Baka Hakusho
By Lazy Kitsune
Summary: This is a parody of the manga. Yusuke Urameshi was just another teen punk with a messed up life...until he messed it up even more by dying, which lead him to being the Spirit Detective of the Underworld. (The title means "Idiot Report".)
A/N: Hello all you beautiful people! Welcome to the second chapter of "Baka Hakusho." This one's gonna be a long one...Anyways, thank you for reviewing! I know the first chapter was kinda slow, but I promise it'll get better! Thank yous are at the end of the chapter. Now, please enjoy!
---------------------------------------------
Chapter 2 – How Yusuke's Life Lead to His Death
Yusuke stroke his chin. "Okay, let's see...where have I been in the last 24 hours...?" He thinks for a while and snaps his fingers. "I remember! Keiko was yelling at me for smoking on the rooftop..."
– Flashback –
"Why are you smoking on the rooftop?!" Keiko shrieked.
– End of Flashback –
"...and she was telling me how stupid I was for smoking..."
– Flashback –
"You're so stupid for smoking!"
– End of Flashback –
"...and then she told me to Takenaka's room!"
– Flashback –
"Yusuke, go to Mr. Takenaka's room now!"
– End of Flashback –
"Hmm...I wondered what happened next...?" Yusuke wondered. "Oh yeah...and then I met those two guys..."
– Flashback –
Yusuke was walking away from Keiko when he overheard two guys saying they used his name to get away from some other punks.
"...like yeah, and dude, he like totally freaked out when I said I was Urameshi's cousin and, like, he dropped his wallet!" one guy said in a surfer voice.
"Dude, like, no way!" another surfer voice exclaimed.
"Like, way!"
"Totally awesome dude!"
"Like, yeah, and he had, like, all this money in it!"
"Dude, that's like totally sweet!"
"And, like, there was a picture of this one chic, and, like, I sold it to some other punk...for some more money!"
"Dude, that's awesome!"
"Totally!"
Yusuke stared at them for a while before beating the holy crap outta them. He leaves them twitching as he walks off with the wallet full of money they were talking about. "I hate surfer guys," he muttered right before he bumped into Iwamoto, who was also trying to ditch class to smoke a cigarette in his hand. (Why else would he be wandering around in an empty hallway?)
"You're scum," Iwamoto told him.
"Yah..."
"I'm not scared of you, slime."
"Talkin' 'bout me?"
Iwamoto tosses the cigarette he was smoking on the ground and pointed at it. "A cigarette? Why am I not surprised? Urameshi, you're pond scum and don't belong to my school!"
"Shaddup, it's a free country...I think. Anyways, I do what I want."
"Get out."
"I'm already out."
They both look down at their feet and see a line separating them into 2 sides. The word "in" was printed on Iwamoto's side and the word "out" on Yusuke's side.
"..."
Iwamoto glared at Yusuke one last time before turning around and walking back to class. Yusuke stuck his tongue out at Iwamoto, picked up the burning cigarette the teacher threw, and walked off smoking it. Suddenly, something big and scary whacked him on the head.
"&)#$!!!" Yusuke turned around. "Oh, Takenaka." (See? Told you it was something big and scary!)
"That's Great Teacher Takenaka to you!" the teacher snapped.
"..."
"Okay, 'Mister' works okay. Why are you smoking on school grounds?"
"I'm outside school grounds."
Takenaka looked at the side of the line Yusuke was on, which said "outside". "Well, I'll be..."
"Senile old fart," Yusuke muttered. "Leave me alone."
"Did you get kicked out by Iwamoto again? Or just trying to ditch?" Takenaka added suspiciously.
"No, I was just taking a stroll around the school," Yusuke replied sarcastically. "Of course I'm trying to ditch! And whaddya mean Iwamoto tried to kick me out 'again'?"
"Okay, tell me your story...in the student guidance room!" Takenaka started dragging Yusuke by the ear. "We'll talk over chestnuts roasting on an open fire and a nice cup of tea."
"I hate chestnuts! Lemme go!"
"Not a chance in he –!" Takenaka turned around and finds he's dragging not Yusuke, but instead a cute lil' Yusuke plushie. "Awww...Wait a minute!"
"Over here," Yusuke said, waving his hand from atop a wall. He jumped down, grabbed the plushie and skipped away.
"You'd actually try to pull this crap on me?!" Takenaka growled. "I'll get you my pretty! And your little plushie too!"
Yusuke ignored Takenaka's comment and walked home, where he found his mom just waking up from a hang over.
"Feeling worse for the wear?" Yusuke asked as he entered. (A/N: I don't know what that phrase means, but I think it sounds " Atsuko murmured, rubbing her temples. "Get coffee...and mebbe a coupla aspirins while you're at it, Yusuke...wait, YUSUKE?!" She blinked and rubbed her eyes. "Eh...shouldn't you be at school?"
