Thanks to: XBlueShadowX, Aimee5, Charmboy4, starryeyes10, Nikki, dansingwolf, jag4ever, lei, Jackia, EternalSleep, Cristina, Tina Frank, achaon, Abigaile, Hieros Gamos, froggy0319, joanoa, JadeAlmasy, SpaceMan546, dansingwolf, and anyone else I missed for the Feedback..
Next Installment should be Tuesday Night sometime. :)
PART 3 – Happy Birthday Mac
July 3, 2005
1945 Zulu
Mac's Apartment
Georgetown
It was a beautiful Saturday, too beautiful to be wasted, but Mac wasn't in the mood to go out. She was never in the mood for anything anymore. The day before, the JAG staff had thrown her a party for her birthday and though she was all smiles during the party, the moment she got home, she fell into that familiar loneliness that nothing could ease. She stared down at a cupcake that little AJ had made specifically for her and frowned. "Happy Birthday Mac." Her voice said bitterly. Grabbing the sweet, she headed towards her balcony, sitting there to watch the sunset. Mac closed her eyes tightly, letting the warmth beam down into her hoping it would warm her inside, but it never did. Sarah MacKenzie had been cold and empty since he disappeared. She had become a recluse. In the evenings she retrograded back to sitting in the dark. On the weekends, she would go for her usual run and then spend the rest of it working on her bones. It was a slow, boring existence, until she bought the bottle of Vodka.
It wasn't an intentional purchase; she didn't go out with the thoughts of getting plastered. But, one day, just one day, as she headed to McMurphy's, she'd taken a whiff of her client's madras, a drink made out of vodka, cranberry and orange juice. That heavy scent of liquor called to her and before she knew it, the bottle was sitting on her coffee table, calling to her. Mac couldn't tell you when she bought it, where she bought it or even how much she spent on it. All she remembered was waking up one Saturday morning and it was just there. It was almost a game, something to distract her from thinking about Harm. The bottle would sit there and she would wrestle with whether or not to open it. And one night, the bottle won.
Mac grasped the glass bottle of Absolut. 'Click.' 'Click.' 'Click.' 'Click.' 'Click.' Slowly the top came away from it's seal allowing for the strong smell to escape and taint the air. She took a long whiff, closing her eyes as her senses savored the liquor. Taking a small glass, she poured it in, watching with interest as a long lost friend came back into her life. Had it really been six years?
She did take a sip that day, but quickly ran to the kitchen and spit it out, then dumped the contents of the glass and proceeded to screw the top back on the bottle. Mac was going to throw it away, she swore she was, but something told her not to, that she would need it eventually. Now, four months later, she was still tempting herself with the bottle, but she'd never taken a sip since. She wondered how long it would take before it would win again.
In a way, maybe it was a good thing that they'd never loved each other intimately. Mac wasn't so sure she would have survived had they had any type of vows between them only to have him disappear. Yet, as she sat there, glancing down at the people on the streets below, she couldn't help but feel like a wife of one of the fallen.
Every Monday morning for the last five months she'd been visiting Lt. Commander Vera McCool. The conversation was painful, heartfelt, sometimes about Harm, sometimes not. It helped. . .some. But, other days it just made her hurt even more. This Monday was perhaps the hardest, she wasn't sure why, but it probably had to do with her birthday being so near and this being the third time in their 10 year history, that Harm wouldn't celebrate it with her. . .
June 27, 2005
1320 Zulu
Lt. Commander McCool's Office
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Bethesda, Maryland
"So, your birthday is coming up." Dr. McCool began with a smile. Birthdays usually were a good thing and since the JAG crew was close, she imagined them to be holding some sort of party for Mac. "Are you going to do something?"
Mac stood by the window, watching the hard summer rain pounding the streets outside. Though before she used to dislike the heavy weather, lately, it was a friend that seemed to fit her mood. "Yes, try to forget about it."
"What if your friends want to celebrate it?"
"It's not my favorite day of the year. . . my mother left my father and I on my fifteenth birthday and. . ever since, I don't care for them much."
Dr. McCool studied Mac's posture for a moment, yes she was sad, depressed even, but sometimes, there was an anguish that the doctor wasn't sure would ever leave the Marine. "So what do you feel about THIS birthday in particular." She was probing and knew what was about to come. Unfortunately, she'd long since realized that Sarah MacKenzie was one of those people that just wouldn't get better. Those that wouldn't let themselves be healed, saved, what have you. Still, talking about it was good for Mac, which is why the good doctor kept the sessions alive.
Mac turned and took a seat in front of the large desk. "Other than feeling older?" She said sarcastically, though her antagonism against Dr. McCool had faded, Mac found that she couldn't help but being sarcastic, snarky or defensive; it was an amour, a security blanket.
"Yes."
She took her cover and strangled it. "Hopeless, hurt. . .sad."
"Because of Harm."
"Yes." Mac sighed deeply, his name cut straight through her. She felt the tears start to well up, but, this time, she managed to keep them in check. "We usually did something nice on our birthdays. . . Well, cept twice."
"That would be when he was working for the CIA and when he changed his designator." Dr. McCool was very well versed on the Harm and Mac thing. In fact, she had stopped writing things down during the session and preferred to tape them and later put the finer points on paper. So much was said that she didn't want to miss out on something that could help Mac. "So go to Arlington and sit with him a while."
"No!" Mac yelled, standing up and moving away from the chair as if it had burned her. "I refuse to go down there."
