Baka Hakusho

By Lazy Kitsune

Summary: This is a parody of the manga. Yusuke Urameshi was just another teen punk with a messed up life...until he messed it up even more by dying, which lead him to being the Spirit Detective of the Underworld. (The title means "Idiot Report".)

A/N: Is it just me or am I losing readers? Well, it is a slow story...it's based on the manga after all...oh well, I'll try to hurry it up, but I have soooo much more to make fun of from the first two volumes of the manga.

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Chapter 4 – The Test!

When we last left Yusuke, he had just attended his wake. After swearing not to harm the people who attended it (with his fingers crossed behind his back), Botan finally agreed to take him to her boss for the test for resurrection. But, of course, every ride had a fee, and if the driver said otherwise, then he's a liar. Botan was no exception.

"...so then I said, 'I'm allergic to turkey, but not ham!'" the ferry girl laughed.

"Uh-huh, why did I ask for this again?" Yusuke muttered.

"Because! You wanted to take the test for resurrection!"

"No, I meant why did I ask for a ride from you?"

"You need to meet the person who's going to explain the test," Botan replied after whacking Yusuke on the head with her oar. "That's why I'm taking you on this little road trip. Besides, he wants to talk to you."

"Oh, that's why," Yusuke said thoughtfully. "Are you insured though, Botan?"

"Yes."

"By Survival?"

"...No."

"Well, tell him to call me or beep me if he wants to reach me, 'cause there's no way I'm gonna take this ride, girlfriend." (A/N: I don't own those quotes!) Yusuke snapped his fingers at her. "Who the hell does he think he is, anyway? If he wants to talk to me, he can haul himself over here."

"Last time I checked, he said he was King Enma, Lord of Hell," Botan said as thunder clapped in the background.

"Oh, I see." Yusuke twiddled his thumbs for a while before shouting out, "WHAT?!"

"Now, you have to play nicely with him, or else it's flames for you, just like what this terrible author deserves." Botan's oar randomly whacked her head.

"I'm too young to be burned alive!" Yusuke cried as he tried to run away.

"You were also too young to die, stupid!" Botan snapped, grabbing hold of his collar. "And look what happened!"

"You don't have to yell..." Yusuke whimpered.

So the two...er...spirits kept floating around on the oar. After 3 days of random floating, they saw a large mass of cloud.

"What the hell..." Yusuke began.

"There's the entrance!" Botan announced. "Fasten your seatbelt, Yusuke!"

"Wha – ?!"

Suddenly, everything turned into bright light, you know, like in Star Wars when they went on "light speed"? (A/N: Don't own that either) Yeah, it was kinda like that, only they were riding on an oar, and Yusuke didn't have a seatbelt to fasten, so he held on for dear life (is that appropriate for Yusuke?) as they sped on.

"Just a couple more seconds..." Botan muttered, after being fined by the light speed police for speeding 20 times. Then there was a sound that went "fwink!" and they were in a whole different dimension.

"Yeow, it's HUGE!" Yusuke exclaimed, pointing at a large spaceship that loomed ahead of them.

"Hmm...I shoulda taken a left at Albuquerque then gone straight till New York..." Botan murmured. "Guess we gotta go back, Yusuke, hang on!"

"Not again..."

So they went to travel back in light speed. After arriving in 17 different locations, Botan finally remembered the way to Spirit World and brought Yusuke there.

"Yeow, it's huge," Yusuke said, tired and bored of saying that phrase by now. "Are we finally at River Styx?"

"Yup! It's the one and only!" Botan replied cheerfully, since she has no limit of energy. "Oh! If you look to your left, there's Hades' lair! And look, there's the Gate of Judgment!" She pointed ahead.

"Okay, you can stop playing tour guide now," Yusuke said when they finally reached the front of the Gate of Judgment.

"It's Botan, we're coming in!" She turned to Yusuke. "Aren't you impressed with how big it is?"

"Not really," Yusuke replied. He was thinking of other matters, like how could he, a junior high punk, beat the King of Hell in a fight. (What an idiot.)

"Botan here," Botan said to a speaker. "I've brought Yusuke Urameshi."

"Ah, ding-dang-finally," a voice replied from the speaker. "Come on in." (A/N: I don't own that kind of speech. And no, it's not Ned Flanders on the other side.)

There was a beep, and the doors rumbled open to reveal...dun dun dun...a bunch of ogres on duty.

"What the hell?!" Yusuke shouted. "What is this, a stock exchange?!"

"Quite a diddly-doo-dang-sight, eh?" a little high voice said from the ground.

"Huh?"

"Oh! Your Majesty!" Botan cried.

"Howdy-diddly-doo," a little baby about a quarter of Yusuke's height greeted. "Make yourselves at diddly-home." He took a seat on a comfy-looking chair behind a large desk piled with paper. "Phew! All this crap-a-diddly-doo's got us working 24-7!"

"This is Yusuke Urameshi, sire!" Botan stated, suddenly acting like a boot camp student.

"He's Enma...?" Yusuke muttered. Then he burst out laughing. "Oh man! You've gotta be kidding!" He fell on the ground laughing.

Botan kicked him in the nuts. (Ouch!) "What are you laughing about, moron?!"

Yusuke glared as he painfully tried to get up. "That shrimpboat is Enma?!" he exclaimed, staggering a little. "I was really freakin' out, and this is all there is to him?!"

The baby glared and said, "I'm King Enma, JR., fool, though some so-called dang-diddly-wits call me Koenma. You should also diddly-know I'm 50 times diddly-doo-da-older than you if I'm a day, so don't get uppity-diddly-doo."