"No."
"Oh, ok."
Severalhours later...
"Wait a minute!" Atsuko said. "Tell the truth!"
"Awright, I ditched."
"Always ditchin'...just quit already! School ain't free y'know...had to earn tuition money myself when I was your age...Besides, you're a hopeless case, so you may as well quit."
"Oh, you're such a supportive parent, Mother dear," Yusuke said sarcastically. "Great, another lecture and putdown. My day's complete."
"Don't like it punk? Too bad."
"Whatever," Yusuke told her as he left home. "What a &(#$ing day!! I wanna &)$#ing kick somethin'!!"
As Yusuke takes a nice stroll in town looking for something to kick, ALL shops suddenly close. Yusuke sighed. "Now how am I gonna get my daily shoplifting done?"
Suddenly, several guys run out of nowhere and surround him. A big, ugly guy with orange hair that reminds you of Rio from Shaman King or Elvis Presley (A/N: Both which I don't own!) walks up to Yusuke. "Urameshi."
"Oh, it's just you," Yusuke said, sighing with relief. "I was afraid it'd be someone bigger and uglier with scarier hair, like Rio from Shaman King or Elvis Presley. Well, see ya around, Kuwabara!" Yusuke waves and walks off.
"Oh, okay, see ya man!" Kuwabara says as he walks off the other way.
"Uh, Kuwabara?" Sawamura said. "Didn't we come here to beat him up?" He pointed at Yusuke.
"Huh? Oh yeah!" Kuwabara now looks angrier and more menacing. "Nobody disses Kuwabara, the toughest punk in Sarayashiki! C'mere, Urameshi! You'll lick the bottoms of my shoes today!!" He rushes to Yusuke and grabs him by the collar.
Yusuke just grinned. "Really? Well, it just so happens I'm in a bad mood today, so I think I'll beat the crap outta you in an attempt to make myself feel better and superior and make you feel even more inferior to me. BANZAI!!!" He then proceeds to beat the holy shi – I mean, crap outta Kuwabara. He started with a several punches, some headbutts, and finished with hitting Kuwabara's face with his butt.
Kuwabara now looks even more uglier and menacing as Yusuke walked off saying, "Thanks, pal, I needed that. I feel much better now."
– End of Flashback –
"Oh, I remember..." Yusuke said to himself. "People were being meanies to me today, so I went to the freeway to jack someone's car for a joyride...and then...I met that kid..."
– Flashback –
A ball bounces over to Yusuke's foot. A little boy walked up to him and said pleadingly, "Mister, can I get my ball back?"
Yusuke picked up the ball and waved it in front of the little boy. "You mean this?" The child nodded. "You want your ball back?" The child nodded again. Yusuke waved the ball around and the little boy's head followed it. "Well, get outta here! It ain't safe!! Wanna be pancake or somethin'?!" Yusuke threw the ball at the little kid's head and walked off.
The ball bounced off the kid's head and onto the freeway, where many cars whooshed by. The kid waited until there were no more whooshing cars and went to get his ball. Yusuke turned around and saw the little boy on the empty freeway lane.
"Oh my gawd!! Kid, you're screwed if someone doesn't save you!!" he shouted. Yusuke ran to pick up the kid and take him back to safety. "There you go, out of the danger. You're safe now."
Suddenly, a single car that came outta nowhere sped towards where Yusuke was standing and ran him over, killing him dead.
– End of Flashback –
"Oh, so that's what happened," Yusuke said. "I got run over a car and died..." He shrugged. "Well, huh, I guess I'm dead." He hums happily to himself for a few minutes before he realizes what he had just said. "OH MY GAWD I'M DEAD?!?!"
"I demand a coffee break!!" a female voice said above him.
Yusuke looked at the blue haired girl on an oar wearing a pink kimono. "..."
Then she noticed him. "Oh, uh, I mean, BINGO! Welcome to the afterlife, Yusuke Urameshi!"
Yusuke stared at her for a moment and then cried out, "OH MY GAWD I REALLY AM DEAD!!!!"
---------------------------------------------
A/N: And that's all for today. Next up, "Everyone's Reaction." Here are the thank yous!
sakurasango – Hello! And thank you, my beloved first reviewer!! (tries to hug you, but trips over own stupid feet) Waaah!!
Mitarashi – It's okay, this story is weird. And kinda crazy. Kinda like me... O.o Thanks anyway!
Taia, Mistress of the Corn Muffins – I'm glad you like it! Thank you!
Twilight's shadow – Yay! You think it's funny? (celebrates)
Pen Against Sword – Whee! I love stupid funny too!
A/N: Arigato gozaimasu!! (hands out cookies to reviewers)