Title: Me and Charlie Talking
Author: Harper's Pixie
Rating: I'll say PG to PG-13
Summary: Don't really know how to explain it...Umm, someone left behind remembers what they had and lost.
Disclaimer: I don't own Charlie, he's the property of JJ Abrams....the lucky bastard. ;) But I do own Emilia. I don't own the song either, Me and Charlie Talking is the property of Miranda Lambert...great little song too.
iEarlier today Flight 815 departing from Sydney went down somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. A search and rescue has begun, but it is unlikly any survivors will be found./i
Crash!
The glass I was holding shatters as it hits the floor. I gasp, my hand over my mouth. It can't be. I'm wrong, I have to be wrong.
I mute the television and rush to my machine. I hit the play button and replay the message I'd partly listened to only minutes before.
iHey Emmi, it's me. I got your number from Liam....since...umm, I know we haven't really talked....in a while....anyway how's life in the states? The Yanks giving you any trouble? Guess what! I'm coming to the states, thought maybe we could get together....maybe I could stay with you for a while./i
He pauses for a few seconds, I can hear voices in the background.
iMy flight's boarding. If you do want to get together, it's Flight 815. Em-/i
I hit the machine again, stopping the message again at the same place as before. Oh God Charlie, I say as I sink my head into my hands. It's true....he's really gone. As the tears come to my eyes, I turn my head. Beside the machine is a faded picture in a wooden frame. The picture is of a boy and a girl, ten years old to be exact. The little boy slyly grinning as the little girl kisses him on the cheek. I remember the day that was taken....
'''''''''''''''''''''''
Me and Charlie boy used to go walking
Sittin' in the wood behind my house
Where bein' lover's meant a stolen kiss
An' holding hands with nobody else around
Charlie said he wanted to get married
But we were only ten so we'd have to wait
He said we'd never let our love run dry
Like so many do these days
'''''''''''''''''''''''
FLASHBACK
Charlie! Slow down, cried a little girl, pretty prepared red ringlets blowing in her face, as she ran through a woods. In front of her was a boy, a little taller than her, but the same age. His messy brown hair drooping down in his childish blue eyes as he turned around.
Come on, Emmi! I've gotta show you something!This better be good, mum's gonna kill me if I get my pretty dress dirty before the party. Charlie stopped and smiled.
Pretty? Emilia Lambert are you turning girly on me?
Emilia stopped, placing her hands on her waist, an angered look on her face and in her green eyes. Charlie Pace you take that back right now! I am not turning girly! Just because it's my brithday and mum made me wear this thing, she paused motioning to the frilly pink dress her mother had forced her to wear and continued, does not mean I'm turning girly. I can still beat you up.
A sly grin crossed Charlie's face, Sure you can little Miss Priss.
Emilia growled and tackled Charlie, both of them rolling on the forest floor. Finally they stopped, Charlie on top. He smiled as Emilia grumbled.
Ok, you wi- she was stopped when Charlie planted a quick kiss on her lips.
What was that for, Emilia asked as she stood, brushing the leaves from her frills.
I don't know, maybe I think you look pretty in frills, Charlie said, his face growing slightly red.
Emilia smiled, taking his hand and was surprised that for the first time, he didn't pull away. Now Charlie Pace...you better not have drug me out here for nothing.
He shook his head and said, Nope, I just drug you out here for this. He let go of her hand and thrust his hand into his pocket and when he pulled it out there was a small gold ring in his palm.
Mum wanted me to give this to you later but I wanted it to be special, not get lost in the other gifts. Anyways....Liam woulda laughed at me if he saw me give it to ya.
Emilia was all smiles. As she took the ring, Charlie said, Oh and mum had something written in it, said it made it different than other rings. Sure enough, inside and in neat script were the words, Charlie and Emilia: Best Friends Forever.
Charlie continued on with his small rant, I guess that means it's like different because it looks like one of those rings married people wear...but we're only ten so we'll just have to wait and get married when we're older.
At that age, neither of them really knew what getting married really was, but Emilia put on the ring either way and said, OK, but when we get married you aren't allowed to call me girly anymore. Charlie only laughed, but Emilia continued on a little more serious this time around, And we can't stop loving each other like my mum and dad did, ok? I promise not to. Do you promise?I promise, now come on Emmi....we've gotta get back. He grabbed her hand and they walked back towards her house.
