Thanks to all the reviewers!! Yeah, im sorry bout the author notes in the middle of they story, but some things just cant wait till the end...but ill quit it. Thanks MrsHoldenCaulfield for the detailed reviews you've been given lately! And to Kiks, yeah I know a lottttt of things don't make sense in my story like the rude priest dude...but my stories never really make sense and I cant seem to notice that till like the next day (Soda washin' all of Pony's clothes!! God damn im an idiot!) And with the reflecting stuff, I've never actually experienced someone I know dieing so im not quite sure what goes on inside someone's head.
I don't remember if I mentioned it, but this is a slash fic between Johnny and Pony again...not straight away though, Pony's wife just died!

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"Johnny Cade?" I questioned just to clarify it was him and not just some relative of Jill's who couldn't make it.

He smiled and nodded, "hey, Pony."

We stood there in an uncomfortable silence, and then we awkwardly hugged.

It's been almost 10 years...you weren't expecting me to scream and leap into his arms were you?

"Um...wanna come inside?" I offered.

"Better than standin' out here," he shrugged.

"Make yourself comfortable. I just gotta call for pizza."

I went over to the phone and began to dial as he sat on the couch.

The pizza guy answered and asked what I would like to order.

"Hold on a sec," I replied, and placed my hand over the receiver.

"You want some pizza?" I asked Johnny.

He shrugged and nodded. He looked around the room with such interest.

"What do you want then?" I couldn't help but smile.

"Um..." he searched his brain, then answered, "Hawaiian?"

I grinned, "that's mine and Michael's favourite too."

I told the pizza guy what I wanted and gave him my address. Then I hung up.

I sat down beside Johnny.

"How is Michael anyway?" Johnny asked.

As if on cue Michael came down stairs. He walked towards me, oblivious to the fact that Johnny was sitting on the couch.

"Called Pizza?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Wow, he's grown." Johnny commented.

Michael looked at him and jumped back with shock. "Oh, sorry. I hadn't seen you there."

Johnny nodded.

I looked at the both of them and asked Michael, "do you know who he is?"

Michael shook his head, staring at Johnny sort of suspiciously.

"He's your godfather."

"Hi," Johnny said.

Michael stared at him, then at me, then back at Johnny. "Ohhh! Yeah I remember you! I haven't seen you in like years."

Then the phone rang. Michael went and picked it up.

"Hey, Ryan, hold on." He looked at both of us, and said, "nice seein' you again Johnny." And he went upstairs, chatting to Ryan.

I called out to him that pizza's on its way but I don't think he heard, or was listening.

Johnny smiled. "He looks like a good kid."

"He is," I smiled and nodded. I placed the money for pizza on the bench. "But he wouldn't be half the kid he is today, if it weren't for his mother." Then reality hit me. She was gone. She wasn't going to be their to help me raise him anymore. She wasn't going to watch him grow up with me, or get married, or have our grandchildren.

My lip began to quiver and my knees turn to jelly.

"Pony?" Johnny said utterly worried.

"Oh god, she's gone," I began to cry.

Johnny got up quickly and hurried over to me. He hugged me tightly, "shh, Pony."

I cried harder. "Jill's dead!"

"What?" Johnny said confused.

I stepped back, wiping away my tears and just stared at him, "you didn't know?"

He looked horrified. He shook his head, "I had to idea."

I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath to come me down, but I couldn't stop from shaking.

Johnny hugged me again, "I'm so sorry. If I knew I would have been here sooner. God, I am truly so sorry. I knew how much you loved her."

Loved...Past tense. My eyes were stinging and my heart was beating so strongly I could hear it.

Time sort of slowed and I could hear my heart just beating in slow booms. I stared at the ground when Johnny let go of me. I saw my tears slowly roll down my cheeks to the ground.

Johnny wiped them away and stroked my hair back with his hand. I looked up at him with such sorrow.

How can I go on? She was my wife. The mother of my child. How will I possibly be able to wake up every morning and not see her sleeping beside me so peacefully, or in my arms?

I will never be able to hold her again. Or kiss her. Or tell her that I love her. Did she know how much I loved her? Or how much I appreciated her? Or how happy she had made me over the past 15 years?

Johnny sat me down on the couch. Tears freely escaped from my eyes. Will this pain ever go away? I knew it wouldn't. They'll always be this day in the back of my mind. Or the day I got the phone call telling me she was killed in a car crash.

Johnny rubbed my shoulder, "I know it's tough now. But the pain will go away."

Had he read my mind? Naw, it's just some typical thing you say to make them feel better.

