Wow, can't believe people are sticking this out! Surprised you guys dig this story, considering the characters are a bit outta whack. :) Don't worry! Things will get better, but they need to get fixed before they get better.

Thanks to: XBlueShadowX, Aimee5, Charmboy4, starryeyes10, Nikki, dansingwolf, jag4ever, lei, Jackia, EternalSleep, Cristina, Tina Frank, achaon, Abigaile, Hieros Gamos, froggy0319, joanoa, JadeAlmasy, SpaceMan546, dansingwolf, carbygirl , JAGJenni, Manda, starryeyes, BiteBeccy, ng59678, LtColDevilDog, martini, mizukimarr, jtbwriter, Macaroon, Lissie, n.k, Lt.jgMegAustin, cbw, dansingwolf, and anyone else I missed for the Feedback..

For now. . . A little shipperness. :)

Enjoy!

Jackie.

PART 7 – Some Sort Of Peace

July 4, 2005
1610 Zulu
Mac's Apartment
Georgetown

Harm's head was pounding so much it was muffling his hearing. As he slowly opened his eyes, he felt the room twisting and turning, finally falling into place after a few blinks and a good shake of his head. He sat up, scrubbing his eyes as his vision adjusted to the morning light in the room. 'Where am I?' He thought, looking around, finally stopping to focus on a figure sleeping on a chair with feet propped up on the bed. "Mac?" He was confused, wondering how exactly he'd gotten there. Was it a dream? Was he still back in his personal hell and dreaming of her? He shook his head, trying to get his thoughts into something tangible.

"Hey. Morning sailor." Mac said, sounding tired. She twisted in the chair, trying to ring out her back before managing to stand. "Harm?" She didn't get a response from him, just some sort of catatonic gaze that started to worry her. Slowly, she walked around the bed. "Harm? Are you okay?" Reaching out a hand, she placed it on his forehead then ran it down his cheek, he was a little warm but wasn't burning up like the night before.

Harm tensed at the sensation. She was real. This was real and he never felt so relieved before in his life. Wrapping a hand around her wrist, he tugged her towards him, ignoring the pain from his ribs at the sudden movement. His arms came around Mac as he hugged her with a new found energy. "You're real. . ." He whispered and couldn't help the choked sob that came out of him. "Oh God, you're real."

"You're safe, Harm." Mac said softly as she kept her hands around an area of his body that would not cause him any pain. It felt so good to hold him again, to know he was safe. Granted, she didn't know how long all of that would last as she was certain someone would come after him, but she was determined not to let anything hurt him again. When he let her go, she sat at the edge of the bed and just looked at him. "Are you. . .well, okay?"

Harm shook his head slowly. "Everything hurts. . . and I am in need of a shower." He said with a disgusted look on his face. Glancing under the sheets, he turned a shade of red and settled his gaze back on Mac. "I. . . uhm, naked?"

"Oh!" Mac said, turning red herself. "Uh, that's a. . .ah, long story, but how about I get that shower running, you can wrap up in the sheets and head in?" Quickly, she headed into the bathroom, hoping to stifle any other odd moment between her and Harm. With a frown, she leaned against the bathroom cabinet and sighed. "Damnit." Mac whispered, hoping to God that whatever had happened to him wouldn't throw them back into that awkward place they were in right when Harm returned from flying. It seemed that every time either of them went away for an extended period of time things got shaken up to the breaking point. Maybe this was all too much for them? Maybe this was the end? "It can't be." Mac whispered as she reached over to the shelf and pulled out a fluffy towel which she placed on the head. Re-thinking the shower idea, she placed the plug in the drain and proceeded to let the tub fill up. It would give her a better piece of mind if he just sat in the tub, rather than have her worry about falling over and hurting himself.

Harm lay in bed for a few more minutes, fighting another wave of vertigo as his brain started filling in the pieces. It had taken him nearly three weeks to get back home without detection. And even as he arrived, it was a day or two more before he noted that the coast was clear and Mac was not being tailed. It was a chance, a very big chance, seeing as he didn't want to get her involved. But, there was no one else to go to and this couldn't be done alone. With a frown, he sat up slowly. He glanced down at the sheets which had patches of dried blood on them. He was naked in her bed, a fantasy that he'd wanted to be fulfilled so badly. "Well, this isn't quite how I imagined it." He said with a huff and slowly made his way to the bathroom.