'''''''''''''''''''''''''
So we treat our love like a firefly
Like it only gets to shine for a while
Catch it in a mason jar with holes in the top
And run like hell to show it off
Oh, promises we made when we'd go walkin'
That's just me and Charlie talkin'
''''''''''''''''''''''''''
END FLASHBACK
I put the picture down. That picture was my stolen kiss to him. He'd pestered me about that for a week.
I can't believe it...he's really gone. I'm crushed, still yet, I'm only tearing up. What's wrong with me. The love of my life is gone and I can only sniffle. I finger the small gold ring attached to a thin chain around my neck. I walk over to my couch, quickly turning the television off, not wanting to hear the story again.
I wrap my arms around myself and slowly, I remember when our innocent love began to crumble.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Charlie always said he'd like to leave here
Turned 18 and left our sleepy town
Letters came and went and I kept waiting
For Charlie to come back and bring the life he'd found
Funny how time and distance change you
The road you take doesn't always lead you home
You start a love with good intentions
Then you'll look up and it's gone
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
FLASHBACK
What do you mean You're starting a band! Charlie you can't even play, not to mention that you're too sweet for that life, the 18 year-old Emilia said. Her ringlets were gone, but she still looked the same, same red hair, same green eyes.
The now grown Charlie looked at her with the same messy brown hair, only with slight blonde highlights scattered here and there, falling down into his now older blue eyes.
I can to play. Quite well actually and nothing bad will come of it. It'll just be me, Liam and a few mates having fun.
Emilia turned around, her worried look didn't wane, something was telling her nothing but bad could come from this. Charlie could tell she was worried. He walked up to her, wrapping his arms around her, propping his head on her shoulder, his breathing tickling her ear as he spoke.
Emmi, everything will be ok. It's just a little mindless fun. I mean, more than likely, nothing will come of it. Liam will get bored with it and we'll go back to the regular way of life.
Emilia leaned her head against his and sighed.
END FLASHBACK
But something had come of it. I remember the nights he'd promise to call me after a set but the call never came. I knew there were groupies, but I kept telling myself it will blow over and he'd come back to me. I can still remember the day he came bursting into my room with the news that changed our lives forever.
FLASHBACK
Emilia sat on her bed, school books scattered about. Suddenly her door flew open, Charlie rushed in.
Emmi! We did it! We actually did it!
She jumped at the sound, quickly calming when she realized it was Charlie.
Did what, Charlie?When I got out of confessional, Liam was there and do you know what he told me?
She could always read him like a book. She put on her best smile as she jumped up and said, wrapping her arms around him.
DriveShaft got the deal. You guys got a record deal!
He kissd her and smiled. We're going to make a record Emmi! We'll go on tour and I can finally leave this boring place.
Emmi's smile faded as she let him go and sat back on her bed, And I'll stay behind as you go and become a rock star.
He sat down beside her, took her hand and said, Emmi, you've got school. You can't leave now.
She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, Yeah...but you can leave....leave here...leave me all behind. I know this is what you've always wanted, but the thought of you leaving... She couldn't finish. As much as she didn't want to think about it, she knew what his leaving would mean.
He frowned and wrapped her arms around her. Oh, Emmi, don't cry. I may be leaving here, but never you. When we leave, I'll call you everyday and I'll visit when I can and it won't end, I promise you that.
She pulled back and took the rosary from around his wrist, the ones she's bought for him on his sixteenth birthday. Charlie promise me something.Anything , love.Promise me that when you go, you won't let what happens change you. Promise me that everytime a temptation comes, you'll look at these and think of me and won't change. That when it gets too hard, I'll always be your way to escape. Promise me that you'll come back to me the same sweet, pure Charlie that I love.
He smiled, gently kissed her, and said, I promise, love. Already told Liam that if things get too wild, we end it, leave everything behind, no looking back. I promise nothing will change.
