People claimed Neverland didn't exist. Well I found it. And it wasn't at all what I expected.
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There I was. A well known explorer in the New York City area. Many places have been found by me, and searched by me. One day my boss Mr. Langley who was in charge of the WEO (World Exploration Organization) gave me a rather intriguing assignment.
"Ace, I have a job for you. Have you heard of Neverland?" he asked with a grin. When the word Neverland came out of his mouth, a small stream of drool followed.
"Uh, yes I have. Isn't that where you never get a diploma for anything and are forced to be stupid all of your life?"
He grabbed his fat belly with his hand and laughed. "Ha ha ha! No you fool. That's Canada. Neverland is a far away place where you never grow up."
Hearing that made me wonder. Not about Neverland, but about Canada. Does that mean my cousin Jeff is stupid?
"Ace, I want you to find Neverland, infiltrate the area, and become one of the natives inhabiting the it for research. You look small enough to be considered a child. Can you do this?"
"Is my cousin Jeff... Oh yes I can, sir! You can count on me! This will be an easy assignment!" Sure I thought that, but I was wrong.
-
The next day I went on the internet and found out all that I could about Neverland. After hours of porn, I found what I was looking for. I printed the web page (which had exactly where Neverland was) and packed my things. I was off.
-
Neverland was a far away place. It took me forever to walk to Santa Barbara. When I got there, all I had to do was ask the citizens where the place was. I walked and walked, and I finally made it to Neverland. I'll admit it. I was not astonished. I thought Neverland was a huge civilization that could only be reached by traveling through the clouds. It wasn't. It was a puny ranch! At the entrance, there was a golden gate that had Neverland Valley Ranch on it. Past the gates I could hear little children yelling and playing.
This is the place? I thought to myself.
I climbed the gate and snuck in. With my binoculars I noticed all of the children were wearing matching t-shirts with a hideous creature on it. It resembled a man slightly and had an odd skin color, as if it was bleached white. It had black hair which was parted down the middle with a few strands hanging down in front. After I saw the shirts I knew I had to have one to blend in, so I grabbed a passing child and I knocked him out with my binoculars. The shirt was then on me and the kid was tied up in a closet, which was weird because there was already four other children in there.
I was in control! I had the power of destroying this small civilization, or I could just let it be known to the public. Which one to choose was the question that boggled my mind.
The ranch had many rides to go on. Everywhere I looked I saw a ride. There were even water balloon fights! A large house was in the middle of the area. It must have been the sleeping quarters.
All of the children at the ranch were obsessed with the thing on their shirts and pop music. I was really freaked out with one kid that said he was held out of a window once.
As I was enjoying some apple juice and chicken quesadillas, a flash of lightning struck from which seemed to be inside of the house. A cloud of fog rolled out of the house and there it was. The thing on the shirts! It was very tall and skinny, and when the children saw it they all ran and hugged the creature. Of course, I was too frightened and just stood there.
The thing hugged all of the kids and looked up at me. It smiled and said with a high pitched voice, "Come on. Give your daddy a hug."
Those words scared the crap out of me. I had no idea what to do, so I pulled out my utility knife and threw it straight into the things head.
The knife did nothing! The thing yanked the knife out of its head and squealed, "You shouldn't have done that. Now you need a spanking."
It came at me like a wild ostrich. It did spin moves, disco moves, grabbed itself, and even walked forward and backward at the same time! I was amazed, but still had enough willingness to cap the freak in the leg with my magnum.
It fell on the ground and held its wound. It said, "Oh, oh, Ace! Yes! I know who you are!"
"How do you know my name?" I asked. I had never met the thing before that day!
"I know all children, Ace." It smiled at me. I about got sick when I noticed its rotting nose.
"But I'm not a child," I said confused.
"Yes, but you're a child at heart. Plus, I know where you live!" It then started laughing. The laugh was the most horrific sound I have ever heard.
I started running. I ran as fast as I could until I made it back, here in New York City. I told many people of the place in Santa Barbara. No one believed me. That's why I ended up in an insane asylum. That's not the worst part. The thing visits me every night.