Mac nearly collided with him and used her hand to steady him. Just as always, that electricity coursed between them with just one touch. She felt it and knew that he did too, but it wasn't the time for the romance that his disappearance had left in the cold. No, right now, it was about taking care of him and finding out what exactly happened. "Sorry, I was. . .coming to get you." She pressed herself up against the doorframe, his body brushing against hers as he walked into the bathroom. "You seemed shaky, so a bath sounded better, you can sit at the edge of the tub and ease yourself in."

Harm nodded and turned around, seeing the bathtub full of bubbles with a light scent of lavender in the air. 'I'm going to smell like a chic.' He thought, 'Well, not just any chic, Hammer. . . You'll smell like her.' He smiled at that. It was a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. When he heard the door close behind him, Harm spun around. "Mac? Where are you going?"

"To give you privacy."

"Uh." How was he going to tell her that the last thing he wanted was to be alone? "Mac?" His voice stopped her from getting any further than a few steps from the bathroom door. "I don't. . . I don't want to be alone." He stood still for a moment, holding his breath, not sure what to expect from her. Mac wouldn't laugh at him, that much he knew. But, he was normally a strong man and now, what would she think of him?

Mac clenched her fits. His shaken voice speaking volumes. Who ever did that to him was going to pay it didn't matter how long she had to wait to exact her revenge, but they would pay. "I'm just going to go get something for you to wear and I'll be right back. . . Just be careful stepping in, okay?"

"Okay." He said with a nod and for the first time in ages, did as told. Harm groaned as the warm water attacked all of the injuries on his body. They burned, itched, but the warmth was pleasant on his tired muscles. He slid down as much as possible, bending his knees so his frame could fit in her tub. He dunked his head under the water, coming back up quickly as an onslaught of nightmares fought into his consciousness. The water sloshed around the tub as he sat up straight, telling himself he was safe, he was fine that they weren't trying to drown him again. And just as his mind was taking him into the darkness, Mac mercifully knocked on the door. "Enter." He barked, that being the only word he could muster as he regained control.

Mac walked in, set the clothing on a shelf along with the towel that she'd placed on the head. Rummaging under the sink, she pulled out a new toothbrush. "Hope the water isn't too hot." She said, finally taking a seat on the head. There was a silence between them and tensioned filled the tiny room. She heard no movement from his end and spoke up with the first thing that came to her mind. "You. . .ah, need any help?" She mentally cursed herself for sounding so stupid. 'Yea, MacKenzie, he's a grown man, I think he knows how to bathe, you idiot!'

"No, just. . . talk to me." He said in a soft voice.

Mac nodded. She knew what she wanted to talk about, but that was best left until he was ready to divulge. "What do you want me to talk about?"

"Bud and Harriet. . the kids. . . anything." He reached over, took the soap she'd left on the side of the tub and began lathering his body. Thankfully, the pain from the wounds was starting to go away.

There really wasn't much to talk about that didn't breach on the subject of his disappearance. At least, in her day to day life, it all revolved around him and what would happen had he never returned. Now, the Roberts' kids, was a different story. She didn't spend as much time as she would've liked with them, but that was mainly because she didn't want them to see her so broken. It tugged at her heart strings when AJ kept telling her that 'Uncle Harm' was in 'Heaven.' "Well, you should see the twins, Harm. . . One of them looks like AJ, the other like Jimmy." She smiled, recalling nearly everyone at JAG rushing to the hospital. "She didn't have them in the office this time, but, you know Bud."

Harm chuckled slightly. Harriet giving birth in AJ's office was just, insane, but it was such a fun memory to look back on. Very few people could say they were there when their godson was born. "What happened this time?"

"He walked in on the wrong woman." Mac said, laughing. It was one of the few moments that she'd let herself laugh during the months after his disappearance. "The woman, who didn't know English, starts yelling at him and Bud is trying to apologize."

