Title: My Life

Author: Ravenne Lil

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Colonel Jack O'Neil is MIA and presumed dead. 10 years later, Sam Cater has finally been able to put Jack's disappearance behind her and move on with a new life and new love but her perfect little world shatters when Jack is found and Sam is forced to reevaluate her life and her heart.

Category: Angst/Romance, Sam/Jack, Sam/Other, AU

Disclaimer: I, Ravenne Lil, DO NOT own Stargate: SG-1. I'm just playing with the characters till something else catches my interest. I make no money from this. It's all fun and games. Also I don't own any of the songs that are featured in the beginning of each chapter those are the property of their respected creators.

Author's Note: This is my first Stargate: SG-1 story. So, if something is wrong or I miss use a term or don't exactly get a character's personality right, be gentle. Also feedback is welcomed and much appreciated considering that this is my first try for this genre. I've done mostly Star Wars and X-files things and wanted to try something new. Also don't let the whole Sam/Other thing scare you away. I wanted to see how this could work out so just come along for the ride with me. I can guarantee I will make it as enjoyable as I can.

Chapter 1: Unhappy Anniversary

I know it's so stupid to still feel brokenhearted

I wonder if you know just how much I hurt

I drink up and think up a toast to numb the hours

To get through without you is so hard today

- Vitamin C

Samantha Carter Nolan sat in the corner of her couch, her feet tucked under her, a half filled glass of wine dangling in her hand loosely as she watched the minute hand of the clock mounted on the wall slowly make it's trek around to the twelve marker. It read a quarter to midnight at the moment. Fifteen minutes till the day officially ended. Fifteen minutes till she could let the dark memories go until next year.

This is pathetic Sam, a small voice in the back of her head chastised. He's gone. It's been ten years, you're married and have children yet you still obsess over this. Get over it! She took a long sip of her wine then pulled it back and looked into the glass at the crimson liquid inside, thinking that maybe she should try something stronger to silence the voice. Though she had to admit that what it said was true. Devoting one day out of the year to a man that had been missing and presumed dead for the past ten years was leaning towards the pathetic side. Grant it, that she was dealing with the situation much better then she had the first two years. She had devoted all her time into helping with the search and once the others had accepted that Jonathon O'Neil was gone, she had continued on her own in the scarce spare time that she had.

Eventually she had burned herself out physically and mentally and General Hammond had ordered her to go on some much needed down time. Being a direct order, she reluctantly agreed and set off on a three month vacation. In the end those three months had done wonders for her. Getting away from work had given her time to clear her mind, come to her senses and accept the fact that perhaps Jack was really gone. Once her mind accepted this she went into the usual grieving cycle till she was able to return to society, take an interest in human contact again and have other things besides Jack on her mind. She would think of him on occasion and even took joy in the memories she had of him…that is until this day came around.

Suddenly a pair of hands grasped her shoulders and began to massage gently. She had been caught up in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed that someone had entered the room. She looked over her shoulder and smiled up at her husband. "Hey…I thought you were sleeping."

"Nah…that bed is far to big without you in it with me." He came around to the front of the couch and sat down beside her. She shifted her position so she could lean against him. He obligingly wrapped an arm around her shoulders and stroked her forearm. Sam laid her head against his shoulder and smiled. She knew his real reason for coming out here, he was worried about her. No one outside of the SGC, including her husband and children knew exactly why this certain day was so somber for her. She didn't feel like bending the truth for civilians, the official paper work already did enough of that to keep the Stargate program secret secure.

Sam looked up at the man that held her heart. He had been the light in her life after all this. When she had first met Hal Nolan, she had, had no intentions of getting involved in any kind of relationship but Hal was patient and persistent and he had been the first person to make her laugh in a long time. She soon found herself falling in love with him. Now ten years later she had no regrets about getting involved with him. He made her happy. Had given her two beautiful boys, Michael and Aaron. What more could she ask for?

The clock on the wall struck midnight and a soft chime sounded driving Sam's attention away from her musings. She looked at the clock then finished the last of her wine and looked to Hal. "Let's go to bed." Hal let her go and she stood up with her glass in hand and walked into the kitchen and placed the glass in the sink. When she turned back to the living room, Hal stood there waiting. She went to him and they walked to the bedroom arm in arm. Goodbye Colonel. She thought to herself, finally letting go of those memories that had plagued her for so long.

8-year-old Michael Nolan leaned out of the second story window at the side of his home. He looked down at his younger brother, 7-year-old Aaron, who stood right under him laying down an old game board that they had lost all the game pieces to. On the back of the board was blue painters tape that Michael had found in the garage. He had put the tape on the back of the board in the shape of an "X" and told his brother to position it outside so they could have a little target practice. "Okay a little to the left…no back to right a bit. Go forward two steps."

