Sorry, I don't know anything about Les Miserables :(
When Merry woke up, he felt a strange sensation on his face.
"Mmm... what are you doing Pippin?" he muttered as he opened his eyes.
A giant hairy spider was crawling across his face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" he screamed, leaping out of bed. "PIPPIN!!!"
He heard a snicker in the corner.
"Show yourself!" he bellowed.
Sam walked out of the shadows.
"Don't be such a wuss, Merry," he said, an evil grin on his face.
"It can't've been you who put that - that - spider on me!" said Merry. "You're terrified of spiders."
Perhaps that was why Sam was in an astronaut suit.
"Pippin put it there," said Sam, "But it was MY idea."
"No it wasn't, you half wit," said Pippin, getting out of bed where he had pretended to be sleeping. "I just warned you I would do it and you went off and put that suit on."
"Where'd you get that, anyway?" asked Merry.
"Dr. Evil gave it to me."
"Dr. Evil ... ???"
"... What???"
"When?"
"Yesterday," said Sam, "Before he and Austin left. I was in the outhouse out back and -"
Merry held up his hand.
"Enough. I don't want to know."
"Fine, then," said Sam.
"Are we leaving yet?" asked Pippin.
"Yeah," said Merry, "Cmon, Sam."
Merry left a thank-you note for Bombadil and Goldberry and the three hobbits once again headed towards home.
"Tig."
"What?"
Pippin poked Merry on the shoulder once more and said "Tig."
"What are you doing, Pippin?" asked Merry.
"Playing a game Frodo taught me."
"How dyou play?" asked Merry.
"Well, the rules are simple," said Pippin. "You poke someone's shoulder saying 'Tig' 'Tag' or 'Tog' or you can double or triple them, and you can't double tig a tag or you will have to act like an elephant and pull my shorts down."
Merry stared at him.
"Here, try it!" said Pippin. "Tag."
Merry looked at Pippin suspiciously, then poked Pippin and said, "Tig."
"Double Tig."
"Double Tag."
"Tig."
"Double Tag."
"Tag."
"Double Tig."
"AAAAH!" said Pippin. "You double tigged a tag!"
"So?" asked Merry.
"Act like an elephant," said Pippin.
Merry put his arm in front of him like a trunk and crawled around on all fours.
"Good, good," said Pippin, and Merry got up.
"Now you have to pull my shorts down."
"What?"
"You're just saying that for your own sick pleasure," said Sam, disgusted.
"No I'm not, it's the rules of the game!" said Pippin.
"He DID say Frodo taught it to him," said Merry.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" asked Sam, rounding on Merry.
"Well, he is a GNH," said Merry, and he and Pippin laughed.
"GNH... what's that? Is it..."
Then it dawned on Sam what they meant.
"FRODO IS NOT A GAY NINJA HOBBIT YOU STUPID FREAKIN LITTLE -"
Merry and Pippin ran away from him and he chased them.
"Pippin! Left!" yelled Merry, pointing, and Pippin ran in the other direction.
Merry grabbed his arm and pulled him around. "No, your OTHER left!"
They ran left and continued running for a while. Then Pippin heard a strange noise and stopped, Merry and Sam banging into him.
"Pippin, what the -"
"Shh," said Pippin. "Do you hear that?"
A low moaning was coming from the shadows under the trees straight ahead of them.
"What is it?" asked Sam.
"How should I know, you ass hole," snapped Pippin.
"Shut up!" whispered Merry, inching as close as he dared to the sound. "It looks like -"
Sam followed him.
"Oh, my..."
Pippin shoved Merry and Sam out of the way and walked a little closer to the figure. At one look at it, he went white and slowly made his way back to his companions.
"It's - it's -" Merry was trying to get the words out.
"It's two vampires f-ing each other, you moron," said Pippin impatiently.
Sam slapped him across the face. "Language!"
"No it's not, you hormonally imbalanced git," said Merry, "It's two vampires playing chess!"
"Oh," said Pippin, blushing madly.
"YOU ARE SUCH A DORK PEREGRIN!" Sam yelled, and the two vampires looked up.
"No," said Pippin slowly, "I really think you're the dork. You've made them look at us..."
The first vampire stood up and bared his sharp, pointy teeth.
Merry gulped.
"Why aren't we running?" asked Pippin through gritted teeth.