"What about Harriet?"

"Oh, she was LIVID. I believe the words were 'You touch me again you, bastard and I'll kill you with my bare hands.'" She chuckled again, remembering back to the look on Bud's face as he took over.

Harm laughed as well. "You were in the delivery room?"

"Yep, I was at their house when she had the pains. Bud had gone out to get something for one of her cravings, so I got stuck as assistant coach."

Thoughts of what it must have to felt like for Mac to see a birth, first hand, saddened Harm. Though he wasn't very informed on her condition, research had showed him that the chances, if the endometriosis was advanced, of getting pregnant were pretty damned slim. They remained silent for a few minutes as Harm lathered and rinsed his hair, a task that used to be easier when it was cropped. "This is weird."

"You being in my tub? I'd have to agree with you." Though, in her fantasies it was a common occurrence.

After he finished cleansing himself thoroughly and rising as much as possible, he slowly sat up. "Mac, I need a. . .a little help. . . My knee's killing me." He groaned, pulling the plug on the tub as best he could with is big toe.

"How long has it been hurting?" She said with a frown, but already knew the answer.

"Since I thrashed it the night of your engagement party."

Mac sighed, even now, that night haunted her. Yet, it all seemed like some dream compared to what she went through now. "Here, let me know when I can help you up.." She handed him a towel from behind shower curtain and waited for him to open up before helping him. She helped him out of the shower, blushing slightly when the towel slipped. Harm grabbed on, holding the towel just in front of him as Mac's eyes traveled downward. She turned redder and headed out of the bathroom without giving him a second glance. "I'll uh, be outside." Closing the door behind her, Mac leaned against the doorframe. 'Damnit MacKenzie! Get your head out of the gutter! He's hurt!' She chastised herself. But, she was only a woman and he was a very desirable man. In need for help, but desirable nonetheless. From inside she heard groans and a few hisses of breath. "Are you okay in there?"

"Sorry, body's sore." He supplied with a groan as he passed the towel over his bruised ribs. "I'll be out in a bit."

"It's okay, Harm. . . take your time I am not going anywhere."

"Thank you." Once again he tied the towel around his waist and stood in front of the mirror, using the cabinet to lean his body up against. He cringed at what he saw. Never ever had he looked so disheveled.

"You'd have done the same for me."

"Yes I would've. . ." He confirmed, grabbing the toothbrush Mac had left for him. Finally, he noted the clothes on the head and proceeded to slip on the boxers, flannel pants and ribbed, tank top. Everything was just a little lose, but comfortable and a welcome difference from the filthy clothing he was wearing. He heard Mac just outside the door, ordering what he figured was an early lunch.

Opening the door, he staggered out to find Mac sitting on the bed with her ear to the phone. "Twenty minutes? Yes, thank you." She looked up at him and smiled. He still didn't look like her flyboy, but at least he looked clean and refreshed. "I ordered Chinese, we need to get some meat back on those bones of yours, Stickboy." She held his eyes with her own, noting how their expression was nearly gone. He looked away and then looked back up at her.

Then there was the tension. The same kind that had plagued their relationship for so long that it was almost like an unwelcome friend. They stared at each other, both unable to find words to say. It was Harm that finally found the words he'd rehearsed to many times since he'd gone under. "I'm sorry. . .I didn't want this to happen. . . I didn't do this on purpose, Mac."

"Harm. . ." She waved him off, or at least attempted to. Whatever the reasons and situations, she didn't want to pressure him into finding out. Maybe, just maybe, she didn't want to know for fear that everything Clay had said was truth. "It's okay."

Angrily, he leaned against her vanity, moving his arms across his chest as a sign of defense. "No, damnit. It's not okay!. . . Christmas Eve was the start of something. . . Something that I wanted to pursue. But, it got taken away."

"We were working on an us." She confirmed with a look of remorse. And they were. At least, she thought they were. It took nearly losing her life to put everything into perspective. They were both sick of the dance and this time he was waiting on her. There was no one waiting in the wings. No other safe relationship to run to. It was just Harm and Sarah, the way it should have been so long ago. "I was really looking to spend time with you during the holidays. . . we had things to un-table." It was during Christmas day when he'd suggested they spent New Years Eve together, alone. To talk about the past, settle their demons and start the new year with an understanding.

