Hey I'm finally updating. I've got a good idea for this one. I came up with it ages ago and planned it out, it just took me ages to actually write it. Hope you like it.

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It was a chilly night so I put the collar up on my jacket. Of course it wasn't my traditional jeans jacket from back in the day. This was an updated version that I was able to fit into again. I remember some one time fling girl gave it to me as a present when I was about 18 or 19…actually it could have even been a guy who gave me this new jacket. I dunno, those days were sorta hazy.

I was walking down the street of our old neighbourhood. I remember Ponyboy always wanted to move to the country when we were just teenagers, but Jill didn't want to after they were married, though she had told him she wanted to while they were dating. I saw how hurt he was in his eyes when he told me he wasn't moving to the country like he always hoped.

Maybe now that Jill's passed away he can. Maybe not actually move there since Michael's grown up here and has friends here, but maybe just for a holiday. To get away from it all and hopefully help him and Michael to move on with their lives.

Today although Ponyboy was being very strong by going through Jill's things, I could see how badly it hurt him inside. He's now a grieving widow. I never thought he would be one. I remember when we were kids and old Mrs Flanders lost her husband that winter, everyone was real kind to her and offered her all the help and sympathy she'd be able to handle. But no matter how much everyone tried to make her feel better, you just can't. It's as if you die along with your spouse. Or some part is taken away from you so you're never the same again.

I noticed I was at Buck's place. My feet must have carried me here by old habit from years ago.

I could hear the music from outside and it got louder once I opened the door and stepped inside.

It wasn't as rowdy as it was back in the day and thankfully it wasn't the same old music Buck made us listen to.

I walked up to the bar and sat down.

"Buck can I have a drink?" I asked to his back.

He turned around and I realized it wasn't him. Though someone who looked familiar to Buck.

He shook his head, "I ain't Buck. That's my uncle. I'm Jim."

He looked to be about in his late twenties.

"Where's Buck?" I asked.

"Hospital," he said sadly, "he's been sick for a while now. I've taken over things here for him. Were you a friend of his?"

I wasn't exactly a friend. I was just a regular. Ever since the day Ponyboy began dating Jill I came here to drown my sorrows in alcohol. I had become everything I hated…my dad.

A no good alcoholic.

But at least I didn't go home and yell at people for no reason or beat up my son (I don't have a son, but I wouldn't anyway). Dad died of alcohol poisoning when I was 17. Mum ignored me more then ever after that. I had to get a job just to support us and pay the bills. I realised how bad Darry had it. I had to drop out of school and get a full time job. Luckily Sodapop gave me one down at the DX station. Thanks to that I knew quite a lot about cars from Steve and I got the odd girl too who would come down to see Soda, but somehow end up flirting with me instead.

"Is something wrong?" Jim asked pouring me a drink and handing me it.

I stared at it for a moment, then grasped it in my hand and drank it down.

"You wouldn't understand," I sighed. I felt more comfortable talking to Buck. He had to put up with me for years. Could I really replace him? I think after years of trying to replace Ponyboy, it's obvious I can't.

But Buck was just a guy who listened to my problems while Ponyboy was the boy I loved.

I pushed girls away from me while I loved Ponyboy. People probably wondered why I never had a girlfriend.

There was the odd girl, but all they really were, were just some way to release all my pent up sexual frustration towards Ponyboy.

At Ponyboy's wedding I had hooked up with his cousin who shared a small resemblance towards him. Her name was Katie something maybe it was Curtis too, anyway, she had the same auburn hair as him and eyes, and also enjoyed looking at sunsets.

I thought she might have been a female version. The girl I've needed all my life and I've finally found her. Possibly my soul mate. But it was just false hope. She didn't have the same smile as him, or the same twinkle in her eye when she's reading a book, or that modest attitude whenever she was complimented, or just how happy and simple she smiled or looked when she saw the sun rise. I know I'm being too picky, but there just a few of the many qualities I love about Ponyboy.

Then I turned to random girls who shared the same certain quality to Ponyboy. Whether it be in features, or interests, or personality. But still none of them could fill that empty place in my heart.

Then I turned to men who shared the same qualities as Ponyboy, thinking since they were guys like Ponyboy obviously was, and they'd be able to fix my broken heart easier than a girl could.