"I can't move," complained Sam, staring into the vampire's eyes, just as Merry and Pippin were.
The vampire moved closer to the hobbits and Pippin felt Merry shiver at his side.
"My name is Haera," said the vampire. "Who dares interrupt my chess game???"
Sam raised his hand and Haera hissed at him.
"Haera, calm down," said the other vampire, a woman, stepping out of the shadows. "He can be a little over eccentric sometimes I'm afraid..."
"Jalfira! They interrupted our chess game!"
"Yes, I realize that, but -"
"I'm hungry," said Haera, "Let us feast, Jalfira, my darling..."
Jalfira seemed to be fighting that very impulse.
"No, they seem harmless, dear, we shouldn't eat them..."
Haera stepped closer to the hobbits.
"But you are hungry, as am I..."
Pippin let out a little squeal as Haera touched his shoulder.
Jalfira quickly turned the hobbits' heads away so they were no longer staring at Haera and they could freely move.
"Run," she urged them, and they all ran away.
"That was -" said Pippin.
" - interesting," finished Merry.
Sam's eyes widened.
"I dropped my perfume bottle!"
"What?"
"My perfume bottle, I dropped it while Haera was interrogating us!"
"May I ask why you were carrying a perfume bottle around?" asked Merry.
Sam blushed. "W - well, Elrond kinda dropped it... and I kinda picked it up, and... well, it smells really good..."
"I wonder what Elrond was doing with perfume?" asked Pippin.
"We'll ask him when he comes to visit us in the Shire," said Merry, "But we have to GET there first..."
"Yes, yes, let's hurry on," said Sam, power walking along the path. "I need to get back to Rosie and -"
"Do a little something?" asked Pippin, an evil grin on his face.
"It's the hormones," Merry explained to Sam, "When you reach a certain age... well, luckily I'm already past that stage..."
"Oh yeah," said Sam, "I remember when I was that young." He shuddered. "It still haunts my nightmares."
"Ooooh, tell me tell me!" urged Pippin.
"Tell you what?" asked Merry.
"Tell me what happened when you were - er - my age."
"Well," said Merry. "All right..."
The next chapter will be Merry telling Pippin and Sam about when he was - er - Pippin's age. Be prepared for - er - lots of interesting stuff :)
When Merry woke up, he felt a strange sensation on his face.
"Mmm... what are you doing Pippin?" he muttered as he opened his eyes.
A giant hairy spider was crawling across his face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" he screamed, leaping out of bed. "PIPPIN!!!"
He heard a snicker in the corner.
"Show yourself!" he bellowed.
Sam walked out of the shadows.
"Don't be such a wuss, Merry," he said, an evil grin on his face.
"It can't've been you who put that - that - spider on me!" said Merry. "You're terrified of spiders."
Perhaps that was why Sam was in an astronaut suit.
"Pippin put it there," said Sam, "But it was MY idea."
"No it wasn't, you half wit," said Pippin, getting out of bed where he had pretended to be sleeping. "I just warned you I would do it and you went off and put that suit on."
"Where'd you get that, anyway?" asked Merry.
"Dr. Evil gave it to me."
"Dr. Evil ... ???"
"... What???"
"When?"
"Yesterday," said Sam, "Before he and Austin left. I was in the outhouse out back and -"
Merry held up his hand.
"Enough. I don't want to know."
"Fine, then," said Sam.
"Are we leaving yet?" asked Pippin.
"Yeah," said Merry, "Cmon, Sam."
Merry left a thank-you note for Bombadil and Goldberry and the three hobbits once again headed towards home.
"Tig."
"What?"
Pippin poked Merry on the shoulder once more and said "Tig."
"What are you doing, Pippin?" asked Merry.
"Playing a game Frodo taught me."
"How dyou play?" asked Merry.
"Well, the rules are simple," said Pippin. "You poke someone's shoulder saying 'Tig' 'Tag' or 'Tog' or you can double or triple them, and you can't double tig a tag or you will have to act like an elephant and pull my shorts down."
Merry stared at him.
"Here, try it!" said Pippin. "Tag."
Merry looked at Pippin suspiciously, then poked Pippin and said, "Tig."
"Double Tig."
"Double Tag."
"Tig."
"Double Tag."
"Tag."
"Double Tig."
"AAAAH!" said Pippin. "You double tigged a tag!"
"So?" asked Merry.
"Act like an elephant," said Pippin.
