Disclaimer:I don't even own a hair on Harry's head, they all belong to Ms Rowling. Damn her for having everything.

A/N:Here are my usual thank yous. Midnight Lilly -He should send her that and more after everything he has done to her. Thanks for reviewing:-). Super - Thanks for reviewing as always, I'm just sorry I've been too lazy to repay the favor, I will do it though. hotskittles - You're really in love with it?! Why, I've read better than this. Thank you for reviewing though. stargazer starluver - You're about to find out, tell me if it's a crap response, will ya? T'Lorie - Nope, won't be doing the lovesick letters, I'm no good at them. Yes, Voldemort will be making a move but you'll have to keep reading to find out when.;-) Jenni - Here's a lovely new update for you:-) Elizabeth - I just love getting your reviews, they always make me feel special. If you ever want to drop me an email, you know where to find my address;-) Hope you like this chapter. CharmedLeoLvr - I have big plans for these two, I'm just working out the kinks to get me there, hope you'll like how it all turns out though. sarcastic -Yep, Lucius is pretty gutsy. But will he be gutsy enough to sweep her off her feet?;-) Lexi - You're another one that always makes me feel special with your reviews. Keep them coming, I love 'em. jameslvr -A new reviewer. I love getting new people reading my story. Thank youfor taking the time toreview. lyckan - Update here and at your service. Enjoy.

Thank you all soooo much for reviewing. You'll be pleased to know that I have written AND typed up a good chunk of my fan fic, so updates should be often, hopefully. Hope you enjoy this chapter and you know what to do if you hate it.Also, was being lazy again and haven't read over my grammar and spelling, so feel free to scold me if you findany mistakes. READ ON!

Chapter Eighteen

Lucius sat at his desk, in his study, reading her letter over and over again. His heart ached desperately at what she had written. He found himself wishing that he could make it all better for her. It didn't even shock him this time when he felt guilt run through him; he had been part of the cause for her pain. He looked at the owl sat on his desk. Once he had took the letter off her she had turned round and kept her back to him.

"Do you want to sleep before you go back?" He asked her. She hooted loudly without looking at him. "NOLLY!" The house-elf instantly appeared in front of his desk.

"Yes, master." He bowed low to him.

"Take this owl to the owlery and make sure the others stay away." He instructed with a wave of his hand. The tiny being held his stick thin arm out for the owl, which she gently stepped on to.

Once Nolly had left he took some of his finest parchment out of a draw with his best peacock quill. He had so much he wanted to say to her yet couldn't find the right words for it. It took him most of the evening to write his letter and once he finished it, he placed it into an envelope. He went to seal it with the Malfoy seal but thought better of it when he realised that people might see it arrive. Instead, he tucked the flap inside and neatly addressed it to her.

He sat back in his chair, rubbing his face in frustration. What was he doing? Why was he acting so foolish?

"What's the matter with you?" A voice asked from behind him.

"It is none of your concern." He snapped at the portrait.

"You've been a mopping mess since she escaped. You're like a depressed teenager and the Dark Lord won't stand for this. Sort yourself out man."

"Don't toy with me, I'm not in the mood."

"You need to be told. If you carry on like this then people will start to talk."

"Let them talk. I've given up caring." He sighed. He slowly pulled out a box from the inside pocket of his robes and placed it on top of the letter.

"You should care otherwise you're going to get yourself killed. You're lucky to even be out of Azkaban. And what on earth is that?" The portrait ranted.

"It's nothing to do with you." He snapped as he scooped the letter and box into the draw.

"It's for her, isn't it?"

"You're beginning to test my patience so go now before I rip you up with my bare hands." Lucius spoke in a low, dangerous voice. The portrait knew not to push him and left his frame instantly. Just as he slammed the draw shut, Draco walked into the room. "What have I told you about knocking?" The younger Malfoy smirked as he sat down on the chair opposite his father.

"Are we going to the Goyle's party tomorrow?" He asked in a bored drawl. "The Parkinsons will be there so that you can discuss my marriage with Pansy."

"If we must." He sighed. "But we won't be staying for long." Draco nodded. His father had always hated the Goyle's, wasn't sure why. They sat there discussing general things within the pureblood society until it was the early hours of the morning. The whole time, he couldn't stop thinking about Hermione.

Hermione had just nodded off when she was woken up by a pecking at her window. She quickly rushed over to it to let Hedwig in who was trying her best to fly against the blizzard. The owl flew straight over to her bed and shook off all the snow before holding out her leg. She looked down to find a letter and a small box attached to it. She gently took them off her and placed them under the pillow.

"Come on, lets get you warm and I'll give you some treats." The owl hooted in delight. She took her down into the living room and placed her in front of the blazing fire. When she came back from the kitchen, she found Hedwig with her back to the fire and her wings stretched out. "You're an unusual bird, Hedwig. Do you know that?" She simply hooted before turning round to face the fire.

She knelt down next to her and placed a small plate of treats and a broken up piece of toast on the floor. She watched her peck at the food. After a few moments, she got up on to the couch and lay there, letting her mind wander. She slowly drifted back into slumber.

Lupin found her half an hour later. He watched her for a few moments, she looked so peaceful. He knelt down and shook her gently.

"Hermione," He whispered softly, "why don't you go back up to bed."

"I can't sleep." She mumbled sleepily without opening her eyes.

