"Pip," said Merry, "I really think we should -"
"Look over there!" said Pippin, pointing to a table. "A drinking contest! I'm wonderful at those! Remember the time in Buckland, when Old Trollo Brandybuck thought he could beat me in-"
"Yes, yes, everyone remembers that," said Merry, growing impatient, "but we really mustn't stick around and -"
There was a loud explosion from outside, and a yell of, "We'll get you, Elrond!"
Merry cringed. "Er - maybe we should stay and have a drink."
Pippin strolled over to the counter.
"Two pints, please," he said to the bartender.
"Of what?" asked the bartender. "We have rum, beer, ale, and, of course, the Ulmária."
"What's that?" asked Pippin interestedly.
"Oh, that's the strongest stuff in Middle-Earth, only found in Lorien," said the bartender with a sly smile. "Not many a man can take that stuff."
"Was that what Celeborn was drinking?" asked Pippin.
"Oh, no, that was just rum." The bartender shuddered. "I'd hate to see what he's like on Ulmária."
"Well," said Pippin, "We'll take two pints of Ulmária, then."
Everyone in the bar got quiet and turned to look at Merry and Pippin.
"You best not, lads," said the badtender seriously. "You'd go mad!"
"Do you even know who you happen to be talking to?" challenged Pippin, rising up to his full height, which really didn't have the desired effect, seeing as he was 3'8" and the bartender was over 6 feet tall.
"He's already mad," muttered Merry.
Pippin scowled at him.
"I'll have you know," he said, "I've smoked the strongest weed in the Southfarthing, drank the strongest stuff in the Green Dragon, and now you're telling me I can't drink some strong elvish stuff?"
"Well," said the bartender pouring a glass of clear, foaming liquid, "All right. But I must warn you -"
Pippin took a large gulp of the Ulmária.
"- you'll have terrible gas after you've drank this," finished the bartender.
Merry backed away from Pippin. Everyone else followed his lead.
At that moment, Elrond rushed in and slammed the door.
Panting, he said, "They almost had me, but they'll never think to -"
He buried his nose in his shirt and let out a muffled, "Oh my god, what IS that smell???"
For Pippin had just had some horrible gas, and was now sitting in a chair, panting.
"Wow," he said, "That IS some strong stuff."
"Ugh!" said Elrond, and ran out the door.
They heard a loud crash and Elrond screaming, and someone yelling, "Get 'im! Get 'im!"
"AAAA!" came Elrond's fading scream.
"Look over there!" said Pippin, pointing to a table. "A drinking contest! I'm wonderful at those! Remember the time in Buckland, when Old Trollo Brandybuck thought he could beat me in-"
"Yes, yes, everyone remembers that," said Merry, growing impatient, "but we really mustn't stick around and -"
There was a loud explosion from outside, and a yell of, "We'll get you, Elrond!"
Merry cringed. "Er - maybe we should stay and have a drink."
Pippin strolled over to the counter.
"Two pints, please," he said to the bartender.
"Of what?" asked the bartender. "We have rum, beer, ale, and, of course, the Ulmária."
"What's that?" asked Pippin interestedly.
"Oh, that's the strongest stuff in Middle-Earth, only found in Lorien," said the bartender with a sly smile. "Not many a man can take that stuff."
"Was that what Celeborn was drinking?" asked Pippin.
"Oh, no, that was just rum." The bartender shuddered. "I'd hate to see what he's like on Ulmária."
"Well," said Pippin, "We'll take two pints of Ulmária, then."
Everyone in the bar got quiet and turned to look at Merry and Pippin.
"You best not, lads," said the badtender seriously. "You'd go mad!"
"Do you even know who you happen to be talking to?" challenged Pippin, rising up to his full height, which really didn't have the desired effect, seeing as he was 3'8" and the bartender was over 6 feet tall.
"He's already mad," muttered Merry.
Pippin scowled at him.
"I'll have you know," he said, "I've smoked the strongest weed in the Southfarthing, drank the strongest stuff in the Green Dragon, and now you're telling me I can't drink some strong elvish stuff?"
"Well," said the bartender pouring a glass of clear, foaming liquid, "All right. But I must warn you -"
Pippin took a large gulp of the Ulmária.
"- you'll have terrible gas after you've drank this," finished the bartender.
Merry backed away from Pippin. Everyone else followed his lead.
At that moment, Elrond rushed in and slammed the door.
Panting, he said, "They almost had me, but they'll never think to -"
He buried his nose in his shirt and let out a muffled, "Oh my god, what IS that smell???"
For Pippin had just had some horrible gas, and was now sitting in a chair, panting.
"Wow," he said, "That IS some strong stuff."
"Ugh!" said Elrond, and ran out the door.
They heard a loud crash and Elrond screaming, and someone yelling, "Get 'im! Get 'im!"
"AAAA!" came Elrond's fading scream.