Merry put his arm in front of him like a trunk and crawled around on all fours.
"Good, good," said Pippin, and Merry got up.
"Now you have to pull my shorts down."
"What?"
"You're just saying that for your own sick pleasure," said Sam, disgusted.
"No I'm not, it's the rules of the game!" said Pippin.
"He DID say Frodo taught it to him," said Merry.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" asked Sam, rounding on Merry.
"Well, he is a GNH," said Merry, and he and Pippin laughed.
"GNH... what's that? Is it..."
Then it dawned on Sam what they meant.
"FRODO IS NOT A GAY NINJA HOBBIT YOU STUPID FREAKIN LITTLE -"
Merry and Pippin ran away from him and he chased them.
"Pippin! Left!" yelled Merry, pointing, and Pippin ran in the other direction.
Merry grabbed his arm and pulled him around. "No, your OTHER left!"
They ran left and continued running for a while. Then Pippin heard a strange noise and stopped, Merry and Sam banging into him.
"Pippin, what the -"
"Shh," said Pippin. "Do you hear that?"
A low moaning was coming from the shadows under the trees straight ahead of them.
"What is it?" asked Sam.
"How should I know, you ass hole," snapped Pippin.
"Shut up!" whispered Merry, inching as close as he dared to the sound. "It looks like -"
Sam followed him.
"Oh, my..."
Pippin shoved Merry and Sam out of the way and walked a little closer to the figure. At one look at it, he went white and slowly made his way back to his companions.
"It's - it's -" Merry was trying to get the words out.
"It's two vampires f-ing each other, you moron," said Pippin impatiently.
Sam slapped him across the face. "Language!"
"No it's not, you hormonally imbalanced git," said Merry, "It's two vampires playing chess!"
"Oh," said Pippin, blushing madly.
"YOU ARE SUCH A DORK PEREGRIN!" Sam yelled, and the two vampires looked up.
"No," said Pippin slowly, "I really think you're the dork. You've made them look at us..."
The first vampire stood up and bared his sharp, pointy teeth.
Merry gulped.
"Why aren't we running?" asked Pippin through gritted teeth.
"I can't move," complained Sam, staring into the vampire's eyes, just as Merry and Pippin were.
The vampire moved closer to the hobbits and Pippin felt Merry shiver at his side.
"My name is Haera," said the vampire. "Who dares interrupt my chess game???"
Sam raised his hand and Haera hissed at him.
"Haera, calm down," said the other vampire, a woman, stepping out of the shadows. "He can be a little over eccentric sometimes I'm afraid..."
"Jalfira! They interrupted our chess game!"
"Yes, I realize that, but -"
"I'm hungry," said Haera, "Let us feast, Jalfira, my darling..."
Jalfira seemed to be fighting that very impulse.
"No, they seem harmless, dear, we shouldn't eat them..."
Haera stepped closer to the hobbits.
"But you are hungry, as am I..."
Pippin let out a little squeal as Haera touched his shoulder.
Jalfira quickly turned the hobbits' heads away so they were no longer staring at Haera and they could freely move.
"Run," she urged them, and they all ran away.
"That was -" said Pippin.
" - interesting," finished Merry.
Sam's eyes widened.
"I dropped my perfume bottle!"
"What?"
"My perfume bottle, I dropped it while Haera was interrogating us!"
"May I ask why you were carrying a perfume bottle around?" asked Merry.
Sam blushed. "W - well, Elrond kinda dropped it... and I kinda picked it up, and... well, it smells really good..."
"I wonder what Elrond was doing with perfume?" asked Pippin.
"We'll ask him when he comes to visit us in the Shire," said Merry, "But we have to GET there first..."
"Yes, yes, let's hurry on," said Sam, power walking along the path. "I need to get back to Rosie and -"
"Do a little something?" asked Pippin, an evil grin on his face.
"It's the hormones," Merry explained to Sam, "When you reach a certain age... well, luckily I'm already past that stage..."
"Oh yeah," said Sam, "I remember when I was that young." He shuddered. "It still haunts my nightmares."
"Ooooh, tell me tell me!" urged Pippin.
"Tell you what?" asked Merry.
"Tell me what happened when you were - er - my age."
"Well," said Merry. "All right..."
The next chapter will be Merry telling Pippin and Sam about when he was - er - Pippin's age. Be prepared for - er - lots of interesting stuff :)