Thanks for the reviews! No, Pippin's not turning into a girl... but that gave me an idea... evil cackle
oh, and just so you know, think backwards when you read the inscription on the Toilet of Youth...
"Holy crap," said Sam, staring at the toilet shining with a brilliant radiance.
"You got that right," said Merry.
"Let's use it," said Pippin, eyeing the toilet eagerly.
"No!" said Frodo. "Gandalf told us to get it for him, not us."
"But I have to go to the bathroom!" moaned Pippin.
Frodo glared at him and, scowling, Pippin went away to do his business.
"Hey," said Merry, "There's something written on here. It says, 'Dlro weht revoe katl liw sler riuqs knipl ive.' What dyou suppose that means?"
"I don't know," said Frodo, "But we must get it back to the Shire."
"It's huge," said Sam, looking at the toilet.
"Must be made for Gandalf, then," muttered Merry.
Sam, seeming not to have heard him, continued, "How're we ever going to get that thing back to the Shire?"
"Hmm," said Frodo, thinking. Then he snapped his fingers. "I know! Leprechauns!"
"Those are just a legend," said Sam.
"Oh, really?" said Frodo. "Says who?"
"Says me," said Sam.
"Well you didn't believe in gay ninja hobbits before, now did you, Sam?" said Frodo.
Sam blushed.
Suddenly, Pippin came running through the trees screaming, "AAAAA! Little people!!!"
Stopping Pippin with his arm, Merry said, "You are a little person, Pip."
"No!" said Pippin, wide-eyed. "Really little people!"
Suddenly Irish music erupted all around them.
"For the love of potatoes, what now?" muttered Merry.
"Aye, you'd best be holding on to those potatoes, lad," said a voice.
"Who's there?" asked Sam.
"Show yourselves!" commanded Frodo.
They heard maniacal cackling and then there was a series of small pop!s. All around them about twenty leprechauns stood in the clearing.
"AAA!" squealed Sam and backed into a tree.
"I am Seamus Longbeard, leader of the forest leprechauns," said a very stout leprechaun with a long white beard who was standing in front of Frodo. "And who might you be?"
"Frodo Baggins of... well... the Undying Lands now, I guess," said Frodo. "And these are my companions," he said, turning to the others. "Samwise Gamgee -"
"Mayor of Hobbiton," said Sam proudly.
"... right, and Meriadoc Brandybuck -"
"Call me Merry."
"- and Peregrin Took."
"What?" said Pippin, who had been picking his nails and not paying attention.
"Nevermind, Pip," said Merry.
"Right then," said Pippin, and he resumed the picking of his nails.
Just then, a little pink squirrel hopped past, squealing at the top of its lungs, "I AM NOT ROBIN HOOD YOU IMBECILE VULGAR VACUOUS IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and it ran away, and two seconds later, George of the Jungle swung past.
Frodo looked at Sam who looked at Merry who shrugged and looked at Pippin who continued picking his nails.
"Oh... don't worry about that," said Longbeard, "Happens all the time."
"Shit," muttered Pippin, "I can't get this bloody dirt out of my fingernails -"
He shut up at the look on Sam's face.
"Longbeard," said Frodo, "Dyou think you could help us bring this toilet back to the Shire?"
"Oh, I'm afraid not, laddie," said Longbeard, "You see, we've been given the job to guard that little beauty. Nope, you'll have to win in a contest to even gain the toilet, as it's rightfully ours."
"What?" said Sam, "But we found it! We - we -"
He suddenly fell asleep.
"Why am I s-so tired?" yawned Pippin, stretching out on the ground, and soon, his snores filled the forest.
"Mm... a nice little nap'll do just fine, I think..." and Merry fell asleep as well.
Frodo felt the dreariness come over him last. They must've put a spell on me. I have to stay awake, I have to stay awake, I have to - have to - stay... awake...
And he fell to the ground with a thud, and while his snores were loud, they were nothing compared to Pippin's.
If you couldn't figure out what the inscription on the Toilet of Youth is, it's "Evil pink squirrels will take over the world"
I'll try to update soon! (Sooner than last time, I hope)