Disclaimer:Don't even own a hair off the boy's head, JK has the ownership of all of them.

A/N: On with the thank yous and I have so many. Elizabeth - What are you like? Your reviews were amazing and sooooo sweet.I have no intention of leaving this story half done. Thank you for reviewing nearly everyday, you have such dedication for an average story but it all still means a lot to me. Hope this is a good start for your New Year. THANK YOU!:-) TeEn TitAn 14 - I'm glad you like it even though it isn't the ship you hoped for. I probably will get to that ship eventually in another story.;-) Thank you for your review. HoNeYnSwEeTs0427 - I loved the long review, thank you. Please forgive me for my mistakes in grammar. I do usually check and double check but sometimes I just get lazy and can't be bothered.;-) Thank you for your lovely review. sarcastic - Isn't it always the way, them finding out stuff when it doesn't matter anymore.:-) hotskittles - Thank you for your kind review, hope you had a lovely xmas too. stargazer starluver - Thank you. mrsmalfoy - I've always wanted him too but let's pretend for the story's sake that we haven't;-). Thank you for your review. maile - Even if you left a blank review, it would be enough to know that you have read the chapter.:-) Allana - You're going to give me a big ego, along with Elizabeth, with all this praise and love you're sending to me. But keep it coming anyway. CharmedLeoLvr - Thank you for reviewing and your story deserves nice things to be said about it. I sort of took the Harry and Hermione closeness from Prisoner of Azkaban, the film. You can see how they're close as friends but nothing will happen, it's lovely. Artemis MoonClaw - Nothing better than a short and sweet review. Thank you. MiSSxMELON - Hope your trip to China was still worthwhile with all the cold. I'm impressed you still reviewed while on holiday. Thank you. T'Lorie - You made some good points about the last chapter. I have a plan for Voldemort trying to kill her. It's nothing major but it should be in the next couple of chapters. Also, I saw it as just Voldemort's magic being in the dream, that's why he didn't see Harry. Did that make sense? Thank you for reviewing.:-)

Well, it's now twelve minutes into the New Year as I write this. Yes, that's right, I would rather update this than be out celebrating. I'm a big Christmas fan, not New Year's. Hope you all had an excellent Christmas and that the New Year will be even better than the last. Now tell me honestly what you think of this chapter. I liked it up until the end but I just couldn't change it for love nor money, it wouldn't let me.:-) Enjoy and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Review as well, it does wonders for my ego.

Chapter Seventeen

Dumbledore had decided it was best she spent some time with the next best thing to family; the Weasleys and Harry. He sent them all to Grimmauld Place the next day after Hermione's attack. She only agreed to go if she could have the school work that she had missed, and also made sure that Harry and Ron got theirs. It was no good them failing their NEWTs because of her.

Christmas was soon upon them and even though Hermione felt safe with the Weasleys and Harry, she still became withdrawn and jumpy. She hated the dark now. Ginny had decided to stay at school for Christmas and so it was fortunate that Hermione didn't bother anyone when she kept the light on through the night. And sleep wasn't coming easily to her. She was terrified that Voldemort would attack her again. The small amount of sleep she did manage to get each night was filled with a mixture of her beatings or the kissed she shared with Lucius.

No matter what Ron and Harry tried, she wouldn't talk about it. It wasn't their problem so why should she burden them with it? She threw herself into catching up on all her school work. Had she been in her normal state of mind, she would have been appalled at how much she had missed and fretting over how she was going to manage getting those more than perfect marks. But when she did manage to think like that, her pre-Hogwarts memories came flooding back. She would get so annoyed with herself. If she had managed to bury and forget them before, then why can't she do it now?

It was the day before Christmas Eve and Grimmauld Place was bustling with excitement. It was then that Hermione realised her wand was missing. She had wanted to practice her wrist movement for her charms homework but when she had searched her trunk, it was not there. She thought back to when she last had it and after much resistance, had to think about the day she had been kidnapped. She recalled having it in her back jeans pocket on her way to Hogsmeade but couldn't remember if it had still been there when she took her clothes off at Malfoy Manor. She had never been given her clothes back and it still confused her as to why there were those clothes for a girl her size. They couldn't possibly have been considerate enough to buy her clothes for her stay there, so who did they belong to?