The doorbell rang.

I was getting up to get it but Johnny pushed me back down.

"I'll get it." He said and stood up.

"The money's on the bench," I said, wiping my tears away again.

He grabbed it and worked over to the door.

I heard the rain pounding down outside. I hadn't noticed it was raining. It must have just started.

Johnny soon came back and sat the pizza on the bench.

He looked over at me, "you gonna be okay, Pony?" He asked sympathetically.

I nodded, sniffed, and stood up. "Michael," I yelled out, "pizza's here."

I took in a few deep breaths to gain composer, so Michael won't see that I've been in total distress over his mother dieing.

He came down, holding the cordless phone against his ear.

He came into the kitchen and grabbed some slices of pizza. He looked over at me with a worried look, "dad? Are you okay?"

I nodded, and smiled.

I shoved a pizza in his mouth, gave me another worried look, and then went upstairs.

Johnny found where I kept the plates and placed our pizza's on them.

He walked over and gave me a plate of pizza.

I thanked him and took him. I wasn't exactly hungry though so I just sat there staring at it.

After a few minutes of listening to Johnny eating I spoke. "Johnny? Where have you been all these years? I hadn't heard from you, and neither had Soda?"

Johnny shrugged.

Damn Johnny. He always kept his mouth shut. He had gotten better over the years, and opened up a bit more. He also showed what he was feeling more.

But there were times like these. But I was glad he was here. I had missed him a lot. Although we hadn't really spoken to each other since he's been here, we never really spoke back in our early teen years either. We just understood each other. I wonder if he can understand the pain im going through right now?

"Ponyboy, can I move in?"

I felt my heart leap into my throat. What?!

"Just for a few days. I'm sorry to ask you this so soon, what with what's recently happened to you and all, but I'm desperate. I've got nowhere else to go."

"I don't know, Johnny...I mean, with Jill...the next few days are probably gonna be the toughest days of mine and Michael's life."

"And I'll be there to help you guys whenever I can. Or when you just need a shoulder to cry on?"

I sighed, staring at my pizza.

I took a bite out of it. I would probably need the extra help.

I've still got my job to think about, and now I'll have to do twice the housework I had to do before. I'd be sent to an early grave with all that on my shoulders, and trying to also cope with the death of my wife.

I looked at Johnny. He had those big puppy dog eyes.

"I'll have to sleep on it," I said.

He nodded, "fair enough."

"You can sleep on the couch here tonight."

"Thanks, Pony, you're a real pal," he grinned.

I just smiled. I stood up and sat my plate over on the bench.

"I'll go get you some blankets. Then I'm heading to bed. I've had a long day."

He nodded.

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Michael's Pov

"I just can't believe she's really gone, man. It was only last week she helped me with my homework. What's it like living without a mum?" I sighed to Ryan over the phone.

I was lying on my bed, staring at the many posters around my walls.

"I never really had a mum, so I don't know what it's like to lose her."

Ryan's mum and dad had ditched him when he was only a few month's old. He's been living with his grandparents ever since. I had always suspected that in a way he sort of envied me for having that perfect little stable home. But now it's been torn apart with the death of my mum.

"Have you told your dad yet?" He asked.

I wished he would quit askin' me. I didn't want to ever tell my dad. I wanted to keep it a secret from him forever.

It's not that I can't talk to my dad. It's just that this is something that I'm not sure how he'll handle it.

"No. I don't think I should for a while yet. With my mum and all, I don't think I should just spring this on him straight away."

He sighed, "you gotta tell him one day."

Not unless I can stall from telling him forever.

"I know," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I gotta go. My Nan wants the phone."

"Okay then, seeya," I sighed.

"Bye," he said then added, "I love you."

I smiled, "yeah, I love you too." Then we hung up.

I curled up into a ball, and sighed, feeling tears roll down my cheek. If only I could have said goodbye to my mum. Or could have gotten just one last hug.

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That's it for now. I wanted to ay thanks again to MrsHoldenCaulfield for telling me the year...I totally didn't think of that! I rushed this story so nobody complain about it. Oh man, I can't handle bad reviews. Michael's gay, nobody complain 'bout that neither please, it's just something that I can add a story line to.
I will explain about Jill in the next chapter, I promise. Just this one I had no time...well I couldn't of been stuffed.
I'll also explain some other things, but that' for later chapters.
And for the confused people, Jill died in a car crash. Ponyboy ran out of milk, so she went up to the milkbar to get him more, but on the way she crashed. That's all I'm explaining for the death. You can use your imaginations after that point.