Fifth chapter… As I write I get the feeling this is going to be a longer fic I ever intended… It should be short but as I'm writing it I just get new ideas (or simply can't bring myself to stop writing what comes to my mind ;;) I just hope nobody's bored with it by now because the plot's not going on somehow… Please review and let me know! X's POV of course XD
I have to admit that Alia's got a point. But she doesn't have to know does she? I just decided to manage to live without having Zero for more than friendship and the last thing I needed was a curious girl who wanted to talk with me about my feelings…
Actually, she got more than one thing right. First of all, of course, my feelings for Zero. Big deal. But yet again, the way she thought about his behaviour. She, just like me, considered it possible that Zero felt something similar for me… If even Alia thinks so… She's a girl, and girls have a better sense for things like that, right?
But I should quit feeling sorry for Iris. Didn't Alia mention Zero saying something like 'spreading rumors'? So it was her own fault he got angry after all. Or did only those girls spread those? I think confusion is kinda my normal state now…
Somehow I got another thing on my mind, for a long time now, but I feel that I can't stand any more not knowing for sure. Does kissing mean something to Zero? I just can't imagine Iris made it up. Call me old-fashioned, but I still think kissing is something special and, as much as I insist on not being girly, I think I share this opinion with almost all girls in the world. Alia said Iris really loves Zero, so I think Iris thinks like that as well?
OUCH!
"Hey little man! I'm already blazing red like a traffic light and you still bump into me! You should get a drivers license for running around daydreaming!"
Zero! I can't help but smile on reflex when I see him. Though his statement was very true…
"I'm sorry Zero. I should save that dreaming for the nights. I know that."
"Oh, there are other good things you can do at night as well I guess."
He grins mischievously. I admit I'm a little afraid of that and back up a bit.
"Hey X, don't worry, I told ya already I wouldn't rape you, didn't I?"
Rape? What is he talking ab- WAIT! Now I know what he was –really- talking about, I just felt so awkward from his look that I didn't think about it! And now I blush. Here we go again…
"Haha, you're cute X, it's so easy to make you blush!"
"That's not funny Zero! Imagine I'd show such weak points in battle, no Maverick would be afraid of me any more! I've gotta learn to hide that and you provoking me all the time to blush doesn't help it in any way!"
What the -bloody hell- was I talking about?! Zero seems to think the same.
"I don't have the slightest clue what you are talking about X. But I got that part with Mavericks using your weak spot against you. If that's your only problem, it's just fine!"
"What do you mean?"
"Didn't I say I'm there anyway to save you? If you stick to my order not going off alone nothing will ever happen to you. Aw X isn't it just -wonderful- to have an own bodyguard? Especially ME the GREAT Zero??"
Now I just sweatdrop as I see him figuratively standing there, shining bright with twinkling stars surrounding him. He's really a jerk… Someone's gotta tell him.
"Zero, you're a complete jerk!"
Did I just say that?
"What? The almighty X dares to offend me?"
What is this leading to?! What's his point anyway? And aren't we getting a little off topic here?!
"If you're my bodyguard you should wear fancy sunglasses and a headset as well as a tuxedo."
"I already carried you to your room, remember? Now you just need to become a famous singing woman and everything's perfect!"
You can't believe how wide he smiles! He could have eaten a banana sideways! And I finally get furious.
"I already told ya I'm NO girl!!! But as it seems you think about me like that! Must be because I'm too decent, right? So I just cut that off, never show any concern for anything again and go ahead with swearing and stuff, just like you do. Because THAT's what's making you a REAL man, right??"
I can't believe how angry I got out of that acutally unimportant thing. And so does Zero.
"X, I didn't mean to offend you or something, I don't think you're-"
"Just leave it okay? I don't want to talk about that any more." Suddenly an idea stikes me. I'd take the chance!
"But why do I expect you to understand feelings without comparing it to be girly, for you don't have any right? I bet you'd even kiss anybody without having any feelings like you screw everyone who's not on the tree by the count of three!"
I think about what I've just said. Guess it was a little too rude maybe, considering it was ME who said that. But there was no better way to ask this question without being discovered. I just had to… decorate it a bit… I think…
"X…"
What's with this sad look? I couldn't have hurt him could I? He's tough. He always talks like this. Sometimes even to me and I'm faaaar more touchy than him! Uh that word again! No I'm not touchy!! I just can't stand knowing someone's angry with me or stuff… I still look at Zero. It's not so easy to look angry any more but I've gotta try. Damn he really looks hurt! What have I done! Just when I want to apologize, he continues.
"Do you really think about me like that? Having no feelings and such?"
"Ehm…." I'm kinda lost now.
"Guess it's my own fault." He laughs sarcastically. "Truly, I screwed lots of girls without liking them much, or even knowing them well. But… that doesn't mean I don't have feelings at all."
"Zero, I didn't want to-"
"No you're right. Yeah, you're damn right. I am a deadhearted bastard. Mostly, that is. But I'd appreciate you to believe me that I wouldn't do such a thing as kissing unless I really mean it. Though I can understand if you don't."
He looks really sad now. It's the first time I see him like this. I must have really offended him. Oh no what shall I do now?! I'm standing here at a complete loss. Somebody help!!
