--MORE THAN HIS MASTER--
The Education of Anakin Skywalker
Simple Words
Ordinary Day
I Hate Nerf
Memories of Home
Portrait of a Stubborn Padawan
Seller of Dreams

Part III- Ordinary Day

"Anakin . . ."

"Nerfandmuffins."

"Anakin, wake up."

"Jawastewing."

"Anakin, it is quite obvious that you are only feigning sleep."

"Jedibums."

"I find that offensive, Anakin."

"Shough."

"Very well. I gave you advance warning."

"Gornt . . . Aah! Too bright, too bright!"

"My sleepy young padawan, it is only the sun. A beautiful day awaits outside this darkened cave that you call a bedroom."

"It . . . hurts!"

"That tends to happen when you stare straight into the sun. If you continue, you might be blinded."

"At least then I wouldn't have to see you every morning."

"Anakin, that is cruel."

"No, just true."

"You are currently very grumpy, my exasperating young padawan. I hope fifteen minutes will be enough time for you to recover your normally cheerful disposition."

"I'm not grumpy! I'm . . . fifteen minutes?"

"Yes."

"Master, why fifteen minutes?"

"Because the Jedi Council has requested to speak with us. If they call, we must answer."

"But . . . but . . . we just got back from a mission! Five days ago!"

"Such is the life of a Jedi, my flustered young padawan."

Grumbling noises.

"Anakin, is that foul language I hear?"

"No."

"Anakin . . ."

"Master, I've learned that lesson already. No swearing, no gambling, no stealing, no outright lying. Pure and strong of spirit am I. Where's my clean tunic?"

"Outright lying?"

"Come on, Obi-Wan, I was being serious."

Muffled laughter.

"I mean, all Jedi have to tell a few fibs sometimes. What if I found myself in a hostage situation and the people told me to turn over my weapon? There's nothing wrong with saying, 'Oh, I'm unarmed,' and then swooping in with my lightsaber and saving lives, right?"

"You don't have a lightsaber yet."

"It was a possible scenario. But imagine that Master Windu either has to tell the truth and watch 50 civilians die, or lie and preserve the peace. There's nothing in the Jedi Code to forbid him from lying. Correct?"

"It depends."

"That's what I was trying to say. Hmmm. This tunic doesn't smell too bad. Do you think Master Yoda will notice the juice stain on the collar?"

"Undoubtedly. Master Yoda is very observant."

"Sithspit. And that's not a curse! It's an acceptable way to show anger and disgust."

"I did not say anything, Anakin."

"But you were thinking it. I could tell. You had a weird strangled look on your face."

Rummaging sounds.

"Obi-Wan, did you take my robe to the cleaners or something?"

"No. I informed you two months ago that you must deal with your own laundry. You must learn to take on increasing responsibilities as you mature."

"But I never have any time to drop my stuff off. I'm much too . . . busy."

"Doing what, my recanting young padawan?"

"Um . . . meditating. Seeking the Force's guidance. Honing my skills and abilities. Trying to follow your excellent example, Obi-Wan."

"You did not mention all the time you have wasted recently—"

"Enlightening myself?"

"Hmm. I didn't know that watching holodramas was now considered an educational activity."

"Of course! The other night, I saw A Matter of Life or Death, and ittaught me many important things. Like . . ."

"Like never to wear a stained shirt with a rumpled robe?"

"Yes. Wait. You're making fun of me, Master."

"I am merely stating a fact. And you have squandered the past few minutes chatting about aimless topics, so only ten minutes remain, my distracted young padawan."

Silence.

Kitchen cabinets opening.

Kitchen cabinets closing.

Kitchen cabinets opening again.

Kitchen cabinets closing again.

"Where's some food?"

"In the cabinet you just shut."

"Oh."

Chewing noises.

"You might also consider maintaining a state of general hygiene, Anakin."

"Mm-wha?"

"Stuffing your mouth with sugar-loaded pastries is all very well, but you would be performing a common courtesy for others by removing your current bodily stench."

"Mm. I dwon't stwink-mm!"

"Anakin, I can smell you across the room. You do not need a protective layer of grime on your skin to survive. In fact, it is a scientific truth that cleanliness reduces the amount of foreign bacteria on one's clothing and body, and thus keeps one in good health."

"Cannawhennamunchup."

"Swallow, then repeat, please."

Gulping sounds.

"I'm eating. I don't have time to shower."

"You have seven minutes. Surely you can hop in the refresher and rinse yourself off in that time span."

"Fine. Fine. You know what? I'll take a shower. And I bet no one will notice."

"Anakin, what have I told you about . . ."

"Master, it doesn't count as gambling unless I actually set forth my wager. I was just using it metaphorically. Anyone would know that."

"I didn't."

"Well, you take things too literally sometimes."

"As opposed to what, my dawdling young padawan?"

"As opposed to thinking more metaphorically. Figuratively. Basing your decisions on abstract ideas, not concrete evidence."

"Hmm. Have you been reading my datapads on rational deliberation?"

"No! Why would I ever read when I could watch amusing holodramas and . . . OK, once. I couldn't get past the first chapter. Too much philosophical mumblings about the nature of Light and Dark for me. And I'm going into the refresher now, so stop glaring at me."

Retreating footsteps.

Running water.

"Master, where's my towel?"

"On the rack, where it has always been. You would be more acquainted with the refresher's layout if you actually spent some time within its walls."

"Oh. Right. Thank you!"

Gargling sounds.

"Anakin, do not brush your teeth while you wash your hair. You will only get hair products in your mouth."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yes."

"Nuh-uaaaahhhhh!"

"Once again, I am correct."

Gagging noises.

"Once, I was also a raw young padawan. But instead of forgetting about my bad experiences, I retained those memories and learned from my mistakes. That is what you must do, Anakin. You must take these unfortunate situations you find yourself in and utilize the knowledge you have gained from them for your own personal growth. Now, if you find yourself pressed for time, will you attempt to multi-task while showering? Of course not. All you must do is recall the horrid taste in your mouth at this current moment and remember the time you attempted to combine activities."

"Ehhh. I really hate you."

"Hatred leads to the Dark Side."

"I don't care."

"I shall pretend I didn't hear that. Three minutes."

Silence.

Rustling sounds.

"Anakin, please . . ."

"I'M HURRYING! Sithspit, stop nagging me!"

"I merely do not want to be late to another Council meeting. Like last time. And the time before."

"That wasn't my fault."

"Yes, I'm sure that you truly were delayed by ravening piranha beetles."

"Flutterflies, Master. And they were swarming at my face."

"In the one of the turbolifts of the Jedi Temple?"

"Someone was trying to play a prank on me."

"Aren't they all. Are you nearly ready?"

Groaning.

"Uh, yeah. Be right there."

Shuffling noises.

"My tardy young padawan, I am waiting."

"Here!"

"Ah. You look clean. You smell pleasant for a change. Excellent job."

"Thank you very much. And we'll be on time."

"Assuredly. I am amazed."

"What did you expect, Master? Mass chaos and confusion?"

"No, just another ordinary day."

"Hahaha."

"I was not kidding."

"Oh. Sorry."

Door opening.

"Apology accepted, my unpredictable young padawan. You may go first."

"I always go first."

"Anakin . . ."

Door closing.

Silence.

FIN

NEXT- I Hate Nerf
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