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"Alright," said Merry, "Where should I begin... ah, well... I don't know if I should tell you that story..."
"Tell me tell me tell me!" squealed Pippin.
"I really don't want to..."
"Tell me NOW!" roared Pippin, and he pounced on Merry, who screamed in fright and said, "Okay, okay, okay! I'll tell you, just GET OFF ME!"
"He's hormonally imbalanced," Sam reminded Merry, as Pippin sat down and began sobbing.
"It's - it's okay, Pippin, I'll tell you the story..."
"Story time!" exclaimed Pippin.
"Uh... right," said Merry. "Now, it all started one day when I was - erm - BORROWING some cabbages from Old Farmer Maggot when I was about your age, Pip."
"Oh no," said Sam.
"If you don't want to hear -"
"TELL ME!" yelled Pippin.
"O - okay... well, as usual, he was yelling and screaming at me, and I sort of... well..."
"What?"
"I got so mad at him, I mooned him -"
"You WHAT?" asked Sam in disgust.
"You heard me," said Merry, and Pippin and Sam looked at each other in disbelief.
"So he ran away, and so did his dogs," continued Merry, "But then - this just happened to be a day that Gandalf was visiting the Shire - Gandalf walked up to me and scolded me for mooning farmer maggot, and I asked 'How did you get here so fast?' and he said 'What are you talking about, Meriadoc?' and I said, 'You weren't here a moment ago,' and he said 'I have my own ways of doing things...' and I said 'Really? Well so do I,' and Gandalf looked at me questioningly, and I gave him a wedgie and ran for it."
"You gave Gandalf a wedgie?" asked Sam.
"I'm just getting started," said Merry, and he continued, "So I ran all the way to the Green Dragon Inn -"
"You ran that far?" asked Pippin.
"Shut up, Pip, it's only two miles."
"Merry, you're a hobbit, two miles is a LONG way to run," said Sam.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Merry, "Now let me tell my story, will you?"
Pippin muttered, "You are such a git."
Merry ignored him and went on with the story.
"So I got to the Green Dragon, and Frodo was there -"
"GNH," muttered Pippin.
Merry cast a sideways glance at him and then continued, "Frodo was trying to get a beer, but the line was really long. I said, 'You need any help, Frodo?' and he said, 'Not unless you can clear this line... looks like it'll take me all day to get some beer...' and I looked at the line, and saw that it was mostly women. So, being at the - uh - hormonally challenged age, I - er - well... I had previously gotten a tattoo on my chest -"
"Really?" asked Pippin. "Let me see it!"
"In a minute, Pip," said Merry, "So I kinda - um - jumpedonthetabletookmyshirtoffandsang."
"Huh?" asked Sam.
"I jumped on the table, took my shirt off and sang."
"And did the girls see your tattoo?" asked Pippin interestedly.
"Oh, you bet they did," said Merry. "They were - kinda ... um... well -"
"Well, what?" asked Sam.
"Lemme see your tattoo," said Pippin.
"Pippin, are you even listening to the story?" asked Sam.
"Yes," said Pippin, "But I wanna see what it looks like."
"Oh, FINE," said Merry, and he unbuttoned his shirt to reveal...
"Ooooooh," said Pippin, eyes widening and licking his lips.
"That's ... oh my..." Sam seemed at a loss for words.
For it was a tattoo of a peice of chocolate cake. And it looked VERY realistic.
"Woah, that's awesome," said Sam, "Now finish the story."
"Yeah," said Pippin, "What were you saying the girls did?"
Merry blushed a deep crimson and didn't say anything.
"Cmon, Merry, tell us," said Sam, grinning. "What'd you do with the girls?"
Merry still didn't say anything.
"Merry! Tell me!" urged Pippin.
"I can tell you the rest of this story," said a voice from behind them.
They all turned around, and standing there before them was Frodo Baggins.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Pippin, and made a rather rude gesture with his finger toward Frodo and yelled, "GNH! GNH!"
Frodo rolled his eyes.
"Frodo!" said Merry. "How - how...???"