Harry walked passed her room and noticed that she was sat on her bed, staring into space, tears trailing down her cheeks. He knocked gently on her open door, snapping her out of her stupor.

"Are you okay?" He asked gently as he sat down next to her.

"I'm fine," She sniffed as she hastily wiped away her tears, "I've just realised that my wand has gone missing. I must have dropped it that……that….." She found she could even talk about her kidnap. How had this suddenly happened to her? She had been fine to talk about it when she had questioned on her return, why couldn't she do it now? She felt an arm go round her shoulders.

"It's okay. You can get a new one. We'll get Mrs Weasley to take us to Diagon Alley." He told her simply as he gave her a squeeze of the shoulders. She smiled at his efforts to make it a small problem.

"I can't. I don't have the money for a new wand and with my parents in hiding I can't ask them to get me one." She sighed. What was she going to do when she got back to Hogwarts? She'll never catch up with everyone. Harry frowned before smiling again.

"Come on. We're going to get you a new wand." He stood up and pulled Hermione onto her feet.

"Were you not listening just then?"

"Don't worry about it. Come on, let's see if Mrs Weasley will take us." He dragged her downstairs before she could question how her new wand was going to be paid for. Within the hour, Mrs Weasley and Hermione were pushing there way through the busy Christmas crowds to Ollivanders, while Harry and Ron disappeared somewhere else.

"We'll meet you there, take your time." Harry had shouted to them as they disappeared into the throng of people. Mrs Weasley grabbed Hermione's hand and linked it round her arm.

"Stay close, dear. Don't want to get separated now, do we?" She smiled down at her as she pulled her through all the people. It took them ten minutes to get to their destination; it should have taken a minute at the most but that was the joys of shopping near Christmas. Hermione felt her body relax a little when they entered the shop. She hadn't realised she was so tense but it didn't surprise her. From the second they had arrived at the Leaky Cauldron she was edgy. Her thoughts were filled of Death Eaters seeing her and taking her back to Voldemort.

"Good afternoon, Miss Granger." Mr Ollivander greeted her cheerily. "It's lovely to see you. And you too, Mrs Weasley. Come for a check up on your wand I presume." He directed at Mrs Weasley. She shook her head quickly.

"No, no. It's been working like a dream since you gave it the once over. We're here because Hermione needs a new wand." He frowned as he looked at the young lady.

"Twelve inch vine wood with a unicorn hair." He recalled perfectly what he had sold her nearly seven years ago. "That wand was magnificent; as are all of my wands. Why would you need a new one? Not had an accident, have you?"

"N-no. I lost it." She mumbled shyly to him.

"How on earth did-" He was interrupted by a sharp cough from Mrs Weasley. He looked from the young lady to Mrs Weasley. Then it all dawned on him how it could have happened. He had seen the fliers and read the papers. "I see. Well, let's have a look, what shall we try?" He searched through all his boxes and after a few minutes finally snapped one up. "Try this, nine and a half inches, holly and dragon heartstring, nice and flexible." She took it but it was soon snatched off her, "Maybe not then. Try this one, ten inches, yew and unicorn hair, a good strong wand." She barely had a grip on it before it was taken away. "Not that one. Try this, thirteen and three quarter inches, oak and dragon heartstring, quite bendy." This one only touched her fingertips before he pulled it back. "Not this one. Here, eleven inches, vine and unicorn hair, this one's more powerful than your last one." She took it and there was that was the familiar warmth in her hand as gold sparks flew out of it. "Yes, I knew I should have stuck close to your other one. Same things were used to make it but from different sources. It's an inch shorted so the magic will flow quicker." He took the wand off her and popped it back into its box. The door opened and Hermione turned to see a red faced Ron and crumpled looking Harry enter the shop.

"How much?" Harry huffed as he shut the door.

"Eight Galleons and ten Sickles." Mr Ollivander smiled at the young man. "Eleven inches, holly and phoenix feather. Like all of my wands, I will never forget you buying yours." He nodded as he handed over some money to him.