END FLASHBACK
That was the first of many promises he broke to me. He did keep in touch. At first, as he promised, he'd call me after every gig, excitedly telling me of the crowds, and I'd get a letter from him two or three times a week, but slowly it changed. The phone calls came fewer and fewer. The letter became shorter and shorter. But I refused to stop hoping he'd come back, that the reason his communications were slowing was because he was busy. Then....then I learned the truth. The next time I saw him was two year afters he left. Oh, how people can change so much in such a short time.
FLASHBACK
Emmi was thrilled when she heard DriveShaft was coming to her hometown, to Charlie's home. Even more exciting was the fact that Charlie had written her, telling her of their coming and even giving her tickets and a backstage pass.
This was the first time she'd seen him in such a long time. When she arrived she was placed in her seat, front row center. Then she saw him. He looked so different. He was thinner than she remembered, dark circles forming under his weak, tired eyes. She prayed it was the hectic schedule.
Once the concert was over, she headed backstage. She ached for him to hold her. She got back there before the band and a guard told her to wait. She was in their dressing room. There were others there, other women, and from how they were dressed, she knew what they were there for. She looked down at her less provacative clothing and suddenly felt extremely out of place.
a voice from behind her called.
She turned around, all smiles. There he was. Charlie, her Charlie. He rushed her, throwing her arms around her, spinning her around.
God! I've missed you. He said as he kissed her.
She smiled at him, although she was taken aback by the liquor taste he left behind. She looked him over. He looked so different. His blonde highlights were replaced by orange, red, and blue ones. She ran her fingers through his hair, smiling innocently as she saw the different colors. He was dressed like a rock star: bright sleeveless shirt, leather pants, boots, eyeliner, and jewelry. He looked so different, but still she could deal with his outward appearace, some were even flattering to him. She ran her hand down his face, his stubble tickling her palm. Then her hand made it to his shoulder, tracing the tattoo she found.
I don't remember this.
He looked down and said, Well, it was my first step into rockhood.
She could only smile. Something was horribly different about him, she could tell, but right at the moment, she was enjoying his touch far too much to care. She looked around. There was Liam, only he looked like a shell of the former Liam. He waved at her, but it took some time considering he had a girl on either arm, a champange bottle in one hand and something she couldn't recognise in the other.
Come on, Emmi, we've got some catching up to do.
She spent the next few hours catching up, Charlie talking about all the places they'd gone to and Emilia talking about her schooling. As they talked, she could tell that he was getting jittery, his hands twitching.
Are you ok, Char?
He saw she was looking at his hands and quickly said, Yeah, it's just the excitement of you finally being here.
Suddenly a body crashed into them. It was Liam, a very drunk Liam.
Come on Baby Brother, join the party! Show Emilia what she's been missing.
Charlie suddenly looked nervous as he said, Go on, Liam. He gave him a look and Liam just nodded.
All right, but when you need it, Baby Brother, you know where I'll be, he said before he staggered away to a back room.
They were the only ones left now.
Charlie, what did he mean by, when you need it? Need what?
He smiled and said, twitching a little, Nothing, love. He's just drunk.
END FLASHBACK
He was hiding something from me. I knew he was and it hurt. He'd never really hidden anything from me. He'd always feel so guilty about it and would eventually tell me, but when he did hide something, I would always know. I just wish what he'd been hiding from me wasn't as damaging.
FLASHBACK
They talked a while longer and Emilia started noticing that Charlie was getting anxious, a fine sheen of sweat appearing on his brow. His hands were twitching more than before. His DriveShaft ring clicking continuously on the side of the table he was sitting on. Finally he excused himself.
I'm parched. Want something to drink? Of course you do, we've been talking for hours, you must be dying of thirst. I'll get you something. So you sit tight and I'll be right back, He said a little too rushed.
She watched him leave, basically running into the room Liam had disappeared into an hour ago. Something was up and she was going to find out.
She waited a few minutes and then crept towards the door. She could hear loud music and abnoxious laughing from some way too drunk people. She could smell cigerette smoke and booze as she snuck in. She looked around trying to find Charlie. When she found him, her heart broke. He was in the middle of the room, hunched over a table snorting a brown powder.
Charlie, no, she said more to herself than anyone. She saw him fall against the table as the high took hold. She just stood there and stared at him, watching the innocent boy she'd fallen in love with drift away on a high. The high was only temporary because she suddenly noticed his wide eyes on her.