That was shot to hell when he disappeared and Harm felt so guilty about that. "Yea. . . I am sorry I destroyed that."

Mac looked up, a positive look in her eyes. There was still hope. There had to be! How many times had they both been pulled apart, only to come back to each other. That had to count for something, didn't it? "You didn't destroy anything." Standing, she walked up to him, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "I want things to be right between us. Now, c'mon you need to rest." She tugged him over to the bed, which she had placed fresh sheets on and sat him down.

Harm took a deep, reassuring breath as she worked on tucking a blanket around him. In any other circumstance, he hated being mothered. But now, after so many months of pain and longing, it felt good. He tugged at his shirt and gave Mac a funny look. "These are my clothes, aren't they?"

"Yes, I saved some things. . ." Because she always knew he'd come home. Well, maybe not always, there were moments when she wanted to give up. "Your mom and step dad came down, they wanted to make sure your things were safe. . . so they bought the building, Jen's living in your apartment now. . ." Mac trailed off slightly, her mind racing back to that morning when his will was being read. She swallowed down the lump at her throat and wiped off the solitary tear that fell. It meant more than she could say to know he'd thought about her enough to leave her his two most prized possessions. "I have your Vette in storage, I make sure to take it out so that it still runs right. I. . still can't believe you left me 'Sarah' in your will."

"They are things that are important to me, Mac. . .They aren't just possessions. The Vette I got when I first got my wings and Sarah. . ." He sat up, taking both of her hands I in his. "You are the only person who understood what they meant to me."

"I know. . .and I was touched." She looked up at him as he characteristically wiped away another tear that fell.

They stared at each other again; the tension from earlier wiping away slowly as both realized that the relationship could be salvaged once again. "Have you gone up in her?" Harm's voice was gentle as he spoke, as if he were afraid that the moment would be buried.

She grinned up at him, a mischievous grin that appealed to him. That was his grin. "I ah. . .started taking flying lessons in Blacksburg."

Harm beamed like a kid at a candy store. His smile, that sexy, flyboy smile, resuscitated, nearly illuminating his eyes. "Really? Have you taken her up yet?"

"Yes. . . It's. .. it's amazing." She shied away from him, thinking back on all of the times he'd offered to take her up but she was too chicken. Then again, how could anyone blame her after their tête-à-tête with poachers.

He turned away from her, just for a second and noticed his appearance in the vanity across from the bed. "I look grizzly." He brushed a hand over the facial hair and made a face. The mountain man look was certainly NOT for him.

Mac chuckled, then sobered. "You know what? I got an idea." Standing, she headed into the bathroom and rummaged around the cabinet.

"What are you doing?" He noticed her walking back out with a small, rolled up, leather case of sorts and a towel, which she placed in the bed. "And what are those?"

"We're going to clean you up." She tapped the side of the bed, then helped him sit up. "Okay, sit there, I'll just grab this." The vanity chair was tugged across and placed just in front of Harm. She grabbed the towel and draped it around his upper body. Rummaging through the leather case, she took out a pair of scissors. Harm remained quiet as she started snipping hair off of his face. She gently, turned his head, snipping hair from one cheek and then the other. Then she returned to the bathroom, heading back with a razor, a can of shaving gel and a small plastic tub with warm water. "Do you trust me?"

Harm nodded. "Just be gentle, Marine."

"I'll be good and gentle, how's that?" She carefully shaved away his facial hair, making faces that he would match in order to scrape the right areas. Mac became skillful at an early age when her father was sometimes too hung over to shave properly. "Okay, one more thing."

Harm eyed Mac as she produced an electric shaver of sorts. The one used to shave dog hair. "Uh, and that is for?"

She reached out and gently tugged at a long lock of hair. "I assume you want to be fit for duty, don't you?"

"Those were Jingo's, weren't they?" He said, unable to conceal a smile.

And she didn't even bother to lie. "Yes, but, they have settings. If I put it here." Mac said, pointing to the descending numbers, "Then it would leave some length. I'd figure kinda like when you were in your Marine phase."