"I have come back to you," said Frodo, and the theme to Lord of the Rings played from somewhere behind him.
He turned around and whispered, "Cut that out!"
The music stopped.
"Mr. Frodo..." said Sam.
"I know I'm supposed to be in the Undying Lands and all that crap," said Frodo impatiently, "But I decided I'd rather stay here."
"Oh," said Merry.
Pippin glared at him.
"And I'm NOT a GNH," said Frodo.
Pippin muttered something.
"Yes, I used to be, but the Sock is destroyed now, isn't it?"
"I think," said Merry. "But I'm not sure. We thought we destroyed Gollum in the Washer of Doom, but then we saw him at a party at Bombadil's the other night."
"You were at a party at Bombadil's?"
"Don't ask."
"I won't," said Frodo. "Anyway, I'll finish the story for you -"
Merry gulped.
"So anyway," Frodo said, "Merry was trying to get all these girls on him at once -"
"I was trying to clear the line for you!" said Merry defensively.
"Yeah, sure," said Frodo, "and they kept throwing themselves on him... like animals... just because he had a tattoo of a peice of cake on his chest..."
"The ladies loved it," said Merry.
"Uh... yeah," said Frodo, "I could see that when they were throwing themselves on you and licking your tattoo, saying 'Mmm this is so good can I have some more?' It was disgusting."
Sam looked horrified.
"So I pulled Merry out of there, and when I had finally shaken all the women off, I realized he had fainted... for some reason or another... so I took him back to Bag End where Bilbo put him on a bed and he and I tried to wake him up - but nothing worked. So I was standing over him, trying to figure out what to do, when he half opened his eyes, whispere, 'Diamond, you gorgeous thing' and KISSED me."
Pippin made a face. "Eww that's gross."
Merry blushed even more. "I couldn't help it," he said, "I wasn't properly awake, I was hormonally challenged, and I was a bit drunk and dazed, as well."
Frodo laughed. "So there's Merry's story for you. Now..." he said, turning to Sam. "What's your story?"
"Alright," said Merry, "Where should I begin... ah, well... I don't know if I should tell you that story..."
"Tell me tell me tell me!" squealed Pippin.
"I really don't want to..."
"Tell me NOW!" roared Pippin, and he pounced on Merry, who screamed in fright and said, "Okay, okay, okay! I'll tell you, just GET OFF ME!"
"He's hormonally imbalanced," Sam reminded Merry, as Pippin sat down and began sobbing.
"It's - it's okay, Pippin, I'll tell you the story..."
"Story time!" exclaimed Pippin.
"Uh... right," said Merry. "Now, it all started one day when I was - erm - BORROWING some cabbages from Old Farmer Maggot when I was about your age, Pip."
"Oh no," said Sam.
"If you don't want to hear -"
"TELL ME!" yelled Pippin.
"O - okay... well, as usual, he was yelling and screaming at me, and I sort of... well..."
"What?"
"I got so mad at him, I mooned him -"
"You WHAT?" asked Sam in disgust.
"You heard me," said Merry, and Pippin and Sam looked at each other in disbelief.
"So he ran away, and so did his dogs," continued Merry, "But then - this just happened to be a day that Gandalf was visiting the Shire - Gandalf walked up to me and scolded me for mooning farmer maggot, and I asked 'How did you get here so fast?' and he said 'What are you talking about, Meriadoc?' and I said, 'You weren't here a moment ago,' and he said 'I have my own ways of doing things...' and I said 'Really? Well so do I,' and Gandalf looked at me questioningly, and I gave him a wedgie and ran for it."
"You gave Gandalf a wedgie?" asked Sam.
"I'm just getting started," said Merry, and he continued, "So I ran all the way to the Green Dragon Inn -"
"You ran that far?" asked Pippin.
"Shut up, Pip, it's only two miles."
"Merry, you're a hobbit, two miles is a LONG way to run," said Sam.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Merry, "Now let me tell my story, will you?"
Pippin muttered, "You are such a git."
Merry ignored him and went on with the story.