Tears falling down her cheeks, she turned and rushed back into the dressing room to gather her things she needed to leave, she'd seen enough. Suddenly she felt a strong hand on her arm.
Emmi, wait. I can explain.
She turned around, angry tears going unshed.
Explain what, Charlie! That you're a junkie! Charlie, you promised me you wouldn't let it get to you....what happened?
He stayed silent. She shook her head and started gathering her things.
Emmi, I'm so sorry. I'll get help I swear.Charlie I want to believe you, I do, but if you wanted to get help, you would have already done so. How long, Charlie, how long have you been using?
He bit his lower lip, A year.Charlie, how did this happen?Liam started using the heroin before me. We got into a fight and I begged him to leave it all behind...but he wouldn't. He said some things and I just needed to escape.Charlie...I was supposed to be your escape, Emilia said in a meak voice. She looked at him with sad eyes and continued, Remember the promise you made to me before you left. Remember, or has the heroin made you forget that like you've forgotten so many of the other promises you made to me. This is this reason your letters and calls nearly stopped, isn't it? You were too high to even remember me.
Tears were in his eyes now. No! Emmi, that's not true! I love you.
That hit her harder than anything before. She looked him in the eyes and said, No, Charlie, you don't. Not like you used to. If you loved me, you would have given this up the moment you realized it was taking hold of you. You would have given it all up and came back to me. But you didn't....becasue you love the high more than you love me.
Charlie's expression suddenly changed to a darker one. Maybe I do. Maybe I went to it because it gave me what I needed! Gave me a high you never gave me, never could give me! Maybe that's why I turned to the drug, why I turn to all the women who only want me because I'm in the band. Yeah, never told you about them, did I? There's been so many, I've lost count and I never thought of you while I was with them! Maybe I was tired of our fairy tale romance that we conjured up when we were kids! Well, we aren't kids anymore, so grow up, Emilia, and face the fact that I don't need you anymore, that I don't love you anymore! Charlie screamed at her, malace lacing his voice once sweet voice.
I see, she simply said, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She refused to show him her pain.
She walked to the door, but before she left, she turned around and said, I'll be going and if you happen to see the Charlie I fell in love with, tell him I'll be waiting.
As the door closed behind her, she heard him call out her name, but she kept walking.
END FLASHBACK
I never saw him again after that. He continued to write me but I never wrote back, never even opened the letters. I was too hurt by his words, the wound too fresh to even think that in any of those letters may be a cry for help or an apology. Then I finally got an update on him.
FLASHBACK
Congradulations to the graduating class! The speaker said as the students threw their caps into the air.
Emilia walked to where her mother was and was surprised by who was talking to her. It was Liam, only he looked completely different. No wild hair, no earrings, no make-up, just a clean cut suit, short hair, glasses wearing Liam. He smiled when he saw her.
Congradulations, Emilia! I'm so very proud of you.
He hugged her and to her own surprise, she hugged back. Liam, you are the last person I expected to see here. Shouldn't you be on tour or something?
He gave a weak smile and whispered, I need to talk to you....about Charlie.
Her heart dropped, so many things were running through her head. The look in his eyes told her something had happened....something bad. She looked at her mother, Mum, Liam and I are going to go catch up a bit. I'll see you at home. She kissed her mother and followed Liam.
Ten minutes later they were at a small coffee shop. Liam, you've changed since the last time I saw you.
He smiled, Yeah, I have. That happens when you become a father.
Emilia smiled, Liam, you're a father?! I never would have expected a rocker like yourself to settle down.Well, things have changed since the last time I saw you. The band broke up and I cleaned up.
He showed her a picture of a little baby, no older than one.
I was so messed up I missed her birth. After that I promised myself no more. I quit the band and got clean and I live in Sydney with my wife and daughter...but I'm not here to talk about me.
She played with the stir in her coffee. How is he Liam?
He sighed, I thought you could answer that question. So, he's not here with you?
She shook her head, I haven't seen him since that night. Why, what's wrong, Liam? Is Charlie hurt?No, nothing like that, atleast I hope not. I should have figured he wouldn't be here, knowing what he said. Emmi, Charlie isn't doing so good. I tried to get him clean after me, but he skipped town.
Her eyes drop. So he never stopped using?