"Looks like you're barely out of diapers," Yusuke snickered. Botan kicked him in the nuts again. "OW!"

"Okay, we don't have all diddly-doo-dang-day, so I'll get to the dang-diddly-point," Koenma said. "Yusuke Urameshi, the doo-diddly-dang-test you must diddly-face is...THIS!" He thrust out his hand, revealing an egg. "You must safely diddly-hatch this egg and raise the diddly-doo-hatchling!"

"...What kind of egg is it?" Yusuke asked.

"That of a diddly-dang-beast of the Spirit World," Koenma replied in a menacing voice. "Diddly."

Suddenly, a small crack appeared on the surface of the egg. Koenma shrieked and tossed the egg like a hot potato to Botan, who in turn shrieked and tossed it to Yusuke. Yusuke also shrieked and tossed it back to Koenma, and by that time, a little beast emerged from the shell. It was...a little chick.

"Well, I'll be diddly-doo-dang-da!" Koenma exclaimed, wiping his brow. "It was a dang-diddly-chicken egg! Diddly!"

"Well then, do I still have to take a test?" Yusuke asked.

"You're dang-diddly-right you have to!" Koenma snapped, pulling out another egg.

14 chicken eggs and 2 duck eggs later, Yusuke and Botan were back in the Human World, floating around randomly. Again. Yusuke held an egg. Yes, the right one, finally.

"So, the day this thing grows up, I return to life?" Yusuke asked.

"I guess," Botan answered.

"I don't get it. How's that a test?"

"..." Botan flashed back to what Koenma told her.

– Flashback –

"This is ding-dang-strictly between you and me, Botan," Koenma said. "That egg is the dang-diddly-last one I have."

"So what is it?" Botan asked.

"...I have no diddly-idea," Koenma replied. Botan anime fainted. "But we'll ding-dang-diddly-learn if that diddly-dang-idiot Yusuke ever hatches it. It better not be a dang-diddly-blue penguin egg I gave him."

– End of Flashback –

'We'll see what happens...' Botan thought.

"Omigod!" Yusuke screamed. "I just realized! I nobody knows my heart's beating again...they'll go ahead and cremate my body tomorrow!"

"So?"

"So! I gotta tell someone living! Is that possible?"

"Maybe..."

"Botan!!"

"Okay, just enter their dreams."

– Yusuke's House –

"YUSUKE, YOU IDIOT!!" Atsuko screamed angrily. "YOU DIE AND YOU DON'T TELL YOUR MOTHER?! I'D KILL YOU MYSELF IF YOU WEREN'T DEAD!!!"

"No good," Yusuke sighed. "She's drunk and just realized I'm dead."

"Some mom..." Botan commented. "No wonder you turned out the way you did."

"Shaddup! Anyway, I think Keiko is my only shot..."

"Yusuke and Keiko sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!" Botan sang.

Yusuke knocked her out before entering Keiko's room. Stealth music played in the background, you know, like the one on the old cartoon Pink Panther.

"Hmm," Yusuke said as he surveyed Keiko's room. "It's gotten pretty cutesy since the last time I was here." As he looked around, he spotted Keiko's Sailor Moon collection (A/N: Wow, I don't own a lot of stuff). "OMIGOD!! Sailor Mercury!!" He glided to a Sailor Mercury doll. "I love Sailor Mercury!"

Keiko let out a sigh, making Yusuke turn from his beloved Sailor Mercury and look at her. She was...

"CRYING?!" Yusuke cried out, moving quickly to her side. "Wow, she really is crying!!" Yusuke then heard voices.

"Just die why don't you?"

"Is that Keiko?"

"I'm so sorry..."

Yusuke laughed bitterly. "Moron!" He took a seat right on top of her, causing her to groan. "Listen up! Your words didn't kill me, a car and bad driving did! My soul's got some crap to do in the afterlife, but I'll be back after it. If you need proof, open the casket and listen to my heart!" Keiko groaned again. "And tell my stupid mom to stop drinking, okay?" There was an awkward silence. "So...get a grip. I don't want to see you...like this..."

"Awww!" Botan sighed in content. "How cute!!"

Yusuke glared and chased her off. Then he came back and quickly dried Keiko's tears before chasing after Botan again.

"Yusuke?!" Keiko cried out. She felt her face. "My tears...wiped away...It wasn't a dream!" Keiko scrambled out of bed and ran over to the Urameshi residence. "Atsuko, open up! It's me!" she banged on the door. "Please, Atsuko, open the do –!" The door opened and Keiko fell on her face.

"Kei...ko?" Atsuko asked, trying to remember the teenage girl.

"Atsuko, you won't believe this!" Keiko exclaimed, getting up. "Yusuke came...I mean, I saw...!"

"Yusuke..." Atsuko repeated. Then something lit up in her head. "Yusuke!"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't...I mean, I opened the casket, to kick his balls one last time...and his face...it was rosy...His heart...I heard it beating...Yusuke is alive! That moronic, idiotic, pain in the ass..." Atsuko began crying hysterically. "MY BOY IS ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!"

Just then, neighbors began coming out of their houses to yell at Atsuko to keep it down. Yusuke and Botan were watching the commotion.

"...Hmph..." Yusuke said after a while.

"What?" Botan asked.

"I'm alive and they're actually glad..." he said, thinking hard. "I don't believe it!" They floated around for a while. "Y'know, it might be funny if the egg turned out to be a blue penguin and I actually pass for that."

Botan laughed. "Yeah, that'd be real funny!"

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A/N: Whew, finally done. Sorry I took so long to write this one up, I've been having hell lately...Oh, and credits to my sis for giving me the idea for Koenma's...er...gibberish. Please review!!