"So I got to the Green Dragon, and Frodo was there -"
"GNH," muttered Pippin.
Merry cast a sideways glance at him and then continued, "Frodo was trying to get a beer, but the line was really long. I said, 'You need any help, Frodo?' and he said, 'Not unless you can clear this line... looks like it'll take me all day to get some beer...' and I looked at the line, and saw that it was mostly women. So, being at the - uh - hormonally challenged age, I - er - well... I had previously gotten a tattoo on my chest -"
"Really?" asked Pippin. "Let me see it!"
"In a minute, Pip," said Merry, "So I kinda - um - jumpedonthetabletookmyshirtoffandsang."
"Huh?" asked Sam.
"I jumped on the table, took my shirt off and sang."
"And did the girls see your tattoo?" asked Pippin interestedly.
"Oh, you bet they did," said Merry. "They were - kinda ... um... well -"
"Well, what?" asked Sam.
"Lemme see your tattoo," said Pippin.
"Pippin, are you even listening to the story?" asked Sam.
"Yes," said Pippin, "But I wanna see what it looks like."
"Oh, FINE," said Merry, and he unbuttoned his shirt to reveal...
"Ooooooh," said Pippin, eyes widening and licking his lips.
"That's ... oh my..." Sam seemed at a loss for words.
For it was a tattoo of a peice of chocolate cake. And it looked VERY realistic.
"Woah, that's awesome," said Sam, "Now finish the story."
"Yeah," said Pippin, "What were you saying the girls did?"
Merry blushed a deep crimson and didn't say anything.
"Cmon, Merry, tell us," said Sam, grinning. "What'd you do with the girls?"
Merry still didn't say anything.
"Merry! Tell me!" urged Pippin.
"I can tell you the rest of this story," said a voice from behind them.
They all turned around, and standing there before them was Frodo Baggins.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Pippin, and made a rather rude gesture with his finger toward Frodo and yelled, "GNH! GNH!"
Frodo rolled his eyes.
"Frodo!" said Merry. "How - how...???"
"I have come back to you," said Frodo, and the theme to Lord of the Rings played from somewhere behind him.
He turned around and whispered, "Cut that out!"
The music stopped.
"Mr. Frodo..." said Sam.
"I know I'm supposed to be in the Undying Lands and all that crap," said Frodo impatiently, "But I decided I'd rather stay here."
"Oh," said Merry.
Pippin glared at him.
"And I'm NOT a GNH," said Frodo.
Pippin muttered something.
"Yes, I used to be, but the Sock is destroyed now, isn't it?"
"I think," said Merry. "But I'm not sure. We thought we destroyed Gollum in the Washer of Doom, but then we saw him at a party at Bombadil's the other night."
"You were at a party at Bombadil's?"
"Don't ask."
"I won't," said Frodo. "Anyway, I'll finish the story for you -"
Merry gulped.
"So anyway," Frodo said, "Merry was trying to get all these girls on him at once -"
"I was trying to clear the line for you!" said Merry defensively.
"Yeah, sure," said Frodo, "and they kept throwing themselves on him... like animals... just because he had a tattoo of a peice of cake on his chest..."
"The ladies loved it," said Merry.
"Uh... yeah," said Frodo, "I could see that when they were throwing themselves on you and licking your tattoo, saying 'Mmm this is so good can I have some more?' It was disgusting."
Sam looked horrified.
"So I pulled Merry out of there, and when I had finally shaken all the women off, I realized he had fainted... for some reason or another... so I took him back to Bag End where Bilbo put him on a bed and he and I tried to wake him up - but nothing worked. So I was standing over him, trying to figure out what to do, when he half opened his eyes, whispere, 'Diamond, you gorgeous thing' and KISSED me."
Pippin made a face. "Eww that's gross."
Merry blushed even more. "I couldn't help it," he said, "I wasn't properly awake, I was hormonally challenged, and I was a bit drunk and dazed, as well."
Frodo laughed. "So there's Merry's story for you. Now..." he said, turning to Sam. "What's your story?"