"Zero, I'm sorry! Really, I'm so sorry… the last thing I wanted was to hurt you… I… I'm just a stupid idiot…"
I don't know if Zero wanted to say anything more about that because I just turn around and run away. I doubt this is the best choice but right now I don't feel like I have any others.
Reaching my room, I enter it and lock me inside. I thought I would have to cry, I really felt like it. But somehow I couldn't. There were two feelings inside me that made me wonder. At first I was relieved when I heard Zero's answer. So he's not as cursorily as I feared, he thinks about kissing like something special! But all the same, I wasn't happy because that would mean if they really kissed…
But if they did and kissing meant something to him, why should he have told me he doesn't like her? Even more, Alia said he ran her down. Maybe he just freaked out because he thought she told everyone they're a couple and regretted the kiss. But that would still mean that…
It knocks.
"X? Can I come in?"
Zero. He's not giving me 2 minutes to think does he? I think he's doing this on purpose to bother me… Hey wait, I was the one who freaked out here… I feel guilty.
"Sure…"
He enters, closing the door behind him carefully.
"Can I sit down?"
"Sure."
I wonder if I will say a second word in this conversation…
"X, you didn't offend me with what you said."
I look at him doubtfully.
"Okay okay, you did!"
My mood drops instantly and he seems to notice, as he fumbles around with his arms waving desperately as if to tell me it's not true.
"Nonono, I mean, you did, but not as bad as you might think. And after all, it's my own fault as I said. All that stuff I use to do, who can blame you for thinking like that?"
"I can. And you."
"Oh stop it already! We're both old enough to talk in a rational matter, right?"
"Have you ever talked reationally to me?"
Why did I say that?? I'm doing it again!
"I-I mean when we talk you always seem to be away with your thoughts rather making fun of stuff than talking rationally!"
He smiles. I sigh in relieve.
"You're right. But you know what I mean I think. Let's just forget about what happened okay?"
"Okay, fine with me!" Very fine! I smile wholeheartedly. It's just great how we can talk. I don't know acutally why I was so afraid he would be angry with me for the rest of my life because what I have said. He's my best friend and friends forgive mistakes. Talking about that, I do that all the time with Zero… this was the first time I behaved stupid.
I get up.
"So, what shall we do now?"
He grins again. Wonder what he's up to.
"I've got a surprise for you."
"Surprise?? Really? What is it?" I'm sooo curious and he knows and enjoying it! Meany!
"Remember I told you I know what's bothering you? I arranged something."
Arranged? What was he talking about? What could he possibly know what's bothering me except for… NO! That just can't be! I instantly panic inwardly, luckily I don't blush again. He can't possibly talk about my feelings for him?! That's right, he already mentioned he thinks I'm jealous and he knows what's up with me! But how can he know? Please please let this be a nightmare and wake up! Wake up X!!!
Nightmare? I really wonder about myself sometimes. If it's what I'm thinking, I should be happy right?
"I admit it cost me quite an effort to arrange this. But for your happiness I'm willing to bear that."
I woke up from my inner soliloquy. Quite an effort? Willing to bear? What's this? Does this mean he… yes, definitely. Of course, he's not to happy about what I'm feeling for him, but to do me a favor he dates me anyway and tries not to show. Okay, telling me it cost him effort shows pretty well after all I guess…I don't care right now, as long as I can be with him! Although I should say it's not necessary if it's only an ordeal for him.
"Zero, whatever you're up to, it's not necessary if you're not fine with it. I don't want my best friend to suffer for my well-being."
Hello?! Didn't I JUST decided for myself NOT to complain?? Brain to mouth, you should say what I tell you!! Damn that conscience! It's always faster than my brain!
"No, no, it's alright!"
"Really?" Strike!!
"Trust me! But I hope you appreciate what I did for you as I don't think I'll do that EVER again!"
He looks so serious. Now I'm confused again. What's about this seesaw? If he doesn't want to go out with me like that or whatever he's planning to do with me, why doesn't he just say it?
"After this you've gotta get things going on your own, okay?"
He puts his arm in a brother-like way around me and dragging me to come with him. This last sentence makes even less sense than all the others. Gotta get it going myself? How come? If he doesn't want it at all, why should I go on?! Gahhhh confusion!! That makes already… where did I stop? I think it's 3:1 for him now! Time for the halftime! Give me a break! Help!!!
As we stride along the hallway I wonder where we go. I just can't wait anymore.
"Zero, mind telling me where we're going already or what you're up to? What is it you arranged??"
"Ah, X, you're sooo curious!" he smiles. But I can't deny I think his smile looks forced.
"Just tell me now or I'll… err…. I don't talk to you for 3 days… ehm… 2 days… maybe one… hour?"
"You've never been to good in blackmailing people X." Damn. He's right.
"But I'll end it here, I tell you what's up."
I smile. I'm so eager to hear it that I don't realize we reached a door where we stop. I don't care looking which one it is and wait for Zero to answer. Then he finally talks.
"X, you'll never guess, but I arranged you a date!"
"Really???" Gotta pretend I'm really surprised. I chuckle. Comeon, just tell me it's you and expect me to look really bewildered, which I won't. Heehee…. He turns me around and makes me to look at the door we were standing in front of, which opens just now and out comes…
"A date with Iris!" Zero finally says, Iris smiling widely.