Liam pushed his glasses up and said, He was devastated after the night you left. He told me what had happened between you two. After that he started using heavier, guess from the guilt of hurting you like he did. He continued writing you, but when you never responded he figured he'd lost his last link to redemption, so he let the powder make everything go away. I hoped that when he skipped town he'd come to you. But I was sent something last week that made me doubt that.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rosary, Charlie's rosary. This came in the mail along with two letters. One for me and one....for you. My note simply said to give these to you. he handed her the beads and the letter.
She fingered the beads, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.
You know it's my fault he started using. I told him he was useless...I said some other pretty awful things. He's in the state he is in because of me. Liam said with a sigh.
No, it's partly my fault, too. If I hadn't blown up at him that night, I might have been able to get him to clean up. If only I'd answered his letters, not thrown them away...maybe he would be ok....but I was so angry....I felt so betrayed.I know, but you have to realize it was the drug talking. I know my Baby Brother, he thought the world of you, he'd never say those words and mean them...not to you. Liam looked down at his watch. God, I hate to leave so abruptly, but I have to get back home and I've got a plane to catch.
She stood and gave him a hug. Liam, if you hear anything...You'll be the first to know.
As Liam left, Emilia sat down and slowly opened the letter. She hesitated, her own guilt taking over. She wiped her eyes and began to read:
iDear Emmi,
You shouldn't be reading this, I should be there with you saying this to your face, but I can't. I'm sorry. I know you probably will never forgive me for what I've done and said, but I just thought you should know that I'm sorry for it all. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, but I guess I don't need the roasary anymore. I'm too far gone for those to save me. So you take them, they'll do you more good. If you don't want them, I'll understand.
Charlie/i
She read the letter over again, devastated at how short it was, that what she'd hoped to be there wasn't. What had she expeccted? Had she expected him to tell her everything she'd wanted to hear? Instead she's gotten a short apology.....she truly had lost him.
END FLASHBACK
'''''''''''''''''''''''''
Now and then I sometimes think of Charlie
How we though we knew it all back then
Now I'd give anything to feel love
From a child's heart again
'''''''''''''''''''''''''
I stare at the rosary beads that are on my coffee table. I never got rid of them, they were among my only reminders I had of the old Charlie. I always had hopes that maybe he'd come back to me, that I'd open my door and there he'd be, clean of everything his lifestyle had tainted him with and we could start again, but he never wrote or called me again after that. After graduation I'd moved to the states, to start a new life.
I grab the rosary, tracing the beads with my finger, and turn around. The light on the machine is still flashing. I never finished his message. I get up and push play on the machine.
iEmmi...God I wish I were talking to you and not this bloody machine. Before I go, I have to tell you something. Those things I said...I didn't mean them. I never did mean them. Every single letter I wrote you after that night was full of apologies and me pleading for your fogiveness. When you didn't answer, I figured I'd lost you, the only pure thing I have left in my life. I don't know why I didn't say this in that letter I wrote for you, but I should have. All those women, they never meant anything, and every hit I took, I died a little more. I was stupid not to end it before it got too bad. When the band ended, I should have gotten clean and went to you....but I was blind....still am....you know the band might get back together. Emmi, I know I can't make up for what I did, but I want to try. I want you to know that I'm serious about starting over and I want it to be with you. Please be there when I get in...maybe with your help you can get the old me back...maybe we can start again. Well, my flight's boarding, so I've got to go. Emmi.....Emilia, I love you. I always have, since that first kiss when we were ten until today. Never stopped loving you. Well, it's up to you now, really. I'll see you when I get in....I hope. Bye, love./i
The message ended and the tape rewound. I stood there blankly staring at it. Staring at the last words I'll ever hear him say to me. I feel my knees start to give. I slid down to the floor and cry. I cry because I broke our first promise....I let our love run dry. I cry for Charlie, I cry for me, and I cry for the love we lost. A love so innocent and pure when we were ten....a love I'll never feel again.
''''''''''''''''''''''''
So you treat your love like a firefly
Like it only gets to shine for a little while
Catch it in a mason jar with holes in the top
And run like hell to show it off
Oh, promises we made when we'd go walkin'
Me and Charlie talkin'
'''''''''''''''''''''''''
The End
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