"No, Harry, you can't buy my wand." Hermione protested when she realised he was the one paying for it.

"Yes, I can. Consider it an early Christmas present." He smiled at her. She blushed from her friend's generosity. Then flung her arms round him to thank him.

"So what am I getting?" Ron demanded playfully.

They left the shop in high spirits, with Hermione feeling better than she had in a long time and still muttering her thanks to Harry. They had decided to take a look around the shops before going back as Mrs Weasley had decided that Hermione needed the fresh air. However, she soon got fed up of people stepping on her toes, so left them to it while she had a drink in the Leaky Cauldron.

"I'm going to have a look in Flourish and Blotts. I'll see you in a bit." Hermione told Harry and Ron. They were stood in Quality Quidditch Supplies and she was extremely bored.

"I'll come with you." Harry said without looking at her, the better part of his concentration on the latest broom on display.

"No, you stay here. I won't be long." He was too engrossed with the broom to listen. Ron looked like he had gone into a coma at the price of it. She pushed her way through the people to her favourite shop when a jewellery shop next to Madam Malkin's caught her eye. It had the most beautiful necklace sitting on a cushion on display. She wasn't a jewellery person but she couldn't resist having a closer look. It was stunning. A gold chain with a thick, heart shaped locket sat there twinkling away at her. On the heart was a diagonal line of small rubies. It would look so pretty on her mother and then she could borrow it herself. She was just about to leave after she had seen the price when she felt the presence of someone taller behind her.

"Seen something you like?" A familiar cold voice asked her. She was instantly rooted to the spot, a fusion of fear and excitement flooding her. She felt his hand sit on the right side of her waist.

"You're taking a chance, aren't you?" Her voice was steadier than how she felt. She looked down at his hand and looked back up. As she did, not knowing why, she gently put her left hand over his.

"What can I say; I like the thrill of danger." He whispered dangerously. His heart started beating faster as he felt her hand on his. He didn't think she would have it in her to show her feelings. He had convinced himself that they would forget their feelings after a while but if anything, they were stronger now. He hadn't seen her in just over two weeks and he couldn't believe it when he saw her walk in front of him to look at the necklace.

"I have to go." She took her hand away and stepped away from him. As she went to walk past him, he grabbed her hand. She stopped, hoping no one could see the contact between them. She looked into his grey eyes to find a fire burning there. Where had the coldness gone?

"I want to talk to you." He spoke quietly. She nodded and continued to make her way to Flourish and Blotts. He followed her, keeping a short distance between them. She pulled her cloak tightly round her as she shivered and the cold weather wasn't the cause.

Once she arrived at the bookshop, she made her way into the darkest, most hidden corner. She looked over the titles of the books while she waited for him. A few minutes later he was stood next to her, copying her actions.

"How have you been?" He started on the uncomfortable small talk.

"My life could be better at this moment in time. My mind isn't my own anymore. If it isn't overrun with thoughts about what he and you did to me, then it's overrun with nightmares about….." She couldn't finish her sentence. She refused to let anyone know about her days of being bullied. "I don't sleep anymore. I can't see my parents. I'm constantly shutting my friends out and won't let them know completely what happened. And I have these wounds that just won't heal. Apart from that, I'm perfectly fine and you?" Her voice was calm yet cold the whole time. Lucius had stopped looking at the books and was watching her as she took a book about Animagus magic off the shelf. The words of an apology for everything he had done were on the tip of his tongue but then he bit them back. A Malfoy never apologises. He turned back to the books.

"What's done is done." He told her coolly. "But I see it all still doesn't change the way you feel." She snapped the book shut and put it back. "It is not getting any easier for me either. I feel like such a stupid fool every time I see you……think of you." He was trying to keep an edge to his voice but this mushy nonsense wouldn't allow him to. He glanced at her to find her clutching her chest and struggling to breathe. "What is it?" He guided her to a chair at the end of the book shelf, ignoring the fact that people could see a Malfoy being kind to someone.

"I….can't……handle…..it……anymore." She managed to get out between ragged breaths.