This was the problem Dr. McCool kept having with the Marine, the unsubstantiated belief that Harmon Rabb was still alive. Dr. McCool had looked into records, using all of her security clearance and found that the Commander was, indeed, buried at Arlington. Though, she was often reminded by Mac of Webb's death and resurrection, the Navy was certain that the coffin contained Harm's remains. "Sarah, you and I have been going in circles for months. . . Go and see him."
"No." She shook her head forcefully, retreating towards the sofa at the other end of the room. "If I go that means I believe he is gone and. . . and." That was it, the total breaking point. Mac broke down, harder than she had in her life. She sank down into the sofa, shivering as raw emotion washed over her. "I never told him what I felt. . . I mean, we'd made plans for New Years and I swore that the New Year would start with us together, as a couple."
Dr. McCool, by this time, had joined Mac on the sofa. Her hand moved up and down Mac's back, soothingly. "This is what has been bothering you the most, then." Of all of the things they'd discussed, Mac had never brought forth that piece of information. "You can't blame yourself, Sarah."
"I should have told him long ago that I loved him. . .Maybe, just maybe we would have stopped this stupid dance." She brushed away the tears and took a deep shaky breath. "I just, hope, for his sake that he really is dead and not in some camp or traveling through friggin Siberia." And that is what she feared the most, the horror of having to live 'x' amount of years as a prisoner of war. She remembered Russia too damned well and the bits and pieces of information they'd managed to piece together since Harm was on trial for murder way back when. Death, she believed, was better than that existence of knowing you'd never see your family again. . .
July 3, 2005
1950 Zulu
Mac's Apartment
Georgetown
Mac wiped at the tears and leaned against the railing of her balcony. The sun would be gone soon and then the fun would start. The vodka was just inside, waiting, calling to her. It would be just so damn easy to take a sip, just one sip and forget for a few hours. It was the weekend, after all, she still had a day to sober up. She headed inside, grabbed a glass she had set up just next to the bottle and poured the clear liquid in. It sloshed in the glass, temping her yet again. Standing, she headed out towards the balcony, leaning against it as she contemplated, for the millionth time, succumbing to alcoholic tendencies again. Harm would be furious with her, she knew that, but the pain was just too much. Half a year was just too much especially when they were both in the position to let go, to figure out how to make them work. "Screw it." She brought the glass up to her lips, but before she had a chance to take a sip, a forceful knock brought her out of her reverie. The glass fell from her hand, smashing as it hit the brick on her balcony. "Damnit!" Groaning, she straightened and headed towards the front door. "Please do not let it be anyone trying to cheer me up. . ." She said under her breath and paused slightly when she glanced through the peephole.
The person on the other side was male, with longish, dark brown hair and a very scruffy, non-maintained mustache an beard. He was wearing old, tattered clothing: a dirty hooded sweatshirt and a pair of filthy blue jeans. He had to be sweating profusely wearing a sweatshirt in the summer. Immediately, she put the chain on her door and opened up slightly, enough to see what the person wanted. "Can I help you?"
The man on the other side wavered slightly. When he glanced up at her and Mac saw a raw look of relief in his eyes. His blue eyes. "Mac. . ."
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Yes, I made Mac a Cancer (fits her mood, I should know I am one ;)) and gave her my b-day too LOL!
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Lissie - Intense, yes! Dark and Intense. There might be a happy ending ;)
joanoa - Mac's tried using her connection with him but it didn't work, you'll find out why eventually. ;)
Nikki - Clayton's an ass that's his problem!
Abigalie - Yea, but she's strong!
Achaon - LOL!!! Yay!!! Hey, I am not that evil!! I do happy endings for a good part of my stories, I just like the ride to be bumpy, without seatbelts and preferably at a 90 degree angle before we get there. ;)
Aimee - Woo Hoo! Another person into Decking Webb, I take he aint' well liked. ;)
Tina - I like yours!! I hope you're writing mroe to it!!
Hieros - Well, don't miss him too much. ;)
Froggy - Yep, she should have but I don't want Mac to break her fist. :) Seeing as Clay is hardheaded ;)
Charmboy - Evil is good! I know, the Evil medical school taught me so! ;) Mac and Webb and a sparring ring. ;)Preferably with Webb chained to soemthing and Mac having her fists tied with strips dipped in resin and then rolled over shards of glass. Hmmm bloody mess comes to mind. ;)
Jade - I could too have killed him!!! I am evil!! Muahahaaa!!! Okay, maybe I didn't kill him, you'll just have toe wait and see. :P
Jtbwriter - Odious Little Weasle, I assume that's not Harm right? ;) Oh, you mean Webb. Well, it's okay, the readers are gonna go a-huntin' for the weasle it's all good! :)
Jackia - I guess mac's trying not to go off the deep end since people expect her to. Dunno, I would have stuck Webb in some torture device by now.
Spaceman - Glad you dig it!
Dansingwolf - (Love that name BTW) Mac and harm will be weepy occasionaly, but I am not making htem cry because the sky is blue, nor amI goign overly lovey. Webb has his moments, I never dug his character because he puts them in more trouble. Harm asks for a favor and the next episode Webb has them goign into an embassy with some psycho weilding a chemical weapon. With friends like that, who needs enemas? :P If I were Harm or Mac I'd be leary of how Webb choses to have them repay the "help." Now, when the whole Webb/Mac thing started, he's been on my shitlist and is staying there. I like using him though, he's a great villian to use. ;)