"It wasn't a Marine phase, MacKenzie." He said with a voice of mock hurt. "It was an order from the Judge Advocate of the Navy."

Mac chuckled. "Life would be easier if you just admit that you liked playing a recon Marine."

He rolled his eyes at her, then shook his head, making the longer locks go wild. "Okay, whatever. . . just don't give me a bald head." The minute he heard the switch go on all he could thing of was. 'God help me.'

Half an hour later, Harm and Mac sat on her bed, discarded boxes of Chinese littered around. Harm leaned against the pillow that was propped up the headboard and sighed. "God. . . I needed that." He looked himself in the mirror and grinned. Mac had done a fine job. Harm studied her for a moment. She'd barely eaten anything and was still just picking at the noodles. They had to talk and get everything out of the way. "Mac. . . I know what's on your mind."

"Uh huh." She said flatly, finally giving up on the food and placing the carton on the night table. "Who are you? Kreskin?" During the silence that erupted over lunch, she'd had time to stop and rationalize, something that hadn't really happened since his arrival. Now, she was back to feeling bitter. . . angry. . . betrayed. Sure, he said he was sorry, but so did Webb. Yes, she realized she was comparing apples to oranges, but what other barometer did she have to go by? "I. . . should be happy. . . that you're alive. But, I am so angry that. . ."

Harm could sympathize because he was angry too. Angry at the world, at the CIA, the monsters that kept him. "I can't blame you for being angry at me, Mac. . . But, I really didn't do this on purpose. . . I had every intention to be here during New Years."

"But, you didn't say 'no.'" Her head snapped up and she glared at him. That cold, unforgiving glare that was a trademark. Harm had been on the receiving side of many of those. "And this isn't just about me. It's bigger than that. . .It's about, our friends, our colleagues." She grabbed at a pillow and squeezed it hard. "Do you know what the worst of it all was? Having little AJ console me." She pursed her lips together, biting down on her lower lip to help stop the tears. "He told me you were safe in heaven." Standing, she paced slowly in front of the bed. "I tried to mourn you so many times, but I couldn't. Part of me always believed you'd come home. . . It was actually, almost recently that I gave up altogether." Stopping, she turned and faced him. "I kept thinking of your dad and how much I didn't' want that to happen to you. Which is when the guilt set in because. . . because."

"You would have preferred me to have died than lived like that." He understood, oh too well what her guilt was about. Harm begged for death several times in, when the pain was just so much to bare. He couldn't blame her for wishing the same for him. "Mac, non of this was your fault. . .There is nothing for you to feel guilty about." Reaching out a hand, he tugged her over to him and held her in his arms. "You look exhausted, let's get some rest, okay?"

Mac nodded and allowed her body to seek out some sort of peace that she had eluded her all of this time.
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Dansingwolf – There's a lot of Harm and Mac interaction to come, she will definitely help him out!

Tina – Yep, Harm's a junkie, but he'll get help whether he wants it or not. ;)

Carby – Oh there is going to be an interesting Mac and Steele chapter coming up eventually. I'd say probably 5 or so chapters away. Mac will stick by her man, not to worry!

Ng – Not a designer drug, at all. The name of the story IS "Something For the Pain" so that could give you a hint on what he is on. ;) How he got it, is another story.

Macaroon – Woo!! Someone noted the mysterious "she" in the story. Very good! Proud of ya! :D He did't really chose the addiction, it was a means to get home without going insane. . . You'll see what I mean, I promise! :)

Nikki – Hot and loathful LOL! That's Maj. Steele for you! LOL! Which yea, it gives him more slimy qualities. ;)

LtJGMeg – I happen to think that if AJ didn't exsist a lot of people would care more for Cresswell, I like him, I think he's done an outstanding job coming in. I do miss AJ, but I do like Cresswell, having a Marine as a JAG is quite fun. :)

Jtbwriter – Luckily they haven't figured out (cept for Clay) that Harm is with Mac. And Clay, for the moment, is keeping that tidbit to himself.

Jackia – Mac will save Harm and he will save her. :)