"Take a deep breath and hold it for ten seconds." He instructed. She did it a few times before she was able to get her breathing back to normal. The owner came over to see if she was okay but Lucius waved him away. Her chest still felt tight and she could feel herself physically move with every beat of her heart. She cared for him so much yet it was going against all the laws of nature. He watched the emotion in her eyes; he had wanted this with Nerissa and never got it. And now that he had it with someone he cared for greatly, even in such a short time, it was still all wrong. Yet again, he couldn't be with the person he most wanted.

"I have to get back to Harry and Ron." She stood up quickly, causing a head rush. He held her gently while she got her balance back. His heart ached at the thought of her leaving.

"I don't know where you are staying right now and I don't care just as long as you're protected from the Dark Lord." He whispered over her head while he still held on to her hands. He looked down at her, while she was looking at the floor. "Write to me. Send me an owl that you trust and I promise never to follow it. I'll go mad if I can't speak to you again." She gently squeezed his hands affectionately before letting go and walking past him to the door.

"Are you okay, miss? Can I get you anything? A glass of water?" The owner asked her as she walked past him.

"I'm fine, thank you. It's all the excitement of Christmas getting to me." She feigned happiness as she spoke. Once she reached the door, she looked back to find him staring at her. She gave him a nod before leaving the shop.

Just as she shut the door behind her, Harry and Ron arrived both laden with bags.

"What have you two been buying?" She smiled at them while they both looked ready to kill the next person who touched them.

"Presents." Harry gruffly told her.

"It's Christmas eve tomorrow and you are only doing your shopping now. What would you have done if I hadn't needed a wand?"

"Then it would have been coal for everyone." Ron snapped as a cloak willowing behind someone slapped him in the face.

"Well, I need to get your presents so could you both just hold on for ten minutes."

"I thought you had no money." Harry asked as he avoided a flying bag.

"I don't. I had ordered these in the summer and my mum and dad paid for them." She spoke with a tinge of sadness in her voice. "I just knew they'd be perfect for Christmas."

"Okay, so you scold us for doing late shopping but it's okay for you not to have picked up orders. What would you have done if you hadn't realised that you needed a new wand?" Ron berated her. She smiled sweetly at them as she wandered into the crowd. "Bloody women." Harry laughed at his friend.

They finally got back to Grimmauld Place nearly an hour later and they were all now in foul moods. They had been trod on, pushed, pulled, hit with stray bits of clothing and were sweating from being so intimately close with random strangers. Hermione went straight to her room with a resounding slam of her door. She threw the presents on the bed and made room on the floor to wrap them. As she calmed down with each wrapped present, her thoughts started to make their way back to Lucius. Maybe if she gave into her feelings then she would be happier. Her tears made another appearance as she thought of her parents. She needed them so much right now.

Once she had finished wrapping the presents, she pulled some parchment and a quill out of her trunk. She flopped onto the bed, thinking about what she wanted to say to him. After a few moments of thinking, she started her letter.

Dear Mr Malfoy, (She decided it best to be formal.)

I don't know what you want me to say. I feel the same, you already seem

to know this, but how can something ever come of it? You've caused me

a great deal of pain and distress; physically, mentally and emotionally.

This has to stop, please make it stop. I feel so lost.

Yours (She did want to add 'always' but though it too much.)

Hermione

She put it in an envelope and sealed it. She hid it under her t-shirt while she went to ask Harry if she could borrow Hedwig. He happily obliged while he tried to hide his unwrapped gifts from her. She smiled at his silliness. She took Hedwig off her perch and went back to her room with the snowy owl. She quickly tied the envelope to her perfectly steady leg.

"Take this to Lucius Malfoy at Malfoy Manor." The owl hooted in what sounded like annoyance. "Don't speak to me like that, Hedwig. I don't need anger from an owl. When you get there, you have to wait for his response. I promise I'll give you all the treats you want when you get back." The owl hooted softly and gently nipped her fingers. She wasn't sure where the girl had been but she had noticed her owner had been distraught when she had been gone. Hermione took her to the window and opened it. She waited till she could no longer see her form before going downstairs for dinner.