"I can see that." She peeked out of one eye and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"This isn't sleeping, it's dozing." She opened her eyes fully before slowly sitting up to make room for him. "I never sleep properly anymore." He sat next to her and pulled her close like a father would a child.

"It's been three weeks since you came back and you still won't talk to us. It really does help if you talk to someone." He told her gently.

"I know this but it's….there are some things that……there's more to it all than you think." She finally finished with an annoyed sigh.

"I know I'm not the family you want to talk to but I make a great listener." She laughed at his kindness.

"I'm really grateful to you all for being so patient with me. I know it must be frustrating wanting to help me and I just keep throwing it back in your face. There's some things that I need to work out myself and I don't know how to." Her voice started to break as she finished her sentence. She had started to think about how her mum would help her. Both her parents never judged, just helped.

"Maybe I could help. Or Molly. It's not helping you keeping it all to yourself. Don't think I haven't noticed." She looked at him through blurry eyes. "You keep the light on at night. When you do sleep, you have nightmares. You get very nervous when you're on your own too long." She frowned at him. "The beauty of werewolf senses. I can hear you shouting and crying for someone to stop. I can hear you shift about in your room if you've been alone for more than an hour and before long, you go downstairs just to be with someone. And most importantly, I can sense fear and you're dripping in it."

They sat there for a few moments in silence; Hermione taking in what he had said to her and Lupin not wanting to push her. Should she talk to him? Shouldn't she trust her best friends with this? In the end she went with what felt right.

"I was bullied you know." She spoke quietly and to her knees. "Before I came to Hogwarts I was bullied nearly everyday from the age of six." Lupin frowned at this new information as he watched her nervously twist her hands. He put his free hand over them.

"I'm not judging you, Hermione, and you don't have to tell me this."

"I know, just listen otherwise I won't ever tell anyone." He nodded and let her continue. "I wanted my mum and dad to be proud of me, never give them cause to worry about me. They always wanted the best for me. So I made sure I did my very best in school." She took a deep breath to stop any tears that might escape. "There were these three girls. They told me that I was showing off and no one liked a show off so they would put a stop to it. At first I wanted to stop doing well, blend in, then they would leave me alone but I couldn't bear the disappointment on my mum and dad's faces. So I ignored Jessica and her friends. Every time they were near, I sort of went blank, tried not to think about the bullying."

"Why didn't you tell a teacher or your mum and dad? They would have stopped this happening."

"I told you, I didn't want them to worry." She glanced at him to find him watching her closely. "When I got the letter for Hogwarts it was the happiest day of my life. My parents were a little confused but after a few days they got used to the idea. Then when I got there I felt safe. And when I made friends with Harry and Ron I was ecstatic. I'd never had friends before." She finally looked away from his piercing stare. "I decided that no need ever know about me being bullied. It was in the past. It was a wonderful feeling when my friends protected me anytime there were problems with the Slytherins. I made myself forget about being bullied, it would only drag me down."

"I can see where this is going. He made you relive them, didn't he?" She nodded.

"He knew they hurt me the most and when I stopped him from getting to them, he would try harder to get them. Making me live every moment as though it was happening again." The tears she had tried desperately to hold back finally fell. Lupin held her tightly, letting her cry.

"There's more though, isn't there?" He finally asked.

"Once he was too weak to carry on, I would be taken back to my room, only taken isn't the right word to use." She sighed. "Each time I had this spell performed on me I couldn't see, could barely stand and I was in agony." He gently lifted her hair to look at the wounds. "They've healed very little." She informed him as he looked.

"Who was it that took you back to your room and kept you captive?" He asked as he put her hair back over the wounds. Her heart jumped when she thought of Lucius. Could he understand what she was feeling for him?

"A Death Eater." She told him simply. He laughed at her.

"You really are protecting this person aren't you? Why after everything they did?" He questioned in a serious tone.

"I-" But she was cut off by people making their way downstairs. She shook her head and got up. She wiped away what tears were there and hoped that her eyes weren't red and puffy. She got Hedwig and greeted Ron and Charlie on the stairs.

"Morning, love of my life." Charlie teased her as she skirted round them.

"Morning, Charles." She grinned. "Is Harry up, Ron?" He nodded at her as he walked down the stairs backwards. She deposited Hedwig back on her perch with a morning to Harry and went back to open her letter and package. What could he have sent her? She took them from under her pillow and went back to sit against her door, ready for anyone that might want to come in.

She quickly opened the envelope and read his letter.

Hermione,

I don't know what you want me to do to make it stop. The only comfort

I can give is that I am in great distress too. The pain I have caused you

can not be changed, but know that I deeply regret it now.

There is something I have to tell you. It may not be what you want to

know right now. I never thought this would have happened or could

happen. It should never have happened but it is yet another thing that

I can not change. I have fallen completely and totally in love with you

and it pains me that we can not be together. You have completely

captivated me with your innocence and your need to do good in the world.

What have you done to me?

Lovingly Yours

Lucius

Hermione felt numb. She fumbled to open the box, trying to ignore what he had said in his letter. She dropped the box when she saw it was the necklace she had been admiring the previous day. She gingerly picked it back up as though it was hot to touch. She opened the locket to find inscribed the words 'I love you' across the inside. 'Oh god, what am I going to do?' She thought to herself. As she read the letter over once more and looked at the locket, she felt like her she had been attacked with a sledge hammer. The bigger question she needed to ask herself was; did she love him back?