it was also incredibly alluring. He took the time to stare and the caught up. Oh yeah she was also carrying a small briefcase in her left hand.

"You finished with your Chinese girls so you've come to stare at my backside again" Nabiki said over her shoulder, again flicking her hair in that maddening manner.

"No I haven't" relied Ranma.

"Well if you have come to ask me to join in I am sorry but I am late for work." She deadpanned back at him, with only the hint of a smirk turning up her lips.

"Gah!" exclaimed Ranma. "Bitch" he muttered to himself.

"Heard that Saotome… And I am flattered that you think of me that way"

"bitchy bitch"

"That sort of talk will get you spanked" teased Nabiki, giving him evil smile 241 'kinky Dominatrix.' It stopped Ranma in his tracks, a shiver running down his spine.

"Damn me if Koda-sama doesn't have the same smile" he said after a while. "But ten to one Nabiki ain't that kinky. I mean she couldn't be, could she" he finished somewhat less than certainly. He turned around and headed back to get on with his exercises. However sure enough he had no sooner sat down, and closed his eyes when the nutty twins turned up.

"hey there stupid sperm donor!" exclaimed bimbette #1

"Yes that him, I bagsy first kiss" exclaimed her partner in exposure.

"Whoa girls," commanded Ranma, "stop right there, no kisses, no more groping and no more half naked wrestling!" At this a passer-by just shook his head and whispered "they get everywhere these days" and walked on. Or at least tried to until one bouncy bundle of energy kicked him in the tailbone and shouted "Ran-Ran Arien not whoopsy!" then quickly turned to Ranma "you not is you?"

"No, I'm not but-"

"Good!" exclaimed one of them before both threw themselves at Ranma to deliver their Kisses of Marriage.

"Hey I said none of that" squirmed our ever-so put-upon hero, "I thought the Kiss of marriage was meant to be a one time thing, and on the face. Whoa what did I tell you about my trousers! WHOA!"

The two girls stopped "Maybe Arien is a whoopsy!" said one

"Nah this says otherwise" said the other looking dwon and drawing the other two's gaze with her. (no not there) Around his neck was a gift from Xian.

"You is already married to Amazon?" inquired Ran-Ran, pouting.

"Yes I am." Said Ranma a little too fast "now please get off me"

"Who is?" asked Lin-Lin, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Yeah who, what, where, when, why, how Mister?" demanded the other.

Ranma sighed "her name is Xian Pu and she is the village champion. As to your other question I might consider answering WHEN YOU GET OFFA ME!"

"Oh we is sorry Arien. You make with story now then maybe we tak about bed-time." Said Ran-Ran, backed up by her sister's

"Yeah, make with story sperm bank." But they did get off of him.