But once again false hope and my heart was left torn up again and dragged itself back down to Buck's.

When Michael turned 5 I couldn't take it no more. They were so freakin' happy. A family that was built from the mistake I had made.

-Flashback-

Ponyboy looked up at me with his big teary wet eyes and blinked a few times. When he did that a few tears escaped and rolled down his smooth cheeks. I wanted to brush them away and kiss him, tell him not to be upset.

"Johnny…" He started looking even more upset. I thought he would break into hysterical sobs if he spoke again, but he managed, "Do you love me?"

Oh god yes. I loved him with all my heart. My whole life had been leading up to this moment. I fantasized about it. The day Ponyboy wanted my love!

But yet I couldn't return the feelings I had for him. I loved him and if that meant sacrificing my happiness for his then I would have to.

He asked again more scared, "do you love me? Please say you do." More tears had escaped and he looked so helpless so afraid and so alone.

I sighed and looked down. I couldn't possibly say this while looking into his eyes. "I don't love you, Ponyboy."

He shook his head and began to yell at me, "no! Johnny! Please, I love you! I know you love me too! Why are you lieing to me!"

I closed my eyes feeling them burn, "I'm not lieing."

He pushed me quite roughly still crying. "Fuck you!" He yelled which surprised me since I've never heard him say that to me.

He wiped away his tears with his sleeve and pushed past me, running away.

I opened my eyes and looked back up. I was breathing heavily and I wanted to break into violent tears.

I felt Darry's presence behind me in the doorway.

I turned around and he was leaning against the doorframe. "You've done the right thing," he said.

I glared at him, "I feel horrible about it though." I shoved past him and left.

I could hear Ponyboy crying in Sodapop's room and Soda trying to comfort him. That was the worst day of my life. When everything was ruined.

-End of Flashback-

Could Ponyboy ever forgive me for breaking his heart like that and for lieing to him?

I wonder if he still had feelings for me?

No he can't that's silly. He got married and had Michael. They were happy for years and I would have left Pony's heart many years ago.

But what if…I was still there. Just in a dark corner waiting for the light. With Jill gone I have the opportunity. I was hoping for this second chance to steal Ponyboy back like I told Jill all along I would.

As much as she tried we both knew she wouldn't be able to hold onto him forever. Too bad she had to die though. I would have really loved to see her face when I said, "told ya."

But I knew Ponyboy and he would never cheat on his wife. He gave me a chance but I let it slip by. Fuck you, Darry.

-Flashback-

"And Ponyboy do you take Jill Summers to be you wife?"

It was his wedding day. I was his best man. I was there to support him through this.

But I could tell it was eating Jill up inside that I was this close. She was always suspicious when I was around him and trying to pull him away.

Ponyboy began to hesitate and everyone started to whisper.

Ponyboy turned his head and looked at me.

He gave me the saddest and pleading look.

I noticed Darry in the crowd glare at me.

I sighed and looked down.

Ponyboy looked down sadly then faced the priest and Jill again, "I do."

"Does anyone object…" he went on with that wedding thing.

Jill glared at me and so did Darry.

Oh god, here's my chance and they knew it. I could break up this wedding. Run out of here with Ponyboy and live happily ever after with him. But the thought of what Darry said dawned on me and I knew Ponyboy could never be with me.

So the wedding went on and the two kissed. But for the rest of the day Ponyboy would smile for photos, be lovey-dovey with Jill, and act as if he were happy. But when he looked into my eyes from across the room I knew I could have objected and he would of ran off with me, possibly with no regrets.

-End of Flashback-

-Once Again Another Flashback-

I was lying on my bed. Maybe I was 16 going on 17, I don't remember.

Well I was fantasizing about Ponyboy again (this was before we knew of each others feelings towards the other).

And when thinking of him that usually brought on a certain important problem down below my waist so I did what I normally did in that situation…jack off of course.

I moaned, "Ponyboy," as I thought about him.

"Who's Ponyboy?" My window opened.

I squeaked and stopped immediately.

My next-door neighbour and life long friend jumped into my room. Her name was Jill.

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Hehehe… I wanted to add another tiny itty-bitty twist into the story.
P.S I know nothing about weddings.