"How's this?" Aaron called up to his brother, pushing back a lock of his shaggy blonde hair, he was in desperate need for a hair cut. He squinted his eyes against the afternoon sun as he looked up to the older boy.

Michael disappeared into the bedroom and reached for a bucket of water balloons they had filled up. He grabbed a one, muttering under his breath, "Perfect." He leaned back out the window and held the balloon by it's knot. "Okay Aaron, just stand still…" He let the balloon drop from his fingers and plummet to the earth. In seconds the balloon hit it's intended target, Aaron. "Oh, sorry buddy…maybe I'll do better if you move some more to the right." As his little brother moved, he reached for two more balloons and let them drop, one then the other, both hit Aaron.

Finally catching on to the fact that he was the butt of this joke, Aaron swiped a hand through his soaked head, slicking the hair back and stormed off. As the boy reached the front of the house and started up the porch steps, he looked over his shoulder as he heard a car pull into the driveway. He waited at the steps and watched as the driver of the vehicle stepped out of the car. "Hey Uncle Danny." He greeted as he recognized the person approaching him.

Daniel offered Aaron a smile as he walked forward. "Hey Aaron." he noted the boy's wet hair and gave him a questioning look. "Did you just have a shower or something?"

"Michael." Aaron stated simply and walked up the rest of the steps to the front door and let himself in.

"Ah." Daniel commented, completely understanding what the child meant. He followed the boy inside the home. "I need to speak with your mother. Can you tell me where she is?" Aaron motioned towards the kitchen before he headed upstairs to get a towel.

Daniel moved out of the living room and made his way to the kitchen. He grinned a little as he saw his old friend sitting at the kitchen table typing away on her laptop. It really shouldn't have surprised him. Sam was your classic workaholic. If she wasn't doing work at the SGC then she would be doing it here, even if she didn't have to report for another two days. "I trust you aren't working on anything that could compromise the Stargate." He said as he moved over to her side, knowing fully well she would never do such a thing.

When he looked over her shoulder, what he saw was one of the last things he expected. On the screen of the Sony Vaio laptop was a video game of particularly dark content he noted as he watched her move the character, a somber looking girl wearing a blue dress and white apron with symbols on them. "What's this?"

"Alice. It's the horror version of Alice in Wonderland. I confiscated it from Michael." She played for a few more minutes till sanity meter emptied and the character died. She turned off the game and turned to Daniel. "What's wrong?"

Daniel gave a start. "Wrong? Why would anything be wrong?"

"You only leave the SGC one special occasions or when something is wrong. Now just come out with it, Daniel." Sam said as she shut down her laptop then stood up from her seat at the kitchen table and went to the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice then went to a glass.

Daniel took a seat at the table and was about to speak when suddenly Michael came into the kitchen. The man refrained from discussing work till the boy left the room. He watched as the boy went to the fridge and pulled out a tangerine and a bottle of water and went to leave but as soon as he moved back towards the living room Sam spoke up.

"You're grounded." She stated as she placed the orange juice container back in the fridge.

Michael swung back around and looked at her. "What did I do?"

Sam took the glass of juice back over the table and set it down then took her seat. "For throwing water balloons at your brother again." The boy gasped at her as though asking 'how did you find out?' She smiled at him. "I'm your mother. There is very little in this house I don't know about. Now go upstairs and apologizes to Aaron then both of you stay up there. Daniel and I need to talk."

The boy looked from his mother then to Daniel. He let out a exasperated sigh and left the kitchen to head upstairs. Once the two adults were sure that the coast was clear they set down to business. Sam looked to Daniel, waiting for him to answer her question from the beginning.

"We need you to come with SG-1 on mission." Daniel stated simply then waited for her answer.

"You know I can't Daniel." After marrying Hal and finding out that Michael was on the way, Sam had decided that for the good of her marriage and the good of her child, it was best if she cut back on going on field missions. She still worked at the SGC but it was only under extreme rare occasions that she would go through the Stargate.

"Sam, this is one of those moments when we really need you."

"What about Michael and Aaron, Daniel? I can't exactly drop everything and just go. I will work in the Gate room. I will help out in anyway I can but I am not leaving this planet." She looked at him for a long moment, the silence stretching out.

Daniel stood up from his seat. "I'm not going to try to convince you because you know that I wouldn't be here asking you this if we really didn't need your help. I'm going to trust you to make the right decision, Sam. If you decide you really are going to come, we leave tomorrow at 0700."

He then turned and left. Leaving Sam with a choice to make. They wouldn't request for her to accompany them on a mission if they truly didn't need her help and she couldn't help this nagging feeling in the back of her mind that was telling her that she should go. That something was going to happen. She nursed that glass of juice in her hand for a long moment before she finally got up from her chair and went to the phone.

To be continued…